One of those days....

chamlis

Well, I've just been released from a hostage situation. That sounds very dramatic, but let me explain.....

I was leaving my place of work at 3.45 to catch my lift down town. A bit of the way down the road at a group of shops my friend's boyfriend pulls up in his car. He motions to get in so I do. He's a bit of a b*ll*x but we have a good rapore, considering her mother has the two of us married off in her mind. He turns away from the direction I was walking. I say that I have to catch a lift that way, but he says he has some questions to ask me.
"What were you doing with my girlfriend downstairs that night you stayed over?"
I honestly didn't know what he was talking about. (Just to clarify, this is a big burly dangerous man with a past. He is very possessive and paranoid to the point of schizophrenia. There have been many incidents in the past that she, of course, confided in me.)

For a minute, I figured she was after mentioning my name to cover her tracks, not because she was upto no good, but because she knew how paranoid he was.

"Admit it now, no funny business or I swear I will hurt you."
"I honestly don't know what you're talking about :eek: "

We were driving out to the country at this stage. I seriously started to panick. Then I realised what he was on about. I did stay over one night after a night out months ago. He went to bed pretty much as soon as we got in. Myself and herself were still in the sitting room chatting (pissed). Messing, I drunkenly asked her if she'd flash me. Honestly, if I thought she'd actually do it, I wouldn't have asked. It was messing and she knew that. We even laughed about it the next day. (Again, just to clarify, we have done things and fooled around in the past. But that was the past and we're mates. I'd consider her one of my best friends. She's like my sister for christsake. Well, the step-sister who gives you the horn )

I said all this to him but he wouldn't listen. We pulled up to a clearing at the side of the road down a laneway. He told me to take my clothes off and get out. If I did, I wouldn't get a battering. So I did. He let me keep my jocks.
"I want to teach you a lesson, not get done for indecent exposure. Oh, and if you're thinking of going to the Gardai about this, you'll be dead before anyone hears about it."
He sped off. I surveyed my surroundings and spotted a house. I went to the house but the woman wouldn't let me in cos she had kids. Told me to go the her father-in-law's up the road. So I did. They said they couldn't do anything for me either. Wouldn't even give me a jacket. So I went back the way I came. When I walked up the road a bit, I saw the car. As I got closer he started throwing my clothes out the window.

"If you ever come near me or her again, I will kill you."

I believe him.

uberpixie

Go to the police.

Get it on record.
(just in case it hits the fan in the future and you get attacked)

After that it is up to you if you want to press charges or not.

You prob won't want to press charges because of your mate which is fair enough: you do have to work with the girl.

The only question is do you really value your friends friendship enough to put up with getting your head kicked in by her nut job of a fella?

You may have to cut out seeing her after work :-/

Ickle Magoo

Crikey!! Glad nothing was hurt other than your pride.....

Does your friend still want to go out with this guy? He sounds like a complete loony!! :eek: Stay well away from the pair of them if she does.....

chamlis

I don't actually work with her. We've known each other for years. I've been through all her past nutjob boyfriends. When it ends, I'm always there to rely on etc. I'm kindof waiting for her to contact me in some way. He goes through her phone looking at messages. I know he went through mine. She'll have to find another way. And it's possible she doesn't even know about this. He took my picture too with his camera phone.

chump

chamlis wrote:

I've been through all her past nutjob boyfriends. When it ends, I'm always there to rely on etc.

Why some people continue to make the same mistakes I don't know... is she defective?

secret_squirrel

Report him.

It will teach him a lesson and give her a wake up call.

coffee_cake

Jesus, report him, NOW.
That kind of behaviour should not be let go by any means.
He's a complete nutcase. I don't understand why she's going out with him but there you go.

Even if nothing happens from the report, they'll have it on record. You never know, she might need to report him in future etc.

tk123

Report him - he sounds like a nutjob - imagine what he could do to your friend!

secret_squirrel

bluewolf wrote:

You never know, she might need to report him in future etc.

Good point. OP what if the next person he does something loopy to is your friend?

chamlis

You don't understand. He knows where I live.

As far as he is concerned, he invited me into his house, let me stay, and in return I propositioned his girlfriend. If he gets wind of me going to the police I'm done for.

He also has dirt on me. Something alot of people in Limerick would like to know.

coffee_cake

chamlis wrote:

You don't understand. He knows where I live.

As far as he is concerned, he invited me into his house, let me stay, and in return I propositioned his girlfriend. If he gets wind of me going to the police I'm done for.

He also has dirt on me. Something alot of people in Limerick would like to know.

Burglars know where I live. I'd still report them.

He knows where she lives.
Fine, judge the risks, but consider her for goodness' sakes.

chamlis

They live together. There was one incident last year where he thought she was cheating on him. He threw her out of the house. Dumped all her stuff down the steps. Of course, I came to the rescue. Had a good long chat. She saw the obvious error in her judgement.

Then they got back together. I'm baffled. I mean, she's a little firecracker. Takes no sh!t from no one. But he must have her wrapped around his finger. He's about twice her age too btw....

coffee_cake

Ask her what she sees in him then.
Obviously I'm not advocating going around breaking people up but just find out, I suppose.

I read elsewhere about someone who says people can undermine your confidence quite subtly and before you know it, you'll take anything from them and stay with them, and start convincing yourself it's all your fault.

I presume she's not at the "but I make him so mad sometimes, he's not like that really" stage?

chamlis

I haven't seen or heard from her in about a week and a half. He checks her phone so I won't be ringing or texting. If she even knows about this she'll try to contact me some other way. Maybe tomorrow when she's at work.

Burglars aren't personal either. This is.

Beruthiel

report him asap.
tell them everything he said, if they need proof, tell them to go ask the people who answered the door to you.
Your friend is mad to be with a loon like that, but as bluewolf said, when little things happen over a period of time, it does not seem as obvious as it does to a person on the outside. She will be in serious trouble if she doesn't get away from him, her confidence and self esteem will be the first to go and lord knows what else if he can do something like this to you...

monkeyfudge

You really should probably think about standing up for yourself a bit more in future... now I'm no tough guy or anything... but there is no way I'd allow anyone to treat me in that manner.

Hermione*

I'd go to the guards. For both her sake and yours. At least get it on record.

I don't really see what other option there is. Your friend is living with this nutball.

Beruthiel

indeed
he's a bully, if he had put a hand on you, you'd have had proof, that's not something he would risk in this instance. I'm guessing of course...

GAAman

Go to the cops they cant say anythin. If you are worried bout bein spotted go to a diff station and get them to send the stuff to the local station (they will do this i know someone who did it) Get it on record.

Though it sounds (imo) like there is somethin there for your friend you should first concentrate on whether or not she is in danger from this guy not only now but further down the line. This sounds like a very serious eventuality if it goes unchecked

chamlis

Beruthiel wrote:

indeed
he's a bully, if he had put a hand on you, you'd have had proof, that's not something he would risk in this instance. I'm guessing of course...

No you're right. He's no stranger to this sort of thing, and wouldn't risk leaving evidence on my face. Believe me, there are other ways to physically hurt people without leaving any evidence. I know.

As for standing up for myself, well......I'm like 5'4 and he's a BIG man. I couldn't fight my way out of a wet paper bag normally. No point joining Karate or whatever people will suggest. I've no interest and combat just isn't in me.

The Sweeper

You do have evidence. You have two houses full of people who wouldn't let you in when you wandered up in your jocks.

As long as you don't have a history of exposing yourself in public, that should be proof enough.

takola

So what are you going to do? Let it go and wait to see when he's gonna do it again?

chamlis

Dunno.
Kinda why I posted. I thought people would understand why i cant go to the cops though

Beruthiel

no
I absolutely do not understand why you haven't gone to the cops, I would have went straight to the nearest station

takola

There's really no other advice to give i don't think.

If you can't go to the guards then i suggest you do as he says and stay away from his girlfriend and him. There isnt anything else you can do.

From the sounds of it, it would probably mean less trouble for her if you did too. I dont know how she's going to get out of that relationship. He's a nut job and tbh he doesnt sound like he'll just let her walk away.

chamlis

His objective was to humilliate me and "teach me a lesson".

My objective is damage control.

As for her, she's made her bed. That's how bitter I feel.

takola

You're right she has. What do you damage control. From the sounds of it he got what he wanted and it's over now?

chamlis

takola wrote:

You're right she has. What do you damage control. From the sounds of it he got what he wanted and it's over now?

Hopefully. There is the matter of the picture on his camera phone however....

Ruu_Old

Sorry you were humiliated like that and hope you have him reported soon.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

chamlis wrote:

Hopefully. There is the matter of the picture on his camera phone however....

If you're worried about him showing people the picture and taking the p!ss of you he prob already done it already...

you'd be making a big mistake if you dont report him and you'll regret it. if he thinks your just a push-over whats to stop him punching the crap out of you when he see's you out some night he's drunk? At least if you reported him he might think twice about it.

takola

Well tbh, the best thing you can do is get someone to take a pic of you in your boxers and send it to everyone. That way the novelty is gone for him and you can laugh about it and say it was (yet another) drunken prank!