I hate people

38141

Smashey, if you told me that I'd probably think you were crazy, because you haven't given any reason for believing that. When you first saw the post, you shouldn't have stopped at the headline, because beneath it are the reasons for me believing that.

Esel

38141 wrote:

Smashey, if you told me that I'd probably think you were crazy, because you haven't given any reason for believing that. When you first saw the post, you shouldn't have stopped at the headline, because beneath it are the reasons for me believing that.

Just out of interest - do you hate all the people who have posted on this thread?

coffee_cake

If you look for the bad in people, you're going to find it. Simple as.

I try and get along with everyone, and I do. Noone has taken advantage of me, noone has done horrible things, I just get on fine with them.

Try analysing what's good about them; try figuring out reasons they might be acting the way they do. I'll bet you most of the time it isn't pure spite.
Someone who cuts across you in a car might be rushing home to see someone sick, e.g.. Sometimes they're just having a bad day and you're on the receiving end of it. Maybe you're being negative toward them and they're reacting to it. Probably that, actually.
You'd be surprised how little effort a smile can be, and how much of a reaction it gets out of anyone.
If none of this still works, try some focusing meditation.

Nevyn

A smile is such a simple thing it wrinkles up your face
and when it's gone it's hard to find it's secret hiding place;
but far more wonderful then that is what a smile can do
you smile at one they smile at you and so a smile makes two.

Yes people are usually the worsest but they can also be the best.
It is a case of finding the right people for you and for your life.
If the people you have in your life are wrong they can make your life a misery
if the are right they make life bearible to say the least.

Maybe it is you and your life that needs changing and an alteration of your thinking or perceptions.

38141

When I was going somewhere today I asked a guy for directions, you should have seen the way he looked at me. I also met a very nice girl today, she seemed to have such a genuinely friendly, cheerful, simple disposition. I'm just wondering, how do people become like that? And how do people turn out like me, into hateful of people, and 'fighting with everyone' attitude?

lost_for_words

38141 wrote:

For many years now I've hated people, people in general. I constantly think about the bad things people do/have done to me. Every day is one long thought about people I've had contact with. People at work, at home, flatmate, college acquantainces, anybody I've had a bad experience with. Everything is analyzed until I get myself depressed. The unsurprising consequence to this is that I've dug myself into a dark, lonely hole. I've gone to the various professionals, to no avail. Does anybody have any experiences similar to this? Or have any insights whatsoever to share?

I've been thinking about your post and my own experience of thinking people are sh**, and I have read a few of the replies so far..... it seems at some point we've all suggested you are the problem, and that might not be the best way to look it at.
You know who you are inside, and you know the person you want to be, maybe its not you who is the problem and more - the problem is the problem.
(not sure if I'm going to make sense with this, if I don't feel free to ignore it)

I'm just thinking that perhaps you are not the problem, you are just a person that has a particular problem i.e. you can't see a way past the negative impact of other peoples actions. As a result of this you are sending out a negative message when meeting ppl etc (clearly you are angry and annoyed) and people are responding to your negativity in a negative way rather than being supportive (which is natural), and so it ends up going around in a circle.

Would you consider trying a depression group meeting? It might help to physically speak to people who may be experiencing a similar problem and it might help you learn the skills to deal with the problem you have.

shinners007

u talk about being negative etc.....

only you no when u began thinking this way. u say how do people turn out like me hateful and fighting attitudes etc... everyone is different only u can answer that.

obviously somethings have happened to you and youve allowed yourself to think in a negative way consistently. you have to realise that not everyone is bad. just that everyone is different. you control your mind and the way u view life and people. if u dont change your attitude and enjoy life ull end up sad, lonely bitter and twisted.

give people a chance without expecting the sun moon and stars to shine from them.

like for example the people replying to ur post do u see tham and us as bad people by the way we post/type or replys or do u judge people by appearence or actions etc...?

wat makes u conclude whether one is good/bad?
do u talk to them/juge them intially?

i think u should have a holiday let go and go wild. talk and have fun with strangers/people. change the way u think and enjoy life.

38141

I've been to free group therapy run by a charity org and didn't find it particularly helpful, apart from realising that other people have problems (which was beneficial). The two hours were spent by going around the group, each person describing their problem, and moving on to the next person. There wasn't a great deal of discussion.

I've really managed to handicap myself with this thinking, which seems to happen now anytime I interact with people. Like the guy above that I asked for directions - I went away with bad feelings from it. My career is going down to drain because I'm not focussed on my work, or not getting on with people at work. I wish I didn't have to live in this world.

It seems to be more than skin deep, this hatred of people, and I'm struggling in between bouts of depression to find a way out, to change. Every day I see things that confirm my beliefs.

shinners007

:rolleyes: em ya cos u allow yourself to "see things to confirm ur beliefs". did u not stop and think maybe that guy had things on HIS mind hence the way he looked at u. then again were u just interpertating it the wrong way and thought he looked at u in a way that he actually didnt.

nice people dont always have to be cheerful,bubbly, sweet, kind....... the nicest of people have bad moments too u know try thinking of that rather than just judging people.

ur attitude gives off bad vibes yet ur here looking and asking how to get positive/good responses/ meet good people. like being negative and moaning about things isnt going to change things.

YOU need to change and fast and if ur not willing to just stay as u are and moan and be bitter.:mad: :mad:

good luck.

Tobias Greeshman

Shinners is there a y and a u key on your keyboard by anychance? If so maybe use them, text speak, hurts my eyes.

@OP: The guy you asked for directions off, might of had any number of issues, maybe he just got bad news, maybe he had a bad day or just isn't a people person. Either way he is only one person, everyone has a different personality and not everyone comes across as being friendly. But the girl you talked about was nice and friendly to you, which surely must prove to you that there are considerate and nice people out there.

It seems that you're starting to become disillusioned with people in general and starting to generalize them into being all the same, mean, rude, insensitive, cruel, inconsiderate, etc. You need to stop this and treat every person as different and they may be rude or they may be nice, but if you refuse to interact with them and despise them then you'll never find out.

Group therapy for the most part is not always the best form of therapy. A lot of people frown upon it, mainly because the client has to endure everyone else's problem and this may in fact make them more depressed. I know it works very well for addictions like AA, but for depression, it doesn't always prove beneficial, possibly consider other forms of therapy such as CBT (Cognitive Behavourial Therapy).

Nevyn

38141 wrote:

I've really managed to handicap myself with this thinking, which seems to happen now anytime I interact with people. Like the guy above that I asked for directions - I went away with bad feelings from it. My career is going down to drain because I'm not focussed on my work, or not getting on with people at work. I wish I didn't have to live in this world.

It seems to be more than skin deep, this hatred of people, and I'm struggling in between bouts of depression to find a way out, to change. Every day I see things that confirm my beliefs.

If you are finding it to be that much of a problem go talk to your dr about and get some professional help.

38141

It seems that you're starting to become disillusioned with people in general and starting to generalize them into being all the same, mean, rude, insensitive, cruel, inconsiderate, etc. You need to stop this and treat every person as different and they may be rude or they may be nice, but if you refuse to interact with them and despise them then you'll never find out.

That tells me that you are on the right road Silas to understanding what is going on.

Theadyl, from what you've said I don't think you've read my earlier posts, where I said that I had been to doctors. As an addition, I would like to point out that doctors provide medication, which provides temporary relief but which do not solve the underlying cause. I have to do that myself but am making slow progress/not making any progress at all.

Nevyn

It is up to you to not be fobbed off with pills and push your gp to get you a referal to someone who can help.

shinners007

silas: if hurting UR eyes get glasses ill type whatever way i please thank U very much.:eek: :eek: :eek:

now leave ye back to the OP's topic.

LegacyUser

I hate people too.
Not all people, just people I don't know.
Everyone's an annoying ass-hat scumbag until I decide otherwise.
Even walking down the road, if there's someone else walking towards me, it makes me a bit uncomforable because they're another pair of eyes ready to judge me... exactly as I've pre-judged them as tossers.
The fact that they make me uncomfortable is why I hate them... yet me judging them by my own standards is what kicks off the cycle in the first place.
Which, among other reasons, kind of makes me hate myself aswell.

I know what you mean when you talk about these I've a smile for everyone! types... I really don't know how they do it either... and often times I've rationalised this as them just being manipulative... which makes me (you guessed it) hate them even more.

When you think the worst of people, it's not hard to imagine them thinking the worst of you (because it's normal, right?)... and let's face it, there's no shortage of bad interactions with people, so there's always something there to renew and revalidate your hatred of people in general.

The odd thing is, once I've actually started talking to someone, we get on great... maybe I just have that closed off "stranger-danger" thing going on... maybe I've just been mugged too many times.

I've no specific point to make, but the title of this thread really stuck a chord with me... I'm so cynical and bitter that I get tired of hearing myself think sometimes... so many negative thoughts... regrets... feelings of wanting revenge.
The laugh of it is... the only person you're f*cking is yourself.

Though having gone over a lot of those past experiences in my mind, I think I've gotten past a lot of it, and I can remember those times when people screwed me over and it doesn't make me angry anymore.

Ok, I'm getting sick of hearing myself think again, I'm outta here. :rolleyes:

Esel

shinners007 wrote:

silas: if hurting UR eyes get glasses ill type whatever way i please thank U very much.:eek: :eek: :eek:

now leave ye back to the OP's topic.

Off-topic I know, but anyway. Text-speak looks crap and make the poster look childish. There really is no need for it.

@38141: Could you answer my questions (post on the top of page 2) please?

38141

Ok. Sorry about the delay in replying.

What professionals? When? What advice did you get? Did you follow it?

I've been to doctors, subsequently numerous psychiatrists, therapists/counsellors.

The vast majority of people are good. People are basically the same no matter where you go. Sure, that is a generalisation, and you can give examples to contradict it. I am assuming you are not planning to go to Angola or some corrupt dictatorship.

I don't think the vast majority of people are good, unfortunately.

If you are constantly of the opinion that everyone you meet or interact with treats you badly, maybe you should look inward for the seeds of a solution. Is it possible that your thought processes are not functioning normally?

You are right, I am disfunctional. I know that and am looking to change as quickly as possible. But first I have to convince myself that people are good. Which I don't right now, and for many years, unfortunately.

Sorry, when I read that I thought you said 'medication'! My mistake. What kind of meditation are you doing? How frequently? You will have to stick with it, and don't expect drastic changes in a short space of time.

I'm working on focussing on my breathing, and relaxing muscles, in order to somehow bring my mind under control and slow it down.

Have you been to your GP to discuss your feelings? Recently? If you haven't been, or not recently, please consider doing so. They should be able to help you overcome this negative mindset that you seem to be labouring under.

I go to see my gp frequently.

So how do I get myself to like people, given how deeply embedded and resolved I am, and how depressing the effects are.

NB depression makes it more difficult to effect change - you will only understand this if you have been there personally.

Esel

You should find the book I mentioned in this thread http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054932629 very useful. It is highly regarded, and used worldwide.

38141 wrote:

So how do I get myself to like people, given how deeply embedded and resolved I am, and how depressing the effects are.

It may sound trite, but the way to get to 'like people' is to like yourself first. This is one of the aspects of your situation you should be working on.

Also, you mentioned that you got a bad response from a guy from whom you asked directions. Is it possible that your way of phrasing your request might have set him up to respond 'badly'?

For example, if you said "Hey, where's Dame St?" rather than "Excuse me, would you be able to tell me the way to Dame St, please?", you can pretty much be sure of getting a less than ideal answer. Not saying this is what happened, of course.

A similar scenario in work might be: "Where's that file you said you'd let me have?" rather than "Hey John, got a minute? Remember that file you were going to let me have? How's is it coming along? I could do with it to finish xyz". A proverb to fit this might be "You reap what you sow".

The point about the very good maxim I mentioned earlier ( ' Treat everyone you meet as a mirror-image of yourself ' ), is that this assumes you are happy with yourself as a person, and feel that you are basically good, nice, whatever.

A smile goes a long way. I know, because I myself have a pretty serious 'standard face', and get misinterpreted a fair bit because of it. Even when I'm trying to be funny, it can sometimes go down like the proverbial lead balloon!

You need to identify your negative thoughts, and challenge them logically. Then, when they arise, you will be able to identify them for what they are: mainly wrong! Pretty soon you will find yourself having less of them.

LegacyUser

BE CAREFUL:

That is not logic. You are not logical. DO NOT CONFUSE THAT.
I've often seen depressed people being soaked in emotion, and calling it logic. All your posts are emotional, very sad, very graphic... In fact, if you ever decided to use those fantastic visualisation powers for good, then you would have a fabulous existence.

You need to analyse yourself first. If you are doing something like this, then some part in your mind is doing it for a good intention. Your mind doesn't want to seperate from everyone in the world - there's a reason for it.

If you hate all people, then you hate yourself too. If you hate yourself, it's because you have inner thoughts telling you these things. You really have gotten into a judgemental pattern with it. Have you been abused when you were growing up? Emotionally? Do you have an aggressive parent? Or were you bullied? Are you sure you invented all this stuff yourself? Or.. alternatively, is there any substance abuse involved?

You need to take action on it.

1. First of all, you need to make a diary. Write down only the great things you've witnessed in people for one month. For the first few days, you may not find anything, then slowly but surely your list will build up. "Saw a guy helping a senior citizen across the road".

Make a list, and READ the whole thing, every day. Just reading it will make you happier.

2. Decide what you need.
People get into self - harming patterns, because they want love. You complain about the world being two faced, blah, but isn't it true that you just want some love in your life? Some unconditional love? What is the opposite of two faced? Purity? Honesty? Integrity? Spiritual love?

You're such an expert at finding the negative, that you ignore the positive. Your brain can only really focus on one theme at a time.

3. You need to sit down and have a chat with your thoughts. Treat them as your friends.

Say to your unwanted thoughts "Look, I understand you're upset, but can you please explain to me what is the good intention behind this? What are you trying to teach me here?" What is it in my personality are you trying to warn me about? How can I have this intelligence, but expressed in a more healthy, positive way?

4. Imagine yourself on TV, but on an old black and white TV, sitting, thinking negatively about how someone hurt you. See your posture. Imagine the negative scene being replayed on that crappy little Black and White, small portable TV.

You're in control of that little TV. If you were directing the program, what would you tell your little actor self on the screen about the other character? Would you say... "Ignore him". Or.. "Ah.. he's just scared." Or.. "Ah. You're over-acting!!"

It's your imaginary TV. You can change the ending of the program. You can give them chipmunk voices with Italian or French accents. You can also turn it off.

5. Find someone who you think is negative, and do something loving for them, in the knowledge that you may never get any thanks for it. In fact, you might get shouted at. Just try it a few times, and see how it smashes your old false image of the world.

If you want to get tons of love, then just give tons of love. The more you give, the happier you feel. It's the magic resevoir that keeps refilling itself.

6. When you find yourself returning to negative thinking, try doing something really stupid and dramatic. Play air guitar. Dance. Recite a poem. Make a funny noise. Belch. Sing aloud, or whatever.. just enough to interrupt the negative pattern.

7.
Think of yourself a person that is really horrible and two faced, in your imagination, during some event that caused you pain. Imagine you have crayons and you go and drawing circles on their eyes. Imagine helping them into a bunny suit, and putting on a bunny nose. Give them the voice of a chipmunk. Make eveyone in the imaginary room dance to Moloko. Run the events back and forward in your mind, at very high speed, adding clowns, jugglers, and bring in St Patrick to scold him. Make it very surreal, add music.. flash colours, and really mess up the memory.

8. Avoid negative people, and imagine yourself hanging out with positive people.

9. Learn new strategies for coping with your anger. Most anger in personal relationships, happens when communication fails. So, find a better way to communicate. Being more caring to people.

10. Be nice to people. Imagine that they don't know what they're doing, and you're Superwoman/Superman and you are there to watch over them, and take care of them, even if they are good, bad, mad, or whatever. When you are talking to people imagine "With every sentence, I am taking care of you, and I respect you, no matter what you do or say"

11. When you see someone acting in a typically agressive, or judgemental way, then just think "what else could this mean?". repeat that phrase in your mind, over and over, and keep your cool. If your mind has no particular answer, then it'll probably come up with something later.

12. I remember once when I was a kid, I had a big crush on this girl! I was all nervous, but finally got the courage to say hi. I smiled as I went up to her, I was just.. happy.. but when I got there, she said "what are you laughing at? Do you think something is funny?". Then she said sarcastically "Thanks a lot", and walked off.

I was speechless. She totally misread my intentions, before I could say anything. However, I understand now that that's just a pattern that people learn from their environment. If there's been a lot of pain and stress in your childhood, you'll most likely have a lot of occasions where someone's voice, or smile, or stare will trigger the emotion, even years later.

13. Avoid other negative people for a while. According to StarWars, "fear leads to the dark side". And the dark side is where the pain is.
Change your old strategy of behaviour, because, as you say.. it's threatening your life. A negative person will fill your head with negative and fearful thoughts. They can't help it.. they're afraid of everything already. (When you fear something, you dwell on it all the time.)

If a killer jumped out at you in the street, you'd run for your life. So, take this seriously, as your life is being threatened by your own thoughts. Your mind up to now believes that more pain is the solution. But.. isn't that crazy? More pain is just going to bring you more sadness, and depression, and make people move away from you. You need a major change in approach.

So, keep your mind clear, and replace the negatives with positives. It will take time, and a hell of a lot of imaginary bunny ears. If you need any more advice, send me a message, and I will do my best.

Damn. I shoulda done a ton of work tonight instead of typing this post, but oh well. I hope it helps

Take care,

Em

LegacyUser

38141 wrote:

When I was going somewhere today I asked a guy for directions, you should have seen the way he looked at me. I also met a very nice girl today, she seemed to have such a genuinely friendly, cheerful, simple disposition. I'm just wondering, how do people become like that? And how do people turn out like me, into hateful of people, and 'fighting with everyone' attitude?

dunno, its a bit of a "god save me from your followers" kinda thing.

Beruthiel

shinners007 wrote:

silas: if hurting UR eyes get glasses ill type whatever way i please thank U very much..

In the PI forum, and on boards in general, we really appreciate it when people actually type the english language correctly.
Lets leave the text speak for our phones eh?

It is clear you haven't read this forums charter yet, might I suggest that you do before you get yourself banned again.
Second bannings last a month.

from the charter:

Text Speak is possibly the most annoying thing EVAR to try and read! It makes you sound 14, and as such, people are likely to view your post as some teenage angst post. Hence your use of txt spk may result in incorrect advice due to misunderstandings from illegibility (if the post is your first post of the thread), unintentionally annoying posters and causing lingual aggravation, and in the worst case scenario it can get your post binned. Continue to flaunt against this rule and txt spk can get you banned from PI.

shinners007

ok bereuthiel point taking....

thanks for that.;)

coffee_cake

38141 wrote:

Theadyl, from what you've said I don't think you've read my earlier posts, where I said that I had been to doctors. As an addition, I would like to point out that doctors provide medication, which provides temporary relief but which do not solve the underlying cause. I have to do that myself but am making slow progress/not making any progress at all.

Medication is never intended as a solution - it provides temporary relief so you can start working things out a little more easily.

Sam Vimes

shinners007 wrote:

silas: if hurting UR eyes get glasses ill type whatever way i please thank U very much.:eek: :eek: :eek:

now leave ye back to the OP's topic.

will you now?

Personal issues forum charter wrote:

Text Speak is possibly the most annoying thing EVAR to try and read! It makes you sound 14, and as such, people are likely to view your post as some teenage angst post. Hence your use of txt spk may result in incorrect advice due to misunderstandings from illegibility (if the post is your first post of the thread), unintentionally annoying posters and causing lingual aggravation, and in the worst case scenario it can get your post binned. Continue to flaunt against this rule and txt spk can get you banned from PI.

Doctor Fell

I can definitely sympathise with you there, I think I have been in the same place you currently are. For a couple of years I would have recurring bouts of depression, but never did anything about it. I didn't really know what depression was initially, and like you, I lashed out at everything and anyone I came across. Lashed out as in what you said - I couldn't physically stand the sight of some people, even close family members, I would think what people said was so annoying, incorrect and 2 faced etc. Everything seems so dark and bleak, with no hope of redemption or of anything positive whatsoever. And it feels like a struggle to keep going on. And of course this majorly effects your relationships, job prospects etc.
But that is depression, and you can get help. Serotonin inhibitors prescribed by a fantastic GP helped end the cycle. But like you I stopped taking them to get to the root cause, and I discovered there is no root cause. Some people are just prone to depression, and we have to first of all recognise that we have it, and then just deal with it. I mean Monday's for me, for example, are a nightmare - I'm cranky, snarl at people and generally want to die. But I know it'll pass by Tuesday, that I am just run down and depleted after the weekend. This knowledge helps me deal with it.

Technically I have a very low level of serotonin, which causes me to feel very low and depressed. I suspect you may be the same. Lack of sunlight is a big cause, and I am definitely "happier" in the summer.
Exercise works for me when I get down, because it generates serotonin, which washes over me and genuinely provides relief. Of course the probelm is motivating yourself when u feel down to actually do something, I mean what's the point, right? The point is once you can rationalise it and know that it will make a difference, you can force yourself to help yourself.
However, something else might help you, but you really should talk to a GP about depression. I picked a female GP I never went to before, I just felt more comfortable, and she actually sussed out what was up before I even said it. I was suicidal but after actually talking to her about it over time you realise it is not your fault, your brain can make you feel low by a lack of certain chemicals, and this is one form of depression.
But when this is happening everything looks black and horrible, I know.
So don't worry too much lol, you can get help.
Also, I'm fairly sure I'm a sociopath, as in I think I also just don't like other humans. Maybe you are too, but don't worry about it. And as said above, people are the same everywhere, you will feel the same everywhere, except maybe not as dark in a sunny climate.
Hope this helps you, don't beat yourself up over it, and good luck!

38141

I don't feel I've got to the bottom of this yet. My concern is that i might never. Unfortunately for me, exercise doesn't do much to help or alleviate the symptoms of depression. I kept up an exercise regime for a year or two and have stopped in the past few months, and I don't feel it has changed much.

Doctor Fell

38141 wrote:

I don't feel I've got to the bottom of this yet. My concern is that i might never. Unfortunately for me, exercise doesn't do much to help or alleviate the symptoms of depression. I kept up an exercise regime for a year or two and have stopped in the past few months, and I don't feel it has changed much.

I agree with you, you may never get to the root of it. True self knowledge i can be very difficult. Or, there may be nothing much to get to the bottom of. You certainly sound like you have the symptoms of depression. Some people are just depressives, simple as that. Like I said, there doesn't have to be some incredible revelatory reason for this, you just are.
Yes, I'm lucky I guess in that exercise definitely helps me, but of course everyone is different. So if you can recognise you are depressed and try to find some crutch to help you through, that would be a great start. And don't worry about it too much, try to accept the way that you are and feel. And I would definitely recommend getting medical advice or help.

dannyd20

There have been some interesting comments and observations on this thread.

I used to have similar feelings as the OP towards people. People can be narrow-minded, cruel, selfish, arrogant, dismissive and a whole range of other negative things. True beacons of positivity are very rare. For me, it was the self-serving attitude that I found particularly galling. People who are so selfish and so wrapped up in their own little worlds that they don't do even the tiniest of things in case it detracts from where they want to be or where they feel they have a right to be.

There is no cure for thinking like this. (At least not in my experience) There is only realisation.

The way I think of it - people are only human, they all want the best in life, whether that is health,wealth or whatever. Some people set about achieving their goals with a good attitude towards others, some don't. There isn't much you can do about other people's attitudes.

However, you can't say you hate everyone because you have no experience of most people. You may hate certain traits that people display but to hate all people is a tad excessive - a rather simple, sweeping generalisation. In my opinion, to be so negative and dismissive of others makes a part of you into that which you despise so.

As has already been mentioned, eliminating this negativity towards others starts with yourself. Think about your attitude, what you want, what do you feel towards yourself? Try and imagine that everyone everywhere has a similar level of concerns, fears, hopes and dreams.

When you have an awareness of self, it is easier to see good in others.

This is my experience, good luck with yours.

Esel

Doctor Fell wrote:

..But that is depression, and you can get help. Serotonin inhibitors prescribed by a fantastic GP helped end the cycle....

..Exercise works for me when I get down, because it generates serotonin, which washes over me and genuinely provides relief...

Just to point out a couple of things:

1. You were prescribed a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI). Not a serotonin inhibitor. SSRIs increase the levels of serotonin in the synapses; they do not inhibit serotonin, rather they inhibit its reuptake. Completely different.

2. Exercise produces beta-endorphins. I never heard of it producing serotonin?

bug

Maybe start out small.

For example, almost 40 people have replied to this thread for a human emotion known as empathy.

If people were all bad, no one would reply. Almost 40 people you dont know are trying to help you even if you are slightly miffed and dissapointed that they dont understand.

Go to bed thinking of that tonight and draw a small bit of alleviation from it.