I hate people

38141

For many years now I've hated people, people in general. I constantly think about the bad things people do/have done to me. Every day is one long thought about people I've had contact with. People at work, at home, flatmate, college acquantainces, anybody I've had a bad experience with. Everything is analyzed until I get myself depressed. The unsurprising consequence to this is that I've dug myself into a dark, lonely hole. I've gone to the various professionals, to no avail. Does anybody have any experiences similar to this? Or have any insights whatsoever to share?

lost_for_words

You are going to have to elaborate on the types of bad experiences, as in how serious were they?
Why was it that the professionals you have seen have not been able to help?, did they not understand you or did they tell you something you did not want to hear.

Sam Vimes

this reminds me of homer's excuse to get off jury duty: tell them you're prejudiced against all races.

but seriously, join some clubs that you're interested in. you'll meet some nice people

Crucifix

It's easy to get bogged down when people are pissing you off, but I really think the percentage of people who are truely 'bad' is fairly low. The thing about people is, they're only human.

Ruu_Old

You have a chip on your shoulder obviously but your attitudes will have to change or you are going to turn out like a grumpy, old and bitter person.
I always find a good old moan to my wife about it when Im annoyed fixes it for me. Have you any good experiences you can reflect on?

38141

Just in general for five years or thereabouts I've got myself terribly depressed about people in general. The way they think, the way they act, the way that they are conniving, two-faced, it all makes me want to do away with myself. Just today I was thinking about the people at work and how they are so two-faced. I feel like I don't want to live here and the only hope I have is of leaving the country for somewhere else (where people are different).

I know loads of people have these thoughts, but it doesn't seem to have the same effect on them. They seem to get over it and get on with their lives, but for me I just don't feel like carrying on.

Ruu_Old

Theres no escaping conniving people no matter where in the world you go unfortunately

lost_for_words

I agree with Ruu, there are people that are just not nice out there in all situations.
does it really matter what they think or what they do???

Bottling up all this bitterness and resentment is getting you nowhere and deciding to move contries may not help as you are guaranteed to meet other not nice people who will do not nice things to you. At some point you have to realise you cannot control the things other people do and once you accept it, you can move on. Find something that really interests you and get involved with it.

Bottle_of_Smoke

38141 wrote:

Just in general for five years or thereabouts I've got myself terribly depressed about people in general. The way they think, the way they act, the way that they are conniving, two-faced, it all makes me want to do away with myself. Just today I was thinking about the people at work and how they are so two-faced. I feel like I don't want to live here and the only hope I have is of leaving the country for somewhere else (where people are different).

Like some magical wonderland where everyone's nice? you'll only get treated badly by everyone if you let them treat you that way, is there a chance the problem could be with you?

Do you come across vunerable or to have low self esteem?

38141

Ok, so what is wrong with me? I believe that what I see and think is the truth. Are you telling me so that I am right when you say people are bad or whatever? And if I'm right and you also believe people are bad, then how come you are able to enjoy your life?

This realisation/thinking has a more profound effect on me. The fact that I even debate the 'goodness' of people says something. It means that I don't trust people, and probably never have.

That's fine. But where do I go with this in helping myself?

lost_for_words

all people are not bad (in fact there are probably few 'bad' people just people who aren't nice sometimes).
At this stage you sound like you expect people to hurt you/ be mean etc., and you are not giving them a chance.
Stop dwelling on what other people do, and get on with whatever used to make you happy before.

38141

If there was something I enjoyed doing then I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

With regard to the 'stop thinking about it advice', I've heard that before from someone who didn't understand what they were talking about. Some people think that the mind is like a lightbulb - switch on, switch off type operation. That also demonstrates to me that the advice is coming from someone who hasn't been here themselves, and doesn't understand what they're talking about.

Pompey Magnus

38141 wrote:

Just in general for five years or thereabouts I've got myself terribly depressed about people in general. The way they think, the way they act, the way that they are conniving, two-faced, it all makes me want to do away with myself. Just today I was thinking about the people at work and how they are so two-faced. I feel like I don't want to live here and the only hope I have is of leaving the country for somewhere else (where people are different).

Mate I often feel exactly the same, there are so many people just like that it really just gets me down. So many times have I helped out "friends" in need only to be let down by them when the roles were reversed (in fact yesterday I overheard a nasty remark about me from an acquaintance of mine when she thought I was out of earshot!). I used to always give people the benefit of the doubt when first meeting them but I have found myself becoming increasingly pessimistic of people in general.

I now have a small circle of close friends who I can trust and my wider circle of friends I'm not very close to at all. It is not a nice way to go about life, trust me, but that is how I have found myself reacting towards people as time has gone by.

Not everybody is bad and there are plenty of nice people out there however be picky with who you get close to and don't be too trusting.

38141

The ridiculous thing about it is that people are telling me I have to convince myself that people are good, when in fact the evidence overwhelmingly points to the contrary, in order not to be depressed. Its like forcing yourself to believe something you know is not true. It just doesn't wash with me.

bug

From what you've written, I would suggest that you're a bit lonely.
Generally, if you have a few nice genuine people to rely on, then you don't really focus on the bad things that people do, well focus so much anyways, because you always have a few half decent people to restore your faith in the human race.

As for people at work. Throwing together a mixture of personalities in any situation where they are competitive with each other, (and wouldnt really be drawn together for any other reason than that they *have* to work together), isnt really a yard stick to judge on.
Most people at work have their own lives at home and external and aren't really interested in each other, other than to get through the day. With the exception of one or two people who make friends. I doubt everyone gets on in any work place. Factor in the stresses of a job, most of them possibly just want to get home.

As you get older people get more selfish IMO. They have their own issues to deal with and generally arent as concerned with what actually is going on with you.

Its a level of acceptance you have to get to and realise, they arent bad people, they are just more concerned with themselves than they are with you, (in the work scenario anyways). You stop feeling bad about other people being selfish, when you get a little selfish yourself. That doesnt have to be taken in a negative way. It can be to make a little time building your own life up.

I have the experience of being done over by friends due to circumstances. I was gutted beyond belief and though much the same way as you do about people's integrity. However, its about acceptance. Which takes a bit of hard growing up. My situation was about the fact that people will take the easiest path for them. I accepted that. After all maybe I would do the same. Met a lot of nice people since though. Never held it against them.

Look at yourself, do you consider yourself to have more integrity than most, are you loyal, sensitive to people, do you care about everything and everyone and how their life is? If not, then you are no different to everbody else, if perhaps a little sensitive because of the reflectant bad experiences you obviously havent got over. Top that off with lonliess and negativity and its not a nice cocktail.

Have you even just once not answered the phone to a mate because you wanted to go asleep/read a book have a bit of "me" time. The mate probably was at a low point and lost his faith cos the phone wasnt answered. You never know what people think. In work situations they are survivors. In social situations, they just want to have a laugh. But sometimes when your really f**ked, they surprise you.

My suggestion would be to go and watch nurses being paid little or nothing tend to the dying in the hospice, to reinstall your faith in humanity. Or travel somewhere are watch people crawling through s**t and dirt to help the needy.

Sam Vimes

38141 wrote:

The ridiculous thing about it is that people are telling me I have to convince myself that people are good, when in fact the evidence overwhelmingly points to the contrary, in order not to be depressed. Its like forcing yourself to believe something you know is not true. It just doesn't wash with me.

there are bad people yes, but that doesn't mean "people are bad". i, for example, am not bad. maybe you're just associating with the wrong people. in college and in my job i've found a huge amount of really nice people but in other places they're a shower of bastards.

this reminds me of another thread. a girl thought that all men were sleazy and out for one thing. turns out the only place she went to meet guys were nightclubs. see the point?

38141

I've been doubting people for a very long time, probably since I first started to think for myself (ages ago). These doubts have not been resolved in all this time and I'm still thinking about it today. I don't know when or how I'm going to change and stop depressing myself with these thoughts. Every time I believe in people the hope is destroyed and I'm down as a dog, my mind jumping around from person to person. I've started meditation lately and that has helped a little(I think). But I'm still inclined to getting down on myself and thinking about people.

bug

38141 wrote:

Every time I believe in people the hope is destroyed and I'm down as a dog, my mind jumping around from person to person.

what are you going around "believing in people" for, why are you instilling so much hope in them? They are aquaintences and friends. They havent dedicated themselves to you. Now wonder you are being let down, if you are placing so much pressure on a person to live up to your standards.
People let people down because they are human. It wont take another country for that, it would take a different planet.

Stop idealising people. They cant live up to your beliefs, and if the shoe was was on the other foot, neither could you.

lost_for_words

38141 wrote:

If there was something I enjoyed doing then I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

With regard to the 'stop thinking about it advice', I've heard that before from someone who didn't understand what they were talking about. Some people think that the mind is like a lightbulb - switch on, switch off type operation. That also demonstrates to me that the advice is coming from someone who hasn't been here themselves, and doesn't understand what they're talking about.

It is actually quite the opposite. I have been in many situations where the people I have loved and were closest to me have drastically let me down, when I thought what is the point of letting these people in when they will at some point hurt me, and all I have done is my best to support them when they needed it. At the same time I've been surrounded by people who I've thought were a shower of idiots, preoccupied with backstabbing /twofacedness (is that a word?) but you just carry on and put up with it because you feel there is no getting away from it. I know what its like to feel as if you are on the outside of a world full of people you cant relate to - and yes its lonely.
So why am I not like that now? I made a very conscious decision to cut the people who I considered to be dragging me down and making no positive contribution to my life, out of my life. As another post has said, I have a small group of really close friends, and a larger circle of acquaintences (sp?). Those few good relationships make a bigger difference to life than the larger group of destructive friendships.
If I am missing your point I apologise, but from your posts it sounds like you are in total despair of humanity and you are lonely because of it. I still stand by my original post saying all people arent bad though (they can't be if I am no longer fed up with people-all the time- or lonely).

Binomate

I know at least one thing. You wouldn't hate me because I'm perfect.

Esel

38141 wrote:

I've gone to the various professionals, to no avail.

What professionals? When? What advice did you get? Did you follow it?

38141 wrote:

I don't want to live here and the only hope I have is of leaving the country for somewhere else (where people are different).

The vast majority of people are good. People are basically the same no matter where you go. Sure, that is a generalisation, and you can give examples to contradict it. I am assuming you are not planning to go to Angola or some corrupt dictatorship.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard: "Treat everyone you meet as a mirror-image of yourself".

If you are constantly of the opinion that everyone you meet or interact with treats you badly, maybe you should look inward for the seeds of a solution. Is it possible that your thought processes are not functioning normally?

38141 wrote:

I've started meditation lately and that has helped a little(I think).

Sorry, when I read that I thought you said 'medication'! My mistake. What kind of meditation are you doing? How frequently? You will have to stick with it, and don't expect drastic changes in a short space of time.

Have you been to your GP to discuss your feelings? Recently? If you haven't been, or not recently, please consider doing so. They should be able to help you overcome this negative mindset that you seem to be labouring under.

I realise you may not agree with or take on board anything I've said, but that does not necessarily mean it's not valid.

You deserve better. It may be a difficult journey to get to a better place in your head, but stick with it.

DOLEMAN

We are all different. We all have our good points and bad points.

Your comment about leaving Ireland is not a bad idea. I do believe Irish people are incredibly close minded and aggressive when compared to (for example) French people. And I do think the "quality" of people in Ireland has dramatically reduced over the last decade.

I sometimes feel like I don't particularily like people either, but then someone comes along (generally a female) who is so kind and sweet and unselfish that it reminds me there is good in this world.

I suggest you move to France. Lots of nice people there.

Sam Vimes

esel wrote:

If you are constantly of the opinion that everyone you meet or interact with treats you badly, maybe you should look inward for the seeds of a solution. Is it possible that your thought processes are not functioning normally?

that's actually a good point. you have this deep seated belief that people are inherently bad. maybe that comes out in the way you interact with people. maybe they treat you badly because you treat them badly?

for example there's this bloke in work. i know he has low self asteem so i want to give him a chance but i just cant stand the guy. anytime someone opens their mouth around him, he tells them they're wrong and then comes up with some bull**** to try to make them seem wrong. i don't think i've ever heard him speak except for telling people they're wrong. every time someone tells a joke he says its not funny and they should shut up and he calls someone an idiot at least once a day. i know he's doing it because he has low self asteem and is trying to show off his intelligence but its still annoying as f*ck

cournioni

Binomate wrote:

I know at least one thing. You wouldn't hate me because I'm perfect.

Ha... Good post.

Dragan

38141 wrote:

For many years now I've hated people, people in general. I constantly think about the bad things people do/have done to me. Every day is one long thought about people I've had contact with. People at work, at home, flatmate, college acquantainces, anybody I've had a bad experience with. Everything is analyzed until I get myself depressed. The unsurprising consequence to this is that I've dug myself into a dark, lonely hole. I've gone to the various professionals, to no avail. Does anybody have any experiences similar to this? Or have any insights whatsoever to share?

To be honest i'm not even going to read the thread, i'm sure there are a lot of people saying things along the lines of "you poor thing, join a club , get out there and meet people....blah blah blah".

That won't really help unless you get your head out of your ass, plain and simple. You hate people in general. Good for you. Now your miserable, who would have thought it eh????

Is there anyone you actually like? If so , why, if not, why not???? It's not possible to get through life and have absolutely everyone you meet do something bad to you for no reason , why not try looking at your own attitude as being the route of the problem and see what happens????

You either want to be coddled and told everyones a prick of you want to figure out whats up, and there is a pretty good change based of your post that the problem is actually you.

So , as i asked, if there anyone you actually don't hate?

b3t4

38141,

From my brief reading of your posts you come across as an extremely negative person. You have to try balancing the negativity with some positivity. It takes ages to get this and an awful lot of practise but it will help.

I grew up in a very negative environment. It took me twenty one years to find this out as I had never surrounded myself with positive people. Surrounding myself with positive people has helped me to stop being so negative.

My advise to you would be:

For every negative thing you think off counteract it with a positive thing.

This will also help you see the balance in life and how the world is neither all good or all bad but a balance of both.

A.

Manolo Blahnik

38141 wrote:

Just in general for five years or thereabouts I've got myself terribly depressed about people in general. The way they think, the way they act, the way that they are conniving, two-faced, it all makes me want to do away with myself. Just today I was thinking about the people at work and how they are so two-faced.

Wow, that's like something that I'd write.

Everything people do is for themselves - human nature.

As it was already said everyone is different. There are people out there that are amazing. You haven't met the right people yet. I love my friends because they're always there for me no matter what.

Just enjoy life. Stop thinking so negitavely. A great way to cure this state of mind is to pretend everything's overly perfect. Really, it works.

6th

38141 wrote:

For many years now I've hated people, people in general. I constantly think about the bad things people do/have done to me. Every day is one long thought about people I've had contact with. People at work, at home, flatmate, college acquantainces, anybody I've had a bad experience with. Everything is analyzed until I get myself depressed. The unsurprising consequence to this is that I've dug myself into a dark, lonely hole. I've gone to the various professionals, to no avail. Does anybody have any experiences similar to this? Or have any insights whatsoever to share?

Well maybe some of the pople uyou've come across in your life think you are a bad person, theres always 2 sides to things. If you can forgive yourself you can forgive them and realise we are all assholes now and then.

6th

Hermione*

I've found that one of the best ways to avoid negativity is to smile more. Apparently the more you smile (even when you really don't feel like it), the happier you feel. It works for me.

Despite let-downs or whatever from people, it really helps to respond to new people with an open mind. Everybody's different so you should give at least give them a chance. And I find smiling at people encourages them to smile at you in return. Maybe if you try this, you'll find less reasons to fell so negatively about people.

smashey

38141 wrote:

For many years now I've hated people, people in general. I constantly think about the bad things people do/have done to me. Every day is one long thought about people I've had contact with. People at work, at home, flatmate, college acquantainces, anybody I've had a bad experience with. Everything is analyzed until I get myself depressed. The unsurprising consequence to this is that I've dug myself into a dark, lonely hole. I've gone to the various professionals, to no avail. Does anybody have any experiences similar to this? Or have any insights whatsoever to share?

What would you think if I said "I fookin hate you too", on first sight? Would you be annoyed, angry, or accepting of my attitude? Think about it and then start analysing everybody.

CatchiCool

Ok so some people out there are bad - so what! What can you to change that? Absolutely nothing! So just accept it. The only person you have the power to change is yourself and your attitude.

If i go out and start my day expecting everyone I meet to be a nasty piece of work - guess what? More than likely that's what I'm going to find.
It's not the people around you that are the problem it's you. The world is full of good and bad people but you choose only to see the bad.

Moving away to another country is a bad idea. You can't just move to a different country and expect things miraculously to become better (trust me I know I'm there at the moment). The very best you can expect to happen is to be in another country with the exact same set of problems as you have here on top of maybe language, culture barriers etc.

Letting go of the past can be a difficult thing to do. I've been in a situation where I just went over and over past hurts again and again. I'd relive the situation with such intensity that I'd feel that initial blow all over again (hope that makes sense). In the end I just asked myself - why am I doing this to myself? The other people involved don't care, they've probably forgotten about this, they've moved on with their lives, having fun, enjoying themselves etc.

The only one still hurting here is me and I'm doing it to myself. I'm the one missing out. I made the decision that instead of wasting my energies thinking about what happened I would instead focus on myself and making my life better for me.

You can train your mind to stop thinking in a negetive manner, it's not easy but it is possible. The only person that can do it is you. Nobody's going to hand you a magic pill that will make it happen, you have to do it. I found Ian Robertsons book "mind sculpture" a really interesting read.

Good luck with this.