i got this problem

tbh

ok, this is my last reply. You say:


but what if i walked now and then figured it all out that i should have stayed with her? two lives ruined


My point is: one life ruined. Yours. (and not really ruined, in fairness). You wifes life won't be ruined, it'll be improved. At the moment, she is committed to her marraige because she thinks you are. But you are not. You wanted to leave her for some woman you don't really know, and who doesn't want to be with you. If I was your wife, and I found out what had been going on, it would shake my trust in people to the core. You've had your fun. It's like saying you stole a car, and were asked about it by the police. You decided to deny it because "why should you ruin your life?"

You've done the crime, but you can't face the crime. You're giving us all this bleating about how hard things are for you. You poor thing. As I see it, you have to face up to your actions which would mean

a: telling your wife what happened, and - if she wants to - working on your marriage, in an environment of honesty and openness to ensure neither of ye are in this position again. I don't think you are going to do this, not because it would 'ruin' your wife's life (it wouldn't - and if it did, only for a year or so, much better in the long run) but because you don't want to get thrown out and be on your own. So in my view, you are taking the easy way out there, but that's between you and whoever it is you are praying to.

b: Leave your job, so that you don't see the other woman again and can concentrate on your wife. I don't believe you'll do that either, based on your posts, I think you'll think it's too much hassle, and you don't really want to stop seeing this other woman, do you?

Actually, good point if I do say so myself. Whats your ideal outcome for this situation? Back with your wife, or off with the girlfriend? Be honest. If the former, leave your job and get a new one. If you can think of a single reason not to do that, you don't deserve your wife - she certainly doesn't deserve you.

I think you need to grow up and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You've done a really ****ty thing, and you need to start putting things right instead of looking for excuses.

Wurly

OP, I would have actually given you some advice as everyone has done the wrong thing at some point.

The reason I didnt is because you came on here looking for advice, people gave their opinions. You listened to what you agreed with and decided to ignore what you didnt agree with.

You berated those who didnt take pity on you, those who said what you didnt want to hear.

Instead of being a man, you turned into a whinge when things didnt go your way. That's not the type of person I want to give advice to, im sorry. Especially when he seems more concerned about his life getting messed up as opposed to him being single handedly responsible for messing up someone else's.

I do not live in a bubble as you put it, I try to be the best person that I can. And if I mess up, I do everything I can to put it right. I dont sit around feeling sorry for myself. I take responsibility for my actions and try to look at how my actions affect others. And if that makes me self righteous, then so be it. At least I can sleep with a clear conscience at night.

The reason why I gave my opinion on how horrible you are being is because earlier you seemed completely oblivious to the damage you're causing. Only now are you showing some form of remorse. Before, you spent your time attacking people for their point of view.

This is a public forum and if you are going to ask advice from people on here, at least be open to all the opinions your actions generate.