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Dating a relation

  • 27-03-2006 8:11pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7 theHOFFman


    Hi guys i met this girl in college and weve been chatting and flirting for ages, we were really getting into each other and finally hooked up last week for a date, everything went really well and we started to text

    between the jigs and the reels we realised that my grandmother and her granddad were brother and sister, what relation does this make us to each other? Are we second or third cousins?

    Is there anything wrong with what we are doing? We kinda at first took a step back and said okay this is a little wierd and went our seperate ways but then this week i couldnt stop thinking about her and last night she texted me wanting to know if i still have feelings for her or not because she thinks shes in love with me!

    What do i do??????


«1

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 844 ✭✭✭casanova_kid


    You're related and that is weird, i think that makes you second cousins but it all depends on what you're into.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Buy a couple of banjos and give the Leitrim music scene the kick up the arse its needed for a long long time. You and your girlfriend/cousin are gonna be huge.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,648 ✭✭✭dundalk cailin


    i think its quite far out the relation, eg my mams cousin is my 2nd cousin, after that im not sure..u could be 3rd cousins.
    i wouldnt worry bout it too much


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,322 ✭✭✭Repli


    You are 2nd cousins - you have the same great-grandparents.. Just throwing in a little nugget of info there..


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭R-KEANE


    i think you'll have a hard time discussing thing with your parents. I'd feel very very very strange in this situation. Actually, started typing this thinking I could offer some advice but I'm lost for words. Its your cousin. Are your grandparents still alive? What would they think? They'd probably freak. Make sure to do a thorough check on whether you are related or not.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,685 ✭✭✭zuma


    As far as I know...there are no laws against...having relations....with even your 1st cousins in Ireland!!!

    I think its a throwback from the days when we were part of the UK and "our Monarch's" partner was a first cousin or something.

    I think your third cousins......thats pretty distant in my book!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7 theHOFFman


    guys its great the advice, honest, i was really worried people in general would be freaked out by it, it can honestly happen to anyone,

    its mad cause iv never had many girlfriends, iv never been very popular and when what seems to be a perfect girl who looks great, is intelligent and likes me to turns out to be my second or third cousin im all messed up about it, its like someone with divine powers has it in for me.

    My nan is still alive and id rather say nothing to her, but i will most likely introduce her to the gfriend if things keep going the way they are as either my friend and explain the connection or my gfriend and not mention anything about being related. Her Grandad passed away a few years ago. I think my parents and hers might be okay with it but ill do anything to avoid telling them, i already half told my mum so it wont be to bad if i have to tell her, broke the ice so to speak.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,953 ✭✭✭blu_sonic


    you should ask a doc if you had kids how would they work out?


  • Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Shane Flabby Geese


    I knew someone once who was going out with his first cousin.

    Tbh, the only problem with it would be breeding which obviously isn't an issue here, and you're not first cousins, so I personally wouldn't care.
    Your family might, but I don't think it's *that* big a deal.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,347 ✭✭✭daiixi


    anyone who is freaked out by your relationship isn't worth the time of day.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7 theHOFFman


    um yeah i tink its way way to early to be talking about kids so it should be okay on that line of things, im a little less un easy about it now. But i just never tuaght id get bitten by the bug or end up meeting a cousin, lol. I just keep trying to tell myself we are distant relations and thats all.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,315 ✭✭✭ballooba


    Look at the guys nickname for god's sake. Pinch of salt.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,473 ✭✭✭R0ot


    Thats pretty weird so it is, your chances of having a defect in any children you may have has increased by 50%. Nevermind move to sligo they'll never notice :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭R-KEANE


    theHOFFman wrote:
    um yeah i tink its way way to early to be talking about kids so it should be okay on that line of things, im a little less un easy about it now. But i just never tuaght id get bitten by the bug or end up meeting a cousin, lol. I just keep trying to tell myself we are distant relations and thats all.
    well, how easy is it to tell yourself that? if its really difficult then you might have a problem. if you can easily brush it off, then you're fine.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭R-KEANE


    ballooba wrote:
    Look at the guys nickname for god's sake. Pinch of salt.
    why has knightrider done that sort of thing?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7 theHOFFman


    mmm, i dunno seen as i havent seen her since but we are texting right now, i dont tink id have a problem and i doubt she would either, feck it lads ill give it a shot and let ye know how i get on.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,230 ✭✭✭scojones


    Pighead wrote:
    Buy a couple of banjos and give the Leitrim music scene the kick up the arse its needed for a long long time. You and your girlfriend/cousin are gonna be huge.

    Oh man, post of the month for sure.

    You're grand, go for it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,730 ✭✭✭✭simu


    Too close for comfort imho.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 968 ✭✭✭Adeptus Titanicus


    Handy chart here. I've never been able to figure out this second cousin twice removed stuff till I saw this :)

    http://www.comanchelodge.com/relationch.html

    Anyhoo, as others have said, as your common ancestor is your great gandfather/mother, you are indeed second cousins.

    If she's nice, what the hell! Go for it ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7 theHOFFman


    well looks run in the family anyways :-) cheers guys, ill be back with an update next week :-)


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,231 ✭✭✭✭Sparky


    Ah, one way or another we are all related to each other.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    As far as I know its okay to have relations with your 3rd cousin. Its why I don't try to get a girl anywhere near my hometown 'cause morethanlikely they're all related to me.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 739 ✭✭✭riptide


    theHOFFman wrote:
    well looks run in the family anyways :-) cheers guys, ill be back with an update next week :-)
    Hoff... you may want to check out whether there may be an increase in chance of genetic disorders if you 2 decide to have kids if a realtionship goes way down the line!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,570 ✭✭✭Rovi


    To go slightly off topic, but still related (:rolleyes:), how about this one?-

    My grandfather, his brother (my granduncle), and his sister (my grandaunt) were married to my grandmother (his wife), her sister (my granduncle's wife), and her brother (my grandaunt's husband).
    Two brothers and a sister in one family married two sisters and a brother in another.

    Anyone want to figure out the relationships between their great-grandchildren?
    :confused::confused::confused:

    .


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,783 ✭✭✭Binomate


    Your kids are going to be classed as inbred by all of the other kids for their whole lives.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,208 ✭✭✭✭aidan_walsh


    blu_sonic wrote:
    you should ask a doc if you had kids how would they work out?
    After one date, discussing kids is a pretty good way of ensuring that you'll never have to face the problem.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,598 ✭✭✭ferdi


    OP, if you have to ask, you already know the answer.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,091 ✭✭✭✭Esel
    Not Your Ornery Onager


    Rovi wrote:
    To go slightly off topic, but still related (:rolleyes:), how about this one?-

    My grandfather, his brother (my granduncle), and his sister (my grandaunt) were married to my grandmother (his wife), her sister (my granduncle's wife), and her brother (my grandaunt's husband).
    Two brothers and a sister in one family married two sisters and a brother in another.

    Anyone want to figure out the relationships between their great-grandchildren?
    :confused::confused::confused:

    .

    Same as a 'simple' situation - you just go back to the common ancestor and count from there?

    Not your ornery onager



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,997 ✭✭✭latenia


    Afaik, 2nd cousins are in fact the most 'dangerous' in terms of the risk of any offspring being born with birth defects, even more so than 1st cousins.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,997 ✭✭✭latenia


    Btw, there are over 3 billion women in the world.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,975 ✭✭✭Oeneus


    Surely not. I mean You are technically only an 8th related to your 2nd cousins, which is pretty distant in all fairness. Surely you won't get birth defects

    But either way, marrying second cousins is legal as far as I know. Christ I would do it. My 2nd cousin is hot as hell!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,628 ✭✭✭Asok




  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,997 ✭✭✭latenia


    Ok, I was mistaken, but someone did say that to me before. Here are some interesting facts from the best titled website I've seen in a while:

    http://www.cousincouples.com/info/facts.shtml


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    esel wrote:
    Same as a 'simple' situation - you just go back to the common ancestor and count from there?

    Counting shoud be easy enough in that case.
    Poster probably has a minimum of 6 fingers and toes per hand/foot. :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 620 ✭✭✭MaxBax


    I'm not a geneticist or a doctor.

    But it's my interpretation is, the dangers of inbreeding are results of two people having the same genetic defect producing offspring. THe result would be the offspring would this congential disorder.

    An example, a certain number of people have a defective gene. This defective gene has no bad effects. However, if two ppl who both have the defective gene reproduce, there is a 1/4 chance that thier offspring with have both the defective genes and there forefore will suffer. (Cystic fibrosis would be an example of this).

    Research shows that 2 unrelated ppl have a 2-3% chance of producing a child with a congenital defect, first cousins a 4-6% chance and second cousins are about 3-4%.

    Sorry I can't provide evidence to support the above. It's too late.

    So, in terms of medical health, if these two people wanted to have children, they would benefit from screening for defective mutations. However, the chances are not much higher then for two "unrelated" people.

    In terms of social acceptance, I certainly think, at a objective level, relationships between cousins should not be encouraged. But you dont choose who you fall in love with. I think it's an important factor, the relationship started under the pretext of no blood line relationship. It's not like they met at their great granny's funeral or cousin's wedding (or is it).

    Thirdly, he hardly knows the girl, im pretty sure it won't last anyway.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 192 ✭✭billius


    Pighead wrote:
    Buy a couple of banjos and give the Leitrim music scene the kick up the arse its needed for a long long time. You and your girlfriend/cousin are gonna be huge.

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 269 ✭✭Nike_Dude


    In fairness it is pretty distant and I dont think anybody would be too bothered about it. The big thing is if it would be playing on your mind and affect a relationship between the two of you, if not and you really like the girl go for it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 620 ✭✭✭RotalicaV


    Don't worry about it, this is perfectly ok..

    in Cork.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,322 ✭✭✭Repli


    See this is why there are so many handicapped ppl in Ireland..


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    Its illegal to marry your second cousin. Its more dangerous genetically to have children with your second cousin then your first cousin. Don't do it!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,268 ✭✭✭mountainyman


    theHOFFman wrote:
    between the jigs and the reels we realised that my grandmother and her granddad were brother and sister, what relation does this make us to each other? Are we second or third cousins?
    You are second cousins.
    It isn't illegal but it is wrong.
    It is like going out with a girl with a mental handicap.
    It isn't illegal but it is wrong.

    MM


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    Its illegal to marry her!!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,570 ✭✭✭Rovi


    esel wrote:
    Same as a 'simple' situation - you just go back to the common ancestor and count from there?
    Well, yeah, but (in the case of my second cousin and I, for example) we share two sets of great-grandparents.

    My grandfather and grandmother were brother and sister to his grandmother and grandfather.
    My great-grandparents on my grandfather's side are the same people as his great-grandparents on his grandmother's side; and my great-grandparents on my grandmother's side are the same people as his great-grandparents on his grandfather's side.

    On this very handy website (http://www.comanchelodge.com/relationch.html), each 'simple' relationship shows us as Second Cousins, but as we have two sets of common ancestors, does that make us Double Second Cousins or something?


    <sigh>
    Not that it matters much anyway, I've decided I don't want to marry him. My sister/cousin/girlfriend wouldn't like it.



    .


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,975 ✭✭✭Oeneus


    Ah f*ck it! Who cares? Go out with her!

    And if you decide you want children later on? Go for adoption. No point bringing another kid in the world anyway when there's already far too many out there who need parents!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 441 ✭✭brown*eyed*girl


    This reminds me of a scary moment I had with an ex of mine. We were both at a party for his cousin's 21st and my "aunty peggy" was there. Turns out he knew her as aunty peggy too. We both were shocked to say the least but it turned out ok as she wasn't related by blood to either of us. Basically she is married to my Grandad's brother which makes her my granaunt through marriage and she is my ex's Mother's stepsister. Phew :eek:

    To the OP personally I wouldn't be able to date my second cousin and would just find it too weird because we are so close as a family. But seems you didn't even know each other it might be ok with you. But the way I'd see it is one of her parents is one of your parents first cousin which is just a bit too close for me.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,991 ✭✭✭el tel


    Don't be dowing the *wild thing* until you've read this Inbreeding thread on Sci>Biology/Medicine:

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054895506


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,091 ✭✭✭✭Esel
    Not Your Ornery Onager


    Lux23 wrote:
    Its illegal to marry her!!!!

    That's twice you have made this unsubstantiated statement.

    Cite?

    Not your ornery onager



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    esel wrote:
    That's twice you have made this unsubstantiated statement.

    Cite?

    [Pedant] The OP never claimed to be male [/Pedant] ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 364 ✭✭BrenC


    Its a really strange situation, most people don't inbreed with their family because of the lack of diversity in the gene pool. Around 150 years ago, dating your first cousin was the norm!

    It is a really strange situation, I doubt you's are related by that much then again, its only 2 generations ago.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    You cannot legally marry a sibling or a first cousin, thats for sure. It is also very difficult to get a marriage certificate to marry a second cousin especially if they are on the maternal side. They have been trying to change this law for many years but there are an awful lot of people married to their second cousins anyway. So fair enough it is not illegal but anyone with a brain in their head can see it should be.


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