Worst bestselling author ever...

...Jeffrey Archer?

Now, I am willing to concede that Cain and Abel and his earlier stuff may have been good. But the only book I ever read was his 'A Twist in the Tale' and it was just truly terrible. Is all his stuff so weak and derivative?

shroomfox

Dan Brown - is there any contest?

Well...yes, probably. But in my mind I actually have Dan Brown filed under "Dan Brown: Worst Bestselling Author Ever." So I was quite surprised when I saw the thread title.

hawkmoon269

Yes I agree with the OP (based on reading just one of his books but it was more than enough.) People like Tom Clancy and Freddie Forsyth (the Odessa File, one of his earlier books, is actually quite good) have written good thrillers and poor derivative ones - but in terms of all round crapness they can't touch Archer even at their worst.

John Grisham is an example of someone who sells in large quantities but is also a fairly good writer (although his obsession with the legal profession and writing about lawyers gets a tad boring). He's like the modern equivalent of Chandler.

Sleepy

Marian Keyes?
Cecillia Ahern?
Jilly Cooper?
Danielle Steele?
Catherine Cookson?

There are literally hundreds of useless authors who've written best-sellers. Or if we're simply talking about most 'over-rated', Dan Brown or Stephen King would have to take that title, I don't think anyone actually rates the chick-lit writers as having any talent...

shroomfox

I'm surprised Dan Brown can spell.

grumpytrousers

Archer wins (or loses) by a country mile IMHO. I've read Dan Brown, and while I wouldn't dream of saying he'll be giving John Banville sleepless nights any time soon, his work does the job of 'popular' fiction - i.e. keeping doofuses like me quiet on long journeys and the like. I've finished his books and, while able to pick holes etc, not found myself completely lamenting the loss off a few hours of my life that i'll not have back.

Archer, on the other hand, grates on me something terrible. It's his insistance on bringing his Tory 'values' into everything that grate on me. If memory serves, the twist on 'Not a Penny More...' was one that pleasantly surprised me at the time, but then again, I was 11...

tbh, i can see this thread getting silly, 'cos to be honest, one could make the point that the worlds of 'literature' and 'bestselling author' rarely collide....and people who pick up some airport pot-boiler shouldn't *really* give out too much about two dimensional characterisation, flimsy plotlines and cliches...

Ardent

Dan Brown is the undisputed champion here.

Nimrod's Son

shroomfox wrote:

I'm surprised Dan Brown can spell.

Jay Tomio

I have to agree here. Dan Browin is an abomination.

shroomfox

That's a trap, and I'm not gonna fall for it!

Cactus Col

For someone who's read John Grisham's "The Partner" there is no option here.

Now, I enjoy Tom Clancy books, and zipped through a couple of Dan Browns, and sure, neither of them are ever gonna be compared favourably to shakespear .... but The Partner is about the worst book I have ever read, (for some reason I read it right on through to the end). Imagine The Da Vinci Code, except it's done even worse, and it's about lawyers.

Mr. Presentable

Harold Robbins?

Posted this elsewhere and Clive Cussler and Stephen King polling very well too...

shroomfox

I know it was ghost written, but David Beckham's biography used a very stupid ghost.

It was the only book in the house, right?

grumpytrousers

Cactus Col wrote:

For someone who's read John Grisham's "The Partner" there is no option here.

Now, I enjoy Tom Clancy books, and zipped through a couple of Dan Browns, and sure, neither of them are ever gonna be compared favourably to shakespear .... but The Partner is about the worst book I have ever read, (for some reason I read it right on through to the end). Imagine The Da Vinci Code, except it's done even worse, and it's about lawyers.

I'll see your 'Partner' and raise you 'The Chamber'...it's a story about a fella on death row, and this young lawyer is doing his best to stop him from getting the gas chamber, and he fails and....

GAH....

*puts foot thru monitor* :mad:

grumpytrousers

grumpytrousers wrote:

it's a story about a fella on death row, and this young lawyer is doing his best to stop him from getting the gas chamber, and he fails and....
GAH....
*puts foot thru monitor* :mad:

Now THAT'S how critics should review books...

lacuna

Really though...

Cathy Kelly and the like.

I always hated ordering them in when I worked in a bookshop. The most depressing thing is how well all the **** literature sells.

Dave3x

Okay, so 'The Chamber' wasn't amazing (and I remember being rather dissapointed that such an acclaimed author was only 'alright' to my mind), but surely there are worse? As stand-alone pieces, Grisham's books are half-decent. It's just that they're all extremely similar, that's all...and not particularly brilliant in the first place....

shroomfox

Cathy Kelly? And Literature? In the same post?

*has gone blind*
*has become insane*
*has gone even more blind again*

And you gave her four stars?

*has gone deaf*
*falls over*

Dan Brown can't spell.

Loomis

And obviously you could all go off and write a better book than any of these authors

theCzar

In response to the above, I have time on my hands and a large catalogue of bad books!

Jeffery (not Geoffrey) Archer books older more than 20 years old are very good, anything newer is a shambles, much like the man himself.

John Grisham's early books were great, Firm, Client, Rainmaker, Runaway Jury are 4 off the top of my head that I really enjoyed. pity about the films. His new books are brutal, I read the Summons and King of Torts and they were both pretty useless.

I've read dozens of Clive Cusslers, and to borrow an argument from those detestable Dan-Brown-is-ok-ophiles, they are emminantly readable trash fiction but unlike Dan Brown, they're well written, silly overblown plots and characters nothwithstanding. Anything co-written with somebody else (e.g. Craig Dirgo, Paul Kemprecos, his son Dirk Cussler) are to be avoided.

Stephen King isn't my cup of tea, I think his writing is pretty pants in a lot of places, but he has some top notch stories (the Shining, Dark Tower etc. etc.)

Tom Clancy is another brutal writer, hate all his books EXCEPT I love Rainbow 6 for no reason I can justify other than sometimes you need some testosterone overdosed special forces kicking ass and chewing bubble gum for no good plot reason except that it's cool. phew.

Joesph Heller wrote one of the best books I've ever read (Cacth 22 obviously), and the only book I just can't finish (something happened).

Saving the worst for last, Dan Brown is a simply rubbish writer whose gimmicky DaVinci Code somehow caught a wave a precisely the right moment to make him a household name and a millionaire several times over. Kudos.

elurhs

I would agree with a lot of what the Czar has to say.

Archer had two decent books in him "Not a Penny more..." and "Kane and Abel" the concept of which he repeated ad naseum.

Grisham's books were fresh when they first came out and the 4 Czar has mentioned were very enjoyable. He's tried some different stuff that hasn't worked out, but he's hardly the worst out there.

Clancy popularised the techno-thriller, but his later work is too coloured by his extreme right-wing views and he's also fallen into the trap of repeating himself.

Dan Brown....I think enough has already been said, so I won't say anything more.

I'm surprised no-ones proposed Jack Higgins - would he be regarded as best selling? One good book (based on fact) spawining 30 years of cliched, derivative crap!

John

Mr. Anderson wrote:

And obviously you could all go off and write a better book than any of these authors

Not necessarily but I know any novel I write will be **** so I don't inflict it on the public! (I'm sure I could write some drivel like Dan Brown but why waste my efforts on it?)

grumpytrousers

eluhrs wrote:

I'm surprised no-ones proposed Jack Higgins

oooh - good point. I read The Eagle Has Landed and thought it was absolutely brilliant. I was 12...now, to be honest, the book still stands as one of those works of 'faction' and it's most enjoyable for it. Nearly all of it is pretty plausable.

You can, however, imagine my surprise when during my 'Oh-my-god-I-must-read-every-Jack-Higgins-book-ever', I picked up a book called Solo, from the local library and found that it contained entire paragraphs lifted straight from '..Eagle..'. If memory serves, something about an Irish hitman and a gun with a funny shaped barrell...

John2 wrote:

Not necessarily but I know any novel I write will be **** so I don't inflict it on the public! (I'm sure I could write some drivel like Dan Brown but why waste my efforts on it?)

If I thought I'd get the money he got, I'd happily write any auld sh*te. And toast the health of the 'critics' on boards.ie from my spot in the bahamas..

Mr. Anderson

Mr. Anderson wrote:

And obviously you could all go off and write a better book than any of these authors

In the case of Jeffrey Archer, without even using my hands...

shroomfox

Mr. Anderson wrote:

And obviously you could all go off and write a better book than any of these authors

Yup. I'm serious. And this isn't down to any brilliant writing ability on my part.

It's a bit like saying that I could be more honest than Nixon.
Or less of a hero than Nelson Mandela.
Or more violent than Gandhi.

Come on! Challenge me!

shellspeare

Jeffrey Archer

RE*AC*TOR

I don't think Grisham's newer books are worse than his older one's - i think they're fairly much the same. Same plot, same characters etc etc.

pukey

i thought "a painted house" was the best thing grisham wrote. not a lawyer in sight either

Black hole sun

theCzar wrote:

.

Stephen King isn't my cup of tea, I think his writing is pretty pants in a lot of places, but he has some top notch stories (the Shining, Dark Tower etc. etc.)

.

True, everything from ten years ago on are ****. But the stand and IT are excellent. Short stories are good as well except for a fixation with laundries.

John

Black hole sun wrote:

True, everything from ten years ago on are ****. But the stand and IT are excellent. Short stories are good as well except for a fixation with laundries.

I thought the Dark Tower was excellent right up to the end. The one he did with Peter Straub a few years ago was really good too.

Black hole sun

Black hole sun wrote:

True, everything from ten years ago on are ****.

Wondered that too. Then thought maybe I just got older and grew out of it all about 15 years back.

The Tommyknockers was unintentionally hilarious. Green space men in a hole in the woods?

eth0_

Cecilia Ahern. Why do people read her utter drivel? I wonder what her key demographic is like. Overweight mid-30's woman with crappy job who hasn't had a man in years?

Black hole sun

John2 wrote:

I thought the Dark Tower was excellent right up to the end.

I found the last 3 of the dark tower series to be dire. Its always bad when an author put himself in a book as character, tis a bit self indulgent.

meldrew

I thought John Connolly's Bad Men was one of the worst books I ever read , but Black Angel was a whole lot better

Toasty

shroomfox wrote:

Dan Brown - is there any contest?

Well...yes, probably. But in my mind I actually have Dan Brown filed under "Dan Brown: Worst Bestselling Author Ever." So I was quite surprised when I saw the thread title.

WHAT?????????????
HIS BOOKS ARE THE BEST READS I'VE EVER READ!!!!!!!!!

shroomfox

Aaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!
All Manner Of Shock And Horror In Your Direction!!!!!!

?

<edit>
OK, I've just tried to type that above message in all caps three times and every time I do, it reverts to lower case letters as soon as I save it. So, toasty, I have to hand it to you: you're obviously some kind of hacker or something. I have no idea how you managed to type in all caps.

Unshelved

Wilbur Smith - sexist racist repetitive tripe. Don't bother.

beans

Toasty wrote:

WHAT?????????????
HIS BOOKS ARE THE BEST READS I'VE EVER READ!!!!!!!!!

Just goes to show how he managed to sell the way he did - he can write a story that pretty much anyone can follow, in nice ADHD-sized chapters, with a plot that's guaranteed to twist and turn, and make readers go 'Oooh'

For my money, it's catchy, hummable fodder. All his books are utterly derivative and disposable, with about as much depth and substance as a wet patch on your duvet. Of course that's just my opinion, whatever does it for you

I'm sure Dan Brown is not the ultimate worst bestseller of all time, but he's pretty close.

theCzar

At the risk further labouring the Danny Brown point, this thread is about the worst but bestselling author, so even if DB isn't the very worst author (if not, who is, I have to ask), he's sold by far and a way the most books so i'm thinking we need a formula like:

[crapness factor, 1-100, 1 being the least worst]*[books sold] = [crapness quota (C.Q.)]

so for DB we have a crapness factor of 2 (gotta leave room for a deterioration in his standards ) times a squillion for all the books sold to commuters for a C.Q. of 2 squillion. simple n'est pas?

Mr. Presentable

John2 wrote:

I thought the Dark Tower was excellent right up to the end. The one he did with Peter Straub a few years ago was really good too.

Talisman!! Straub did some great work on his own also.

John

No, not Talisman, the second one. Hang on *musters up energy to go into other room to check bookcase as he meant to the other day* Black House, that's the one. Talisman was great too though. Hmmm, maybe I'll recycle them into the Pile What Needs To Be Read.

Toasty

shroomfox wrote:

Aaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!
All Manner Of Shock And Horror In Your Direction!!!!!!

?

<edit>
OK, I've just tried to type that above message in all caps three times and every time I do, it reverts to lower case letters as soon as I save it. So, toasty, I have to hand it to you: you're obviously some kind of hacker or something. I have no idea how you managed to type in all caps.

all i did was push caps lock and typed!!
you obviously have 2 have the secret touch!!

hepcat

Dean Koontz has to be up there among the worst. Read one of his that was knocking around the house and could not believe how pathetic is was. Still read it though:o

meldrew

hepcat wrote:

Dean Koontz has to be up there among the worst. Read one of his that was knocking around the house and could not believe how pathetic is was. Still read it though:o

Totally agree , I keep getting his latest hoping it will be better than the last and am always disappointed

28064212

Surprised at the amount of votes Stephen King has gotten, haven't read a poor book by him yet. The Stand, IT, Insomnia, The Green Mile, The Dead Zone, Salem's Lot, The Shining.... all fantastic books. As for the Dark Tower series, that's just one of the best-written stories of our generation, I'd consider that to be the LOTR of this millenium. I can understand how the ending would be disappointing to some, but I thought it was a suitable 'finish'. As for putting himself in, I thought he brought just the right amount of self deprecation into it to be not self-indulgent.

Dan Brown is suffering from a very large backlash, purely because he was so successful. If the Da Vinci Code had been an average number one, he would never have received the amount of criticism he has. I thought that and Angels and Demons were very well put-together, held your attention and were in general very enjoyable. They are a little too similar though, if you read one, it's pretty easy to guess what's going to happen in the other. Digital Fortress and Deception Point were pretty dire though, didn't hang together as well as the other two. Too much criticism of Dan Brown has focused on him 'misleading' the population by letting them believe it's all true, which I don't think is something he should be blamed for.

Jeffrey Archer, John Grisham and Tom Clancy (not as much) all suffer from the same problem, they tend to repeat themselves an awful lot, even in just basic structure and plot. As stand-alone books they tend to be very good, but they can make for repetitive reading

meldrew

Stephen King is back from retirement next month hopefully his new one will be better than his last few especially From a Buick 8 which was fairly average

28064212

28064212 wrote:

Surprised at the amount of votes Stephen King has gotten, haven't read a poor book by him yet. The Stand, IT, Insomnia, The Green Mile, The Dead Zone, Salem's Lot, The Shining.... all fantastic books.

The Tommyknockers.

Hilarious. Little green aliens running around some woods. Same hackneyed idea - people gradually go bonkers and start attacking each other blah blah blah zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

dudara

I think Dan Brown is get treated slightly unfairly here, just because he's sold so many copies. He's no great writer of literature, but he writes well for his genre.

There are far better candidates for this title. Tess Gerritsen, Cecilia Aherne, Marion Keyes, Judith Krantz, anything recent by Jeffrey Archer, John Grisham or Tom Clancy.

I like it when Waterstones have a half-price book of the week, but unfortunately it's all too often some stupid chick-lit

28064212

Deleted User wrote:

Same hackneyed idea - people gradually go bonkers and start attacking each other blah blah blah zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Same idea as what?

shroomfox

I don't think Dan Brown is getting too much mistreatment here because he sold so many copies.

Surely if we're discussing the worst bestselling authors ever, the first criterium is that they have to sold a lot of books?

Nah, I don't like him because I think he's a substandard writer. Very different reason.

PS Stephen King = Poor. I'm sorry, I just don't like him either.