story time

woosaysdan

ye all know the score keep it clean and interesting

ok so he we go

i was just after waking up, i looked out the window and nearly died with shock..........................................

sprinkles

As my wife attached me with a 50volt battery, but wait a minute, thats not my wife......

woosaysdan

its my neighbours wife as she ties both ends to my two swolen..........................

cajun_tiger

ankles and then pick up a huge....

woosaysdan

hammer that was convienently placed beside the bed..........

LoneGunM@n

& tries to imitate Kathy Bates by having a go @ my knees, but ...

sprinkles

Just then, a knock on the door....

woosaysdan

she goes to answer it as i quickly escape out the window....................

Spalk0

........and fall 25 feet into the garden pool were billy the dog is.....

PH01

...waiting by a spaceship owned by my REAL wife Lucy.

woosaysdan

who is really an alien form a far away planet

PH01

called FruitCake12

Spalk0

....were humans are enslaved and fruitcakes rule all.....

woosaysdan

we were going to her home planet, we took the 2nd left after the moon and then right at the traffic lights

cajun_tiger

and then

sprinkles

but there is a road block set up by the interspacial crack commando squad...fruitcake devision

Spalk0

...then got a speeding ticket from the black hole police, but we gave a false name and pinned it on some space worms we had a run in with earlier....

PH01

But you know how alien women drivers are like and we take a left instead of a right and we crash into Mars. The Clone Me says...

woosaysdan

not tonight dear i have a headache

cajun_tiger

but then

DEmeant0r

As I got out of the spaceship that has crashed into mars, I was surprised to find...

woosaysdan

she took out her micky extractor..........

cajun_tiger

my eyes grew large and my mouth watered...

PH01

BANG!

woosaysdan

the spaceship blew up

sprinkles

a cajun lion breaks loose from her hold in the cargo bay, alarms go off, red lights blinking confusion everywhere.....

PH01

She jumps on to Lucy...

woosaysdan

with one shot from my handgun bang bang

DEmeant0r

I mistakenly shot my wife...

woosaysdan

all the martians cheered

PH01

...and the hail me as a GOD!

woosaysdan

i ate mars everyday until a alien from uranus arrived.....................

sprinkles

who looked exactly like Eamonn Dunphy....

woosaysdan

except with a beard

sprinkles

but it was no ordinary beard.......................

woosaysdan

the beard was alive

sound_wave

and continued to grow and grow...

woosaysdan

then it started talking about roy keane

ionapaul

even creatures from uranus have heard of the mighty....keane

woosaysdan

i raised my gun an fired.........................sh!t no bullets left......................

_sheep

so i says to mabel i says ....

sanncoo

So I took a piece of fruitcake and................

sprinkles

i shouted: Mick was right in Saipan", which angered the beast

woosaysdan

ate uuummmmmmmmmmm fruitcake aaaagggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

PH01

"..great player, great player, great player, great player " it kept saying. It was driving me crazy. I had no bullets for my gun.
What could I do?

LoneGunM@n

so I ate the magic baked beans, bent over, cracked my arse cheeks and squeezed off a volley of ...

sanncoo

Currants...hate currants! Mabel looked at me, then smiled and said........

woosaysdan

you ate all my fruitcake

cajun_tiger

some little green man picked up a currant and said"they dont taste like currants" and...

PH01

they're not currants Dummy, they're...

woosaysdan

peanuts............................