Now Ye're Talking - To A Man With 2 Mothers

Dav · 20-01-2015 3:47pm #1

It's a topical one this week folks, and I realise the title might seem silly. I'd like you to meet Sonics2k who's a man in his 30s who was raised by 2 mammies

His parents are 2 ladies in a relationship for years - I don't know how long, I'm sure he'll be able to answer that himself if he chooses to. Our minister for health has, as I'm sure most of you are aware, spoken about being a gay man this weekend and it seems like the stir that kicked off with Panti's Noble Call last year has moved up a gear with a lot of eyes looking towards the Marriage Equality referendum later this year.

One of the concerns people have about the upcoming referendum concerns parenting, so why not hear from someone for whom that's been a reality for a long time?

Neyite · 20-01-2015 4:47pm

Hi Sonic!

I'll go with the most obvious argument that people present with regard to SSM. That the children will experience bullying for having gay parents. Have you encountered bullying/ exclusion as a child because of this?

eviltwin · 20-01-2015 4:49pm

Sonic thanks for putting yourself forward.

Can I ask if you know your dad and if he is in your life at all?

20-01-2015 4:50pm

30 Years is a good cross section of time. I imagine - like my own situation - the majority of people do not even cop your dynamic when you are out in the public world - but on those occasions when it does - have you noticed a change in reaction over time? My own experience of the change in attitudes in Ireland - where I was actually cognizant a change might be happening - is only 5 years - so perhaps you have a better over view of a change over time in this.

dulpit · 20-01-2015 4:51pm

Hey, interesting topic!

Couple of questions:
1 - Did you find that children or other adults were more opinionated towards your upbringing when you were small?
2 - How do you differentiate between your parents? Is one mum and the other mam? Or something else?
3 - Have you found that positive perception towards gay couples has grown noticeably in the last few years?
4 - Did you parents ever sit you down and explain to you that their relationship is a little bit different to others? I would assume that growing up you would have not noticed anything, but when you start school I would expect people to talk, just curious if your parents sat you down or prepped you, or was it even needed?
5 - I pity your prospective wife/husband - 2 mothers-in-law! :pac:

eviltwin · 20-01-2015 4:53pm

Do your mums want to get married? What would it mean for your family if that were possible?

floggg · 20-01-2015 4:56pm

Where there ever any situations or issues where you felt the lack of a male presence was a disadvantage?

If so how did you over come them?

Sonics2k · 20-01-2015 5:13pm

(Quick edit)

I will do my very best to answer this topic as openly and candidly as possible. Really folks, even if you don't support SSM because of a concern about their kids, please ask me and I'll try my best to answer you.

Neyite wrote: »

Hi Sonic!

I'll go with the most obvious argument that people present with regard to SSM. That the children will experience bullying for having gay parents. Have you encountered bullying/ exclusion as a child because of this?

Hi Neyite!

That would be the most common claim, so I'll answer this as best as I can.

I was once or twice "bullied" for having two mothers, but it was really more of a "haha you have two mums" comment when I was about 9 years old. That was basically it. Frankly I was bullied more for having an English accent (I was born in London and moved home to Ireland when I was 9). I was bullied a little bit for being a dork too.

Honestly speaking, I was bullied a lot less than any overweight or ginger kid in my schools. I was never excluded from a group because of my parents sexuality.

Kids are jerks, we all know this. Kids are worse than grown ups when it comes to being really mean, and they'll focus on anything to wind up another kid.

eviltwin wrote: »

Sonic thanks for putting yourself forward.

Can I ask if you know your dad and if he is in your life at all?

Absolutely fair question. In a word, no. I've never met him, but my parents told me all his details when I was about 12 or so and said if I wanted to track him down, that would be fine.

I've never really looked into it, from what my parents have told me, I do look very similar to him and that's all I need or care about.

Deleted User wrote: »

30 Years is a good cross section of time. I imagine - like my own situation - the majority of people do not even cop your dynamic when you are out in the public world - but on those occasions when it does - have you noticed a change in reaction over time? My own experience of the change in attitudes in Ireland - where I was actually cognizant a change might be happening - is only 5 years - so perhaps you have a better over view of a change over time in this.

Uh, this is actually a strange one. As a child and with other kids, no-one really cared about it. None of my friends have ever cared as it's never affected them, just like my friends parents had no real effect on me.
As a teenager we lived in quite a few places, spending time in Boston and then Sydney and Brisbane. In each case no-one cared about their sexuality at all.

Occasionally a person of an older generation (usually a school counselor or similar) would ask if my parents being gay impacted my life and were sometimes surprised when I said no.

As an adult, I have found the very vast majority of people frankly don't care. Some are a bit bewildered for about a minute and then don't care anymore.

Sonics2k · 20-01-2015 5:18pm

eviltwin wrote: »

Do your mums want to get married? What would it mean for your family if that were possible?

Well truthfully speaking, my "parents" have separated a good while ago, but are now both in long term relationships.

However, I do know they have no real interest in getting "married" as it were. They do believe of course that they should have the right to be married if they wish to do so.

floggg wrote: »

Where there ever any situations or issues where you felt the lack of a male presence was a disadvantage?

If so how did you over come them?

Um, I guess maybe when I started to shave? My mother did teach me the basics, and frankly did a better job than my neighbours father!
But I started growing a glorious beard many years ago and hate to be clean shaven, aside from that, I truthfully can't think of any time that I needed a male presence over either of my parents.
My biological mother played Rugby for Munster and Ireland, and even taught me the basics of Karate when I was a kid. I ended up taking a big interest in both in my teens thanks to that.

gk5000 · 20-01-2015 5:39pm

Hello Sonics2k

Can I go straight to the point:
- Would you advocate two gay parents?
- two gay women?
- two gay men?

Should society encourage or discourage any of the above?

Sonics2k · 20-01-2015 5:39pm

dulpit wrote: »

Hey, interesting topic!

Couple of questions:
1 - Did you find that children or other adults were more opinionated towards your upbringing when you were small?
2 - How do you differentiate between your parents? Is one mum and the other mam? Or something else?
3 - Have you found that positive perception towards gay couples has grown noticeably in the last few years?
4 - Did you parents ever sit you down and explain to you that their relationship is a little bit different to others? I would assume that growing up you would have not noticed anything, but when you start school I would expect people to talk, just curious if your parents sat you down or prepped you, or was it even needed?
5 - I pity your prospective wife/husband - 2 mothers-in-law! :pac:

Hey Dulpit, took a few more minutes to answer yours as it was a bit longer.

1. In primary school, when I first moved to Ireland, I did have one teacher who didn't "approve" of it, and did try to actively make learning a bit harder for me. But thankfully I was moved out of that school and I believe he got fired later for being abusive towards students, so I've always reckoned he was just a bit of a bellend really!
2. I actually just call them by their names, always have done. I also call my aunts and uncles by their names, even my grandmother often gets called by her first name.
3. Overall yes. May be just because I grew up with this generation and so I've never really experience direct or real homophobia from people of my own generation. There are still homophobes out there of course, but I've found it has typically gotten better over the years. At least on the outside, there's a still a bit of backdoor (no pun I swear) talking going on, especially at times like this.
5. She's actually well up for it, she gets on great with both of them. Which I find terrifying...

Answering 4 separately because this has always amused me.

Yes, when I was about 7 or 8 my parents did sit down with me and did the whole birds and bees thing and told me how they were gay and some people were straight. I believe my answer was roughly along the lines of "Okay, can I go back out and play now?"

My point here is that most kids don't actually -care- about their parents sexuality, it's a learned thing that comes from outside influences. Because I was raised by a gay couple, there was nothing odd to me. And like my friends, I did not care about their parents sexuality. I was too busy climbing trees and throwing snails at girls.

Sonics2k · 20-01-2015 5:41pm

gk5000 wrote: »

Hello Sonics2k

Can I go straight to the point:
- Would you advocate two gay parents?
- two gay women?
- two gay men?

Should society encourage or discourage any of the above?

Two gay men, or two gay women. It does not matter as long as they put their love and lives into raising their children to be smart and good people.

Society should encourage gay marriage no more and no less than straight marriage. There is no difference between the love two men feel for each other and the love I feel for my own fiancée.

gk5000 · 20-01-2015 7:05pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

Two gay men, or two gay women. It does not matter as long as they put their love and lives into raising their children to be smart and good people.

Society should encourage gay marriage no more and no less than straight marriage. There is no difference between the love two men feel for each other and the love I feel for my own fiancée.

Thanks for that.

But, women can easily have children, but men obviously can't.

So what about the hoops, surrogacy etc. which two men must do to achieve parenthood?

Sonics2k · 20-01-2015 8:07pm

gk5000 wrote: »

Thanks for that.

But, women can easily have children, but men obviously can't.

So what about the hoops, surrogacy etc. which two men must do to achieve parenthood?

Well Gay men and women cab already adopt as a single parent, but not as a couple. My opinion is that a gay couple should have the exact same criteria when it comes to adoption as a straight couple.
If a gay male couple go through all the same things as a straight couple to adopt a child, why should they be denied?
The concern should not be on their sexuality, but rather how good a home they will give a child, just like a straight couple.

strobe · 20-01-2015 8:44pm

Hey Sonic, just to follow up on the question on your father. Are you aware of the circumstances of how he came to be your father? As in, via registered sperm donation, or was it a private arrangement (as a favour for a friend, or?), or had he been intimate or involved in a relationship of any sort with your birth mother, etc?

Sonics2k · 20-01-2015 9:17pm

strobe wrote: »

Hey Sonic, just to follow up on the question on your father. Are you aware of the circumstances of how he came to be your father? As in, via registered sperm donation, or was it a private arrangement (as a favour for a friend, or?), or had he been intimate or involved in a relationship of any sort with your birth mother, etc?

He was actually a very close friend of my biological mother. She'd asked him to be the father, frankly I never wanted to ask the nitty gritty details of how it was done!

Bit gross!

GLaDOS · 20-01-2015 9:20pm

Did your non-biological mother have any rights to you as a parent? Say the worst happened and your biological mother had died, would she still have had the right to raise you?

Sonics2k · 20-01-2015 9:51pm

No. 1 One Direction Fan wrote: »

Did your non-biological mother have any rights to you as a parent? Say the worst happened and your biological mother had died, would she still have had the right to raise you?

A very good question, and one that really should be getting asked a lot more.

From any legal stand point, my "other" mother had no legal right to raise me in the event my biological mother died. In the eyes of the law, she was non-existent.

What this means is that should she have passed away when I was a child, I could have been forced to live with my grandmother. Now, don't get me wrong, my nan is not even slightly a bad relative, but she wasn't one of my parents.

gk5000 · 20-01-2015 11:04pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

Well Gay men and women cab already adopt as a single parent, but not as a couple. My opinion is that a gay couple should have the exact same criteria when it comes to adoption as a straight couple.
If a gay male couple go through all the same things as a straight couple to adopt a child, why should they be denied?
The concern should not be on their sexuality, but rather how good a home they will give a child, just like a straight couple.

How about gay men using surrogacy to become parents?

Sonics2k · 20-01-2015 11:13pm

gk5000 wrote: »

How about gay men using surrogacy to become parents?

I have absolutely no issue with it, if they are able to find a willing woman to carry the child, then so be it. Same as with a straight couple.

I'm off to get a few hours sleep, anymore questions and I'll be back in the morning! 5 am wake ups are a scary thing!

sweetie · 20-01-2015 11:29pm

hi there Sonic,
Do you feel any closer to your biological mum and do you know how did they choose who was getting pregnant?

eviltwin · 21-01-2015 12:42am

Sonics2k wrote: »

A very good question, and one that really should be getting asked a lot more.

From any legal stand point, my "other" mother had no legal right to raise me in the event my biological mother died. In the eyes of the law, she was non-existent.

What this means is that should she have passed away when I was a child, I could have been forced to live with my grandmother. Now, don't get me wrong, my nan is not even slightly a bad relative, but she wasn't one of my parents.

Just to follow on from that now your an adult where do you stand as your non bio mums next of kin? Are you legally recognized as her immediate family?

Sonics2k · 21-01-2015 6:22am

sweetie wrote: »

hi there Sonic,
Do you feel any closer to your biological mum and do you know how did they choose who was getting pregnant?

Fair enough. I'd be closer to my biological mother, mostly down to the fact I spent longer with her and we'd get a long a bit better. Pretty much the same as any other family.

eviltwin wrote: »

Just to follow on from that now your an adult where do you stand as your non bio mums next of kin? Are you legally recognized as her immediate family?

Legally speaking, again not at all. Because the state never legally recognised the relationship, we're basically ninjas in the eyes of the law. Not quite there!

floggg · 21-01-2015 1:36pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

Well truthfully speaking, my "parents" have separated a good while ago, but are now both in long term relationships.

However, I do know they have no real interest in getting "married" as it were. They do believe of course that they should have the right to be married if they wish to do so.

Um, I guess maybe when I started to shave? My mother did teach me the basics, and frankly did a better job than my neighbours father!
But I started growing a glorious beard many years ago and hate to be clean shaven, aside from that, I truthfully can't think of any time that I needed a male presence over either of my parents.
My biological mother played Rugby for Munster and Ireland, and even taught me the basics of Karate when I was a kid. I ended up taking a big interest in both in my teens thanks to that.

Meh. I don't think you missed out on anything so. My dad never thought me anything about shaving and had to learn to do it all by myself.

Not that its that difficult or anything.

floggg · 21-01-2015 1:41pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

A very good question, and one that really should be getting asked a lot more.

From any legal stand point, my "other" mother had no legal right to raise me in the event my biological mother died. In the eyes of the law, she was non-existent.

What this means is that should she have passed away when I was a child, I could have been forced to live with my grandmother. Now, don't get me wrong, my nan is not even slightly a bad relative, but she wasn't one of my parents.

Has that ever caused any issues for you or your parents? Whether in terms of school, doctors etc or otherwise?

Sonics2k · 21-01-2015 4:18pm

floggg wrote: »

Has that ever caused any issues for you or your parents? Whether in terms of school, doctors etc or otherwise?

Nothing too big, or at least anything I knew of. I think in the rare events that either parent brought me to the hospital they just assumed they were my mother and went with it. Schools were always very open to the idea as well actually, I believe they were just informed of my parents when I joined like other kids did.

That was one aspect that was nothing special.

seamus · 21-01-2015 4:26pm

Do you ever find that people's expectations of you change when they discover your circumstances, e.g. when they find out you've two mothers, they're surprised you're not more effeminate or something?

21-01-2015 4:47pm

Might be wrong in this so kick me if I am - but I think you missed one question above which I was curious at seeing the answer to myself - which was whether you have any knowledge of the decision process related to which one of your parents was to be the one to become pregnant.

I know from communicating with many people in similar family structures - that the selection almost made itself - down to who was the healthiest - the youngest or who had the career more amenable to a pregnancy - and so forth. But many others base the decisions on a genuine drive to at some time be pregnant - or one of the women feeling more like they were in a "male" role. Actually the basis for the decisions seem to be sometimes as varied as the number of people you ask - and common themes are hard to find. In our own family we decided 4 children with the older of the two girls having the first two - and the younger holding out on having her two until she is over 30.

Big Nasty · 21-01-2015 4:58pm

Fair play for doing this Sonic.

Bit of a touchy one maybe but here goes:

Are you gay or straight yourself and do you think growing up with two women affected your sexuality / personality different to growing up in a conventional family?

Sonics2k · 21-01-2015 8:46pm

seamus wrote: »

Do you ever find that people's expectations of you change when they discover your circumstances, e.g. when they find out you've two mothers, they're surprised you're not more effeminate or something?

Big Nasty wrote: »

Fair play for doing this Sonic.

Bit of a touchy one maybe but here goes:

Are you gay or straight yourself and do you think growing up with two women affected your sexuality / personality different to growing up in a conventional family?

Sorry for the delay folks, very busy day at work and I hate to post from my phone!
I'll answer both of these together as they are quite similar.

I can only think of one occasion where I was outright asked if my parents being gay made me gay, this was by my Secondary School councillor. The look on my face just sank and I had to stop myself from laughing in her face.

For the record, I am straight, have two children and am engaged. I do know gay children of gay couples, but probably less than gay kids of straight couples.

I wouldn't exactly define myself as a bloke, not by any measure, but I'd be well into a good few sports, Rugby and Ice Hockey are the mains, Top Gear and a manly love for boobies (:P) and certainly have a good few man skills too, all of which taught to me by my parents, may be with the exception of the boobies, but I guess that may work too!

Personality wise, I guess the major impact is that I have never, even as a child or teenager, based an opinion on someone based on race/gender/religion. I tend to dislike people as a whole, but that's because I'm generally grumpy.
I'd say I'm an extremely liberal person for the most part, I base an opinion on a person on actions, rather than skin or even their opinion of gay marriage. I may disagree with a homophobe, but I will defend their right to hold that opinion, and will equally argue with them should they tell me gay people can't marry.

With that said, I also have a dark humour, I will joke and mock anyone and anything (including gay jokes) because I try not to take offense by things, rather look for the humour. I truly think the world in general would be better if we all did that.

Sonics2k · 21-01-2015 8:57pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Might be wrong in this so kick me if I am - but I think you missed one question above which I was curious at seeing the answer to myself - which was whether you have any knowledge of the decision process related to which one of your parents was to be the one to become pregnant.

I know from communicating with many people in similar family structures - that the selection almost made itself - down to who was the healthiest - the youngest or who had the career more amenable to a pregnancy - and so forth. But many others base the decisions on a genuine drive to at some time be pregnant - or one of the women feeling more like they were in a "male" role. Actually the basis for the decisions seem to be sometimes as varied as the number of people you ask - and common themes are hard to find. In our own family we decided 4 children with the older of the two girls having the first two - and the younger holding out on having her two until she is over 30.

Sonics2k wrote: »

He was actually a very close friend of my biological mother. She'd asked him to be the father, frankly I never wanted to ask the nitty gritty details of how it was done!

Bit gross!

I'd answered this at the top of page two, but I'll expand on it some more, as I did breeze over it a bit.

My father was a very good friend of my biological mother, and a gay man himself. From what I know, I get my looks from him (the dashing man) and still have a photo of him from the early 80's. My mother asked him if he'd be willing to be my father, and said yes. I believe it took a few months to work it all out, but then it was done.

It was agreed at the time he would have no direct influence on my life, but that I would be given his contact details should I ever wish to track him down.
I have those details, but never really felt the need to do so.

Hope that answers your question!

Tigger · 21-01-2015 11:43pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

I'd answered this at the top of page two, but I'll expand on it some more, as I did breeze over it a bit.

My father was a very good friend of my biological mother, and a gay man himself. From what I know, I get my looks from him (the dashing man) and still have a photo of him from the early 80's. My mother asked him if he'd be willing to be my father, and said yes. I believe it took a few months to work it all out, but then it was done.

It was agreed at the time he would have no direct influence on my life, but that I would be given his contact details should I ever wish to track him down.
I have those details, but never really felt the need to do so.

Hope that answers your question!

Why not?
Did he have any more kids
Do you know do you care?
Do you hear him animosity or apathy ?

Sonics2k · 21-01-2015 11:51pm

Tigger wrote: »

Why not?
Did he have any more kids
Do you know do you care?
Do you hear him animosity or apathy ?

I had no real urge or want to contact him throughout my life. My biological mother told me everything about him that she knew, and now and then we'd discuss him a little bit. She'd speak about him as an old friend from long ago, and that's all I ever needed really.

I don't know if he had more kids, again it's not something that ever really jumped out at me. It's not that I don't care, it's more that this man is only my father in a biological sense. I know that can seem cold to some people, but my own mothers were fantastic parents who looked after me and raised me. In my eyes and heart, they are my parents.

As an example, a relative of mine was raised by his mother and step-father. He had little to no contact with his birth father throughout his life, and while he did of course (like all teenagers) whine and moan about his step father, he does still to do this day look at this man as his real father. The man who raised him and looked after him. We'd consider that quite normal and to be expected.

The option has always been there, for both of us, to find our fathers and maybe get to know them more, but we've both always known who are parents and family are.

That is exactly how I feel about my own parents.

Tigger · 22-01-2015 1:01am

Sonics2k wrote: »

I had no real urge or want to contact him throughout my life. My biological mother told me everything about him that she knew, and now and then we'd discuss him a little bit. She'd speak about him as an old friend from long ago, and that's all I ever needed really.

I don't know if he had more kids, again it's not something that ever really jumped out at me. It's not that I don't care, it's more that this man is only my father in a biological sense. I know that can seem cold to some people, but my own mothers were fantastic parents who looked after me and raised me. In my eyes and heart, they are my parents.

As an example, a relative of mine was raised by his mother and step-father. He had little to no contact with his birth father throughout his life, and while he did of course (like all teenagers) whine and moan about his step father, he does still to do this day look at this man as his real father. The man who raised him and looked after him. We'd consider that quite normal and to be expected.

The option has always been there, for both of us, to find our fathers and maybe get to know them more, but we've both always known who are parents and family are.

That is exactly how I feel about my own parents.

So apathy ?

Sonics2k · 22-01-2015 7:20am

Tigger wrote: »

So apathy ?

Ugh, this is actually one that had me scratching my head all morning. Apathy feels like a word that's a bit too strong, but is the most apt at the same time.

It's not that I don't care at all, if I were to meet the man if he showed up in my life or if I found out he had passed I would obviously react to that in a strong way.

You stumped me a bit on defining this one Tigger. I'm not quite apathetic about my feelings toward him, but I can't really find a better word for it.

Annasopra · 22-01-2015 8:43am

What do you think about the marriage equality debate?

Do you know anyone who has a parent or parents who are trans?

22-01-2015 9:41am

Sonics2k wrote: »

That is exactly how I feel about my own parents.

I think in your position I would be 100% the same - I would have little or no interest in pursuing the father and making him part of my life.

What I think would give me some pause though - is the question of whether I have siblings out there by that father. Does this offer any more of an emotional pull for you than the father himself does?

I guess my siblings have always been important to me and a central part of my life - so the whole area of siblings is close to my heart - so the idea I might have other siblings out there would certainly give me some emotional pause - and some emotional tugs - even if I did not decide ultimately to follow it up.

Sonics2k · 22-01-2015 9:45am

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

What do you think about the marriage equality debate?

Do you know anyone who has a parent or parents who are trans?

I've been watching some of the debates, but I honestly have a hard time sitting through many of them.

I've grown tired of this nonsense phrasing of "traditional marriage" and so forth and I can't help but laugh at it. We live in a world where you can get a Drive-Thru marriage, which is completely and utterly legally recognised, even by religions, as being a completely legit marriage. Even though it's called tacky and scoffed at, nobody really turns around and says "Well yeah, but it wasn't done like a traditional marriage, was it?"

We live in a world were bigamy and polygamy are considered fine in a few forms of Christianity (Mormons for example), but not others, and yet are considered by many as a "traditional marriage". It's a complete hypocrisy when those who call out for traditional marriage can't even agree on what's supposed to be traditional in the first place.

When it comes to discussion on gay couples having children, it bothers me. It used to make me angry, but not I just get upset and and pity the person who seems to think a parents sexuality will impact the raising of a child in any real way, especially in a damaging way.
I feel a genuine pity for anyone who is so clearly at a loss when it comes to forming a coherent argument that they must leap on a persons sexual activity as a sign of whether or not they are going to be a good parent.

The odds are we know people are who into BDSM or roleplay, or simply don't have any sex at all anymore, and yet we don't really work these things into account when it comes to raising kids. What a pair/group etc of consenting adults do in in privacy of their own bedroom is only their business.

As for Trans people. Well I'll be frank and say I've only ever personally known a few trans people in my life, each of whom was just like any other person. Again, I can see no logical reason why they should not have children, as long as they are treat and raise their kids like anyone else.

As a close on the debate on itself. I think the Pro-Side should calm down a little bit, I see people jumping to shout the word bigot and homophobe quite a lot, and that's not a good thing in a debate. A person who is genuinely not sure about how to should not be called a homophobe outright, we should instead focus on topics like this. Show them the kids of gay and lesbian parents, especially the adult kids. Show them we're no more screwed up than anyone else is.

Sonics2k · 22-01-2015 9:50am

Deleted User wrote: »

I think in your position I would be 100% the same - I would have little or no interest in pursuing the father and making him part of my life.

What I think would give me some pause though - is the question of whether I have siblings out there by that father. Does this offer any more of an emotional pull for you than the father himself does?

I guess my siblings have always been important to me and a central part of my life - so the whole area of siblings is close to my heart - so the idea I might have other siblings out there would certainly give me some emotional pause - and some emotional tugs - even if I did not decide ultimately to follow it up.

It did occur to me for a while that I may have siblings out there, but again never really grabbed me. As I said earlier, my father was a gay man, and so far as I know this was a once off as he and my mother were very good friends. I suppose it's possible he offered to do it again, but I never really wanted a brother or a sister!

In my life I guess I had my cousin, who'd be like an older brother to me in many ways. He was always more the laddish type who was pretty popular. There's also my best friend, who I met in 1st year in secondary school. We basically grew up together and while we got a bit more distant in our 20s (something I regret) I've pretty much always considered him family too.

Cabaal · 22-01-2015 9:21pm

Sonics2k, thank you for taking the time to post here, I actually found out about this thread from the Irish Indo article about it - http://www.independent.ie/life/family/my-mother-taught-me-how-to-shave-frankly-did-a-better-job-than-my-neighbours-father-irish-man-with-two-mothers-does-qa-on-boardsie-30929189.html

My question is, have you ever been approached by either side in relation to marriage equality debates and questioned about your experiences or asked to speak on radio/tv?

If you were asked would you speak on radio/tv?
I'd imagine your first hand experiences could offer great insight to the average joe who will be voting in May, it could be a very good thing as it would off-set much of the baseless fear mongering by an organization that is very much against marriage equality.

Sonics2k · 22-01-2015 10:02pm

Cabaal wrote: »

Sonics2k, thank you for taking the time to post here, I actually found out about this thread from the Irish Indo article about it.

My question is, have ever been approached by either side in relation to marriage equality debates and questioned about your experiences or asked to speak on radio/tv?

If you were asked would you speak on radio/tv?
I'd imagine your first hand experiences could offer great insight to the average joe who will be voting in May, it could be a very good thing.

Hi Cabaal.

I didn't actually realise this had made it to national news to be completely honest. My fiancée actually found it and read it out to me!

So far I have received one contact from an Irish newpaper asking if I'd be interested in speaking to them, my answer was yes of course. I obviously won't name the paper, as I don't really know how these things work.

I would be happy to speak publicly on radio, despite not being a fantastic public speaker I'd definitely say my part.

In truth, part of the reason I asked to hold this AMA is because I have noticed a complete lack of attention being actually shown to living children of gay couples, there are quite a few of us out there. I can't think of any actual article I've read recently (though I may have missed some of course), or heard anything on the radio, with the child of a gay couple, and this is a big loss.

My dream really and truthfully, is to sit down and speak directly to someone, anyone, from Iona or similar that is going to look me in the eye and tell me my parents weren't "proper" because of their sexual preference.

Even the ones who have read this very thread haven't really said anything. The reason is simple. They can't say directly because they know it's not actually true. Sure they can be awkward about it, but few really and truly -believe- a gay person is actually a lesser being.

Shrap · 22-01-2015 10:06pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

My dream really and truthfully, is to sit down and speak directly to someone, anyone, from Iona or similar that is going to look me in the eye and tell me my parents weren't "proper" because of their sexual preference.

I don't say this much, as I don't believe in any higher power, but just....

bless you.

oceanclub · 22-01-2015 10:31pm

In truth, part of the reason I asked to hold this AMA is because I have noticed a complete lack of attention being actually shown to living children of gay couples,

I know it's a BIG thing to ask but I really would love if people like yourself did come out and speak more. As, given the vacuum, it will be filled by religious conservatives speaking on your behalf.

Cheers for a very informative thread!

P.

Luke92 · 22-01-2015 10:59pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

With that said, I also have a dark humour, I will joke and mock anyone and anything (including gay jokes) because I try not to take offense by things, rather look for the humour. I truly think the world in general would be better if we all did that.

That's crazy! You sound so much like me haha. I was raised by my single mother but I had an uncle that lived in the family home until I was 15, he was gay and was basically my father figure, but like him I have a very dark humour and nothing is off limits. He will even crack a gay joke no problem. And I'm the same too, don't hate anyone down to skin colour or religion I just hate everyone equally!

Two of my uncles friends (a male couple) have 2 kids of their own. Done it through surrogacy but had do go through India (one is half Indian so I don't know if this is why) and it cost them a fortune to do!

mfceiling · 23-01-2015 6:04pm

Great thread Sonic.

My wife has a good friend who is in a lesbian relationship and they've just had their first child. They came to stay with us before xmas and the love they both showed that baby would put you to shame!! They are having trouble getting the "non parent" to get custody of the baby should god forbid anything happen the "biological mother".

Did any girlfriends in your early courting days (can't believe I typed that) find it strange to come home with you and meet 2 mums?

dulpit · 23-01-2015 6:15pm

Not sure if this has been asked, and sorry if it's a stupid question - but how does conception usually occur for gay couples? Artificial insemination I would assume, right?

amdublin · 23-01-2015 7:30pm

I hope this is a good sign for the SSM referendum next year, I am wracking my brains and I literally have nothing to ask!!!!!!

Sonics2k · 23-01-2015 10:21pm

dulpit wrote: »

Not sure if this has been asked, and sorry if it's a stupid question - but how does conception usually occur for gay couples? Artificial insemination I would assume, right?

Sorry for the delay again all, another busy day at work!

I'm really not 100% sure on this, but I believe it's mostly down to adoption, surrogacy/artificial insemination.

Basically the same routes that a straight person would go down.

The difference is that while a single gay person can adopt, a gay couple cannot, while a straight person can do both. There is no good reason for this.

AlanS181824 · 24-01-2015 7:18am

I don't really have anything major to say/ask other than a massive thank you for doing this, it's amazing to actually hear from someone who was raised like this.

One question that did come to mind for me would be surnames.

Like did you take both your mothers surnames and just "double barrel" them with a - or did you just take your biological mothers or maybe something different altogether?

Cheers.

AlanS181824 · 24-01-2015 7:22am

Sonics2k wrote: »

Well truthfully speaking, my "parents" have separated a good while ago, but are now both in long term relationships.

Maybe this is a totally inappropriate/stupid question but it's 6am so cut me a bit of slack!:rolleyes:

Are they both currently in lesbian relationships now?

I'm guessing the answer will be something along the lines of they were lesbian before they split, why would that suddenly change? So yeah! But said I'd ask it anyway.

Thanks!

seventeen sheep · 24-01-2015 8:01am

Do you have any siblings / half-siblings / step-siblings? Or did either of your mothers ever want to have more children with their new partners?

What's your relationship like with your mothers' new partners ... I guess they're technically your (sort of) stepmothers, or do you think of them like that? Have you ever had to introduce all four of them to someone at the same time - I'm thinking along the lines of "This is my mother, and my other mother, and my stepmother, and my other stepmother" ... could get confusing! :pac:

Now Ye're Talking - To A Man With 2 Mothers

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