Boards.ie uses cookies. By continuing to browse this site you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Click here to find out more x
Thread Closed  
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
20-01-2015, 14:47   #1
Dav
 
Join Date: Feb 1998
Posts: 8,393
Now Ye're Talking - To A Man With 2 Mothers

It's a topical one this week folks, and I realise the title might seem silly. I'd like you to meet Sonics2k who's a man in his 30s who was raised by 2 mammies His parents are 2 ladies in a relationship for years - I don't know how long, I'm sure he'll be able to answer that himself if he chooses to. Our minister for health has, as I'm sure most of you are aware, spoken about being a gay man this weekend and it seems like the stir that kicked off with Panti's Noble Call last year has moved up a gear with a lot of eyes looking towards the Marriage Equality referendum later this year.

One of the concerns people have about the upcoming referendum concerns parenting, so why not hear from someone for whom that's been a reality for a long time?

Last edited by Dav; 20-01-2015 at 14:54. Reason: typo
Dav is offline  
(93) thanks from:
A Neurotic, A-Trak, alaimacerc, aloyisious, AngryHippie, Atomic Pineapple, Blowfish, Cabaal, cee_jay, Clearlier, Cleveland Hot Pocket, Contessa Raven, daisychain13, Darkglasses, dee_mc, Delirium, DM addict, Doctor Jimbob, Dozen Wicked Words, dudara, Eamonnator, EITS, El Weirdo, Elbow, Emzer92, eviltwin, evolving_doors, floggg, FouxDaFaFa, GLaDOS, Gloomtastic!, god's toy, Gremlinertia, hfallada, hollster2, hotmail.com, IvyTheTerrible, ivytwine, jobbridge4life, K.Flyer, KatW4, kerry4sam, KKkitty, Kovu, lebowskilite, Lisha, LizT, Mam of 4, Mars Bar, mirrorwall14, mod9maple, mohawk, mrsdewinter, Mugatuu, Neyite, nkay1985, OldGoat, Orim, Orion, Orlee, Penny Tration, PopePalpatine, Posy, Rabo Karabekian, Rachiee, RayM, Roselm, Rubecula, sassa, Scarinae, Semele, Shrap, spurious, Star Lord, stimpson, strangeweather, Suaimhneach, Tabnabs, Taltos, Tasden, Tea-a-Maria, tfak85, Tigger99, Timberrrrrrrr, Toots, Toto Wolfcastle, Uncle Ruckus, vetinari, Vojera, volchitsa, westernfrenzy, whiskeyman, wp_rathead
Advertisement
20-01-2015, 15:47   #2
Neyite
Giraffe
 
Neyite's Avatar
Hi Sonic!

I'll go with the most obvious argument that people present with regard to SSM. That the children will experience bullying for having gay parents. Have you encountered bullying/ exclusion as a child because of this?
Neyite is offline  
20-01-2015, 15:49   #3
eviltwin
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 14,767
Sonic thanks for putting yourself forward.

Can I ask if you know your dad and if he is in your life at all?
eviltwin is offline  
20-01-2015, 15:50   #4
taxAHcruel
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,690
30 Years is a good cross section of time. I imagine - like my own situation - the majority of people do not even cop your dynamic when you are out in the public world - but on those occasions when it does - have you noticed a change in reaction over time? My own experience of the change in attitudes in Ireland - where I was actually cognizant a change might be happening - is only 5 years - so perhaps you have a better over view of a change over time in this.
taxAHcruel is offline  
Thanks from:
20-01-2015, 15:51   #5
dulpit
Registered User
 
dulpit's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 6,160
Hey, interesting topic!

Couple of questions:
1 - Did you find that children or other adults were more opinionated towards your upbringing when you were small?
2 - How do you differentiate between your parents? Is one mum and the other mam? Or something else?
3 - Have you found that positive perception towards gay couples has grown noticeably in the last few years?
4 - Did you parents ever sit you down and explain to you that their relationship is a little bit different to others? I would assume that growing up you would have not noticed anything, but when you start school I would expect people to talk, just curious if your parents sat you down or prepped you, or was it even needed?
5 - I pity your prospective wife/husband - 2 mothers-in-law!
dulpit is offline  
Advertisement
20-01-2015, 15:53   #6
eviltwin
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 14,767
Do your mums want to get married? What would it mean for your family if that were possible?
eviltwin is offline  
Thanks from:
20-01-2015, 15:56   #7
floggg
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 5,765
Where there ever any situations or issues where you felt the lack of a male presence was a disadvantage?

If so how did you over come them?
floggg is offline  
20-01-2015, 16:13   #8
Sonics2k
Registered User
 
Sonics2k's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,517
(Quick edit)

I will do my very best to answer this topic as openly and candidly as possible. Really folks, even if you don't support SSM because of a concern about their kids, please ask me and I'll try my best to answer you.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Neyite View Post
Hi Sonic!

I'll go with the most obvious argument that people present with regard to SSM. That the children will experience bullying for having gay parents. Have you encountered bullying/ exclusion as a child because of this?
Hi Neyite!

That would be the most common claim, so I'll answer this as best as I can.

I was once or twice "bullied" for having two mothers, but it was really more of a "haha you have two mums" comment when I was about 9 years old. That was basically it. Frankly I was bullied more for having an English accent (I was born in London and moved home to Ireland when I was 9). I was bullied a little bit for being a dork too.

Honestly speaking, I was bullied a lot less than any overweight or ginger kid in my schools. I was never excluded from a group because of my parents sexuality.

Kids are jerks, we all know this. Kids are worse than grown ups when it comes to being really mean, and they'll focus on anything to wind up another kid.

Quote:
Originally Posted by eviltwin View Post
Sonic thanks for putting yourself forward.

Can I ask if you know your dad and if he is in your life at all?
Absolutely fair question. In a word, no. I've never met him, but my parents told me all his details when I was about 12 or so and said if I wanted to track him down, that would be fine.

I've never really looked into it, from what my parents have told me, I do look very similar to him and that's all I need or care about.

Quote:
Originally Posted by taxAHcruel View Post
30 Years is a good cross section of time. I imagine - like my own situation - the majority of people do not even cop your dynamic when you are out in the public world - but on those occasions when it does - have you noticed a change in reaction over time? My own experience of the change in attitudes in Ireland - where I was actually cognizant a change might be happening - is only 5 years - so perhaps you have a better over view of a change over time in this.
Uh, this is actually a strange one. As a child and with other kids, no-one really cared about it. None of my friends have ever cared as it's never affected them, just like my friends parents had no real effect on me.
As a teenager we lived in quite a few places, spending time in Boston and then Sydney and Brisbane. In each case no-one cared about their sexuality at all.

Occasionally a person of an older generation (usually a school counselor or similar) would ask if my parents being gay impacted my life and were sometimes surprised when I said no.

As an adult, I have found the very vast majority of people frankly don't care. Some are a bit bewildered for about a minute and then don't care anymore.

Last edited by Sonics2k; 20-01-2015 at 16:19.
Sonics2k is offline  
(75) thanks from:
Aard, AngryHippie, Atomic Pineapple, Beruthiel, Blowfish, brooke 2, BuckleyX13, B_Wayne, Caiseoipe19, Cleveland Hot Pocket, Contessa Raven, Cookie_Monster, dee_mc, Delirium, Dilbert75, DM addict, Doctor Jimbob, dr.bollocko, DubiousV, eviltwin, fits, floggg, foggy_lad, GerB40, glued, greenorchard, honerbright, hoodwinked, irishgirl19, ivytwine, johnnyskeleton, K.Flyer, KatW4, kerry4sam, Lisha, Mam of 4, mod9maple, mountainy man, Nervous Wreck, newbee22, Neyite, nkay1985, OldGoat, Orim, Penny Tration, PopePalpatine, Posy, Queen-Mise, Rachiee, RayM, redappple, Satriale, Scarinae, seventeen sheep, Shrap, Silverfish, Sinister Kid, Smcgie, Star Lord, stimpson, strobe, Suaimhneach, Tabnabs, Taltos, The Black Oil, TheBeardedLady, Tigger99, Timberrrrrrrr, Toots, Turtwig, twowheelsonly, Vojera, Witchie, wnolan1992, wp_rathead
20-01-2015, 16:18   #9
Sonics2k
Registered User
 
Sonics2k's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,517
Quote:
Originally Posted by eviltwin View Post
Do your mums want to get married? What would it mean for your family if that were possible?
Well truthfully speaking, my "parents" have separated a good while ago, but are now both in long term relationships.

However, I do know they have no real interest in getting "married" as it were. They do believe of course that they should have the right to be married if they wish to do so.

Quote:
Originally Posted by floggg View Post
Where there ever any situations or issues where you felt the lack of a male presence was a disadvantage?

If so how did you over come them?
Um, I guess maybe when I started to shave? My mother did teach me the basics, and frankly did a better job than my neighbours father!
But I started growing a glorious beard many years ago and hate to be clean shaven, aside from that, I truthfully can't think of any time that I needed a male presence over either of my parents.
My biological mother played Rugby for Munster and Ireland, and even taught me the basics of Karate when I was a kid. I ended up taking a big interest in both in my teens thanks to that.
Sonics2k is offline  
Advertisement
20-01-2015, 16:39   #10
gk5000
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 681
Hello Sonics2k

Can I go straight to the point:
- Would you advocate two gay parents?
- two gay women?
- two gay men?

Should society encourage or discourage any of the above?
gk5000 is offline  
20-01-2015, 16:39   #11
Sonics2k
Registered User
 
Sonics2k's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,517
Quote:
Originally Posted by dulpit View Post
Hey, interesting topic!

Couple of questions:
1 - Did you find that children or other adults were more opinionated towards your upbringing when you were small?
2 - How do you differentiate between your parents? Is one mum and the other mam? Or something else?
3 - Have you found that positive perception towards gay couples has grown noticeably in the last few years?
4 - Did you parents ever sit you down and explain to you that their relationship is a little bit different to others? I would assume that growing up you would have not noticed anything, but when you start school I would expect people to talk, just curious if your parents sat you down or prepped you, or was it even needed?
5 - I pity your prospective wife/husband - 2 mothers-in-law!
Hey Dulpit, took a few more minutes to answer yours as it was a bit longer.

1. In primary school, when I first moved to Ireland, I did have one teacher who didn't "approve" of it, and did try to actively make learning a bit harder for me. But thankfully I was moved out of that school and I believe he got fired later for being abusive towards students, so I've always reckoned he was just a bit of a bellend really!
2. I actually just call them by their names, always have done. I also call my aunts and uncles by their names, even my grandmother often gets called by her first name.
3. Overall yes. May be just because I grew up with this generation and so I've never really experience direct or real homophobia from people of my own generation. There are still homophobes out there of course, but I've found it has typically gotten better over the years. At least on the outside, there's a still a bit of backdoor (no pun I swear) talking going on, especially at times like this.
5. She's actually well up for it, she gets on great with both of them. Which I find terrifying...

Answering 4 separately because this has always amused me.

Yes, when I was about 7 or 8 my parents did sit down with me and did the whole birds and bees thing and told me how they were gay and some people were straight. I believe my answer was roughly along the lines of "Okay, can I go back out and play now?"

My point here is that most kids don't actually -care- about their parents sexuality, it's a learned thing that comes from outside influences. Because I was raised by a gay couple, there was nothing odd to me. And like my friends, I did not care about their parents sexuality. I was too busy climbing trees and throwing snails at girls.
Sonics2k is offline  
20-01-2015, 16:41   #12
Sonics2k
Registered User
 
Sonics2k's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,517
Quote:
Originally Posted by gk5000 View Post
Hello Sonics2k

Can I go straight to the point:
- Would you advocate two gay parents?
- two gay women?
- two gay men?

Should society encourage or discourage any of the above?
Two gay men, or two gay women. It does not matter as long as they put their love and lives into raising their children to be smart and good people.

Society should encourage gay marriage no more and no less than straight marriage. There is no difference between the love two men feel for each other and the love I feel for my own fiancée.
Sonics2k is offline  
20-01-2015, 18:05   #13
gk5000
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 681
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonics2k View Post
Two gay men, or two gay women. It does not matter as long as they put their love and lives into raising their children to be smart and good people.

Society should encourage gay marriage no more and no less than straight marriage. There is no difference between the love two men feel for each other and the love I feel for my own fiancée.
Thanks for that.

But, women can easily have children, but men obviously can't.

So what about the hoops, surrogacy etc. which two men must do to achieve parenthood?
gk5000 is offline  
20-01-2015, 19:07   #14
Sonics2k
Registered User
 
Sonics2k's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,517
Quote:
Originally Posted by gk5000 View Post
Thanks for that.

But, women can easily have children, but men obviously can't.

So what about the hoops, surrogacy etc. which two men must do to achieve parenthood?
Well Gay men and women cab already adopt as a single parent, but not as a couple. My opinion is that a gay couple should have the exact same criteria when it comes to adoption as a straight couple.
If a gay male couple go through all the same things as a straight couple to adopt a child, why should they be denied?
The concern should not be on their sexuality, but rather how good a home they will give a child, just like a straight couple.
Sonics2k is offline  
20-01-2015, 19:44   #15
strobe
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 7,650
Hey Sonic, just to follow up on the question on your father. Are you aware of the circumstances of how he came to be your father? As in, via registered sperm donation, or was it a private arrangement (as a favour for a friend, or?), or had he been intimate or involved in a relationship of any sort with your birth mother, etc?
strobe is offline  
Thread Closed

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search