Saving issues.

mycro2013 · 27-09-2020 6:18pm #1

Hi,
Not sure if this the right thread for this.

Currently in the process of applying for a mortgage. My partner of a number of years seems to think that as I have the deposit saved she should not have the need to save a contributory amount and that my funds should be used for the application.

I've said repeatedly that a house purchase should be a team effort. Any views on this will be greatly appreciated as it a source of disagreement. Thanks.

strandroad · 27-09-2020 6:22pm

Is it a joint mortgage?

Xterminator · 27-09-2020 6:30pm

here is the thing. you are buying a house together and you have never even talked about finances seriously?

It is not necessary she contribute the exact same amount as you, its unlikely you are both earning exactly the same and your current expenses are identical, but you should at least have discussed what your expectations and financial priorities are. You know, have a plan?

My advice would be to slow down the house plans and work on the communications part. you both sound like you have different priorities.

RurtBeynolds · 27-09-2020 6:35pm

It's a 50/50 relationship. If she wants to buy a house with you, she should be putting up half of the deposit. End of.

wirelessdude01 · 27-09-2020 6:39pm

She should be contributing a substantial amount. This should be related to what she earns.

You need to have a chat with her about finances going forward. Is she one of those people who tends to spend what they earn?

When we bought we contributed the exact same amount even though she earns more than I do. Having said that I'm a better monthly saver so it wasn't an issue.

eviltwin · 27-09-2020 6:50pm

Hard to say OP without knowing more. How long are you saving? How much do you both earn? What are her spending habits like? What’s the plan with mortgage payments? How serious are you about her?

When we bought our house I put up the entire deposit. He pays half the mortgage. It was just circumstances at the time meant I had savings and it wasn’t an issue. Depends on the relationship though. How long will it take her to save half?

mycro2013 · 27-09-2020 6:58pm

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

She should be contributing a substantial amount. This should be related to what she earns.

You need to have a chat with her about finances going forward. Is she one of those people who tends to spend what they earn?

When we bought we contributed the exact same amount even though she earns more than I do. Having said that I'm a better monthly saver so it wasn't an issue.

I have being consistently asking her to put some cash aside for a mortgage. She spends what she earns I've ask her to get a part time job to get some additional temporary income while saving but she refuses point blank. I'm working overtime to get additional funds.

It was meant to be a joint mortage but her record of saving is non existent so I've applied individually as a house in the area has come available. Any time I bring up the finance issue she gets offended. I ve offered her the services of a financial advisor but no go.

bitofabind · 27-09-2020 7:05pm

OP financial incompatibilities are a leading cause of separation and divorce for couples. I broke up with a very long term partner because of not seeing eye to eye on this stuff and feeling like I was single-handedly responsible for the kind of future we would have together.

I’d be postponing plans to live together and purchase a property together before you’ve ironed out exactly who contributes what and what your needs and expectations are in this relationship. A frank conversation is badly needed here.

Pinoy adventure · 27-09-2020 7:09pm

50/50 otherwise it's a no go.why should you account for her lack of willingness too get this together.

osarusan · 27-09-2020 7:12pm

From your OP, I'm guessing she is in a position to save at least some money, but doesn't really. If so, it's also concerning is that she has gone through her working life so far with (apparently) little effort/intention to save for a home, whenever that day would come.

If she won't save for a home, she won't save for anything.

"Why should I save when you have already saved all the money we need?" is a shocking attitude tbh. As her getting offended by the suggestion that maybe she get some help with managing her money. And there is still a mortgage to be paid too. Does she expect you to cover that also?

Her lax attitude to saving would be a serious issue for me personally.

bobbyy gee · 27-09-2020 7:14pm

Get a joint bank account to save for house both put in 100 euro a week

screamer · 27-09-2020 7:16pm

She’ll expect you to pay the mortgage also.... don’t put that noose around your neck. Getting a mortgage is about taking on responsibility and it’s not something I would tie myself to with someone who seems to have 0 financial responsibility.
There’s bigger issues than a mortgage, you’ll need to talk with her and lay out your cards.

wirelessdude01 · 27-09-2020 7:17pm

mycro2013 wrote: »

I have being consistently asking her to put some cash aside for a mortgage. She spends what she earns I've ask her to get a part time job to get some additional temporary income while saving but she refuses point blank. I'm working overtime to get additional funds.

It was meant to be a joint mortage but her record of saving is non existent so I've applied individually as a house in the area has come available. Any time I bring up the finance issue she gets offended. I ve offered her the services of a financial advisor but no go.

They realistically you need to have a long hard think whether ye as a couple are compatible long term with so differing views on finances. Money worries/issues are one of the main reasons/causes of marriage/relationship breakup. If she is like this over saving for a house, what will she be like when saving for a wedding or paying for children?

mycro2013 · 27-09-2020 7:21pm

That is the point I've being try to convey to her. I'm current earning 2 times her earnings for a working week of twice hers. The rent she pays is proportional to her earnings with a 70/30 split. Which I think is a mistake on my behalf as I'm financing her over spending.

Sarn · 27-09-2020 7:21pm

Your partner should be making some form of contribution, taking into account earning potential. It can’t be left to just one half. Once the other is making a real effort in contributing, and not leaving it all to the other, I think that’s reasonable.

In relation to applying as a single applicant, that might make the person not on the mortgage reluctant to contribute without some security in place. I understand though why it might be necessary to apply as a single applicant.

ToxicPaddy · 27-09-2020 7:25pm

OP she sounds like she wants a gravy train scenario, gets everything but sacrifices nothing for it. You work your ass off, she gets the benefits of it.

As everyone has said here, mortgages are a 50/50 scenario, if she's not willing to even commit to saving the deposit, how is she gonna be with paying for furniture, fittings, appliances, carpets etc?

If I were you I'd inform her that you're buying the house, she can move in and pay a set rent every month as if she's like this saving, she will definitely be like this when it comes to paying the mortgage. I'd even go as far as putting everything in writing and have a standing order in her account into yours or a joint one.

A relative of mine had the same situation as yourself, they saved everything for the deposit, put huge money into the house they bought with their other half while the other half shopped abd partied, thinking they had it good.

Needless to say due to a lot of issues the relationship died a death, the relative paid their ex back what they put into the house which wasn't much and moved on with their life after a lot of stress and hassle.

osarusan · 27-09-2020 7:28pm

I don't think mortgages need to be a 50-50 scenario, that's a bit too rigid. But both partners should be looking to put in as much as they can.

It;s not just an issue of the amount of contribution here, there's a serious entitlement issue in play also.

ToxicPaddy wrote: »

If I were you I'd inform her that you're buying the house, she can move in and pay a set rent every month as if she's like this saving, she will definitely be like this when it comes to paying the mortgage. I'd even go as far as putting everything in writing and have a standing order in her account into yours or a joint one.

A relative of mine had the same situation as yourself, they saved everything for the deposit, put huge money into the house they bought with their other half while the other half shopped abd partied, thinking they had it good.

Even if this was to be the plan, I think that in the event that they live there as a couple for a ceretain number of years, she may well be entitled to a share of the house value in the event of the relationship ending.

27-09-2020 7:33pm

This is a red line issue. I think you should break up with her as people like this don't change. She has zero respect for you.

road_high · 27-09-2020 7:34pm

No this is crazy and a bad omen for the mortgage...say she falls behind will it be you making up the shortfall as per the deposit? Think long and hard about this.
Sounds to me like she isn’t in the position to be taking on a mortgage- 50% of a deposit is not an unreasonable amount to expect a joint holder to contribute but if she doesn’t even have that much saved it doesn’t say a lot for her committing a mortgage going forward.
Say the house is €350k, 10% deposit would be €35k so €17.5k each- in this day and age that certainly not an overly onerous sum to expect someone to come up with after several years working. Sounds like she has other spending priorities like I’m guessing new car, shopping and socialising!!

Btw are you absolutely sure she has no savings? I’ve seen several of these little princesses before with friends etc that expect “the man provides” basically ala carte feminism if you will.
(Edit I’ve also seen it go the other way in case I’m sounding too sexist here - layabout guys sponging off women with great careers and means!)

SusanC10 · 27-09-2020 7:45pm

I think you need to have a proper serious discussion on Finances and future plans.

It doesn't have to be 50/50 on everything but you need to have similar attitudes to money in general and shared goals.

When we bought our house, I was earning more than twice my then fiance now Husband but he had most of the deposit as he had lived with his parents for years and saved a lot. He was also only newly qualified.

Things have moved in swings and roundabouts for us in terms of earnings and I am now a stay-at-home Mum. We pooled everything once we got married which was a joint decision.

For what it's worth, you don't sound like you are financially compatible.

ToxicPaddy · 27-09-2020 7:47pm

osarusan wrote: »

I don't think mortgages need to be a 50-50 scenario, that's a bit too rigid. But both partners should be looking to put in as much as they can.

It;s not just an issue of the amount of contribution here, there's a serious entitlement issue in play also.

Even if this was to be the plan, I think that in the event that they live there as a couple for a ceretain number of years, she may well be entitled to a share of the house value in the event of the relationship.

Hey osarusan, I didn't meant 50/50 monetary value wise, I meant effort wise. Sorry for any confusion about that.

I completely understand that you have many couples where one can and often does earn more, sometimes substantially more, than the other.

As long as both make a decent effort to contribute what they can to the deposit, mortgage and fit out of the house then it shows both are fully committed.

road_high · 27-09-2020 8:16pm

mycro2013 wrote: »

That is the point I've being try to convey to her. I'm current earning 2 times her earnings for a working week of twice hers. The rent she pays is proportional to her earnings with a 70/30 split. Which I think is a mistake on my behalf as I'm financing her over spending.

Oh dear, so youve already committed to subsidising her already. Yes that was a mistake but you can see that now

backspacer · 27-09-2020 8:26pm

From reading this, this is a red line issue in my book, it's hard and stressful to save for a mortgage as is without everyone pulling in the same direction, and frankly the fact that she sees nothing wrong with no contribution to it is alarming.

You need to lay this out to her, and be willing to pull the plug on the relationship if needs be, a mortgage is a lifetime commitment and carrying it on your own will just add to stress if your other half is spending money with no regard for the commitment you will have taken on.

gifted · 27-09-2020 8:29pm

Warning signs all over the place.....get her to pony up at least half.......

mycro2013 · 27-09-2020 8:42pm

Thanks for all the replies. Alot of information to take on board which will result in a very interesting conversation. In regards paying half the mortage she wpuld/will need to take out a loan for the amount which would be over 20k.

Her issue which I'm blue on the face from conveying is that she lives a champagne lifestyle on coca cola money.

wirelessdude01 · 27-09-2020 9:02pm

mycro2013 wrote: »

Her issue which I'm blue on the face from conveying is that she lives a champagne lifestyle on coca cola money.

The above sparked something.

Do you mind me asking what/if any the age difference is between you?

A2LUE42 · 27-09-2020 9:02pm

Massive red flags for continuing the relationship from what you have said. I know of a few couples further down the road who ignored the same flags. All have ended up the same. Resenting the partner who abdicates all financial responsibility. The sensible one is always the one saving and sacrificing and being made to feel guilty when trying to get the spender to see what they are doing. When kids come along it only gets worse and makes I much harder to separate. They have all said that if they knew then what they know now, they would have run a mile, despite loving their partners. They feel like surrogate parents with an extra spoilt child to look after.

Pinoy adventure · 27-09-2020 9:03pm

mycro2013 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. Alot of information to take on board which will result in a very interesting conversation. In regards paying half the mortage she wpuld/will need to take out a loan for the amount which would be over 20k.

Her issue which I'm blue on the face from conveying is that she lives a champagne lifestyle on coca cola money.

If she takes out a loan will she bother paying that back ?

road_high · 27-09-2020 9:04pm

mycro2013 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. Alot of information to take on board which will result in a very interesting conversation. In regards paying half the mortage she wpuld/will need to take out a loan for the amount which would be over 20k.

Her issue which I'm blue on the face from conveying is that she lives a champagne lifestyle on coca cola money.

I don’t understand the first bit- is the total mortgage only €40k? Surely not!

wirelessdude01 · 27-09-2020 9:06pm

road_high wrote: »

I don’t understand the first bit- is the total mortgage only €40k? Surely not!

I'm guessing the deposit.

JeffKenna · 27-09-2020 9:06pm

road_high wrote: »

I don’t understand the first bit- is the total mortgage only €40k? Surely not!

I presume that's the deposit?

Saving issues.

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