The Cooking Disaster Thread

MissFlitworth · 26-11-2013 9:41pm

I'd imagine the producers will be in touch to see if they can save some cash by hosting it in my place next year. 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of MissFlitworth's Kitchen'

Faith · 26-11-2013 9:46pm

Oh god, that's brilliant!!

What stall did you get the bowls from?

MissFlitworth · 26-11-2013 9:48pm

Got them from the Real Olive Co stall

http://www.englishmarket.ie/traders/specialities/therealoliveco/

They're about twice the price in rip-off Stock (cookware shop) in Dublin

Dizzyblonde · 26-11-2013 11:45pm

Oh MissF, that's brilliant!

hussey · 27-11-2013 1:46am

I remember the first time I made carrot cake, complete disaster. I forgot to grate the carrots

*I love that joke, I use it all the time, most of the times to groaning friends

Mrs Fox · 27-11-2013 2:13am

hussey wrote: »

I remember the first time I made carrot cake, complete disaster. I forgot to grate the carrots

*I love that joke, I use it all the time, most of the times to groaning friends

You mean you put a whole bag of carrots, like whole?

hussey · 29-11-2013 12:33pm

Mrs Fox wrote: »

You mean you put a whole bag of carrots, like whole?

It's never funny when you have to explain a joke. But yes the joke is that the carrot cake contains whole carrots!
It's a good food-party joke though

Mrs Fox · 29-11-2013 3:37pm

hussey wrote: »

It's never funny when you have to explain a joke. But yes the joke is that the carrot cake contains whole carrots!
It's a good food-party joke though

Ay... Mr Fox says I'm a lost soul in joke heaven.

Roesy · 30-11-2013 2:04pm

I remember making a stirfry when I was about 14. I put the oil on to heat while I washed my vegetables. Clearly took longer than I thought and threw the veggies into the oil. Cue a blazing fire and me grabbing the pot as the flames headed towards the curtain. Flame went over my poor hand and I spent the next few weeks attending the burns clinic

Was a long time before I made stirfry again!!

MissFlitworth · 04-01-2014 11:59pm

Just took out a sheet of gelatin because I wanted to make the cat some kibble jelly and I had gelatin sheets that I brought home from Germany about 3 years ago to use up. It was very plasticky feeling so I decided it was the plastic divider between the gelatin sheets (never used sheets before) and tapped it off my lip for some reason. Of course it turned out it absolutely was gelatin and it pulled a nice chunk of my lip off. FABULOUS. <bleeds>

Dizzyblonde · 05-01-2014 12:58am

Ouch

Loire · 06-01-2014 5:17pm

MissFlitworth wrote: »

The most disgusting thing in the history of kitchen disasters ever just happened to me. I'm in 2 minds about saying it here but I need to tell someone and if I tell my friends they'll never eat in my house again.

Have some squash in the oven roasting, wanted to toast some almonds too for my big fat healthy salad later. Spotted a terracotta tapas dish, threw them in there and then into the oven. Opened the door about 10 minutes later and there was a distinct smell of 'cat's water'. A very, very distinct smell indeed. So said to my partner, all sultry like, "Babe, did the cat p1ss in here somewhere?!". He couldn't get the smell, insisted it was 'just the nuts'. I am known for imagining smells coming from places so decided was just imagining it, ate an almond, and popped it back into the oven.

Then.

Sitting on the couch, remembering the day I came back from Cork with the dishes (really good value in the English market compared to Dublin), and it was the day that the cat hit cat maturity. And I turned around that evening and he was sitting in my handbag having a wee. Into the dishes. Which I thought I had thrown away but clearly in the panic of that day (it only lasted one day but he went everywhere) I washed and put back with my other dishes.

I have just eaten a cats piss almond.

That's such an OMG!!!

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 07-01-2014 1:07am

Was making dinner today. Spaghetti bolognaise, no sign of a jar dolmio anywhere in the house, I was making my own sauce, simmering reducing adding herbs, and by god was I proud of it.

Put serious effort into this dinner anyway, added red wine and all. The bolognaise was done and I just left it there bubbling away, as I waited for the pasta to cook.

I said sure ill run out and feed the puppies while I'm waiting. Except the door banged behind me and I got locked out. My phone was inside so couldn't call anyone and waited over an hour for someone to help me get back in.

By then I couldn't see the hand in front of my face for smoke, two pots with the arse burnt out of them, and both the pasta and the bolognaise unsalvagable

leahyl · 07-01-2014 5:40pm

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Was making dinner today. Spaghetti bolognaise, no sign of a jar dolmio anywhere in the house, I was making my own sauce, simmering reducing adding herbs, and by god was I proud of it.

Put serious effort into this dinner anyway, added red wine and all. The bolognaise was done and I just left it there bubbling away, as I waited for the pasta to cook.

I said sure ill run out and feed the puppies while I'm waiting. Except the door banged behind me and I got locked out. My phone was inside so couldn't call anyone and waited over an hour for someone to help me get back in.

By then I couldn't see the hand in front of my face for smoke, two pots with the arse burnt out of them, and both the pasta and the bolognaise unsalvagable

:eek: you're lucky the house didn't burn to the ground!!

Alun · 07-01-2014 5:42pm

:eek: I'd have smashed a window in long before it got to that stage!

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 07-01-2014 9:32pm

Alun wrote: »

:eek: I'd have smashed a window in long before it got to that stage!

I tried. I couldn't break the glass, seems its shatter proof. Anyway, thank god the house is still standing lol, imagine the shame of telling people I actually almost burned the house to the ground making a bolognaise.

Minder · 07-01-2014 10:14pm

MissFlitworth wrote: »

The most disgusting thing in the history of kitchen disasters ever just happened to me. I'm in 2 minds about saying it here but I need to tell someone and if I tell my friends they'll never eat in my house again.

Have some squash in the oven roasting, wanted to toast some almonds too for my big fat healthy salad later. Spotted a terracotta tapas dish, threw them in there and then into the oven. Opened the door about 10 minutes later and there was a distinct smell of 'cat's water'. A very, very distinct smell indeed. So said to my partner, all sultry like, "Babe, did the cat p1ss in here somewhere?!". He couldn't get the smell, insisted it was 'just the nuts'. I am known for imagining smells coming from places so decided was just imagining it, ate an almond, and popped it back into the oven.

Then.

Sitting on the couch, remembering the day I came back from Cork with the dishes (really good value in the English market compared to Dublin), and it was the day that the cat hit cat maturity. And I turned around that evening and he was sitting in my handbag having a wee. Into the dishes. Which I thought I had thrown away but clearly in the panic of that day (it only lasted one day but he went everywhere) I washed and put back with my other dishes.

I have just eaten a cats piss almond.

It's all in the marketing. If you can have cat poo coffee, why not cat pee nuts?

MissFlitworth · 07-01-2014 10:54pm

Unfortunately I've thrown away my nut-pee roasting dish dish but I still have the cat and I will get myself down to Enterprise Ireland in the morning to apply for a grant to buy a new one and trick the cat into widdling in it!

323gtr · 07-01-2014 10:55pm

i was so drunk i put the rashers in the toaster lol

Vojera · 07-01-2014 11:21pm

MissFlitworth wrote: »

Unfortunately I've thrown away my nut-pee roasting dish dish but I still have the cat and I will get myself down to Enterprise Ireland in the morning to apply for a grant to buy a new one and trick the cat into widdling in it!

The knack is to convince the cat that you absolutely do NOT want him to pee in it. Then he's guaranteed to do it!

Loire · 13-01-2014 11:02am

Tried to make a mash potato/turnip mixture, and a mixture it certainly was! The turnip wasn't soft enough and I was left with a dry,lumpy stodge! In to the bin it went!!

Faith · 29-01-2014 10:12pm

Had a slight disaster this evening. I was making a prawn and pea risotto, and realised at the last minute I had no frozen petit pois. So because we desperately needed vegetables, I drained and thoroughly rinsed a tin of peas

. The fecking risotto still went green, despite the rinsing. It tasted fine, if a little pea-y but the texture of the peas was all off.

It was edible, and I got my nutrients, but it's not something I'd ever repeat again!

Loire · 30-01-2014 1:27am

Faith wrote: »

Had a slight disaster this evening. I was making a prawn and pea risotto, and realised at the last minute I had no frozen petit pois. So because we desperately needed vegetables, I drained and thoroughly rinsed a tin of peas . The fecking risotto still went green, despite the rinsing. It tasted fine, if a little pea-y but the texture of the peas was all off.

It was edible, and I got my nutrients, but it's not something I'd ever repeat again!

Knock off the lights and light a candle

Butterface · 30-01-2014 2:49am

Many years ago I was making a romantic dinner on Valentine's night for an old girlfriend. I had placed a plate on a hob to keep the fried onions and mushrooms warm while I was frying our steaks. The feckin plate exploded and shards of ceramic went everywhere, including into the pan. Sure I was freaking out trying to clean up all the pieces, that I neglected the steak and it was like leather.. plus I was afraid there were shards embedded in it! Moodkiller!

More recently, the OH and I went for a few Sunday afternoon drinks. Stopped into Sainsbury's on the way home and got one of their freshly made up pizzas that you can bung in the oven for 10 minutes. I was fairly tipsy and not thinking straight.. the pizza had a cardboard base, so I bunged it into the oven on top of this base. Gas oven. Luckily I didn't leave the kitchen, as it had caught fire! Alcohol and cooking do not mix well.

hardCopy · 30-01-2014 1:37pm

Butterface wrote: »

Many years ago I was making a romantic dinner on Valentine's night for an old girlfriend. I had placed a plate on a hob to keep the fried onions and mushrooms warm while I was frying our steaks. The feckin plate exploded and shards of ceramic went everywhere, including into the pan. Sure I was freaking out trying to clean up all the pieces, that I neglected the steak and it was like leather.. plus I was afraid there were shards embedded in it! Moodkiller!

I've done the exploding plate trick, also for steak, after reading how it was very important to serve the steak on a warm plate.

Animord · 30-01-2014 7:13pm

hardCopy wrote: »

I've done the exploding plate trick, also for steak, after reading how it was very important to serve the steak on a warm plate.

I decided a while ago to make sourdough bread. I had nursed my starter for about two weeks, lovingly feeding it and making sure it was the right temperature and happy.

So the big day for the first baking arrived and I put the dough into a glass pyrex bowl to rise. I left it on top of my stupid glass cooker and somehow managed to switch the ring on.

About 15 minutes later there was a large explosion and half cooked dough and glass went EVERYWHERE.

Loire · 30-01-2014 7:44pm

hardCopy wrote: »

I've done the exploding plate trick

I put a pyrex dish on the hob the other night. Wanted to get it nice and hot before I put some fish in to be roasted in the oven. Que explosion with melted butter all over the shop.

Herself comes running in...."Everything OK?"

"Absolutely.....research"

:D

Oryx · 31-01-2014 12:24pm

The explosion stories remind me that really, I can't boil water. Not in a microwave anyway. Before it became common knowledge that it is dangerous, I boiled water in the mw to make coffee one day. Dropped a spoon of granules into the cup and boom! boiling water in a fountain all over me, the counter, everywhere.

MICROWAVED WATER IS DANGEROUS, KIDS!

MissFlitworth · 31-01-2014 12:27pm

That particular piece of common knowledge hadn't reached me - yikes!!

Alun · 31-01-2014 12:32pm

MissFlitworth wrote: »

That particular piece of common knowledge hadn't reached me - yikes!!

It's warned about in some microwave manuals actually. In fact putting anything into a container of water boiled in that way can cause a similar explosion, even a spoon or other implement.

You can prevent it by placing something non-metallic in the water (or other liquid) while microwaving it. Our ancient, recently deceased, Miele microwave even came with a little Pyrex glass rod specifically for that purpose.

The bubbles need a nucleation site to form around, and in a perfectly smooth container these don't exist.

rubadub · 31-01-2014 12:35pm

If the cup is very smooth you can get explosions of water in mircowaves. If there are imperfections it will allow bubbles to form at that point and so not explode. If you add a rough pebble to a cup of water that will give a area for bubbles to form.

It is most likely when the water has no gases in it too, if you boil water and let it cool and then microwave it then it is likely to explode. Fresh water put into a microwave and boiled on full power is much less likely to explode, people reheating cold coffee can see explosions. When you add sugar it suddenly has loads of rough areas for bubbles to form, same as if you stick a spoon into it.

To warm a plate just put a bit of water on it and pop it in the microwave, some people heat up a full kettle just to heat a plate.

Alun · 31-01-2014 12:38pm

Yes, it's even possible to superheat water in a microwave, i.e. heat it to above 100 celsius.

MissFlitworth · 31-01-2014 12:39pm

Alun wrote: »

It's warned about in some microwave manuals actually. .

I'm a bit of a manuals-in-the-bin-with-the-packaging person

BaZmO* · 01-02-2014 12:39pm

Alun wrote: »

Yes, it's even possible to superheat water in a microwave, i.e. heat it to above 100 celsius.

It's possible to melt glass in a microwave.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jj2u2n_o7Cw

http://youtu.be/Jj2u2n_o7Cw

Alun · 01-02-2014 1:01pm

BaZmO* wrote: »

It's possible to melt glass in a microwave.

Only if you get it up to red heat with a blowtorch first though

BaZmO* · 01-02-2014 1:29pm

Alun wrote: »

Only if you get it up to red heat with a blowtorch first though

Obviously.

Semele · 01-02-2014 6:30pm

Context: my pet rabbit has recently taken against his litter tray. A large proportion of my time recently has been taken up devising tricks to outwit him. Unfortunately my workmates are well aware of this ongoing battle of wills and the collection of unsuitable litter trays that I've thus built up...

The embarrassment: I was recently trying to describe the recipe for the Cooking Club's raspberry and pecan blondies, which are my failsafe whenever a work occasion calls for cake. I noticed at some point in the conversation that my workmates were looking a bit puzzled, but merrily continued talking, only to then walk away to speak to someone else and realise en route that I had repeatedly referred to a "lightly greased litter tray" rather than baking tray. No one will ever eat my cake again:o

Faith · 26-07-2014 2:16pm

I just broke the yolks on FOUR eggs, and couldn't use them. Four in a row! That's a new record for me. I'm going to make a ginormous batch of scones in a minute to use them up.

Dizzyblonde · 26-07-2014 3:47pm

Faith wrote: »

I just broke the yolks on FOUR eggs, and couldn't use them. Four in a row! That's a new record for me. I'm going to make a ginormous batch of scones in a minute to use them up.

I get days like that. I either break none or I break lots.

Tabitharose · 03-08-2014 3:29pm

a few hours ago I took my nicely baked chocolate cake out of the oven, and dropped it into the sink...

fiddlechic · 03-08-2014 4:19pm

I destroyed a whole 6 pack of eggs like that a few weeks ago. Bought them in the butchers, they had extraordinarily thin shells so that when I use my normal half shell-to-half shell way of separation, they all just dissolved.

I meant to put dirty rice saucepan in full and soapy washing bowl yesterday, but instead put the wok with my stir fry dinner. While it was lemon flavoured washing up liquid, it just isn't tasty.
Thank the Lord for Thai food delivery...

Lovely Bloke · 06-08-2014 5:55pm

Almost chopped the tip of my finger off on Monday afternoon

Pics are linked, graphic.

Not for the squeamish

Kovu · 06-08-2014 6:00pm

Baldy Conscience wrote: »

Almost chopped the tip of my finger off on Monday afternoon

Pics are linked, graphic.

Not for the squeamish

Oh mother of Jebus, why did I look at those.
Hope it feels better soon!:o

The Hill Billy · 06-08-2014 7:24pm

Jaysus!

^^ Graphic content. Viewer discretion advised. ^^

Lovely Bloke · 06-08-2014 7:29pm

The Hill Billy wrote: »

Jaysus!

^^ Graphic content. Viewer discretion advised. ^^

Seriously, don't look at them if you are eating.

I was in me ma's and chopping some left over corned beef for a sambo.

I've been using paper stitches, bandages and steeping it in dettol since it happened, still reckon I'll lose the section I sliced.

There's no infection showing, but if one does appear I'll be straight to the doc of course.

Must be some kind of good luck that we got some moody Codeine just last week.

High as a kite baby

BaZmO* · 06-08-2014 7:42pm

Jaysis! That's grim. You must've been chopping with some force to do that.

Dizzyblonde · 06-08-2014 8:33pm

I didn't look - even thinking about it makes me woozy.

confusticated · 06-08-2014 8:54pm

Good call. I looked and wish I hadn't. Twice.:o

Oryx · 06-08-2014 9:23pm

That doesn't look as bad as I expected.

fiddlechic · 06-08-2014 11:18pm

To be honest, the thoughts of a corned beef sandwich much worse than the pictures!
Too many nights working in A&E have made me immune to bloody accidents.

Feel better soon though, Baldy!

The Cooking Disaster Thread

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