The Cooking Disaster Thread

kylith

My dad just made a cheese sandwich with Parmesan, big lumps of it. Luckily we caught it before anyone ate it because he complained that my 'Parisian' cheese was difficult to slice.

NOS3

I saw a recipe for pasta in a creamy parsley sauce which seemed really easy and delicious. So I went ahead and boiled my pasta and then made the sauce. I needed parsley, flour, butter and milk. I mixed the milk, butter and flour and then preceded to add the parsley. I added about half a jar of dried parsley, reduced it and poured over my chicken and pasta. I then tasted it. It was really sour and sickly 'green'. Absolutely disgusting. :O

BaZmO*

NOS3 wrote: »

I saw a recipe for pasta in a creamy parsley sauce which seemed really easy and delicious. So I went ahead and boiled my pasta and then made the sauce. I needed parsley, flour, butter and milk. I mixed the milk, butter and flour and then preceded to add the parsley. I added about half a jar of dried parsley, reduced it and poured over my chicken and pasta. I then tasted it. It was really sour and sickly 'green'. Absolutely disgusting. :O

It sounds like you were making a classic Parsley Sauce. Although, if you just added the flour butter and milk in one go it wouldn't have been great. You need to make a Roux first and make sure you cook out the flour, then add the milk to make the sauce, and then finally add the chopped parsley.

Vojera

It wasn't that disastrous, but I tried to make baked churros from someone's blog last weekend. I followed the recipe exactly but the batter was a sloppy mess, waaaay too thin to pipe, so I ended up having to add loads more flour to it to bind it all together. I ended up piping and baking them in the end, but the consistency was more biscuit-like than bread-like and I could snap them in half. Thankfully I had made far too much chocolate sauce, which helped them go down easier

I ended up finding another blog afterwards which had taken the recipe I used and modified it and they had the same issue I had and used a whole egg less. So at least I have the modified recipe to try again some weekend.

NOS3

BaZmO* wrote:

first and make sure you cook out the flour, then add the milk to make the sauce, and then finally add the chopped parsley.

That recipe makes a lot more sense. The cook book I was using was very vague about the cooking process. Thanks BaZmO*!

bee06

My husband was making stew last week and asked if a casserole dish we don't use very often (well used once) was ok to put on the hob. I said I'm sure it is, we did the last time anyway.

I was wrong. Cue the casserole dish cracking neatly all the way around about an inch from the bottom. Luckily we were able to transfer most of the contents before it started leaking.

Oryx

I have lost my sense of smell pretty much completely this last while and I didnt realise how much I depended on it when cooking. Ive burned pizzas and baking, turned the gas on and didnt smell it, and cant season anything cos nothing tastes right!

BaZmO*

bee06 wrote: »

My husband was making stew last week and asked if a casserole dish we don't use very often (well used once) was ok to put on the hob. I said I'm sure it is, we did the last time anyway.

I was wrong. Cue the casserole dish cracking neatly all the way around about an inch from the bottom. Luckily we were able to transfer most of the contents before it started leaking.

I did something similar recently. I had a really nice rectangular casserole dish that was great for lasagnes and the like. For some reason I thought it'd be ok to fry/brown something in it before putting it in the oven to roast, it wasn't. Was absolutely gutted that I had to throw it out.

I think you can you can only put casseroles dishes on direct heat (flame) if they're made of cast iron or some type of style or alloy. Ceramics just crack.

the beer revolu

Oryx wrote: »

I have lost my sense of smell pretty much completely this last while and I didnt realise how much I depended on it when cooking. Ive burned pizzas and baking, turned the gas on and didnt smell it, and cant season anything cos nothing tastes right!

Oh no.
I really hope it returns!

BaZmO, I have an African ceramic bowl and casserole dish that can go on direct high heat but, yes, generally ceramic won't survive it.

rubadub

seventeen sheep wrote: »

She called them prawn cakes

Reminded me of the tuna milkshakes I heard about in the fitness forum, weightlifter guys drinking them for protein.

deadlybuzzman wrote: »

A mate of mine decided he'd start to bulk up so tore into the tuna bigstyle. he came across a recipe on a forum for making a tuna shake by blending a can of tuna in milk......it was only after he made it and eventually made himself chug it down that he read more of the forum and realised the poster was only joking!

another poster in another thread did reckon they were alright.

the beer revolu

Bit of a disaster yesterday:mad:
I had some lovely leftover turbot so I decided to make fish cakes but me being me, I had to make them complicated and troublesome. I decided that a lemon scented parsley sauce in the centre would be lovely. (I have done this before and it is nice).

So, made the parsley sauce - infusing the milk with shallot, celery, carrot, lemon zest, fennel trimmings, thyme, bayleaf and peppercorns first (just for extra trouble). Peeled and steamed the potatoes. Riced the potatoes - this was the first bit of a problem. I had bought Lidl organic potatoes. I had never used them before and as they were quite waxy and wet at the same time my mash was too loose. I flaked my fish into the cooled mash and chilled it down enough to make patties. It was quite sticky but I managed to make the cakes with the sauce in the centre and once chilled again I was able to flour, egg and panko breadcrumb them. I left them overnight in the fridge.

During all this long process, I also grilled and peeled red peppers and grilled tomatoes with olive oil and garlic.

Next day I thought I just have to deep fry the fish cakes and keep them warm in the oven, pop the tomatoes in the oven, braise the fennel with orange juice, butter and wine, and warm the peppers in the microwave. All the hard work done. Stress free easy but impressive dinner.

I heated a small pot with oil, popped the first fish cake in, it turned a lovely golden colour and was retrieved without drama. Into the oven it went.
For some reason my other 4 fish cakes just would not brown in the oil. The oil was just as hot but the wouldn't form a crust or brown. Each one broke up a bit as I tried to turn them and remove them. They were a pale, greasy, sloppy mess. I still don't know what happened. I occasionally deep fry like this and have never had a problem before.

Even the one that had a lovely golden crust (see here's what I had for dinner thread) was way too sloppy in the centre with the sauce kinda mixed in with the wet potato and fish mixture. They tasted fine but were just all wrong.
After all the trouble I had gone to I was really cross and disappointed. Even the fennel wasn't really nice - tough and fibrous despite being cooked through.

The peppers and tomatoes were lovely, though.:o
Sorry for the overly long post - it was almost as much trouble as making the sh1te meal.

I'm baffled as to what happened with the deep frying.

Same oil as usual (sunflower)

spottybananas

That sounds like so much effort for fish cakes!

the beer revolu

spottybananas wrote: »

That sounds like so much effort for fish cakes!

Well putting parsley sauce in the middle was the only extra really.
Making fish cakes is a lot of trouble.

Mrs Fox

the beer revolu wrote: »

 Peeled and steamed the potatoes. Riced the potatoes - this was the first bit of a problem. I had bought Lidl organic potatoes. I had never used them before and as they were quite waxy and wet at the same time my mash was too loose.

I love Lidl organic potatoes. They're the only white potato I'd eat/cook these days. They're floury yet hold the shape, not at all waxy. I wonder if Lidl Cork stocks different organic potatoes than in Dublin/Kildare?

the beer revolu

Mrs Fox wrote: »

I love Lidl organic potatoes. They're the only white potato I'd eat/cook these days. They're floury yet hold the shape, not at all waxy. I wonder if Lidl Cork stocks different organic potatoes than in Dublin/Kildare?

These were melody variety.
Was more like pomme puree than mash.

Alun

The thing with the Lidl organic potatoes is that you never know what variety they're going to be, they could be anything, but they generally tend more towards the waxy end of the spectrum than the floury ones in my experience. Which is great for me as I can't cook very floury potatoes to save my life.

Minder

Made a chilli last night as there was mince in the fridge that needed using up. Finished cooking it at about 10.30pm and left out the beans and the bit of dark chocolate the completes it. Came home tonight and there was a half eaten bowl of pasta on the side. Mrs Minder had used my chilli for the kids dinner thinking it was spag bol. My daughter didn't eat much of it but didn't say anything. Junior gets fed his dinner as he's unreliable at the table, so he had the lot. Poor kids

maryfred

Wanted to do BBQ ribs,didn't boil them first,after 5 hours slow cooking,they were melt in the mouth texture wise, and tasted like a block of salt. Yuck! I managed 2,he managed 3.The rest went in the bin. I've never made that mistake before. And we were starving.

Photo-Sniper

Had a table of twenty for steaks the other night. The order w3nt something along the lines or 6 well done, 6 rare and 8 mediums. Lashed all 20 steaks on the flame grill and the asparagus delivery came two seconds later. Asked one of the commis to look after it and if I was late coming back from the cellar to send them out. " come on you know what your doing" I said. Got back up from cellar and food was sent. 4 minutes later every single steak was sent back because they were all well done. Never been so embarrassed in my life. Que 1 hour to fix the mess and the poor girls didn't get one euro tip. 150 euro worth of meat down the drain. Glad I'm my own boss in situations like that

martinn123

Photo-Sniper wrote: »

Had a table of twenty for steaks the other night. The order w3nt something along the lines or 6 well done, 6 rare and 8 mediums. Lashed all 20 steaks on the flame grill and the asparagus delivery came two seconds later. Asked one of the commis to look after it and if I was late coming back from the cellar to send them out. " come on you know what your doing" I said. Got back up from cellar and food was sent. 4 minutes later every single steak was sent back because they were all well done. Never been so embarrassed in my life. Que 1 hour to fix the mess and the poor girls didn't get one euro tip. 150 euro worth of meat down the drain. Glad I'm my own boss in situations like that

What about the 6 who ordered ''Well Done'', give them 2 for the price of 1. ??

rubadub

maryfred wrote: »

.The rest went in the bin.

I find plain rice can save overly salty food. Sometimes the salt & chilli chinese dishes like wings or ribs have far too much salt, I chop it up and mix it in with plain rice.

Lovely Bloke

martinn123 wrote: »

What about the 6 who ordered ''Well Done'', give them 2 for the price of 1. ??

in fairness, I hate it when restaurants expect the whole table to eat while one person has their order fixed (if it's the restaurant's fault), then one person to have their dinner by themselves once the corrected dish lands.

Muahahaha

Cooked the classic lasagne recipe by poster The Sweeper for the second time at the weekend. The first attempt was amazing, really superb moreish recipe. This attempt though was a bit of a disaster as I used a much bigger lasagne pan and didnt have near enough ragu or cream sauce which meant the pasta sheets crisped up way too much and ruined it somewhat. Lesson learnt=(

Cant wait to make it again soon and nail it this time, when done right that recipe is something else.

Alun

Mmmm, crunchy lasagne :pac:

Photo-Sniper

martinn123 wrote: »

What about the 6 who ordered ''Well Done'', give them 2 for the price of 1. ??

I have set a standard in my restaurant where 2 for the price of one would never exist.

I know, I know I'm a snob. Heh heh

Photo-Sniper

Baldy Conscience wrote: »

in fairness, I hate it when restaurants expect the whole table to eat while one person has their order fixed (if it's the restaurant's fault), then one person to have their dinner by themselves once the corrected dish lands.

I agree. It's a joke to be honest.

Simple you lash the well dones on first..

spongebob89

Why can't I make a simple spaghetti bolognese, ive tried it a few times an keep fcuking it up. I adore this meal when I get it in a restaurant but after following recipes it just never has any taste

the beer revolu

spongebob89 wrote: »

Why can't I make a simple spaghetti bolognese, ive tried it a few times an keep fcuking it up. I adore this meal when I get it in a restaurant but after following recipes it just never has any taste

Are you seasoning it properly?

limnam

spongebob89 wrote: »

Why can't I make a simple spaghetti bolognese, ive tried it a few times an keep fcuking it up. I adore this meal when I get it in a restaurant but after following recipes it just never has any taste

Don't forget the chocolate :pac:

Riverireland

Photo-Sniper wrote: »

I agree. It's a joke to be honest.

Simple you lash the well dones on first..

Did you not say you put all 20 on at the sMe time yourself?

tampopo

Well, I stumbled across the photo in an old file/folder and it brought it alllll back to me.

It was a few years ago, Lorraine Pascale was on the telly a lot. She had her series on and this week she was making macaroons. And she made it look SO easy. And SO simple. Any fool could manage.

Not me though. Instead of soft an crumbly, nicely risen. I got a green runny mess... I haven't attempted them since.



une catastrophe!

MissFlitworth

tampopo wrote: »

Yay! tampopo

*waves*

Hello! You've been missed whatcha been eating?

Photo-Sniper

tampopo wrote: »

Well, I stumbled across the photo in an old file/folder and it brought it alllll back to me.

It was a few years ago, Lorraine Pascale was on the telly a lot. She had her series on and this week she was making macaroons. And she made it look SO easy. And SO simple. Any fool could manage.

Not me though. Instead of soft an crumbly, nicely risen. I got a green runny mess... I haven't attempted them since.



une catastrophe!

Looks to me that you don't have enough ground almond in the mix OR you are over folding it. Overfolding the mixture is the number 1 reason of macaron failure

Vojera

Photo-Sniper wrote: »

Looks to me that you don't have enough ground almond in the mix OR you are over folding it. Overfolding the mixture is the number 1 reason of macaron failure

I read a macaron recipe once that said "68 to 72 turns of the spatula is enough to incorporate the mixture" and I instantly said, "Nope, any recipe that specifies the number of mixes is not for me". My sister has a great knack for them, hers have never failed, not even her first ever attempt. People like her sicken me!

magicmushroom

Had a friend visiting from Australia who adores curry.
I have a fab recipe that I love to make and was telling him how lovely it would be!

Made it one night, tasted it before serving, just wasn't right.
Couldn't work out what I'd done wrong!
Was nearly crying with embarrassment, it was horrible...anyway, bit of an awkward silence at the dinner table and he suddenly says - did you forget to put in curry powder or something?

That is exactly what I'd done. The most basic ingredient - hahaha!
So I had to scrape the curry back into the pot, add the powder and reheat. Thankfully it was yummy after that!

We still laugh about it to this day

Photo-Sniper

Vojera wrote: »

I read a macaron recipe once that said "68 to 72 turns of the spatula is enough to incorporate the mixture" and I instantly said, "Nope, any recipe that specifies the number of mixes is not for me". My sister has a great knack for them, hers have never failed, not even her first ever attempt. People like her sicken me!

My pastry chef has to make 200 of them every morning. (400 sides in total). She is one of these perfectionists that you speak of. I don't have the patienxe.

kylith

Photo-Sniper wrote: »

My pastry chef has to make 200 of them every morning. (400 sides in total). She is one of these perfectionists that you speak of. I don't have the patienxe.

You really have to be to be a pastry chef, don't you? It's like chemistry.

kitten_k

Made a beef wellington at the weekend. It had a very soggy bottom - Mary Berry would have been disappointed. I didn't serve the bottom and the rest was lovely so it turned out ok in the end.

the beer revolu

kitten_k wrote: »

Made a beef wellington at the weekend. It had a very soggy bottom - Mary Berry would have been disappointed. I didn't serve the bottom and the rest was lovely so it turned out ok in the end.

I've heard that wrapping the beef in a crepe helps with this, for future reference.

Dial Hard

Just made a haims of my lunch, which took over an hour to make :mad: Crispy sweet potato skins that are now just blackened pieces of char-paper in the bin.

Tea and a biscuit it is.

Dial Hard

Animord wrote: »

I decided a while ago to make sourdough bread. I had nursed my starter for about two weeks, lovingly feeding it and making sure it was the right temperature and happy.

I haven't made sourdough since the time I took my starter out of the hot press to find one drowning and one drowned mouse in it.

rubadub

Dial Hard wrote: »

I haven't made sourdough since the time I took my starter out of the hot press to find one drowning and one drowned mouse in it.

jaysus, at least you found them before cooking it. Reminds me of that line, "what's worse than finding a worm in your apple -finding half a worm"

Dial Hard

rubadub wrote: »

jaysus, at least you found them before cooking it.

It was quite distressing. I kept thinking about what a horrible way to die it must have been for the poor fecker. The other one was absolutely exhausted too, don't think he'd have lasted much longer. I took him out, rinsed him off (took forever, sourdough starter is like glue), then popped him in a box on top of the radiator in the kitchen to dry off and warm up. Then put him out in the shed.

My husband watched all this with an expression of great bemusement. He was like "You've just spent two hours rescuing a mouse that's probably going to come straight back into the house and get killed in a trap anyway."

Dolbert

I made a chicken chow mein for dinner tonight. I was about 3 bites in when I noticed a bluebottle crawling up the noodles towards my fork. I can't be sure, but I think he got mixed in at some point I had a ham roll instead.

The Hill Billy

Dolbert wrote: »

I made a chicken chow mein for dinner tonight. I was about 3 bites in when I noticed a bluebottle crawling up the noodles towards my fork. I can't be sure, but I think he got mixed in at some point I had a ham roll instead.

That reminded me of this.

Alun

This year we grew some curly kale in our veg beds .. looked great apart from a few holes where something had eaten them, but otherwise OK. Picked a load and started washing it and quickly discovered large numbers of green caterpillars. Thought, OK, no problem I'll wash them all out and thought I'd got every single one until I put it in the boiling water, and then what by then was a white, curled up, and thoroughly cooked looking caterpillar floated to the surface :eek: Cue lots of poking and prodding and stirring to provoke any other unwanted creepy crawlies to make their presence known by which time said kale was well and truly cooked. Ended up eating it all in the end, but it was one of the most tension laden mealtimes I've ever known

Dial Hard

Alun wrote:

Ended up eating it all in the end, but it was one of the most tension laden mealtimes I've ever known

There's nothing quite like growing your own veg for making you wonder how organic farmers do it.

Many's the time I've been reduced to spraying brassicas with the pesticide gun like Dirty Harry on a bad day.

Dizzyblonde

Dial Hard wrote: »

There's nothing quite like growing your own veg for making you wonder how organic farmers do it.

Many's the time I've been reduced to spraying brassicas with the pesticide gun like Dirty Harry on a bad day.

I gave up on cabbage and broccoli when I started wanting to kill the white butterflies that lay egg on them. There didn't seen to be any point in spraying them since I might as well just buy them in the shop if I was going to do that.

I grew kale last winter and had no problems though.

MissFlitworth

This is possibly more of a 'brewing coffee disaster' but, guess who just punched the stainless steel sink in their office separating the 2 parts of their aeropress?

rubadub

MissFlitworth wrote: »

punched the stainless steel sink in their office separating the 2 parts of their aeropress?

People may not know what this is. It is like a giant syringe or plunger



I have been hurt similarly when taking apart similar items, with scars to prove it. It takes a lot of force to take it apart as its a rubber plunger, then all of a sudden it is free and your hand goes flying and hits something.

My trick is to hold & press my elbows in tight against my side and have your elbows bent. So when it does come free your hand cannot go flying, or it just flys off a few inches, the fact you are pressing inwards means when your arm does fly out it comes back in again.