Requesting guest specific gift.

cruais · 06-01-2015 6:12pm

I got an invite in the post a couple of months ago. Enclosed in the invitation on a business style card was an IBAN number and " Please contribute to our honeymoon fund ". Now to add to it, the wedding is in greece.

F. Right. Off

I will not be going.

Milly33 · 06-01-2015 6:14pm

I wouldn't be put off now by that at least they have said look this is what they are looking for, rather than you getting something they don't want..You can put in whatever mula you like and leave it at that but asking for things like bikes, mixers etc is a bit much.. maybe with family but not friends

cruais · 06-01-2015 6:18pm

Milly33 wrote: »

I wouldn't be put off now by that at least they have said look this is what they are looking for, rather than you getting something they don't want..You can put in whatever mula you like and leave it at that but asking for things like bikes, mixers etc is a bit much.. maybe with family but not friends

I know its not about the gifts, but this individual gave me a photo frame for our wedding gift which I know they got on sale for €6.50, as they forgot to take the price tag off.

I just think it is cheeky to ask for money or gifts.

At my wedding, some people didnt give me anything. But I didnt care as I didnt get married for presents.

Neyite · 06-01-2015 6:18pm

Oryx wrote: »

Honestly, this couple rival the ones in that brilliant Bridesmaidgate thread last year.

Dinnergate was the best. I'm still slightly bitter that it became too identifiable and had to be deleted.

Neyite · 06-01-2015 6:19pm

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

As someone who makes quilts, it's WELL over a hundred euro for materials for a double-bed sized quilt. They have some cheek asking for a personalised gift AND a mixer.

Costs multiples of that for quilt materials here.

06-01-2015 6:26pm

The most recent Wedding I was at had the following request on the Invite
"The only present we require is YOUR presence. Please help us make our special day memorable."

Milly33 · 06-01-2015 6:28pm

That was the one hehe, what happened in the end were guests made pay for it. I remember watching it like a hawk for updates and then we went away twas locked when I got back...

Caught rotten with the price tag on the frame D'oh... I can see where you are coming from too don't worry.. It is mad to think people base the weddings on gifts but sure that's what they do...

I hope to get like a mmm I was trying to think of something lavish but I know my car needs to be painted that's it

evolving_doors · 06-01-2015 6:33pm

Asking for gifts/money is just cheeky.

Unfriend...

unless its the megalomaniac spouse of your friend getting married.. in which case have a word with yer friend and give them the lay of the land.. some couples loose the run of themselves so might be blind to logic.

Who knows, it might be an interfering parent/bridal party member who might be fillin them with nonsense.

Have a word with your friend.

IvyTheTerrible · 06-01-2015 6:35pm

Neyite wrote: »

Costs multiples of that for quilt materials here.

Here too, unfortunately. And even if you value the time taken at half the minimum wage per hour, you can add another 150 onto the price, just to break even!

cactusgal · 06-01-2015 6:41pm

Toots wrote: »

I had this exact thought!!

Seriously though, even if it is something coming from the American side, I've been to a few Irish/American weddings and I've never heard of this before. I know gift registries are still the done things over there, but there's usually a wide variety of gifts and prices to choose from, so people aren't forced to spend money they don't have.

I'm American and have never heard of such a thing!!!! Gift registries are the norm in the USA for sure, but I've never heard of being assigned gifts! Especially when guests are already providing other gifts and services! Not to mention the American guests who are presumably traveling to Ireland for the wedding, are they also going to get hit with an assigned gift?!

Sorry for all the exclamation points.
!!

Teyla Emmagan · 06-01-2015 6:53pm

Go if you still want to go OP but forget about the portrait and buy them a 50 quid mixer in LIDL. And if you ever hear anything about the painting again say you presumed they changed their mind when you saw the request for the mixer!

Some people have an absolutely brass neck.

hdowney · 06-01-2015 7:29pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

The other guests (that I've spoken to) were all very shocked as well. The man who was asked for a bike would be a closer friend then me and also thought his gift was already arranged with them, as he's baking the cake.

I hope, for the sake of their wedding, that they realize what's acceptable! As far as I know a few people are declining because they can't afford the gift and are too embarrassed to say otherwise.

The man she's marrying is american and the weddings here so maybe they did it for the benefit of the American guests.

They sound suspiciously like they are trying to get all their 'friends' to do all the bits to save them money on normal wedding costs, but are then being gimmie pigs expecting expensive, unnecessary and specific gifts ON TOP

kandr10 · 06-01-2015 8:38pm

Why not do a really detailed Warhol style portrait of a kitchen aid op?
I thought asking for cash was bad. Not bad compared to this or enclosing an Iban!!!

miezekatze · 06-01-2015 9:37pm

Never heard of anything like this either! Very strange!

I also wonder if they just forgot about the portrait / cake when sending the gift requests as well?! I just can't imagine that they would expect another present on top of that. If it was me then I think I'd give them a call and ask if they don't want the portrait anymore, since they are asking for something else now.

NewYork1979 · 06-01-2015 10:18pm

A ffs, I've heard it all. Not a hope in hell I'd go to that wedding and to be honest they wouldn't be people I'd want in my life. Life is too short to be humouring fools like them.

Frigga_92 · 06-01-2015 10:53pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

I was wondering how common it was to request a specific gift from a specific person.

I recieved a save the date which also informed me what gift they would like to recieve from me. Is that the norm now or is registry/gift still usual?

The words "requesting" and "gift" do not belong in the same sentence. That is their problem. You don't request gifts, ever.

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Did it actually say "we would like you to buy us a Kenwood chef mixer and a Samsonite suitcase" or "please give cash"?

This made me laugh so much :pac:

xalot wrote: »

Frankly anybody being so rude as to request a specific present deserves to see how poorly their requests are being received. Selfish prats.

I would personally love a hand made portrait from a wedding guest, something that specific to the couple should be treasured.

Exactly.
I hope you jackasses are reading this and realise how awful you are!

A bike and an argos number and a stand mixer?? This is hilarious!

Ronin247 · 06-01-2015 11:17pm

Attend the wedding, buy the cheapest, tackiest 2nd hand mixer off DoneDeal and tell them it is on backorder and you will drop it off after wedding. Do the portrait....... nude as you imagine them, him with the smallest winkle you can draw and her with saggy boobs down to her knees, insist you will do the "unveiling" of your masterpiece at the showing of the wedding video to the family....... Never speak to them again.

carltonleon · 07-01-2015 12:11am

A bike for a kid !!!! Why ? Is he the one getting married ??
That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in relation to an Irish wedding.

thefeatheredcat · 07-01-2015 12:16am

Does your friend actually bake? Because a stand mixer like that would only be necessary if you bake so much that you actually need it, in large volumes, quickly, hence why it is used on Great British Bake Off. It's a professional product, not something you'd just have around in the kitchen for the occasional baking or whipping cream or the random loaf of bread or cake once in a blue moon.

And anyway, it is an investment machine, something they should be spending the money on if they really want it; I remember coming across them and pricing them when looking for a replacement hand held mixer for my mam and noticed you'd kind of want to know what you want it to do and what you want it for before you splash the cash on it to get a return on it. Like you'd really want to be using it regularly to justify the cost... and even then it's still a matter of if it has the right bells and whistles for the user. It's a bit like asking someone for a Dyson, an expensive vacuum cleaner that you can get in various forms and purposes...

But for a wedding gift, no way should you go to that expense, sure you'd otherwise have a nice holiday for yourself to somewhere for the same amount these days.

I'm appalled about a bike for a kid, I mean if it's a toddler you can get some really great but quite expensive tricycles and if at least school age you'd want them measured and of course the person would feel obligated to get the necessary safety stuff.

Go with the portrait but worth taking a peek a some of the presents you can get in Smyths along your friend's desires and a little of what she deserves, my youngest nephew loves the Morphy Richards Kitchen Set although no stand mixer in that but sure she can make do with the toaster and coffee machine http://www.smythstoys.com/ie/en-ie/toys/fashion-dolls/c-498/kitchens-household/?pageSize=12&page=2

Eoin · 07-01-2015 12:53am

Perhaps you could combine both ideas and give them a portrait of the stand mixer?

Tarzana2 · 07-01-2015 1:17am

Eoin wrote: »

Perhaps you could combine both ideas and give them a portrait of the stand mixer?

Too slow! :P

kandr10 wrote: »

Why not do a really detailed Warhol style portrait of a kitchen aid op?
I thought asking for cash was bad. Not bad compared to this or enclosing an Iban!!!

ballsymchugh · 07-01-2015 1:29am

i have nothing to say, other than i love this forum.

Eoin · 07-01-2015 1:32am

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Too slow! :P

Damnit! I must have still been shocked at the cheek of the request.

ABajaninCork · 07-01-2015 1:59am

Cheeky mare! Some people have more front than Brighton...

Get her a toy mixer and leave it at that. Kitchen Aid, my arse!

messrs · 07-01-2015 9:16am

Lau2976 wrote: »

The other guests (that I've spoken to) were all very shocked as well. The man who was asked for a bike would be a closer friend then me and also thought his gift was already arranged with them, as he's baking the cake.

I hope, for the sake of their wedding, that they realize what's acceptable! As far as I know a few people are declining because they can't afford the gift and are too embarrassed to say otherwise.

The man she's marrying is american and the weddings here so maybe they did it for the benefit of the American guests.

My brother married an American Girl and the wedding was over in New York - they did have a wedding gift registrar of all the stuff the wanted/needed but all at varying prices with gifts starting from $20 - there wasn't anything mad expensive on it at all

Esterhase · 07-01-2015 9:28am

The cheek of some people is just unreal. Plenty of people would ask a couple's close friends / family members what gifts they'd like and the B&G lightly making a few suggestions is fair enough in that case, but directly making demands in a save the date card is absolutely ridiculous!

Whether I was attending the wedding or not, and with or without the stand mixer, I'd be reconsidering the portrait if I were you. Is it worth wasting the time and materials on such a rude and greedy couple when you could get paid for another piece of work or make a gift for someone else who would appreciate the effort? Asking you for TWO specific gifts makes them undeserving of any IMO.

BelleOfTheBall · 07-01-2015 9:33am

Well I've a wedding shortly €100voucher .for me that's all I can afford as that's my weeks shopping out the window.do people realise that lucky to live off the wages we have?

Gatica · 07-01-2015 9:47am

Indeed this is something I've never heard of before. I certainly wouldn't paint Americans with the same brush as this couple. Whatever inspired them to demand specific gifts, I doubt was American, Irish or sane...

I wonder if they left a family member in charge of sending out the save-the-date cards/invites, and they went a bit mad with own idea of gift requests? ....but then how would they know what to request..?

This is beyond rude. In the US they still do gift registries. We went to 2 American weddings recently, no mention of gift registry or gifts on the save-the-date cards or the invites, but their website had a section with a couple of links to gift registries. There were plenty of choices there to accommodate all budgets - completely unlike this couple asking for a specific, and what could be considered a rather expensive, gift. It was handy for us to order stuff for delivery in the US and not to worry about travelling with gifts.

I honestly don't get how someone could be so ignorant as to request friends to do cake, portrait or some other wedding-related favour for them, and then still, not just expect, but actually request MORE gifts from them. Unbelievable.... really...

Qualitymark · 07-01-2015 10:03am

Lau2976 wrote: »

I was wondering how common it was to request a specific gift from a specific person.

I recieved a save the date which also informed me what gift they would like to recieve from me. Is that the norm now or is registry/gift still usual?

Bloody awful rude, I think. People are really up against it at the moment. It would be rude to make a specific demand at any time, but in the middle of a recession where the post-Christmas combined gas and electricity bills can come to over €500 and people are trying to scratch things together to afford any tiny 'luxury', this is unconscionable.
The bride and groom should gratefully accept whatever gifts they're given, smile nicely and be thankful that their friends are so kind.

Edit: incidentally, those who are costing quilts, etc are forgetting labour costs. If you cost your skilled labour in making the portrait or quilt at say €50 an hour, that would be realistic…

tinkerbell · 07-01-2015 2:36pm

God I love Weddings, they bring out the worst in people :pac: And I love the Weddings forum even more to read about all these crazy people and their crazy requests!

I think the idea of sending them a portrait of a stand mixer is the best idea I have ever heard! Do it. Please

The miserable shower of fecks deserve no more. And I'd do it on cheap printer paper with a box of Crayola. Don't waste your art materials on it.

Neyite wrote: »

Dinnergate was the best. I'm still slightly bitter that it became too identifiable and had to be deleted.

I thought bridesmaidgate was dinnergate? Or did I miss an epic thread?!

Milly33 · 07-01-2015 3:01pm

im going to have to try and find it think tis gone though...

Neyite · 07-01-2015 3:01pm

tinkerbell wrote: »

I thought bridesmaidgate was dinnergate? Or did I miss an epic thread?!

No, the same one.

I call it dinnergate to differentiate it from the usual bridsmaidsgates that happen.

*wonders if the mod is open to bribes to reinstate that thread...*

Milly33 · 07-01-2015 3:03pm

Ah tis gone I just tried searching!! Oh yes good idea go on OP wed pay to have the thread back..

It is rather odd alright what weddings do to people and now I know I will get a kick in the arse for saying this but it just goes to show that some women are absolutely away with the fairies, that would be saying fairies are bad which they aren't. But jesus some women are batty

Neyite · 07-01-2015 3:08pm

Milly33 wrote: »

Ah tis gone I just tried searching!! Oh yes good idea go on OP wed pay to have the thread back..

It is rather odd alright what weddings do to people and now I know I will get a kick in the arse for saying this but it just goes to show that some women are absolutely away with the fairies, that would be saying fairies are bad which they aren't. But jesus some women are batty

To be fair, there seems to be a pair of them that think its perfectly acceptable. Two people that grabby and selfish who met each other and fell in love. What are the odds? :pac:

ABajaninCork · 07-01-2015 3:20pm

Neyite wrote: »

To be fair, there seems to be a pair of them that think its perfectly acceptable. Two people that grabby and selfish who met each other and fell in love. What are the odds? :pac:

Birds of a feather and all that...

davywalsh7 · 07-01-2015 5:50pm

this has to be a wind up!! i cant actually believe that there are two people out there who are so selfish rude and have a total lack of appreciation of the cost involved in attending a wedding let alone buying expensive gifts that you are requested to get!! couple should be over the moon with the gift of the portrait/cake etc but still expect not onky more but way more tgan the average gift. i mean a bike for their kid!!! wtf!!???

Milly33 · 07-01-2015 7:36pm

nope you would be surprised at what people think is normal to do at weddings.. Shocking stuff

Lau2976 · 07-01-2015 8:22pm

I decided to give the benefit if the doubt and thought maybe they had forgotten about the portrait but just received a text from the groom asking if I can confirm the date for the sitting as they need to arrange a sitter. And a nice little side note asking if I needed to swap what gift I was getting them as they have other people asking to get them different things

I think I might buy the mixer, paint it and then keep it for myself!

They have also asked the guy who's making the cake to add on 90 cupcakes. And then sent him the measurements for the bike!

Tarzana2 · 07-01-2015 8:23pm

Can't believe the lack of gratitude from the couple over people making things for the wedding.

My sister was blown away when a good friend of the groom offered to do the flowers for the wedding with his mother who is big into flower arranging. This was his wedding gift to them. That's a huge gift to give and she was really shocked and touched that he offered. She also received other offers to do things for the wedding, and was equally touched by these. One of her friends is an artist who is always strapped for cash, so she gave them some of her beautiful artwork.

OP, please please don't give in to their demands. I'd actually not go if I were you, but different strokes!

LizT · 07-01-2015 8:25pm

They need to be told where to go! Hopefully no one will pander to them, I can't get over how anyone would think it's acceptable to put that on an invitation.

Tarzana2 · 07-01-2015 8:25pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

I decided to give the benefit if the doubt and thought maybe they had forgotten about the portrait but just received a text from the groom asking if I can confirm the date for the sitting as they need to arrange a sitter. And a nice little side note asking if I needed to swap what gift I was getting them as they have other people asking to get them different things

I think I might buy the mixer, paint it and then keep it for myself!

They have also asked the guy who's making the cake to add on 90 cupcakes. And then sent him the measurements for the bike!

Just :eek:!

Lau2976 · 07-01-2015 8:26pm

I probably won't TBH. I have a few more weeks before I have to RSVP so I'll have a think but the cost is massive. Not only is it the gift an the painting but it requires me staying in a hotel if I decide to go to the reception as it's across the country.

07-01-2015 8:27pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

I decided to give the benefit if the doubt and thought maybe they had forgotten about the portrait but just received a text from the groom asking if I can confirm the date for the sitting as they need to arrange a sitter. And a nice little side note asking if I needed to swap what gift I was getting them as they have other people asking to get them different things

I think I might buy the mixer, paint it and then keep it for myself!

They have also asked the guy who's making the cake to add on 90 cupcakes. And then sent him the measurements for the bike!

Ah, here! This topic has to be a pi**take.

Tarzana2 · 07-01-2015 8:27pm

LizT wrote: »

I can't get over how anyone would think it's acceptable to put that on an invitation.

And follow up aggressively not long afterwards! :eek:

Well, the OP said that they are likely to receive some declines over this, and I'd expect more than a few declines if I was them. How can people be so shortsighted? They think they'll make or save money this way but they likely end up costing themselves more money through their moneygrubbing ways.

allym · 07-01-2015 8:29pm

Nope. Just nope.

If that was me they would be getting nothing.

Like, my god! How can people be so delusional?

07-01-2015 8:29pm

If it's for real, then OP, treat them with the same contempt they are treating you and decline invitation and develop severe allergy to arts stuff and forget you ever knew them!

Milly33 · 07-01-2015 8:31pm

Oh it gets better haha..Jes and are these really friends of yours or just lets say someone you know through someone!! I think I would break my arse laughing if someone suggested we do something like this.. And like you say the cost you already have to buy going and staying over.. Defo do not give them a mixer or a painting.. You could send them on a treasure hunt across the country saying you hid the mixer someplace where you knew they would love and just have it off the cliffs of moher or something

clint_silver · 07-01-2015 10:23pm

Remember marge painted mister burns. And really captured his essence.

Oryx · 07-01-2015 10:28pm

I dont think you should give them anything. Their greed is just stunning. Clearly they dont value your painting, or the baker's work, cos oh, thats just something you do! Never mind the skill, time, and cost of materials!

Toots · 07-01-2015 11:14pm

Neyite wrote: »

No, the same one. I call it dinnergate to differentiate it from the usual bridsmaidsgates that happen.

*wonders if the mod is open to bribes to reinstate that thread...*

Not for all the tea in China!!! :eek:

Oryx wrote: »

I dont think you should give them anything. Their greed is just stunning. Clearly they dont value your painting, or the baker's work, cos oh, thats just something you do! Never mind the skill, time, and cost of materials!

I reckon this is exactly it. I knit and crochet and someone recently wanted me to make them a fancy cardigan type thing. They offered to pay me €200 and got really snotty when I said I couldn't do it. I told them that would just about cover the materials, and in addition it would take me weeks to finish it. Their response was "but sure why would you charge for something that you just do when you're sitting in front of the TV?". They were lucky the conversation happened by phone, cos if it had been face to face they'd have ended up having to have a crochet hook removed from somewhere unpleasant!

Requesting guest specific gift.

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