Requesting guest specific gift.

polydactyl

Avid Avid baker here and did with an Aldi/Lidl version for years for under 50 euro so check that out, also a kenwood chef is perfect for 200 if you do decide to splash out. No need for the Kitchen Aid ones. Also the whole thing is really really really really rude. You could just reply and say saw the request for the stand mixer I assume you dont want the portrit then as that was what my gift was going to be.... and see what they say.

Also if they do see this so what the OP has done nothing but ask a question.

messrs

Lau2976 wrote: »

It's a stand mixer. I barely even know what that is let alone what type to buy :O

I'm an artist and have arranged to do a portrait for them for their wedding already so I pretty much can't afford to attend now since, the prices that I've seen, il be spending €500 on a mixer if I do.

so what happens if you don't go? will the send an invite to someone else so they can get their stand mixer?!

imo its very rude and presumptuous. How close are you to the couple? Are the family (sibling) or just a friend?

Neyite

Extremely rude, whatever their personal feelings may be about your choice of gift.

Buy an aldi mixer. Paint them ever so slightly unflattering, add extra chins and make them crosseyed or something. Then insist they put it over their mantelpiece.

Have you spoken to other guests about what gifts their save the date specified?

Lau2976

Ha! I should paint them like that.

It's a semi close friend I suppose and she asked me to paint it after seeing one I had done for another wedding. I think she must have thought I was not considering that their gift. She doesn't realize that for the same painting of people I don't know I would charge more then 500 after things like materials are factored in! Especially since I'm looking at a nearly 2 weeks of work. :rolleyes:

They have requested other gifts from other guests and cash from others. Someone else got asked for a bike for their son and another got sent the argos catalogue nbwr if what they wanted!

messrs

Lau2976 wrote: »

Ha! I should paint them like that.

It's a semi close friend I suppose and she asked me to paint it after seeing one I had done for another wedding. I think she must have thought I was not considering that their gift. She doesn't realize that for the same painting of people I don't know I would charge more then 500 after things like materials are factored in! Especially since I'm looking at a nearly 2 weeks of work. :rolleyes:

They have requested other gifts from other guests and cash from others. Someone else got asked for a bike for their son and another got sent the argos catalogue nbwr if what they wanted!

so they want the expensive gift & the painting done aswell. That is unreal, I cant believe someone would have the cheek to do something like this. If its only semi close friend, I would politely decline the invite. Have you spoke to any other guests? what do they think of it all?

eh i dunno

A bike for their son? I've heard it all now. Send the invite back and never make contact with them again. Madness

Neyite

Lau2976 wrote: »

Ha! I should paint them like that.

It's a semi close friend I suppose and she asked me to paint it after seeing one I had done for another wedding. I think she must have thought I was not considering that their gift. She doesn't realize that for the same painting of people I don't know I would charge more then 500 after things like materials are factored in! Especially since I'm looking at a nearly 2 weeks of work. :rolleyes:

They have requested other gifts from other guests and cash from others. Someone else got asked for a bike for their son and another got sent the argos catalogue nbwr if what they wanted!

Hang on, she asked you for the portrait, then wants a €500 mixer off you into the bargain?? No way!!! Ok, now they need an extra chin. Maybe bingo wings too!

I could understand that generally people give a bigger gift to siblings so in that case the request of a mixer might go down better, but a friend, not even a bestie?

What is it with some people who think a wedding is some sort of event to fleece your nearest and dearest. Oh, you should all agree to get them a toaster, every one of you!

Sunny Dayz

The couple getting married - are they Irish??
It doesn't sound like an "Irish" thing to do with save the dates, I've only seen them done for guests from abroad or if the wedding was abroad.


As for specifying who should buy what - never heard of that being done anywhere. Guests should swap around their gift orders - the couple will get a shock when Auntie Mary gives the bike instead of Auntie Margaret!


Seriously though - are they actually talking the pi$$?

Sunny Dayz

Neyite wrote: »

Oh, you should all agree to get them a toaster, every one of you!

Love it!!

Del2005

Lau2976 wrote: »

Ha! I should paint them like that.

It's a semi close friend I suppose and she asked me to paint it after seeing one I had done for another wedding. I think she must have thought I was not considering that their gift. She doesn't realize that for the same painting of people I don't know I would charge more then 500 after things like materials are factored in! Especially since I'm looking at a nearly 2 weeks of work. :rolleyes:

They have requested other gifts from other guests and cash from others. Someone else got asked for a bike for their son and another got sent the argos catalogue nbwr if what they wanted!

If you go you should buy a kids mixer and do a quick sketch on A5 paper then order the most expensive drink for the first toast. Specifically asking you for the portrait and then this shows how some people don't value skills or the time required for a hand made gift.

Any idea if they even considered can the people afford the items that they asked them for? Not that you can really tell how people are copping

Lau2976

The other guests (that I've spoken to) were all very shocked as well. The man who was asked for a bike would be a closer friend then me and also thought his gift was already arranged with them, as he's baking the cake.

I hope, for the sake of their wedding, that they realize what's acceptable! As far as I know a few people are declining because they can't afford the gift and are too embarrassed to say otherwise.

The man she's marrying is american and the weddings here so maybe they did it for the benefit of the American guests.

K_P

Lau2976 wrote: »

another got sent the argos catalogue nbwr if what they wanted!

Aaaaand now I've heard it all. :eek:

Seriously, that is the most classless, clueless, horrible thing I've heard in a long time. Regardless of whether or not her husband is American, the wedding is here and that's just not done. Actually, I've been to a few weddings in America and even then, I've never heard of specific gifts being requested. Gift registries are certainly more common there than here, but I think they're absolutely fine as they always have gifts within a wide range of prices.

OP, the portrait is your gift. You're giving it your time, expertise, craftsmanship, creativity as well as all the materials. That is an incredibly generous gift, and quite possibly more than they deserve. Don't even think about getting the mixer.

pwurple

Lau2976 wrote: »

The man who was asked for a bike would be a closer friend then me and also thought his gift was already arranged with them, as he's baking the cake.

:eek: Ah now. Cakes cost hundreds as well. And bikes are not cheap either.

This is a wind-up surely.

Oryx

Honestly, this couple rival the ones in that brilliant Bridesmaidgate thread last year.

michellie

Oh dear God it's Giftgate.

Appalled, simply appalled!!!

Milly33

OMG some people do have a bit of cheek. A bike for their kid feck that.. It is so horrible to presume that people have money for crap they want.. Hehe you should paint a picture of the mixer for them.. It sounds like they are taking the piss to be honest. Like that you said she liked your portraits and you have said you would do one for them, that should be your gift.

I would be nicely declining...

NewCorkLad

Buy them the gift for €500 and bill them for the painting for €500. Get the other friend to do the same thing regarding the cake and bike.

IvyTheTerrible

pwurple wrote: »

Some people place very little value in other people's time or effort. I know it can cost over 100 euro in materials for quilts or framed paintings for example, plus hours of time.. but people still think, hey, they made it themselves, it cost them nothing!

As someone who makes quilts, it's WELL over a hundred euro for materials for a double-bed sized quilt. They have some cheek asking for a personalised gift AND a mixer.

Toots

Oryx wrote: »

Honestly, this couple rival the ones in that brilliant Bridesmaidgate thread last year.

I had this exact thought!!

Seriously though, even if it is something coming from the American side, I've been to a few Irish/American weddings and I've never heard of this before. I know gift registries are still the done things over there, but there's usually a wide variety of gifts and prices to choose from, so people aren't forced to spend money they don't have.

Milly33

Yep defo I know my sister had one for their own wedding. The wanted some new sounds system but they broke all the elements up so that people could pick like a speaker or cable or bits like that depending on what they can afford..

Oh I just remembering that wedding where they thought they would have to pay for dinner what happened at the end of that. It should be refreshed

cruais

I got an invite in the post a couple of months ago. Enclosed in the invitation on a business style card was an IBAN number and " Please contribute to our honeymoon fund ". Now to add to it, the wedding is in greece.

F. Right. Off

I will not be going.

Milly33

I wouldn't be put off now by that at least they have said look this is what they are looking for, rather than you getting something they don't want..You can put in whatever mula you like and leave it at that but asking for things like bikes, mixers etc is a bit much.. maybe with family but not friends

cruais

Milly33 wrote: »

I wouldn't be put off now by that at least they have said look this is what they are looking for, rather than you getting something they don't want..You can put in whatever mula you like and leave it at that but asking for things like bikes, mixers etc is a bit much.. maybe with family but not friends

I know its not about the gifts, but this individual gave me a photo frame for our wedding gift which I know they got on sale for €6.50, as they forgot to take the price tag off.

I just think it is cheeky to ask for money or gifts.

At my wedding, some people didnt give me anything. But I didnt care as I didnt get married for presents.

Neyite

Oryx wrote: »

Honestly, this couple rival the ones in that brilliant Bridesmaidgate thread last year.

Dinnergate was the best. I'm still slightly bitter that it became too identifiable and had to be deleted.

Neyite

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

As someone who makes quilts, it's WELL over a hundred euro for materials for a double-bed sized quilt. They have some cheek asking for a personalised gift AND a mixer.

Costs multiples of that for quilt materials here.

The most recent Wedding I was at had the following request on the Invite
"The only present we require is YOUR presence. Please help us make our special day memorable."

Milly33

That was the one hehe, what happened in the end were guests made pay for it. I remember watching it like a hawk for updates and then we went away twas locked when I got back...

Caught rotten with the price tag on the frame D'oh... I can see where you are coming from too don't worry.. It is mad to think people base the weddings on gifts but sure that's what they do...

I hope to get like a mmm I was trying to think of something lavish but I know my car needs to be painted that's it

evolving_doors

Asking for gifts/money is just cheeky.

Unfriend...

unless its the megalomaniac spouse of your friend getting married.. in which case have a word with yer friend and give them the lay of the land.. some couples loose the run of themselves so might be blind to logic.

Who knows, it might be an interfering parent/bridal party member who might be fillin them with nonsense.

Have a word with your friend.

IvyTheTerrible

Neyite wrote: »

Costs multiples of that for quilt materials here.

Here too, unfortunately. And even if you value the time taken at half the minimum wage per hour, you can add another 150 onto the price, just to break even!

cactusgal

Toots wrote: »

I had this exact thought!!

Seriously though, even if it is something coming from the American side, I've been to a few Irish/American weddings and I've never heard of this before. I know gift registries are still the done things over there, but there's usually a wide variety of gifts and prices to choose from, so people aren't forced to spend money they don't have.

I'm American and have never heard of such a thing!!!! Gift registries are the norm in the USA for sure, but I've never heard of being assigned gifts! Especially when guests are already providing other gifts and services! Not to mention the American guests who are presumably traveling to Ireland for the wedding, are they also going to get hit with an assigned gift?!

Sorry for all the exclamation points.
!!