Why aren't you married?

begsbyOnaTrain · 16-10-2019 2:01pm #1

Are you married? If not, do you plan to? Is it something you want or think would be good for you? Or is it a thumbs down from you?

I'm married near two years now. I'd highly recommend it. Not to my wife though. She's taken.

dxhound2005 · 16-10-2019 2:02pm

These days we have to ask are you a man or a woman.

jam_mac_jam · 16-10-2019 2:03pm

Not married yet. With the person for twenty years. Getting married in two weeks. eek

Bobblehats · 16-10-2019 2:05pm

I know a guy who got hitched in Vegas and now he’s miserable. That’s right he’s got the shotgun blues

mistress_gi · 16-10-2019 2:07pm

Was married. Didn't like it, so I gave it up

yourdeadwright · 16-10-2019 2:08pm

I'm getting married in 2021
Living with the wife to be years with kids so can't see it changing anything

bear1 · 16-10-2019 2:09pm

Meh divorced but with an amazing woman now.
Planning to pop the question next year all going well.

ancapailldorcha · 16-10-2019 2:11pm

I'm single.

Thelonious Monk · 16-10-2019 2:11pm

Lady I'm seeing now is hopefully old enough (36 next month) for any dreams of weddings etc to have been crushed by now and given up upon. Wedding is my worst nightmare so hopefully can avoid till I die

SEPT 23 1989 · 16-10-2019 2:12pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

I'm getting married in 2021
Living with the wife to be years with kids so can't see it changing anything

I was in the same position and I thought the same but it does change things in a good way

Yer Da sells Avon · 16-10-2019 2:12pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUEV4rnu5V8

Kimbot · 16-10-2019 2:13pm

I will never identify myself as married :P

hairyprincess · 16-10-2019 2:16pm

Had brief dalliance with marriage a good few years ago. It was very much a case of ‘marry in haste repent at leisure’. Very happily divorced now and seeing a great guy. I would happily get married again but don’t think the other half is keen on it at the moment. His legal separation is in its early stages and it’s fairly acrimonious.

Stevieluvsye · 16-10-2019 2:37pm

Married 4 years. As happy now as i was when i met her near on 10 years ago.

I have no regrets in life. I was banging different ladies for years on end and just got sick of it and decided i wanted to settle down when i hit 30. Happened to meet wifey 4 weeks after my 30th birthday and been with each other ever since.

However i have a close friend who is married with 3 kids, both he and his wife are having affairs but they are staying with each other for "the kids" real shame.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 16-10-2019 2:50pm

Eh, the effort.

If we ever buy property I guess we better.

Boom_Bap · 16-10-2019 2:55pm

Hopefully next year we'll finally lock in the contract.

Stevieluvsye · 16-10-2019 2:57pm

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Hopefully next year we'll finally lock in the contract.

Is your OH aware of this "contract" yet?

Ficheall · 16-10-2019 3:03pm

begsbyOnaTrain wrote: »

I'd highly recommend it.

Go on then - why? Any reason aside from financial?

16-10-2019 3:03pm

Married? What? The very thought of it feels like a rope curling around my heart and lungs and sucking the life out of me.

Purple Mountain · 16-10-2019 3:05pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Married? What? The very thought of it feels like a rope curling around my heart and lungs and sucking the life out of me.

I'm same Perse. Happy as a single gal.

armaghlad · 16-10-2019 3:05pm

I can’t get a dog to bark at me

TheBoyConor · 16-10-2019 3:08pm

I am a Westmeath bachelor and my age is 33.
I don't intend to marry or to raise a family.
Sure I'm happy and contented just to live the single life.
And that's the reason why i don't intend to take a wife.

in all seriousness though, that is fairly accurate except I live in Cork and not westmeath.
I have no intention of marrying. I prefer spending my quality time with my friends and then having a few causal liaisons with a few fwbs i have.

No intention to marry as it just seems like work and obligation that will only end up with being stale and pissed off with eachother . I haven't got the patience for it.

machaseh · 16-10-2019 3:09pm

I am 27 and have never had a serious relationship, only dated for a couple weeks each. I do not see myself getting a serious relationship let alone a marriage anytime soon.

Not everybody is as lucky in the love department sadly.

Boom_Bap · 16-10-2019 3:12pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Married? What? The very thought of it feels like a rope curling around my heart and lungs and sucking the life out of me.

Abort proposal.

Abort proposal.

On an unrelated note, anyone want to buy 1000 doves by any chance?

Ave Sodalis · 16-10-2019 3:14pm

I have no interest in marriage. If it wasn't for the legal aspect of it, I probably wouldn't bother with marrying at all. As it stands, the legal part of it isn't relevant, so until there is a reason to get married, I probably won't be.

The chan chan man · 16-10-2019 3:16pm

I am. Less sex but more tax credits... so I use the extra money to buy sex..

ancapailldorcha · 16-10-2019 3:16pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Married? What? The very thought of it feels like a rope curling around my heart and lungs and sucking the life out of me.

It's kind of how I view dating. If successful, it might lead to marriage at which point I'd fear losing my independence and freedom.

16-10-2019 3:18pm

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Abort proposal.

Abort proposal.

On an unrelated note, anyone want to buy 1000 doves by any chance?

Sometimes I feel sad that I haven't ever been chosen. Like I can't imagine what it must be like to have someone make a decision to want to be with me always. Thing is though it's more about that feeling of being 'picked' than the actual person doing the 'picking'.

I have something in my eye now.

Bigbagofcans · 16-10-2019 3:22pm

I'm not married.

The thoughts of marrying someone who is high maintenance and doesn't give me breathing space doesn't sound appealing.

Now, someone who will love me enough but leave me alone a lot of the time, respect my independence and not be non-stop chattering sounds right to me.

Sleepy · 16-10-2019 3:25pm

Married for 6 years or so, together a lot longer than that (our daughter just turned 11!). The tax credits and an extra date to have to remember to buy her a present for would be the main difference tbh.

Aisling(",) · 16-10-2019 3:26pm

I'd like to get married at some point but can't afford to rent never mind a wedding. I'd like a wedding even if its just a small event.

Not planning on having kids so it wouldn't be as important to me. If I was to have kids I like the idea of everyone having the same name and being the one unit.Probably wouldn't bother changing my name otherwise.

TheBoyConor · 16-10-2019 3:28pm

Loss of independence and freedom.
Putting pressure on you for babies and nagging in general.
Expectations and obligations.
The ever present threat of having half of everything you have pulled from under you, probably more like 75% if you factor in legal costs and the costs of setting yourself up again.
Even divorce isn't final. They can come after you again for your pension and any inheritance you might receive in the future.

No thanks.

bertsmom · 16-10-2019 3:38pm

Female 37 here. Went out with a great guy for years and years but never felt the need to marry. We broke up a few years agoand I'm loving living alone and having a free and easy life. Seeing a guy now that I absolutely love to bits and plan on moving to be living in the same town in a year or two but we agree that we will always keep our own homes and not live together or marry.
Works great for us!

Day Lewin · 16-10-2019 3:42pm

I love being married. Decades into it, and still going strong.

Ask me anything.

Greyfox · 16-10-2019 3:47pm

No because its a stupid piece of paper and a relic from the past, when your living with someone already its almost pointless. Although i'm open to marriage if the right person insists on it

s7ryf3925pivug · 16-10-2019 3:48pm

I got married because you get marginal tax benefits, stronger rights with your own offspring (as a male), my wife wanted to and I was happy with her and our relationship. But I still think marriage is a load of bollocks, which shouldn't affect tax or father's rights the way it does.

jam_mac_jam · 16-10-2019 3:50pm

Main reason for us is the house. If somebody dies then the other person will have to pay tax on it like they are a stranger also things like next of kin. Legal things. Not very romantic but the truth.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 16-10-2019 3:51pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Married? What? The very thought of it feels like a rope curling around my heart and lungs and sucking the life out of me.

Purple Mountain wrote: »

I'm same Perse. Happy as a single gal.

I’m married but I would happily be single rather than with the wrong person. Good for ye. Society piles on the pressure to marry, especially on women.

Wibbs · 16-10-2019 3:53pm

There would have been two women in my life I could have seen being married to, but things got in the way. Oddly enough neither were at fault, mostly life circumstances got in the way and we dropped the ball a bit. But after the last one something in my mechanism broke and I haven't gotten within an asses roar of feelings and basic compatibilities like that and TBH don't expect to. Many if not most folks seem to able to fall in love much more easily than I've ever been able to. I wouldn't get into such a serious setup like marriage when it would feel like a "downgrade" of sorts and not fair on anyone(or me).

theteal · 16-10-2019 3:54pm

Over 4 years in now. I could have lived without it but herself wanted it - and I mean it's not like we could have found some actual useful things to do with that lump of money! It didn't change anything from the previous 9 years. I made a promise to her early in the relationship and I stand by it, I don't need a piece of paper to hold me to it.

maccored · 16-10-2019 3:56pm

was married was 25 years, but once the kids were grown we decided to live life again, split up and do our own thing. Best decision ever.

Signore Fancy Pants · 16-10-2019 3:57pm

Married 10 months, nothing has changed, still allowed see my friends

. She's not though, cant be havin' that.

Happy out.

Tell me how · 16-10-2019 3:57pm

I lost a significant portion of my life to depression. Between my mental state of mind during that time, and the medication I was on, I had no belief, desire, ability to pursue a meaningful relationship. This happened at an age when, typically, people develop long term relationships leading to marriage.
Even after I overcame the depression and had stopped medication, it took time to get myself back in to that space of being able to consider participating in a serious relationship.

I would love to be married. As long as that marriage is founded on a deep love between me and my wife. During the above years, I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to be with me and the thought of someone I love wanting to say 'I do' to spending the rest of their life with me is very very appealing to me. But, like others who have posted, I have no wish to be married to tick that box or to fit in to any societal expectation of coupling up. The fear of waking up some day and feeling that I am trapped (to some degree) in the wrong place is definitely something I never want to experience.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 16-10-2019 3:57pm

jam_mac_jam wrote: »

Main reason for us is the house. If somebody dies then the other person will have to pay tax on it like they are a stranger also things like next of kin. Legal things. Not very romantic but the truth.

Yeah if we ever do it it'll probably be for reasons like that. My uncle recently married his partner of some 30-odd years for similarly practical reasons. It's kind of crazy that a couple who married after like 18 months are considered more legitimately related to each other in legal and financial sense than couples like them and yourselves.

Lux23 · 16-10-2019 3:59pm

Engaged, waiting to buy a house and then we might have a small wedding.

tylercheribini · 16-10-2019 3:59pm

"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"-Groucho Marx

Sleepy · 16-10-2019 4:03pm

Franklin Disgusting Lamp wrote: »

I got married because you get marginal tax benefits, stronger rights with your own offspring (as a male), my wife wanted to and I was happy with her and our relationship. But I still think marriage is a load of bollocks, which shouldn't affect tax or father's rights the way it does.

This is about it for me too tbh. If there weren't legal, taxation and inheritance advantages to being married, I'd probably never have done it.

jam_mac_jam · 16-10-2019 4:08pm

Sleepy wrote: »

This is about it for me too tbh. If there weren't legal, taxation and inheritance advantages to being married, I'd probably never have done it.

Yes me too its expensive. We are having a tiny wedding but its still adding up all these little things here and there that you feel you have to have. I know you don't of course but jesus, its expensive.

SusanC10 · 16-10-2019 4:18pm

Married 15 years. Together 17. Been through a lot together but we are happy. I wouldn't be without him !

seenitall · 16-10-2019 4:24pm

I'm divorced, if that answers the question in any way...

It's good to try most things (within reason!) in life at least once!

Thelonious Monk · 16-10-2019 4:31pm

I often hear this tax thing, but seriously is it even noticeable? Do you just pay less income tax or something?

Why aren't you married?

Why aren't you married? 259 votes

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