No Fetal Pole 7 weeks

Antares35 · 13-04-2021 12:03pm

Hi Ginny

Hope you are doing ok. I had a missed MC a little over two years ago. The baby had passed away at 7 weeks but it was only when I went for a 10 week scan that I found out. She (I always felt in my heart that my first baby was a girl), had stopped growing. I attended the rotunda. They sent me home for the MC to happen naturally. I don't know if they gave me a choice. I don't recall it but it's all a bit hazy. Anyway I just wanted to let you know that if you have any questions about the natural MC as opposed to medical management, you can pm me and I will be happy to share my experience if it helps you to know what to maybe expect. Entirely up to you of course just putting it out there. I'm really sorry again.

I remember an aunt afterwards when we were discussing it, she kept insisting on refering to it "the loss of the fetus". I snapped at her because for is it's a baby from day one, and I hate that sort of cold terminology people use when someone has suffered a loss. I'm still annoyed with her about it to this day!

Edit just to say I wasn't advocating for natural MC, just in case it happens in the interim.

shesty · 13-04-2021 12:48pm

Ginny, those midwives deal with everything.They see and hear everything.I mean the full gamut of human emotion, there is very little they haven't seen before.They see women, physically, and their relationships, at their weakest and at their strongest.Don't worry about how you are coming across to them. Everyone reacts differently.You could be crying on their shoulders next time so just roll with that, do what you have to.

Bambinoonboard · 13-04-2021 3:16pm

Antares35 wrote: »

Hi Ginny

Hope you are doing ok. I had a missed MC a little over two years ago. The baby had passed away at 7 weeks but it was only when I went for a 10 week scan that I found out. She (I always felt in my heart that my first baby was a girl), had stopped growing. I attended the rotunda. They sent me home for the MC to happen naturally. I don't know if they gave me a choice. I don't recall it but it's all a bit hazy. Anyway I just wanted to let you know that if you have any questions about the natural MC as opposed to medical management, you can pm me and I will be happy to share my experience if it helps you to know what to maybe expect. Entirely up to you of course just putting it out there. I'm really sorry again.

I remember an aunt afterwards when we were discussing it, she kept insisting on refering to it "the loss of the fetus". I snapped at her because for is it's a baby from day one, and I hate that sort of cold terminology people use when someone has suffered a loss. I'm still annoyed with her about it to this day!

Edit just to say I wasn't advocating for natural MC, just in case it happens in the interim.

Omg Antares, it's so frustrating you had to experience this. A loss is a loss. I wish we could break free of this cultural taboo. The whole reason it is taboo and not discussed is because those on the receiving end of the conversation are in fact the weak ones but sadly it's sometimes made out to the other way around. I remember how someone in my immediate family came home a few days after my D&C happily announcing and discussing how our cousin had just had a baby and included all the details in the conversation. I remember feeling a mix of anger and sadness but beneath it all was hurt. I walked out of the room as to not become angry in the setting and was called out on being selfish and making it all about me. Yep,strange times.

xXx-Ginny-xXx · 13-04-2021 8:18pm

Thank you. Strangely enough yesterday evening I thought it was starting naturally. I was cramping quite badly and spotting, but today nothing except dull aching cramps. Maybe its just the effects of 3 internal scans in 3 days. Who knows! I'm still in the pits of anger with body, firstly for failing to grow this little one, and also for not acknowledging that the little heart has stopped.
Personally I'd be happier for a natural end, but I've also an almost 4 year old who follows me around most of the day, I can't get my partner to stay off work, I think his students have suffered enough this year.

I can't believe the comments regarding these early losses, quite thoughtless! I've had 'aren't you lucky its now and not in 6 months', and the everything happens for a reason speil!! I know the statistics, I know that its probably most likely chromosomal, I'm a scientific minded person and have read numerous papers on first trimester loss. But none of that makes me feel any better, it is devastating.

I watched the Síle Seoige's documentary over the weekend on TG4, really recommend it. I hope people start to talk more.

Also my phone call from the locum GP was just a formality to allow them to issue a medical cert. I had so many questions which I will ask next week in the hospital. Do any of you recommend actually seeing a GP afterwards? I have questions about trying again (not sure when) and just general mental health queries. I don't visit the doctor too often but do have a GP I feel I can speak to, its just difficult to get an appointment and I don't want to feel like I'm wasting resources.

Bambinoonboard · 13-04-2021 9:45pm

xXx-Ginny-xXx wrote: »

Thank you. Strangely enough yesterday evening I thought it was starting naturally. I was cramping quite badly and spotting, but today nothing except dull aching cramps. Maybe its just the effects of 3 internal scans in 3 days. Who knows! I'm still in the pits of anger with body, firstly for failing to grow this little one, and also for not acknowledging that the little heart has stopped.
Personally I'd be happier for a natural end, but I've also an almost 4 year old who follows me around most of the day, I can't get my partner to stay off work, I think his students have suffered enough this year.

I can't believe the comments regarding these early losses, quite thoughtless! I've had 'aren't you lucky its now and not in 6 months', and the everything happens for a reason speil!! I know the statistics, I know that its probably most likely chromosomal, I'm a scientific minded person and have read numerous papers on first trimester loss. But none of that makes me feel any better, it is devastating.

I watched the Síle Seoige's documentary over the weekend on TG4, really recommend it. I hope people start to talk more.

Also my phone call from the locum GP was just a formality to allow them to issue a medical cert. I had so many questions which I will ask next week in the hospital. Do any of you recommend actually seeing a GP afterwards? I have questions about trying again (not sure when) and just general mental health queries. I don't visit the doctor too often but do have a GP I feel I can speak to, its just difficult to get an appointment and I don't want to feel like I'm wasting resources.

Hi Ginny,

Of course you are in the pits of anger and you have every right to. It's an unfair and painful experience. The mental pain is of course far greater than the physical.

Those comments are also thoughtless and would make bloody boil. Oh the "whatever happens, happens for a reason" craic - that's a familiar one!! Shocking.

Good on you been so informed on the scientific reasons etc. Yes, it probably is chromosomal.

Síle Seoige's doc - I meant to watch it myself. Thanks for the recommendation.

If you have questions and concerns re trying again and mental health, I certainly don't see that as wasted resource at all. Make the appointment if it feels right for you. x

xXx-Ginny-xXx · 24-04-2021 5:07pm

Bambinoonboard wrote: »

Hi Ginny,

Of course you are in the pits of anger and you have every right to. It's an unfair and painful experience. The mental pain is of course far greater than the physical.

Those comments are also thoughtless and would make bloody boil. Oh the "whatever happens, happens for a reason" craic - that's a familiar one!! Shocking.

Good on you been so informed on the scientific reasons etc. Yes, it probably is chromosomal.

Síle Seoige's doc - I meant to watch it myself. Thanks for the recommendation.

If you have questions and concerns re trying again and mental health, I certainly don't see that as wasted resource at all. Make the appointment if it feels right for you. x

I finally miscarried at 12+1. Medically managed, decided against surgical management. It was just easier to get it done with ASAP. Should I be unlucky to be in the same situation again I will opt for the ERPC. The miso pills are awful. I read a lot and tried to prepare, but nothing could have prepared me. I felt like I was consciously ending my own pregnancy (ridiculous, I know). I just hope my follow up scan shows that it’s completed.

I visited my GP, she was fantastic and a wealth of knowledge. She really took the time to let me get it all off my chest.

Thank you so much to everyone on this thread, it’s been a much lengthier experience than I expected but this has provided great support.

Antares35 · 24-04-2021 6:49pm

xXx-Ginny-xXx wrote: »

I finally miscarried at 12+1. Medically managed, decided against surgical management. It was just easier to get it done with ASAP. Should I be unlucky to be in the same situation again I will opt for the ERPC. The miso pills are awful. I read a lot and tried to prepare, but nothing could have prepared me. I felt like I was consciously ending my own pregnancy (ridiculous, I know). I just hope my follow up scan shows that it’s completed.

I visited my GP, she was fantastic and a wealth of knowledge. She really took the time to let me get it all off my chest.

Thank you so much to everyone on this thread, it’s been a much lengthier experience than I expected but this has provided great support.

It isn't an easy thing. Hope you are doing ok and take the time to recover. X

xzanti · 30-04-2021 6:47pm

So sorry for your loss.

I had a similar experience to you. Missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. Development had stopped around the 6 week mark. Very cruel thing to have happen. I was convinced my baby was growing. I was looking up the measurements each week of what size s/he was.

Worst feeling of helplessness in the world when your given that awful news. And the waiting for scans and clarification feels endless

Took me a long long time to feel 'normal' again. Going back to work was torture. I remember many days of fighting back tears until lunch time and then driving away to cry in peace. That was after a week off to recover from the initial shock and pain.

Don't try to rush yourself. You are grieving a deep loss. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself.

xXx-Ginny-xXx · 07-05-2021 3:20pm

xzanti wrote: »

So sorry for your loss.

I had a similar experience to you. Missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. Development had stopped around the 6 week mark. Very cruel thing to have happen. I was convinced my baby was growing. I was looking up the measurements each week of what size s/he was.

Worst feeling of helplessness in the world when your given that awful news. And the waiting for scans and clarification feels endless

Took me a long long time to feel 'normal' again. Going back to work was torture. I remember many days of fighting back tears until lunch time and then driving away to cry in peace. That was after a week off to recover from the initial shock and pain.

Don't try to rush yourself. You are grieving a deep loss. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself.

Thank you for your kind message. I'm also sorry to hear you also experienced a loss. It's utterly devastating.
Yes I was expecting to be fine but I'm absolutely not, I retuned to work this week and it has been quite turbulent. Physically I'm doing okay but I'm still navigating my way through the mental pain.

It is so reassuring to know I'm not the only one who struggled post miscarriage. I assumed I'd want to try straight away but I think my mental health is my priority. I'm blessed with a child already and maybe thats our family complete. Who knows

xzanti · 08-05-2021 7:05pm

xXx-Ginny-xXx wrote: »

Thank you for your kind message. I'm also sorry to hear you also experienced a loss. It's utterly devastating.
Yes I was expecting to be fine but I'm absolutely not, I retuned to work this week and it has been quite turbulent. Physically I'm doing okay but I'm still navigating my way through the mental pain.

It is so reassuring to know I'm not the only one who struggled post miscarriage. I assumed I'd want to try straight away but I think my mental health is my priority. I'm blessed with a child already and maybe thats our family complete. Who knows

Thank you. My missed miscarriage was my first pregnancy experience and honestly I felt every month of what should have been my continued pregnancy.

I still looked at the ticker online, and what stage they would have been at. I'm not sure if that was the 'right' thing for me to do, but I felt compelled to do it as part of my grief and healing.

I went on to have 2 healthy sons. But I still often think about my little bean and who they might have been.

Mother nature can be very cruel.

Wishing you all the best with your healing. Take each day as it comes.

No Fetal Pole 7 weeks

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