2021 Bride/Groom

Goose76 · 31-01-2021 9:33pm

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

RANT WARNING

Is it terrible that I’m getting jealous of all my friends who have gotten engaged recently who (hopefully) won’t have to deal with this crap?

Ah I completely understand. We are booked for March and resigned to postponing but haven’t pulled the trigger just yet.

In terms of friends though, try to think that you’ll be married and taking the next steps in your married life (whatever they may be - house, kids, whatever) when your friends in the future will only be just getting engaged or planning their weddings. Think of the thousands of couples across the country postponing getting engaged or even talking about marriage until “after covid”. Many would kill to be in our positions right now, planning a wedding.

The lady in my dress shop actually said she is seeing couples move weddings FORWARD ( as best they can ) lately because people don’t want to out their lives on hold or delay having children any longer.

I completely understand your feelings but on the dark days try and just see it from this perspective too maybe. The marriage is what counts really, not so much the wedding. And you can always have a huge relaxed wedding party afterwards in the future.

XxMCRxBabyxX · 31-01-2021 10:26pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Hey everyone,

My Fiancé and I have decided to go ahead this Spring. We will have a happy occasion, even if it doesnt look like what we thought it would be when we started planning two years ago. Things are different, and we decided to roll with it for our own reasons.
I'm going to unfollow the thread for a while, as I just need to give my head some space.
I wish you all the very best with your plans, whether that's to postpone, go for a micro wedding, or have 2 weddings. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to stress too much!

I'll let you all know how it goes

I hope this wasn't my fault! Wishing you the best of luck Eskie! Looking forward to seeing your update!

XxMCRxBabyxX · 31-01-2021 10:29pm

Goose76 wrote: »

Ah I completely understand. We are booked for March and resigned to postponing but haven’t pulled the trigger just yet.

In terms of friends though, try to think that you’ll be married and taking the next steps in your married life (whatever they may be - house, kids, whatever) when your friends in the future will only be just getting engaged or planning their weddings. Think of the thousands of couples across the country postponing getting engaged or even talking about marriage until “after covid”. Many would kill to be in our positions right now, planning a wedding.

The lady in my dress shop actually said she is seeing couples move weddings FORWARD ( as best they can ) lately because people don’t want to out their lives on hold or delay having children any longer.

I completely understand your feelings but on the dark days try and just see it from this perspective too maybe. The marriage is what counts really, not so much the wedding. And you can always have a huge relaxed wedding party afterwards in the future.

You're totally right. I'm completely delighted for all the couples, just a bit selfishly downhearted for myself. I still can't wait to marry my fiancé and am excited to be his wife!

zedhead · 01-02-2021 3:28pm

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

RANT WARNING

I’ve really hit a brick wall in the last week or two. We’re not until the beginning of June and we’ve agreed that we’re going to go ahead unless the numbers are 6 but everything has me anxious - the extended lockdown, the daily numbers, retail being closed, no travel etc. We’re trying to sort out rings and accessories but can’t go to a shop to get ring sized, can’t travel to get dress alterations, we don’t know if we can have a band or the illustrator we’ve booked, blah, blah, blah. I’m just exhausted from everything. I’ve had to delete all the Facebook pages I follow because I can’t handle another post about people postponing with weddings later than ours.

Is it terrible that I’m getting jealous of all my friends who have gotten engaged recently who (hopefully) won’t have to deal with this crap?

We're May and I know exactly how you feel. I am really hoping that we are at 25 by then but I am starting to lose hope.

We are going ahead either way but if we are still at 6 we need to decide what that looks like. Will we be able to find somewhere that can do a meal for just the 6 of us? Do I wear my dress and everything if all we can do is the registry office with no meal or anything. Do we bother with the photographer for the 30 minute ceremony in the registry office or lose a big deposit paid on that? If thats all we do, do we postpone a reception again for later in the year?

It is hard not to be jealous of others, but at the moment I am focused on finally getting to marry my fiance, the details don't matter as much!

Lollipops23 · 01-02-2021 3:47pm

zedhead wrote: »

We're May and I know exactly how you feel. I am really hoping that we are at 25 by then but I am starting to lose hope.

We are going ahead either way but if we are still at 6 we need to decide what that looks like. Will we be able to find somewhere that can do a meal for just the 6 of us? Do I wear my dress and everything if all we can do is the registry office with no meal or anything. Do we bother with the photographer for the 30 minute ceremony in the registry office or lose a big deposit paid on that? If thats all we do, do we postpone a reception again for later in the year?

It is hard not to be jealous of others, but at the moment I am focused on finally getting to marry my fiance, the details don't matter as much!

I think there's every chance of 25 by May zedhead, I wouldn't lose hope!

We're August and I'm crossing fingers for 50.

AppleD · 01-02-2021 4:26pm

zedhead wrote: »

We're May and I know exactly how you feel. I am really hoping that we are at 25 by then but I am starting to lose hope.

We are going ahead either way but if we are still at 6 we need to decide what that looks like. Will we be able to find somewhere that can do a meal for just the 6 of us? Do I wear my dress and everything if all we can do is the registry office with no meal or anything. Do we bother with the photographer for the 30 minute ceremony in the registry office or lose a big deposit paid on that? If thats all we do, do we postpone a reception again for later in the year?

It is hard not to be jealous of others, but at the moment I am focused on finally getting to marry my fiance, the details don't matter as much!

I think you have every chance of having 25 in May.

We want to have 50 and my partners family would be travelling from Wales so we moved to August only last week. We also had no wedding rings, bridesmaids dresses not sorted etc so was better for us to move. Lost a couple of deposits but all in all it wasn't stressful. Hotel had a lot of available dates we could move to, ppl must be moving theirs until next year.

Michellenman · 01-02-2021 5:41pm

Has anyone booked their wedding (or attended a wedding!) at Lyrath Estate?

Pink11 · 01-02-2021 7:26pm

We were for early August and made a decision today to move to May 2022. We have to go midweek as there are no 'nice' dates left in our venue until Q2 2023! :pac:

We just felt that our best guess, as no one actually knows, that a best case scenerio is that we'd be allowed have 50 to 100 people and we just have our heart set on our original number (200).

The last thing I want to do is stress out anyone as we have been so upset and worried ourselves - everyone is different and has different wishes and wants for their day so make sure you do what suits you. I'm just sharing this to help anyone feeling the same.

I think honestly if you're happy to have 50 or so, keep your date. Everyone is different.

On another note, I know of two great Saturday dates at a great venue that is now up for grabs, if anyone is interested in moving their upcoming wedding out to August.

applesock · 02-02-2021 10:14pm

Just wondering are babies included in the restriction of 6 people. I am planning 6 adult guest and a baby.

aoife1991 · 03-02-2021 12:02pm

marbilio wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Sorry if I am clogging up the forum with this message but I was just wondering if anybody on here is planning on getting married in Rathsallagh. I would really appreciate if you could PM please because we just have couple of questions and I was hoping to speak to someone.

Thank you and fingers crossed for eveyone's big day this year:):):)

I was at a civil ceremony wedding in Rathsallagh for my best friend's wedding and it was absolutely gorgeous. Very classy and the venue took care of organising most of the details. The couple were delighted with it.

aoife1991 · 03-02-2021 12:25pm

Does anyone have any suggestions for a DJ, ideally based in Cork? We are getting married in October, first in the registry office with immediate family present and then later having a party with extended family and friends. I'm crossing my fingers that we will be able to have 50 guests at that stage. My venue is more suited to a DJ than a band. I've made my peace that if everything goes t*ts up with Covid again, we will still be getting married on this date and will be using DJ Spotify! My grandparents are quite elderly so we don't really have the option to postpone.

cazzer22 · 04-02-2021 5:29pm

aoife1991 wrote: »

Does anyone have any suggestions for a DJ, ideally based in Cork? We are getting married in October, first in the registry office with immediate family present and then later having a party with extended family and friends. I'm crossing my fingers that we will be able to have 50 guests at that stage. My venue is more suited to a DJ than a band. I've made my peace that if everything goes t*ts up with Covid again, we will still be getting married on this date and will be using DJ Spotify! My grandparents are quite elderly so we don't really have the option to postpone.

I have contact details for Patrick Aherne if you like, I can DM them. We booked him and now can't have him due to restrictions, but lots of people we know recommended him. He has an active Instagram page if you'd like to check him out.

aoife1991 · 04-02-2021 5:34pm

cazzer22 wrote: »

I have contact details for Patrick Aherne if you like, I can DM them. We booked him and now can't have him due to restrictions, but lots of people we know recommended him. He has an active Instagram page if you'd like to check him out.

Please do

Thanks in advance

cazzer22 · 08-02-2021 7:45pm

Hey guys,
Just wondering what information you've heard regarding the 6 guests. I've heard from a number of sources that it's 6 excluding bride and groom and essential staff. Neil Prenderville was saying on air today that it's 6 including bride and groom. The wording seems to say *6 guests so naturally enough bride and groom aren't guests?
Also, on a brighter note, I had a total moment or clarity that we will all have 25 by mid April, feel so certain about it. Fingers crossed x

woodchuck · 08-02-2021 8:01pm

The bride and groom are not included in the numbers. Neither are suppliers. This is in accordance with SI 448/2020:
https://www.gov.ie/en/collection/1f150-view-statutory-instruments-related-to-the-covid-19-pandemic/

Paragraph 9(3), which relates to wedding receptions, states:
For the purposes of this Regulation, in reckoning the number of persons
attending a wedding reception, no account shall be taken of -
(a) the persons getting married, or
(b) persons so attending in a professional capacity, in the course of
their employment, or in fulfilment of a contract for services.

cazzer22 · 08-02-2021 8:10pm

woodchuck wrote: »

The bride and groom are not included in the numbers. Neither are suppliers. This is in accordance with SI 448/2020:
https://www.gov.ie/en/collection/1f150-view-statutory-instruments-related-to-the-covid-19-pandemic/

Paragraph 9(3), which relates to wedding receptions, states:
For the purposes of this Regulation, in reckoning the number of persons
attending a wedding reception, no account shall be taken of -
(a) the persons getting married, or
(b) persons so attending in a professional capacity, in the course of
their employment, or in fulfilment of a contract for services.[/quot

Thank you, Woodchuck, really appreciate that. He was saying the opposite on the radio today.

woodchuck · 09-02-2021 9:49pm

https://www.rte.ie/news/coronavirus/2021/0209/1196068-covid-plan/

Hopefully this will provide a little well needed clarity in a couple of weeks...

Alkers · 10-02-2021 12:24am

Does anyone have the specific wedding guidance that was posted before, seemed to state under which levels music was allowed for example? I'm nearly sure.i read it here a few months back but I can't find it now

10-02-2021 11:11am

Has anyone here used a wedding stylist for their venue?

10-02-2021 11:22am

Alkers wrote: »

Does anyone have the specific wedding guidance that was posted before, seemed to state under which levels music was allowed for example? I'm nearly sure.i read it here a few months back but I can't find it now

There's some contradictory information in the below links. At one stage you couldn't leave your county for a wedding but you can do so now. Also I'm sure under level 3 you can have music.
It's such a dynamic situation that even with the 'Living with Covid' plan there are constant changes.

I'm sick of seeing articles about couples having their wedding at home and home just so happens to be a ginormous house set on acres of land!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/live-music-and-dancing-not-allowed-at-weddings-in-hotels-this-month-1.4427840%3fmode=amp

https://onefabday.com/covid-19-weddings-coronavirus/

https://www.gov.ie/en/campaigns/resilience-recovery-2020-2021-plan-for-living-with-covid-19/

confusticated · 10-02-2021 12:05pm

I think the live music element of it was in the Fáilte Ireland guidelines, not the government levels of living with covid. And it was allowed in level 3 in the summer but not level 3 in the autumn so... it's anyone's guess really as to when it will be allowed again.

AppleD · 10-02-2021 12:06pm

Deleted User wrote: »

There's some contradictory information in the below links. At one stage you couldn't leave your county for a wedding but you can do so now. Also I'm sure under level 3 you can have music.
It's such a dynamic situation that even with the 'Living with Covid' plan there are constant changes.

I'm sick of seeing articles about couples having their wedding at home and home just so happens to be a ginormous house set on acres of land!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/live-music-and-dancing-not-allowed-at-weddings-in-hotels-this-month-1.4427840%3fmode=amp

https://onefabday.com/covid-19-weddings-coronavirus/

https://www.gov.ie/en/campaigns/resilience-recovery-2020-2021-plan-for-living-with-covid-19/

Just on the Level 3- with 25 people, I know when it was a that level in December, there was no live music or dj.

Anyway we will hopefully have more clarity in 2 weeks when the Gov release their new plan for opening up after lockdown.

Raisins · 10-02-2021 12:13pm

woodchuck wrote: »

https://www.rte.ie/news/coronavirus/2021/0209/1196068-covid-plan/

Hopefully this will provide a little well needed clarity in a couple of weeks...

Exactly and to say the situation is uncertain at the moment would be an understatement. It looks like they’re going to re draw all the levels. The 6-25-50-100 might be gone out the window or it could survive in the new plans.

Leo said last night:

“My best guess is we’ll have a relatively normal summer...potentially outdoor gatherings of 10-15 people maybe even 50 but nothing beyond that until we have a critical mass vaccinated...we’re aiming for September for that”.

That doesn’t sound good for the indoor number.

10-02-2021 12:17pm

AppleD wrote: »

Just on the Level 3- with 25 people, I know when it was a that level in December, there was no live music or dj.

Anyway we will hopefully have more clarity in 2 weeks when the Gov release their new plan for opening up after lockdown.

That's right there wasn't. The level had as usual deviated from the plan. When are you getting married?

AppleD · 10-02-2021 12:56pm

Deleted User wrote: »

That's right there wasn't. The level had as usual deviated from the plan. When are you getting married?

August, moved from April. Just hoping for 50. You??

10-02-2021 1:01pm

AppleD wrote: »

August, moved from April. Just hoping for 50. You??

October and also hoping for 50. I'm mentally prepared for 25.

10-02-2021 2:15pm

Oh and himself has put a stopper in my bridezilla plans of wedding stylists

Sierra Oscar · 10-02-2021 3:35pm

Raisins wrote: »

Exactly and to say the situation is uncertain at the moment would be an understatement. It looks like they’re going to re draw all the levels. The 6-25-50-100 might be gone out the window or it could survive in the new plans.

Leo said last night:

“My best guess is we’ll have a relatively normal summer...potentially outdoor gatherings of 10-15 people maybe even 50 but nothing beyond that until we have a critical mass vaccinated...we’re aiming for September for that”.

That doesn’t sound good for the indoor number.

What was the highest number allowed in indoor settings for weddings last summer??

10-02-2021 3:46pm

Sierra Oscar wrote: »

What was the highest number allowed in indoor settings for weddings last summer??

There was definitely a time last year where 50 was allowed, probably during the summer because that's when the country was the most relaxed.

cazzer22 · 10-02-2021 10:56pm

When you guys are talking about live music are you also referring to a wedding singer at the church?

11-02-2021 1:04am

cazzer22 wrote: »

When you guys are talking about live music are you also referring to a wedding singer at the church?

I had forgotten about that. We aren't having a church wedding but are planning on having live music during the ceremony. I have a feeling if there is no live music allowed then that also refers to the ceremony.

PhilTorres · 11-02-2021 2:19pm

Getting nervous about mid-May now. Had finally come around to only having 25, but even worried about that now with all the leaks coming out.

Lollipops23 · 11-02-2021 2:45pm

I see you can buy PCR tests (pack of 20 for €240) now...could this be a solution to some wedding numbers?

woodchuck · 11-02-2021 3:22pm

PhilTorres wrote: »

Getting nervous about mid-May now. Had finally come around to only having 25, but even worried about that now with all the leaks coming out.

Same here. We're mid-May too. I was convinced a month ago that we'd be in level 3 or possibly even level 2 by then. It sounds like they're going to take an even slower approach to reopening compared to the first wave though

Just have to wait it out for a couple more weeks anyway. Hopefully weddings will be spelled out clearly in their new plan. Even if they said weddings of 25 guests for the rest of the year (similar to the end of last year), that would give us some level of certainty and something to work with.

French Toast · 11-02-2021 3:52pm

April 10th here. Would be delighted with 25, but it's not looking promising.

We've decided that if the limit remains at 6 we'll have a civil ceremony on the 10th anyway with our parents and witnesses, with a meal afterwards if possible. We would have a larger church ceremony and reception at a later date.

We've been together 7 years and will be moving in together for the first time after the 10th, so it's an exciting time either way. You get good at focusing on the positives after some practice

cazzer22 · 11-02-2021 5:12pm

Lollipops23 wrote: »

I see you can buy PCR tests (pack of 20 for €240) now...could this be a solution to some wedding numbers?

Do you know where these are available?

Lollipops23 · 11-02-2021 5:50pm

cazzer22 wrote: »

Do you know where these are available?

Here.https://luxesalon.ie/product/covid-19-antigen-rapid-testing-kit/

ilovesmybrick · 11-02-2021 8:19pm

PhilTorres wrote: »

Getting nervous about mid-May now. Had finally come around to only having 25, but even worried about that now with all the leaks coming out.

Hell, I'm nervous about October, with the added problem that we live on the continent. After postponing by a year I think this will be the last attempt, and if it doesn't pan out we'll just do the marriage where we live and have a dinner with the family whenever we can get home. I'm not going through the same stress that we had last summer over it.

XxMCRxBabyxX · 11-02-2021 8:36pm

We've just made the decision to postpone our early June wedding - well, we'll still get married with our parents (and hopefully siblings if numbers are above 6) but the big ceremony and reception will be next year. Still need to decide on a date with the venue but I just couldn't deal with the stress and anxiety for another 4 months. I've been a disaster for a while, particularly in the last week which has just been a constant flow of tears. I'm devastated about the decision but relieved at the same time. Didn't think this is what we wanted to do but now that we've decided it seems like the best thing.

Fingers crossed for all of you that you will get your weddings!

Faith · 11-02-2021 8:50pm

Lollipops23 wrote: »

Here.https://luxesalon.ie/product/covid-19-antigen-rapid-testing-kit/

Just FYI, they’re antigen tests, not PCR. You couldn’t do a home PCR test afaik. Antigen tests have a very high error rate so while they might give some peace of mind, they’re unfortunately not very reliable

woodchuck · 11-02-2021 9:13pm

For people who are going ahead with the legal bit with 6 guests and then doing the wedding reception further down the line... how do you feel about it?

We're keen to get the legal bit done. I'm worried about safety, but I still want a meaningful celebration. So separating the legal bit and the celebration seems like the logical thing to do... but I just don't know if I can picture myself doing that. I try to picture the ceremony with just the two of us and 4-6 guests and it just... makes me sad

I feel like the day would be very anticlimactic. And I think it would be very difficult getting anywhere to do a nano reception/dinner for such a small group, so realistically we'd just go home and have to cook or get a takeaway. I just can't picture myself getting in any way excited about the day of the ceremony, our actual wedding day, if we do that.

And if we have the "big party" (still only ~40-50 people) later, then there's still a lot of things hanging over my head. When do we postpone to - basically still stuck with all the stress of planning a wedding reception in the middle of the pandemic! And what if we want to try for a family in the meantime. If we push the celebration out by a year or two, we'll have much different priorities then. We won't want to be spending loads of money on a party, especially if we're already married in 1-2 years. And I do NOT want the pressure of having to fit into my wedding dress twice!! Especially if I do end up pregnant.

[Full discloser though, if we do the small ceremony, it would probably just be the two sets of parents. And my parents haven't exactly been supportive... sorry you're probably sick of hearing it all! And I know my mother would just come out with lines on the day like "Oh isn't it a shame that you couldn't do x or y" "Oh I feel so sorry for you" etc. Basically she means well, but her foot lives in her mouth, so I know she'd turn what is meant to be a happy ocassion into a total downer!! Maybe that's why I can't get excited about the idea, I don't know.]

Also I don't want anyone to think that I'm poopooing their plans. I'm not at all. I think it sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to do... I'm genuinely wondering why it's such an easy decision for some people and I can't bring myself to make that call

XxMCRxBabyxX · 11-02-2021 9:25pm

Honestly, not feeling great but much happier with this than the idea of constant anxiety for the next 4 months. I always hated the idea of splitting the days but have come round to it because I really want to marry my fiancé! It's so upsetting that we won't be able to have all friends there though.

We're taking the view that our wedding day this year will be more casual. I'm going to wear a dress I'd bought for the day 2 and we'll try find somewhere that can provide us with a room for a wedding and meal with our parents afterwards. It will be anticlimactic and not how we expected our wedding day to be but that's what next year is for! We'll still have the humanist ceremony we'd planned then and all the other things we wanted to.

It's a really tough decision and I completely see where you're coming from. That was my opinion until about 5 hours ago.

ShortAPennt · 12-02-2021 9:43am

Hi Woodchuck,

I'm a June 2021 Bride....and have also been thinking about just doing the legal but and a party later. Personally, I love the idea!

2 days of celebration, I'm all in!

The only issue I have is if we are restricted to 6... Now I know people have gone ahead and have had amazing days. It just comes down to what couples want and would be happy with themselves.

If you think you would be happy to go ahead with the day and 6 guests then you will have a fantastic day. For me, I want my extended family to be part of the day. So we are really hoping for 25 but sure who knows at this point if that is likely in June! But everybody is different.

I suppose you really have to ask yourself what you would be happy with. Some people will be happy with 6 and others not. If your happy then go for it.

I'm sorry to hear about your not so supportive family. That's even more stress to deal with on top of everything.

Speaking of stress...... how have people being managing with not knowing.....I really am starting to go up the walls...The pressure of trying to get back in for dress fittings, buy everything we need for the day is starting to build too but the leaked news nothing will be easied until April.

Another few weeks of this and i think i'm going to go to the doctor for some Xanax to calm things down!!!!!

woodchuck wrote: »

For people who are going ahead with the legal bit with 6 guests and then doing the wedding reception further down the line... how do you feel about it? (

zedhead · 12-02-2021 10:06am

ShortAPennt wrote: »

Hi Woodchuck,

I'm a June 2021 Bride....and have also been thinking about just doing the legal but and a party later. Personally, I love the idea!

2 days of celebration, I'm all in!

The only issue I have is if we are restricted to 6... Now I know people have gone ahead and have had amazing days. It just comes down to what couples want and would be happy with themselves.

If you think you would be happy to go ahead with the day and 6 guests then you will have a fantastic day. For me, I want my extended family to be part of the day. So we are really hoping for 25 but sure who knows at this point if that is likely in June! But everybody is different.

I suppose you really have to ask yourself what you would be happy with. Some people will be happy with 6 and others not. If your happy then go for it.

I'm sorry to hear about your not so supportive family. That's even more stress to deal with on top of everything.

Speaking of stress...... how have people being managing with not knowing.....I really am starting to go up the walls...The pressure of trying to get back in for dress fittings, buy everything we need for the day is starting to build too but the leaked news nothing will be easied until April.

Another few weeks of this and i think i'm going to go to the doctor for some Xanax to calm things down!!!!!

I'm finding the not knowing really stressful. With the stuff that has been leaked I really think for early May we will be lucky to get 25, which to be honest is all i really want now. I will be happy to go ahead with 6. Our original plan to have a ceremony and meal with a small group and then an evening reception with the larger group isn't really workable in this environment - even if we are allowed 50. Without live music or dancing what does an evening reception even look like?

My partner is being quite evasive about it and doesn't really want to talk about it. I think at this stage we need to just make 2 plans - one for 25 and one for 6 and then just agree that we may or may not have a larger celebration down the line with the rest of our family/friends but at least let them know for know we are officially downsizing. Then if we are allowed 50 on some miracle and we want we can always add a couple more people. I may wait for the announcement on Feb 22nd as we do have a bit of time, but I am itching to just make a call, decide and go ahead with the plans for that. If we need to cut to 6 at the last minute then its we can have a back up plan for that.

woodchuck · 12-02-2021 11:11am

I'd be happy enough with 25 people. Considering that we only had about 50-70 guests on our original list, it's not too drastic a shift for us. Our venue was still allowing a DJ and dancing for all of 2020 (seems to depend on the venue), so it would still feel like a relatively normal day overall. The only issues are with my parents not wanting to stay beyond the ceremony and siblings living abroad who wouldn't be able to attend.

But 6 guests has always been a deal breaker in my mind. When we say our vows, I actually DO want us to make that public declaration in front of a group of family and friends. Doing it behind closed doors with only 6 guests just doesn't feel as significant in my mind

(again, absolutely no judgement for those planning to do this! I completely see the logic, I just can't seem to get myself excited about it.) And I know this sounds terrible, but as much as I love my parents and want them to be there for the day, I do not want to spend the WHOLE day with them!! Like I said, they'll just put their foot in their mouth and bring down the whole mood. I'd like to have a bigger crowd (i.e. 25 guests) so that I can spend some time with my parents, but also break away from them and hang out with some close friends to have a laugh as well. But if there's only 6 guests, there's no getting away from them (I know, I'm going to hell...).

Padkir · 12-02-2021 11:16am

zedhead wrote: »

I'm finding the not knowing really stressful. With the stuff that has been leaked I really think for early May we will be lucky to get 25, which to be honest is all i really want now. I will be happy to go ahead with 6. Our original plan to have a ceremony and meal with a small group and then an evening reception with the larger group isn't really workable in this environment - even if we are allowed 50. Without live music or dancing what does an evening reception even look like?

My partner is being quite evasive about it and doesn't really want to talk about it. I think at this stage we need to just make 2 plans - one for 25 and one for 6 and then just agree that we may or may not have a larger celebration down the line with the rest of our family/friends but at least let them know for know we are officially downsizing. Then if we are allowed 50 on some miracle and we want we can always add a couple more people. I may wait for the announcement on Feb 22nd as we do have a bit of time, but I am itching to just make a call, decide and go ahead with the plans for that. If we need to cut to 6 at the last minute then its we can have a back up plan for that.

We got married in October, which ended up being just as Level 3 started. Our original guest list was 120 or so. In June, we knew that was unlikely to be a runner, so had reduced our plans to 50. With the Level 3 announcement, we had to reduce from 50 to 25 (and there was no intercounty travel allowed) with very little notice. We ended up having 18 people there in total and were missing some immediate family and close friends from that.

Despite all of that, it really was a lovely day/evening. We followed roughly the original timelines - ceremony (in hotel) was around 3pm and dinner called at 5.30. We were probably all finished dinner by around 7.30 or 8 and then just merged the 3 tables we had. Basically, the night was then spent sitting around, drinking and chatting to everyone. We made a playlist and gave it to the hotel so they played it in the background. It was table service and they stopped serving at 11, but we made sure that they took last orders at that time and everyone had plenty in front of them, so we ended up there for a good while after that. It was really relaxed and I think as long as bride/groom aren't visibly pissed off or in a huff about everything that's gone on, everyone else will relax too and you'll have a great time. It's not a typical wedding party, but it doesn't mean you won't have a good time.

Of course we would have preferred all immediate family and close friends there, but I'm glad we went ahead as it was. The original plan was to have a party on our 1st anniversary in Oct 2021, but to be honest I'm not sure if that's even going to be a runner now. It would have been very tough had we postponed the whole thing until Oct 2021 and then ended up in the same level of uncertainty all this year.

XxMCRxBabyxX · 12-02-2021 11:36am

I think the thing is woodchuck that there is no one size fits all solution. It's about weighing up and coming to terms with what you can be comfortable with. So while I have accepted that a wedding with my parents and hopefully siblings is something that I'm absolutely gutted about but willing to do in order to be able to marry my fiancé, that doesn't mean that you have to be okay with doing the same. I can see that your parents haven't made this whole thing much easier so I totally see why you feel the way that you do.

Maybe you and your fiancé should work on a pros and cons list together and see what you would be able to accept. You could even just do a basic sign the form ceremony this year with two random witnesses and tell nobody and let next year be the "real thing". It's obviously not ideal but is anything in this Covid life ideal?

I wish I could give you a more solid answer but there really isn't one!

zedhead · 12-02-2021 11:50am

Padkir wrote: »

We got married in October, which ended up being just as Level 3 started. Our original guest list was 120 or so. In June, we knew that was unlikely to be a runner, so had reduced our plans to 50. With the Level 3 announcement, we had to reduce from 50 to 25 (and there was no intercounty travel allowed) with very little notice. We ended up having 18 people there in total and were missing some immediate family and close friends from that.

Despite all of that, it really was a lovely day/evening. We followed roughly the original timelines - ceremony (in hotel) was around 3pm and dinner called at 5.30. We were probably all finished dinner by around 7.30 or 8 and then just merged the 3 tables we had. Basically, the night was then spent sitting around, drinking and chatting to everyone. We made a playlist and gave it to the hotel so they played it in the background. It was table service and they stopped serving at 11, but we made sure that they took last orders at that time and everyone had plenty in front of them, so we ended up there for a good while after that. It was really relaxed and I think as long as bride/groom aren't visibly pissed off or in a huff about everything that's gone on, everyone else will relax too and you'll have a great time. It's not a typical wedding party, but it doesn't mean you won't have a good time.

Of course we would have preferred all immediate family and close friends there, but I'm glad we went ahead as it was. The original plan was to have a party on our 1st anniversary in Oct 2021, but to be honest I'm not sure if that's even going to be a runner now. It would have been very tough had we postponed the whole thing until Oct 2021 and then ended up in the same level of uncertainty all this year.

I see this being what our day being like with the 25 or even the 6 to be honest.
My question about what an evening reception looks like right now, it was more on our original plan of having additional guests join us for just an "afters" (though our original plan was slight more than a traditional afters, just no sit down meal - more drinks reception with canapes followed by dancing.). I just don't think our original plan works in this sort of climate.

Teach30 · 12-02-2021 12:03pm

Similar ish situation to Woodchuck. Originally had 280+ on list. Have postponed once and I don’t feel like putting my life on hold for another year for a wedding. My mother isn’t in the least but supportive or excited about wedding - she openly said she’ll get the dinner ready for us to come back to after marriage ceremony that’s how much she wants to avoid it.

Our parents have never met (6years on) so that also makes it very awkward if the have to meet for first time on the day and come to my house for a meal.

We have considered party next year but really I couldn’t be bothered. I’m sickened though that I’m paying for a dress that I’ll be taking off once I get home. Only 6 people will see it in real life and it’s such a huge waste of money.

I do feel hard done by and know well I won’t want to go to a wedding ever again. I have friends who have moved to next year and I am jealous but I couldn’t possibly wait and have it hanging over me I dont think.

ShortAPennt · 12-02-2021 1:50pm

@XxMCRxBabyxX I think you are so right. It is up to every individual couple. What will suit one won't another. So everyone has to do what is best for them.

I think the real challenge is trying to make that decision with the unknown. If we were certain that it would be only 6 up until X months than we could make a decision on to postpone or if we are happy to go ahead. But it's this guessing and hoping for numbers of 25/50 guests that is keeping us on tenterhooks.

@zedhead if you are happy to go ahead with 6 then this is brilliant. You know you will be getting married no matter what in May! How exciting!
My Partner literally changes the subject every time I mention the wedding. In head it is so far away (in June) he is like we will sort it all the week before.....I'm literally twitching even thinking about it!

@woodchuck I feel the same. For me, 6 would be a dealbreaker too and if i knew now that it would be 6 in June we would postpone but we are in this limbo game of hoping the numbers will be up by then. I gues we will have to keep the waiting game going for a bit longer and hope the next announcement has some type of clarity.

@Padkir Congratulations it sounds like it was a lovely day and very much what we are hoping for in June

Thank you to each and every one of you for chipping in on this thread. Its a fantastic bit of support knowing that I am not the only one feeling this way.

2021 Bride/Groom

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