Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Stay at home dad

Options
13»

Comments

  • Options
    #62
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users Posts: 6,696 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    Gael23 wrote: »
    If your the kind of guy that can get stuck into cleaning and the general domestic side of things that makes it so much easier.

    For me though it’s the longer term of when the kids have flown the next and I have years of a gap on my CV that would put me off

    I had ten years of a gap on mine; it didn't make any difference. I re-joined my profession as a "temp" of sorts and quickly had more offers of work than I could handle, at least some of which were made specifically because I included that decade of parenting as one of my personal attributes.


  • Options
    #63
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,086 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Those of you that done it would you have helped with cleaning and things while you were working anyway?


  • Options
    #64
    Pherekydes
    Registered Users Posts: 16,110 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    I did my fair share of cooking and cleaning. And nappy changing. I never want to do it again. :o


  • Options
    #65
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users Posts: 6,696 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    Gael23 wrote: »
    Those of you that done it would you have helped with cleaning and things while you were working anyway?

    Yep.


  • Options
    #66
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    gifted wrote:
    I've been working from home the last few months and the kids went back to school last week. I've really enjoyed getting up earlier to get their brekkie and stuff ready and dropping and collecting from school and all the other housey stuff that has to be done ....got me thinking that if herself earned enough money in her job ( she doesn't by the way) I'd love to finish up my job and become a full time stay at home dad .......given a choice would you ever consider it?


    I know two lads that done it, nearly destroyed one of them, the other loved it, the chap that loved it, his wife is on big money, so they have a great lifestyle, everyone's well looked after and more. kids are well rared now, he's back working part time, even more money coming in, both did say it was very lonely though, suck it and see, I guess


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #67
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    duffman13 wrote: »
    Wasn't expecting the level of people who would love to do it

    I would love to do it. But I also love working too. I can not have it both ways so I just find the best balance between the two I can. I have turned down a lot of promotions and raises in my work because they required me tipping my work/life balance away from my personal ideal.

    I do not want to compromise on my role as a dad and I do not want to compromise on my wish to work. So instead I compromise on certain progressions in work so I can balance the rest.

    But I recently started working with / training some local teen kids - mostly boys - as a kind of Jedi School I have setup locally. Whether it is my own kids or kids in general it really is wonderfully rewarding to parent/nurture kids in this way. And it is for me a different kind of "rewarding" than work or career or personal hobbies brings me.
    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    Much better than farming your own kids off to some childminder to stare out the window for the day.

    Someone earlier said that if you would be ridiculded for being a SAHD then you should consider the company you keep. I would steal that and say that if your impression of childminders is that they leave the kid staring out the window all day - I would consider the childminders you keep.

    I wholly agree with you when you say - Kids need the attention of their parents. But not _exclusively_. We decided from an early age that our kids would have outside carers. But not for long hours. It would just be _part_ of their day but not a majority part.

    I think kids benefit from the attention and care of as many people as possible including their parents. There is nothing particularly magical about parents though. The care and nurture of anyone is powerful.

    And the one thing my kids seem _not_ to do is sit staring out of a window at any point in their lives. RAther they come home reporting games - projects - constructions - toys - and interactions different to the ones they would have had at home. And that variety of stimulation is a good thing.

    And on top of all that I think that it is a good thing that parents and children are not together 24/7. No one needs that. Having a life outside each others spheres - even if only for a few hours in a week over all - benefits everyone. You do not want anyone getting either sick of each other - or too reliant on each other - through constant presence either.


  • Options
    #68
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Someone earlier said that if you would be ridiculded for being a SAHD then you should consider the company you keep. I would steal that and say that if your impression of childminders is that they leave the kid staring out the window all day - I would consider the childminders you keep.

    I think kids benefit from the attention and care of as many people as possible including their parents. There is nothing particularly magical about parents though. The care and nurture of anyone is powerful.

    And the one thing my kids seem _not_ to do is sit staring out of a window at any point in their lives. RAther they come home reporting games - projects - constructions - toys - and interactions different to the ones they would have had at home. And that variety of stimulation is a good thing.

    And on top of all that I think that it is a good thing that parents and children are not together 24/7. No one needs that. Having a life outside each others spheres - even if only for a few hours in a week over all - benefits everyone. You do not want anyone getting either sick of each other - or too reliant on each other - through constant presence either.

    I am actually questioning the motivation of a parent that has a child one day and then throws it at a childminder for the next 17 years. What is the point of having kids if you are not going to involve yourself in their nurture and upbringing?

    I am not critiquing any childminder or Au Pair, I am pondering the motivations of your average " upwardly mobile" parent. Kids are not just something that you compare leaving cert results with at a dinner party in Stillorgan on Saturday night. They need proper love care and attention. They simply cannot get they if they are dragged up through childcare and trips to the cinema alone, it does not work that way imo.

    Why bother having kids if you are not going to involve them in your life?


  • Options
    #69
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    I am actually questioning the motivation of a parent that has a child one day and then throws it at a childminder for the next 17 years. What is the point of having kids if you are not going to involve yourself in their nurture and upbringing?

    Reminds me a little of that joke - we spend the first 2 years of a kids life teaching them to walk and talk - then the next 18 years trying to get them to sit down and shut up.

    But more seriously - Using outside care does not automatically mean you are not involved or they are not part of your life. Finding the right balance is a better approach. I would recommend avoiding _either_ extreme to be honest.

    Relying almost entirely on child care is as bad/good to me as relying entirely on the parent being there _all_ the time. I do not think either is really ideal. For me anyway. There are likely people who do think so.

    Outside care is _part_ of my kids lives. If you look over my previous posts relating to my children however - I am one of the last people you could meaningfully suggest is not involved in my kids lives or they in mine. There are stay at home parents some of whom do not even involve themselves a fraction as much with their children as I do with mine.

    Being home and being meaningfully _present_ all day are two totally different things. And a parent out at work can do the latter at time better than some stay at home parents do.


  • Options
    #70
    irelandrover
    Registered Users Posts: 3,681 ✭✭✭irelandrover


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    I am actually questioning the motivation of a parent that has a child one day and then throws it at a childminder for the next 17 years. What is the point of having kids if you are not going to involve yourself in their nurture and upbringing?

    I am not critiquing any childminder or Au Pair, I am pondering the motivations of your average " upwardly mobile" parent. Kids are not just something that you compare leaving cert results with at a dinner party in Stillorgan on Saturday night. They need proper love care and attention. They simply cannot get they if they are dragged up through childcare and trips to the cinema alone, it does not work that way imo.

    Why bother having kids if you are not going to involve them in your life?

    I would agree if you are sending a child to daycare 5 days a week for 12 hours a day. I get that some parents have no choice but it seems like they are with the childminder more than the parents.

    My kid spends 21 hours a week in daycare. She is awake for 84 hours a week. We as parents spend loads of time with her. She really enjoys the social interaction of mixing with other children and asks to go to daycare. There is a happy medium between being a stay at home parent and sending your kid to daycare for 5 days a week, 12 hours a day.


Advertisement