Stay at home dad

Pawwed Rig

PerryB78 wrote: »

One of the hardest jobs in the world, would do it in a heartbeat though if we could afford it. I have full respect for stay at home mams or dads

Ah it's not that hard.

PerryB78

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Ah it's not that hard.

In my opinion it is, all about personal circumstances though

GreeBo

Pherekydes wrote: »

I quit my job with a pension in 2003 and did the house husband/stay at home dad bit. Wife earns a lot more, and the loss of my salary was mostly offset by savings in creche fees. Fun, hard work, thankless, always the one on call, tiring...

Some of the terms I'd use.

Never ridiculed by anyone ever, though.

Ah jaysus, if I was going to do it the kids will deffo be going to creche!

I'm planning on doing it in a year or two (will have a 4yo and a 2yo by then)

I'll probably try to get some sort of handyman type job (hopefully for my own properties)
Wife earns far more than I do.

duffman13

Wasn't expecting the level of people who would love to do it. I'm sure when the kids get older I might be keen, maybe but with 2 under 2, I definitely wouldn't enjoy it full time. I dunno how my wife does it but its tiring days when I have had them for a few days alone.

I would miss working, I enjoy it and have worked since I was like 13 so dont think I could just stop and stay at home with kids but I most certainly wouldn't judge anyone for it

gifted

gifted wrote: »

..................got me thinking that if herself earned enough money in her job ( she doesn't by the way) I'd love to finish up my job and become a full time stay at home dad .......given a choice would you ever consider it?

I'd love to do it if I was living off my own cash, I'd not be keen on the other half keeping the show on the road financially whilst I fooked about all day with the kids at school.

kerryjack

Augeo wrote: »

I'd love to do it if I was living off my own cash, I'd not be keen on the other half keeping the show on the road financially whilst I fooked about all day with the kids at school.

Its possible to have 4 school pick ups here 12,2,3,3.50 crazy stuff to be honest, throgh in a few activities and your constantly on the road.

GreeBo

kerryjack wrote: »

Its possible to have 4 school pick ups here 12,2,3,3.50 crazy stuff to be honest, throgh in a few activities and your constantly on the road.

Yep, and then start adding in training, ballet, swimming, whatever in between and there is much hanging around at home involved!

IvoryTower

I have always said id love to do it. Lockdown certainly changed my opinion. If we had a 3rd baby and the missus somehow started earning more than me I would have to consider it. The first year would all depend on how the baby is but it would be hard no matter what. Bottle feeds every 3 hours, so much poo, getting baby to sleep etc. If the baby doesnt nap easily or constantly needs attention you wont be long wishing you were stuck in front of a pc at work playing minesweeper. I would take a hard job, be it physical or mental over a tough baby. Once you make it creche/school times id prefer to be at home though.

Truckermal

I do it every winter at least 4 days a week, my work is seasonal but I get paid all year so it's great to have the cleaning, shopping and dinners ready for everyone but we have a 4 month old now so I'll have extra work this year!

I have had a few nasty comments from Women at School time like Oh why don't he work etc I normally show up the next day wearing a tracksuit just to annoy them more!

I wouldn't like it full time even though one wage would run the house I'd crack up...

markpb

Ddad wrote: »

I'm taking up a full time role again next month as college needs to be paid for and I'm looking forward to the challenge of that but I'm also aware of the lack of time Í'm going to have going forward. Half the country does it though!

How did you find that? Are you going back to an area you worked in before?

Sunny Disposition

Was at home for a few years in the 80s after a big business deal gave me the option great times. It’s far better than being at work, no doubt.
Nearly 40 years ago I was playing hurling and most of my social interaction was through that. Don’t remember any ridicule in that all male environment, certainly nothing beyond the usual slagging.
Can’t imagine anyone would regret being a stay at home Dad if they have the financial freedom.

Pawwed Rig

GreeBo wrote: »

Yep, and then start adding in training, ballet, swimming, whatever in between and there is much hanging around at home involved!

Only if you are rural. Around the city they can make their own way when old enough

IvoryTower

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Only if you are rural. Around the city they can make their own way when old enough

Stay at home dad for teenagers

Otherwise known as unemployed dad

kerryjack

Unfortunately in the construction industry they don't entertain a lad heading home at 2.30 to pick kids up for school, you don't see too many lads job sharing. I would love to do 2 or 3 days a week but very hard to get. We tried that for a while herself do 3 day and I do 3 days a week I thought we both would have the best of both worlds but I struggled to find work 3 days a week.

aido79

I was a stay at home dad for 4 months during the lockdown with a 3 year old and an almost 2 year old while the creches were closed. It definitely seems like I had a different experience than the posters here talking about dropping the kids at school and playing golf or doing diy or being bored....

fits

It’s really hard going with young kids. Not sure I could do it full time. 3 days work a week is perfect balance I think. I’m currently doing four and am always busy on the Wednesday when I’m at home. Schedule appts etc

Bob Harris

I'm not married and have no kids but I'd give it a go!

Subacio

I did it for 7 years before going back to work last year. Enjoyed it completely and I'd do it all again tomorrow. Actually I will do it again tomorrow, as I've been working from home since mid-March.

I just preferred seeing the kids leave for school from their own house in the morning and coming home to their own house in the evening. I think they preferred it to a creche or child minder too. The youngest started secondary school last September, so my days became freer and a return to the workplace beckoned. I found there was a great degree of respect for being a stay at home dad among my new work colleagues, which I didn't always get at home. A job that doesn't pay seemed of less value than one that did.

Feisar

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I don't think men's brains are programmed to be looking after kids all day. I don't think they would be as good at it as women, who are naturally programmed to be caregivers for small babies and children. I think it is why you rarely see male primary school teachers and in creches, motessori schools etc is it most exceedingly rare to see males as staff.

I, as a man, would literally would have no idea whatsoever about what to do with a baby or toddler but I think a woman would just pick it up easier with minimal instruction.

As someone who never changed a nappy until 14 months ago one picks it up pretty quickly.

Feisar

kerryjack wrote: »

I do it no great science to it, just if there is something to be done we just do it. No rolls here we all get stuck in put our shoulder to the wheel. Wife seems to be in a steadier employment to me and happy in her job, happy wife happy life I do say.

I don't get the divisions of labour and some of the male/female roles and then in discussions it seems to get male VS female.

All hands to the pump as and when it's needed is how our house runs.

Feisar

Sonics2k wrote: »

This is something that comes under the toxic masculinity spectrum. The idea that a man can't stay at home and work, or look after and raise his kids instead of the wife doing it.

Speaking as a separated dad, I'd absolutely kill for the opportunity to have my own kids live with me and take the chance to raise them myself.

Being a good dad is about looking after and caring for your kids, not necessarily being out 14 hours of the day at work.

If one looks at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs being out 14 hours a day will only provide the basics.

CelticRambler

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I, as a man, would literally would have no idea whatsoever about what to do with a baby or toddler but I think a woman would just pick it up easier with minimal instruction.

Feisar wrote: »

As someone who never changed a nappy until 14 months ago one picks it up pretty quickly.

I'd never handled a nappy, a baby or a toddler until SonNo.1 slithered out on to the table. And suddenly (as I said to his mother) it was just like having a cat. In fact, thanks to the hard time he gave his mother in coming into the world, I looked after the dirty end of him for the first three days, and she got in a panic when she realised she hadn't yet changed a nappy on him and the midwife was coming to check that she was getting on okay. :pac:

Some years later, I was a single parent/stay-at-home-father for the best part of a decade. Despite "other stuff" going on in the background, they were the best years of my life, and the easiest (and most satisfying) "work" I've ever done. It didn't bother me at all to be the only male Mammy that stood outside - or sat in on - the childrens' activities, and I never came across a man that looked down on me for minding my own children.

It's been six years since I've been a hands-on parent, and I thought I'd grown out of it (supposedly getting too old now to go back to that kind of lifestyle, according to my mother ... :rolleyes: ) - until two weeks ago. A friend who I'd like to be more than a friend came to stay for the weekend. Given the chance, I'd willingly be a stay-at-home dad to her children while she carried on being a strong, independent woman for the next couple of decades.

mojesius

My husband minds our 2 year old daughter during the week and works weekends. I'm on the bigger salary so it made sense financially and our joint preference was that one of us would stay home with kids when they were young as opposed to crèche/childminder. He is a great dad and always playing with her and teaching her new things. It was definitely tough for him at the start transitioning from working with adults to looking after a baby but generally it's worked for us.

It's tough going as we don't get much time together as a family with me working during the week and him on weekends but the last few months have been a game changer with me WFH. I enjoy cooking and can do the family meals at lunch/after work, we go for walks everyday and i get to see them a lot more than I did with a 3 hour round commute.

We're currently at final stage of our '4eva' home purchase and have baby number 2 on the way. As soon as we have the keys in our hands, he'll be dropping the weekend work so we can have more time as a family.

We are lucky that we can afford it, I know a lot of families can't, but then again crèche fees are so expensive, it becomes a trade-off between career v kids for a few years.

beertons

I'm at it now since March. She's a nurse, so flat out. Took over teaching, house cleaned every thursday, hot dinners every evening. Now they're back at school, I've started a few open learn courses online. Not sure when my business will be back up and running, so doing a few different things to keep the brain in tact. On the plus side, the garden has never got so much attention.

listermint

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I don't think men's brains are programmed to be looking after kids all day. I don't think they would be as good at it as women, who are naturally programmed to be caregivers for small babies and children. I think it is why you rarely see male primary school teachers and in creches, motessori schools etc is it most exceedingly rare to see males as staff.

I, as a man, would literally would have no idea whatsoever about what to do with a baby or toddler but I think a woman would just pick it up easier with minimal instruction.

Guy with no children makes comments on what it's like to have children as a man despite having no experience of it.

Interesting..

lalababa

Sonics2k wrote: »

This is something that comes under the toxic masculinity spectrum. The idea that a man can't stay at home and work, or look after and raise his kids instead of the wife doing it.

Speaking as a separated dad, I'd absolutely kill for the opportunity to have my own kids live with me and take the chance to raise them myself.

Being a good dad is about looking after and caring for your kids, not necessarily being out 14 hours of the day at work.

Yep, toxic masculinity, where I grew up, you would be ridiculed....working class.

Feisar

listermint wrote: »

Guy with no children makes comments on what it's like to have children as a man despite having no experience of it.

Interesting..

In fairness the points were made with "I think" it's not like he said they were set in stone.

Pherekydes

I had some practice when my first wife left me in '89. I was left with a full time job, a mortgage, and two young kids (1 and 4) to look after. After 89 nothing bothered me, I don't know how I managed that year, but I did.

2003 (retirement and full time homemaker) and on was less daunting after 89.

Gael23

If your the kind of guy that can get stuck into cleaning and the general domestic side of things that makes it so much easier.

For me though it’s the longer term of when the kids have flown the next and I have years of a gap on my CV that would put me off

pwurple

Depends what you do. Plenty of jobs you can pick up easily enough, or do one of the springboard courses specifically for people who have been out of the workforce for a while.

My husband has been stay at home dad for 3 years now and it is great for all of us. I realised it even more when working from home the volumes of patience he has. Far more than me! Never been ridiculed, if anything his friends are envious of his coffee mornings with the mammies , or that he has time to build a treehouse or a go-cart.

And it’s not just us he is supporting by the way. His dad and my dad aren’t in great health so it has been good that he is around to give both of them a hand while the children are in school. I think they prefer having a fella help with roof repairs or whatever they are up to.