Bad kids from good parents

mariaalice · 17-05-2021 1:25pm

JimmyVik wrote: »

Would you agree that there many more kids around than that one, and that some do choose wisely and some dont?

Of course, but it's not about choosing wisely teens dost see themselves like that nor do they think of being good a good kid, or bad kid, that is an adult perspective looking back. Also, there is a big difference between stupidity and actual criminal behaviour.

How did your parents not know where you were and who your friends were when you were a teen?

JimmyVik · 17-05-2021 1:36pm

mariaalice wrote: »

Of course, but it's not about choosing wisely teens dost see themselves like that nor do they think of being good a good kid, or bad kid, that is an adult perspective looking back. Also, there is a big difference between stupidity and actual criminal behaviour.

How did your parents not know where you were and who your friends were when you were a teen?

Is that a serious question?

Ave Sodalis · 17-05-2021 1:43pm

Yup, a family member would have been considered a "bad child" and I know their mother heavily got the blame for it. However, she had 3 older children. All of whom were remarkably well behaved and did remarkably well at school. The last child was extremely sick as a baby and spent most of their behaviour developmental age in hospital, going through treatment that most adults struggle with. The mother read a massive amount of books, did courses, and almost obsessively tried finding a way that worked for the child. She did, but when she tried to approach the school with it, they shut her down. They weren't interested. It was a bad child and that was that. She spent ages trying to get the school on board (because a lot of issues were coming from there) and they were having none of it. The kid was eventually moved to another school with a more open system, and it probably saved his life. If they had moved their earlier, the kid probably wouldn't even have the slight developmental delays they do now. Yet the old school, and parents of the old school, still heavily judge the mother.

17-05-2021 2:15pm

mariaalice wrote: »

Of course, but it's not about choosing wisely teens dost see themselves like that nor do they think of being good a good kid, or bad kid, that is an adult perspective looking back. Also, there is a big difference between stupidity and actual criminal behaviour.

How did your parents not know where you were and who your friends were when you were a teen?

I thought your argument was that teens can choose and therefore can choose whether to have a healthy peer group or not.

mariaalice · 17-05-2021 2:36pm

JimmyVik wrote: »

Is that a serious question?

Yes, a good portation of parenting teens is about knowing who their friends are and knowing where they are, certainly up to the age of 16 so.

The situation I know of the teen in question was followed and found by a parent on more than one occasion now interestingly nothing was really said when they were caught being in a situation that they should not have been in, but the message was clear.

JimmyVik · 17-05-2021 3:16pm

mariaalice wrote: »

Yes, a good portation of parenting teens is about knowing who their friends are and knowing where they are, certainly up to the age of 16 so.

The situation I know of the teen in question was followed and found by a parent on more than one occasion now interestingly nothing was really said when they were caught being in a situation that they should not have been in, but the message was clear.

I think you have led a very sheltered life.
Either that or you were never a teenager

Claw Hammer · 17-05-2021 3:34pm

JimmyVik wrote: »

I think you have led a very sheltered life.
Either that or you were never a teenager

A lot of people lead sheltered lives and then become do-gooders. What abouut the poor little criminal thug going to jail? He might get a slap on his bum.

mariaalice · 17-05-2021 3:37pm

JimmyVik wrote: »

I think you have led a very sheltered life.
Either that or you were never a teenager

Of course, I tried to hide things from my parents as a teen.

The situation with the teen their father had been a debt collector in a former life so no fool, a two-pronged approach was taken one involved talking to the teen, combined with the teen been told out straight they would not get the better of the parent, the teen was told one day by the father..my will is stronger than your and you won't best me over this.

As an adult one Christmas, they came across some of the former friends being thrown out of the pub at this stage aged mid-twenties, and the response from the now-adult teen was wasters.

JimmyVik · 17-05-2021 3:40pm

mariaalice wrote: »

Of course, I tried to hide things from my parents as a teen.

The situation with the teen their father had been a debt collector in a former life so no fool, a two-pronged approach was taken one involved talking to the teen, combined with the teen been told out straight they would not get the better of the parent, the teen was told one day by the father..my will is stronger than your and you won't best me over this.

As an adult one Christmas, they came across some of the former friends being thrown out of the pub at this stage aged mid-twenties, and the response from the now-adult teen was wasters.

So all good for teens who have debt collector fathers who can scare them into getting in line so.

mariaalice · 17-05-2021 3:43pm

I am also completely amazed that any adult with a child does not realise what is involved in parenting teenagers the hard work involved and there is no let-up from it either.

mariaalice · 17-05-2021 3:46pm

JimmyVik wrote: »

So all good for teens who have debt collector fathers who can scare them into getting in line so.

There might have been a bit of that, they have a great relationship with their father as an adult

I would say they got fed up with the friends more than anything else.

mariaalice · 17-05-2021 3:51pm

JimmyVik wrote: »

So all good for teens who have debt collector fathers who can scare them into getting in line so.

Also read https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rorys-Story-Unexpected-Journey-Self-Belief/dp/0717189953

and watch https://www.rte.ie/tv/programmes/1076971-raised-by-the-village/

Jequ0n · 17-05-2021 3:57pm

mariaalice wrote: »

As an adult one Christmas, they came across some of the former friends being thrown out of the pub at this stage aged mid-twenties, and the response from the now-adult teen was wasters.

Shocking behaviour. You can’t sink lower than being thrown out of a pub. Pity they didn’t use a cattle prod on them

mariaalice · 17-05-2021 4:48pm

Jequ0n wrote: »

Shocking behaviour. You can’t sink lower than being thrown out of a pub. Pity they didn’t use a cattle prod on them

I don't get that who are they?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMr2QRsW0HU

Jequ0n · 17-05-2021 8:44pm

mariaalice wrote: »

I don't get that who are they?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMr2QRsW0HU

Welcome to my world, I never understand what you are talking about.

ILoveYourVibes · 17-05-2021 9:42pm

hezarkani wrote: »

What about good parents who still have kids that end up like ****s? Have you ever heard of a story like that?

Yep. And i am not talking about over parenting or over controlling etc trying to raise the perfect child.

1. You can't control your child's environment and what other influences or traumas they are exposed to. If your kid goes to school you really don't know what goes on 5 hrs of their day. You can try to be tuned in and ask questions but you can't.

2. It's not that 'wrong doing' is in built. But certain challenges can be such as depression, addictive personalities etc etc these can present challenges on the road to success. While they are not excuses for wrong doing. They can present reasons as to why children make bad choices.

3. There is a HUGE different between a difficult child and a bad kid or person. A difficult child takes up time in class. Requires attention. But they don't mean to be bad. If they get that LABEL though and are misunderstood ...it can mean bad things. Many of the kids i was told were bold or bad from like 5 to 10 as a kid ..looking back ..were really just hyper.

4. Its pessimistic to suggest there can be something fundamentally against the grain in someone from a young age. But it can be true. We don't know if its trauma (which can happen even if you have good parents) or something else. But this doesn't mean that we can't give these kids to the tools to make better decisions.

OK so a kid attacks someone. Or worse. Or an adult does.

Evil is making a decision to do something wrong. Its not a personality type. EVERYONE can take that decision. And everyone even the most traumatized anti social mind can make the decision to do the right thing.

I think a lot of parents have children ...(not only bad children also) who have problems that are not related to their parenting. Maybe they were bullied at school..maybe they were abused by another family member. Maybe they were held up at gunpoint. Maybe they fell in with a wrong person.

Or maybe ...they simply made the wrong decision ..or even a couple of wrong decisions.

Making the decision to do something wrong is all it takes.

I see sheep · 17-05-2021 10:44pm

I've met a lot of 'middle class' kids whose parents are sound decent hardworking people with well paying jobs.
A lot of these kids are insufferable snobs, and I'd say deep down the parents are embarrased by these kids.

mariaalice · 17-05-2021 10:47pm

I see sheep wrote: »

I've met a lot of 'middle class' kids whose parents are sound decent hardworking people with well paying jobs.
A lot of these kids are insufferable snobs, and I'd say deep down the parents are embarrased by these kids.

Being an Insufferable snob is not a criminal offence it's just stupidity.

JimmyVik · 18-05-2021 9:54am

mariaalice wrote: »

Being an Insufferable snob is not a criminal offence it's just stupidity.

And probably picked up from the people they are hanging around with.

mariaalice · 18-05-2021 9:57am

JimmyVik wrote: »

And probably picked up from the people they are hanging around with.

True, but it's not going to hurt anyone whereas other behaviors do.

JimmyVik · 18-05-2021 10:48am

mariaalice wrote: »

True, but it's not going to hurt anyone whereas other behaviors do.

Point is if snobbery can be picked up from peers, anything else can too.

18-05-2021 12:52pm

JimmyVik wrote: »

Point is if snobbery can be picked up from peers, anything else can too.

Covid, ringworm, Herpes, skanger accent……..the list goes on

mariaalice · 18-05-2021 2:06pm

JimmyVik wrote: »

Point is if snobbery can be picked up from peers, anything else can too.

If you are a snob you will seek the company of other snobs because they reflect your values and you will feel comfortable in their company.

The question is why are you a snob in the first place.

Bad kids from good parents

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