Terror at 35,000 feet!

faceman · 29-10-2015 4:42am #1

Hello AH. I'm on a flight over America on a plane to Dublin that has wifi. However we are hitting some of the worst turbulence ever. Even the crew have had to sit down.

I'm not doing so good.

So I need your help. I've probably wasted my life.

So in the event all is well in the world I want to know all the awesome things you guys have done so I can start doing them!

Oh and turbulence survival tips!

darkpagandeath · 29-10-2015 4:43am

do what gerard depardieu did p*ss on the plane

Jhcx · 29-10-2015 4:44am

Ask them can you have another brandy. Turbulance survival tip #1

murpho999 · 29-10-2015 4:46am

Turbulence Survial Tip.

Keep your seat belt on and relax as the plane can withstand it no problem and it will soon pass. It's like the plane is on a roller-coaster of air in the sky. Nothing will happen to you apart from being hit by projectile vomit from other passengers.

slimjimmc · 29-10-2015 4:54am

Terror at 35,000 feet ?
Phew, just as well you didn't entitle the thread "Nightmare at 20,000 feet".

Don't worry, modern planes are built to withstand turbulence.

PS: having WiFi on a plane is awesome enough.

The Randy Riverbeast · 29-10-2015 4:54am

Start praying to Allah, loudly.

The rest of the passengers will thank you for taking their mind of the turbulence.

Billy86 · 29-10-2015 5:06am

murpho999 wrote: »

Turbulence Survial Tip.

Keep your seat belt on and relax as the plane can withstand it no problem and it will soon pass. It's like the plane is on a roller-coaster of air in the sky. Nothing will happen to you apart from being hit by projectile vomit from other passengers.

Balls to this! Jump up and down, and shake about as much as possible. Encourage those on the other side to do the same. People are smarter than stupid airplanes and will know better how to get it stabilised. Try to punch open some windows too, the air coming in will slow the plane down to a safe speed, kind of like a parachute effect. If any of the staff try to stop you, stab them and make your demands known that everyone follow suit.

God speed faceman, God speed!

Son Of A Vidic · 29-10-2015 5:12am

Looking at your username OP, I really hope B.A. Baracus isn't on that flight or you truly will be fúcked.

jay93 · 29-10-2015 5:13am

faceman wrote: »

Hello AH. I'm on a flight over America on a plane to Dublin that has wifi. However we are hitting some of the worst turbulence ever. Even the crew have had to sit down.

I'm not doing so good.

So I need your help. I've probably wasted my life.

So in the event all is well in the world I want to know all the awesome things you guys have done so I can start doing them!

Oh and turbulence survival tips!

Although turbulence feels horrible that's all it can really do is make you feel uneasy I know from experience of bad flights from Spain to Ireland I wanted to just jump out it got that bad!! Oh and also the staff on the plane sat down too it was horrible but just rest assured the plane can withstand turbulence and I mean even the most severe cases which I'm sure no plane will ever have to go through!!

I was on flights to the states before once I December and in June then I returned in September back to Ireland flew with Aer Lingus and my connecting flights to Michigan were with United both had WiFi which I found really cool to have on a plane!! I went through some bad bumps on the way to the states and even over the states. Just try relax and think of it as been in a bus hitting some bumps on the road :P turbulence is 100% normal and thousands of planes go through it every day.

how much further have you to travel ?

kowloon · 29-10-2015 5:14am

So, still alive?

faceman · 29-10-2015 5:18am

Ah yizzer all great.

The seatbelt sign just went off and the meal service is being attempted. We have 7.5 hours to go.

But we also have a tailwind of 145mph. That doesn't bode well!

darkpagandeath · 29-10-2015 5:19am

faceman wrote: »

Ah yizzer all great.

The seatbelt sign just went off and the meal service is being attempted. We have 7.5 hours to go.

But we also have a tailwind of 145mph. That doesn't bode well!

Maybe it's Ming messing with the weather watch out.

murpho999 · 29-10-2015 5:21am

faceman wrote: »

Ah yizzer all great.

The seatbelt sign just went off and the meal service is being attempted. We have 7.5 hours to go.

But we also have a tailwind of 145mph. That doesn't bode well!

A tailwind is good as it gets you there quicker and it doesn't cause turbulence. Air pockets do.

One eyed Jack · 29-10-2015 5:36am

faceman wrote: »

Hello AH. I'm on a flight over America on a plane to Dublin that has wifi. However we are hitting some of the worst turbulence ever. Even the crew have had to sit down.

I'm not doing so good.

So I need your help. I've probably wasted my life.

So in the event all is well in the world I want to know all the awesome things you guys have done so I can start doing them!

Oh and turbulence survival tips!

I'd say now's as good a time as any to learn how to fly a plane.

Failing that, grab a football from the luggage and meet your new friend for the next couple of years -

Wilson :pac:

jay93 · 29-10-2015 5:49am

faceman wrote: »

Ah yizzer all great.

The seatbelt sign just went off and the meal service is being attempted. We have 7.5 hours to go.

But we also have a tailwind of 145mph. That doesn't bode well!

The tailwind is good should cut down the flying time a bit

which airline you flying with I'm guessing Aer Lingus

faceman · 29-10-2015 6:13am

Right it's been smooth now during meal service but we're taking an unusual route for this trip so that cancels out any gains made by the tailwind.

I'm still touching cloth though cos you know, nerves be nerves.

Older lady beside told me it'd be grand like. But I reckon she's fibbing.

Also, I saw what looked like a very dishevelled pilot/co-pilot/flight engineer come out of the rest area. Looked like he couldn't find his way out of a one way street let alone a transatlantic airplane!

Oh the engines keep making loud funny noises.

uck51js9zml2yt · 29-10-2015 6:19am

Let us know when you crash so we can start a mega thread on another missing plane.;)

jay93 · 29-10-2015 6:27am

faceman wrote: »

Right it's been smooth now during meal service but we're taking an unusual route for this trip so that cancels out any gains made by the tailwind.

I'm still touching cloth though cos you know, nerves be nerves.

Older lady beside told me it'd be grand like. But I reckon she's fibbing.

Also, I saw what looked like a very dishevelled pilot/co-pilot/flight engineer come out of the rest area. Looked like he couldn't find his way out of a one way street let alone a transatlantic airplane!

Oh the engines keep making loud funny noises.

Lol loud noises :P probably trying to compensate for the bumps. The Airbus A330 I flew back to Ireland with in September was making funny noises most the flight with the engines I guess some sounds different than others I flew over on a Airbus A330 too and I didn't hear the same

jay93 · 29-10-2015 6:28am

Cory Witty Villager wrote: »

Let us know when you crash so we can start a mega thread on another missing plane.;)

MH370 all over again

faceman · 29-10-2015 6:51am

FFS THE SEAT BELT LIGHT IS BACK ON!!!!

kowloon · 29-10-2015 6:58am

Can I have some of your stuff to remember you by?

everlast75 · 29-10-2015 7:43am

faceman wrote: »

Right it's been smooth now during meal service but we're taking an unusual route for this trip so that cancels out any gains made by the tailwind.

I'm still touching cloth though cos you know, nerves be nerves.

Older lady beside told me it'd be grand like. But I reckon she's fibbing.

Also, I saw what looked like a very dishevelled pilot/co-pilot/flight engineer come out of the rest area. Looked like he couldn't find his way out of a one way street let alone a transatlantic airplane!

Oh the engines keep making loud funny noises.

It's when they stop making noise you need to start worrying...

kneemos · 29-10-2015 7:48am

Have a look for George Kennedy.If he's there,panic!

strelok · 29-10-2015 7:56am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0SK8I449nc

weisses · 29-10-2015 8:17am

faceman wrote: »

FFS THE SEAT BELT LIGHT IS BACK ON!!!!

FAceman are you there ???? .......... Faceman ?? .... FACEEEMANNNNNNNNNN

donegaLroad · 29-10-2015 9:22am

You'll be grand op.. one night we made 3 attempts to land during a storm at Glasgow international.. it was a 50 seater so we were being thrown about. The air hostess fell forward onto the floor out of her seat..

cowboyBuilder · 29-10-2015 9:29am

Where you flying to ? I'm guessing San Fran or LA ?

Business or pleasure ?

Have a neat Jameson whiskey or 2 ... sort out the nerves..

edit - just see you are returning to Dublin - I guess this is you :
http://fr24.com/EIN146/7d49dbf

faceman · 29-10-2015 9:37am

3 hours left. The air is smoother but those bleedin' engines keep making weird noises. Plus we're over the Atlantic now so there's no safe refuge till Ireland.

The headphone jack on me chair is giving me sounds effects in one ear and dialogue in another which makes the inflight movie seem like each scene takes place in 2 separate rooms.

Just checked the time left and it's still 3 hours!!

The alcohol hasn't made the flight any more smoother despite those recommendations.

My life savings is buried under a rock in a field by a tree in Tallaght FWIW

Fabio · 29-10-2015 9:41am

You home yet?

cowboyBuilder · 29-10-2015 9:43am

Dont worry, you are on an A330 - really safe solid plane.

Yes its the same model as AF447 but no worries ..

One eyed Jack · 29-10-2015 9:48am

Five hours in the air, and another three hours to go? You wouldn't want to be in a hurry! Tell 'em put the boot down!

Dr Strange · 29-10-2015 9:51am

Did it ever occur to anyone that faceman could actually be...the pilot? I mean he has the hat and all....

bodhrandude · 29-10-2015 9:56am

Here is something to listen to, to maybe calm you down. :pac:

The One Doctor · 29-10-2015 10:04am

He's probably dead by now.

Or landed.

CFlat · 29-10-2015 10:15am

The One Doctor wrote: »

He's probably dead by now.

Or landed.

Or tonguing the older lady bedside him..you know, considering how little time he's left.

faceman · 29-10-2015 10:18am

Not dead, not landed. 2hrs 15 left. FML

Duggy747 · 29-10-2015 10:18am

I'd relax with a good movie.

Like Alive or Fearless....

Standard Toaster · 29-10-2015 10:20am

Faceman, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

Eugene Norman · 29-10-2015 10:24am

donegaLroad wrote: »

You'll be grand op.. one night we made 3 attempts to land during a storm at Glasgow international.. it was a 50 seater so we were being thrown about. The air hostess fell forward onto the floor out of her seat..

All the stories about surviving bad flights have a selection bias.

Tabnabs · 29-10-2015 10:36am

'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when if I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

:(:(

Tom Cruises Left Nut · 29-10-2015 10:48am

Im keeping an eye out for a ball of flames coming in over the city

Boom_Bap · 29-10-2015 10:49am

Start saying in a loud voice that you heard a snapping noise from engine 3.
Keep repeating it, getting louder each time while slowly standing up with a shocked expression.

Then smile laugh and say 'fooled yiz, it was engine 4' *serious face*

Turtle_ · 29-10-2015 10:52am

Faceman, are you coming from San Francisco? If so, my dad's also on that flight

ErinGoBrath · 29-10-2015 10:53am

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Start saying in a loud voice that you heard a snapping noise from engine 3.
Keep repeating it, getting louder each time while slowly standing up with a shocked expression.

Then smile laugh and say 'fooled yiz, it was engine 4' *serious face*

Probably not a major concern on a 2 engine plane

namloc1980 · 29-10-2015 11:02am

ErinGoBrath wrote: »

Probably not a major concern on a 2 engine plane

Nah it works even better on a twin engine plane.

Boom_Bap · 29-10-2015 11:04am

namloc1980 wrote: »

Nah it works even better on a twin engine plane.

It's hilarious in one man gliders, where you are the one man.

jamesbere · 29-10-2015 11:06am

Plane forced to land because he goes mental after WiFi connection goes

foggy_lad · 29-10-2015 11:06am

Op have you got a set of worry beads? Don't worry if you don't but ask the old dear beside you if she has rosary beads. Start praying and encourage other passengers to pray for the health and wellbeing of the pilot.

OldGoat · 29-10-2015 11:10am

Not long now Faceman. Soon enough you'll be circling Dublin, you'll look out the window and see the familiar sight of the two chimneys in Ringsend and like every proud Irishman that has ever flown into Dublin you be filled with the thought..."Those jayzuz things are so ****ing ugly!"

everlast75 · 29-10-2015 11:12am

Maybe watch some movie clips OP...

Here's one that will take your mind off it...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QY7fODFm3P8

Shannon757 · 29-10-2015 11:12am

Where is he now?

Terror at 35,000 feet!

Comments