Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

Jeju · 31-08-2015 8:51pm

People who travel the world and bring home various stories of the culture and beauty of far away places like Phuket in Thailand, Marbella in Spain or the Mexican outpost of Cancun. Same people have managed to see all their county Gas games whilst in remote spot in full kit.

SSLguru · 31-08-2015 8:51pm

Anyone who is suddenly a UFC know it all even though they only started watching it in 2014

padd b1975 · 31-08-2015 8:53pm

A scarf and t-shirt combo whatever the weather.

cml387 · 31-08-2015 8:55pm

People who create those exercise logs that infest Boards front page."Just keep going". "Feel the burn"

Ahhhhhh

josephryan1989 · 31-08-2015 8:57pm

Girls who have just discovered they are lesbians/bisexual and dye their hair blue or cut it in a Miley Cyrus style and expect everyone to think they are wonderful.

EazyD · 31-08-2015 9:03pm

- Tossers who wear snapback caps

- Preachy ex smokers/drinkers

- Tabloid readers

- "Full time mammy" types on social media

- Jumped up gym bunnies

- People who use Murican slang

- Busy-bodies/Gossip seekers

- Attention Hoors

* Thats to name only a few

IvaBigWun · 31-08-2015 9:13pm

The snobby wanker; anyone who is borderline fanatic about their Apple Mac and very vocal about how its better than a PC.

The skangery wanker; Anyone who watches Mrs Brown's Boys.

daithi1970 · 31-08-2015 9:13pm

people called Kanye..

I Am The Law · 31-08-2015 9:18pm

Boring username wrote: »

What sets your alarm bells ringing that someone is a bit of an arsehole? For me, there are a handful of things that almost always ring true (although there have been very, very rare exceptions in general.)

1. Wearing a trendy Palestinian type scarf. Always a major indicator that a know it all, insufferable bore is about to lecture you with their 'right on' views of the world. Sometimes accompanied by a neckbeard and general scruffiness.

2. A cokehead. I don't think I ever met a cokehead who wasn't a prick. It really is a great way of identifying a jumped up big time wannabe. Avoid.

3. Any of that corporate speak i.e. "going forward, we'll touch base, from the get-go, out of the ballpark etc".

You are cordially invited to vent you rage and misgivings in your own words.

These people are always so talentless and latch on to this verbal guff to make themselves feel important, trouble is we live in this "emperors new clothes" society where we can't just tell them to f##k off because they might be "offended"!:rolleyes:

tayto lover · 31-08-2015 9:18pm

So-called economists, especially the experts on Boards.
None of them saw the Banking Crisis and austerity arriving but now know all about what caused it and how to fix it.
Real ****.

31-08-2015 9:19pm

EazyD wrote: »

- People who use Murican slang

Absolute top class tossers, ....loads of 'em in the 'murican car scene dude...

Kev W · 31-08-2015 9:20pm

newmug wrote: »

Lazy people, and bullies.

What about a bully that only bullies people about being lazy?

Kev W · 31-08-2015 9:22pm

People who bang on about "'murican" slang without realising the contraction "'murica" was started by Americans.

IvaBigWun · 31-08-2015 9:23pm

Anyone who says they are "curating" anything. One of the most annoying buzzwords of the last few years.

Tis far from curating you were reared boyo!

Baron Kurtz · 31-08-2015 9:24pm

People who have a long list of grievances in this thread. It'd be tough going for a pint with someone rattling off their hates that they can recall with such ease.

Katgurl · 31-08-2015 9:29pm

People who upon meeting you and realising youre both from South Dublin immediately ask where you went to school. The fact school finished twenty years ago or you're on the other side of the world is largely irrelevant.

People who bleach their insanely crooked teeth tippex White. Don't draw attention to them! Or at least bite the bullet and invest in braces if you're that vain.

Kev W · 31-08-2015 9:30pm

IvaBigWun wrote: »

Anyone who says they are "curating" anything. One of the most annoying buzzwords of the last few years.

Tis far from curating you were reared boyo!

Not so much a buzzword as just an actual word with a meaning. Are people misusing it now?

Boring username · 31-08-2015 9:31pm

tayto lover wrote: »

So-called economists, especially the experts on Boards.
None of them saw the Banking Crisis and austerity arriving but now know all about what caused it and how to fix it.
Real ****.

As a wise man once noted, "Isn't it amazing how the experts are always found on bar-stools....."

IvaBigWun · 31-08-2015 9:33pm

Kev W wrote: »

Not so much a buzzword as just an actual word with a meaning. Are people misusing it now?

Ive seen people use it on Twitter in the sense of "just curating a new playlist for my phone here"

Would ya get ta fcuk

PTH2009 · 31-08-2015 9:33pm

People who go out in costume/fancy dress

They want to be noticed

deaddonkey15 · 31-08-2015 9:34pm

People with that Conor McGregor man bun.

Militant vegans.

College students who think they're great craic altogether. Lush on.

Anyone that subscribes to that LAD culture.

People who tag other people in Facebook comments under sh*t Joe.ie posts.

People who post long winded complaints/sob stories to Facebook to get attention.

People who still upload 100+ photos at a time to Facebook.

To Elland Back · 31-08-2015 9:34pm

Very simple. Anyone who doesn't appreciate and engage in the concept of 'Please' and 'Thank You'

kupus · 31-08-2015 9:40pm

People who go away to Africa to help the poor and sick, yet would cross the street if they see someone lying in a heap on the ground in their own country.

Or another variant the person who is always collecting charity for everywhere else except their own village town city country local charities. But hey it makes them feels good on the inside to help out other places but not having a clue that most of the money goes towards wages, warlords and weapons.

There's a special hatred in my heart for those social climbing parasitic vermin.

Ol' Donie · 31-08-2015 9:46pm

osarusan wrote: »

Anybody who feels the need to outdo somebody else's story with a better one.

You want to Manchester? I went to New York. Let me tell you about it.

You went to that concert? I went to this better one. let me tell you about it.

Sure sign that they will be an insufferable bore interested only in themselves.

I've heard such a person being referred to as an Elevenerife before.

As in, "You went to Tenerife? I went to..."

Streetwalker · 31-08-2015 9:46pm

If your name is Bono.

efb · 31-08-2015 9:48pm

People who post on threads like this. (Yes)

pablomakaveli · 31-08-2015 10:12pm

People who post on internet forums. I hate those guys.

conor8989 · 31-08-2015 10:25pm

dudara wrote: »

Someone who walks through a door and doesn't check if there's someone behind them, or doesn't make sure the door is shut after them

People who treat waitstaff and customer service people badly. Or doesn't even say thank you.

These are simple things, but they stand out to me about a person

people on phones checking their bloody facebook pages while blocking a cash machine or a till in the supermarket ps you dont have a thousand friends

joe swanson · 31-08-2015 10:28pm

People who describe themselves as working class who have no intention or interest in working and whinge about the government and cuts.

They probably also attend water protests and love the likes of Wallace, daly and Murphy.

That is an arsehole.

Edit: after reading the Irish water thread. Wish to add people who use the words 'bankster' and 'the 1%'.

GreatDefector · 31-08-2015 10:30pm

People who "eat" kale

Letree · 31-08-2015 10:30pm

professore wrote: »

Social Justice Warrior

Social Justice ****

hawkwind23 · 31-08-2015 10:44pm

When you work in customer service or retail then you are fully qualified to know what a wanker/tosser is
Around 90% of the population

DareGod · 31-08-2015 10:45pm

Guys who use "bro speak" in the gym. Oh good god, stfu. You're not American, and even if you were, it'd still be as annoying as hell. Extra annoying when it's the gym staff who are doing it.

Also, personal trainers shouting "encouragement" at their clients. I find it so CRINGE.

The gym culture attracts so many tossers.

IvaBigWun · 31-08-2015 10:46pm

Streetwalker wrote: »

If your name is Bono.

Ive met people who have spent time in his company and they said he was great craic. And no, they werent **** either

The "Bono is an awful knob" thing people have about him is just Irish begrudgery IMO. Sure, he pontificates about his charity work etc but would you really say no to going on the lash with him?

tayto lover · 31-08-2015 10:48pm

People who support political parties just because daddy did.
Especially those who defend every cut, charge and new tax.

Ramza · 31-08-2015 10:49pm

There's a few signs. Cultivated accents are a signature trademark of pure arse holes.

The same people can ususally be seen going around wearing their armani sunglasses and designer summer wear in the middle of august when its 15 degrees out and there's a bit of sun. Arse hats.

Lads going around with a top knot hairstyle, just to be hip or trendy. It looks ****ing ridiculous. Most of them don't even have long hair and still try to attempt it, ending up looking like a compete wanker. Do they not know they look a show?

People who vape. ****ing hipsters.

Buona Fortuna · 31-08-2015 10:49pm

IvaBigWun wrote: »

The "Bono is an awful knob" thing people have about him is just Irish begrudgery IMO. Sure, he pontificates about his charity work etc but would you really say no to going on the lash with him?

Who's paying?

fryup · 31-08-2015 10:52pm

philstar wrote: »

*btw - can you call a woman a wanker or is it just a male term??

BoJack Horseman wrote: »

The pejorative is bean flicker

but is bean flicker a derogatory term ?

IvaBigWun · 31-08-2015 10:54pm

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Who's paying?

The Edge.

gazump123 · 31-08-2015 10:57pm

People that say "Sun's out, guns out". Massive ****.

Liam McPoyle · 31-08-2015 10:58pm

When someone complains that their favourite craft beer isn't available in a pub.

Detached Retina · 31-08-2015 11:10pm

Boring username wrote: »

Often accompanied by #1 and a faint whiff of stale urine, similar to that of a gone off bag of wheelies crisps in a way.

THAT Smell is usually from leaving your washing in the machine for a day or more after washing. The smell is obvious and a lot like piss. Now with kids, and being busy, I've done it before once or twice, but I REWASH them. It smacks of lazyness - some people just throw them on the bannisters to dy out and wear them, pissy moldy stink and all. Its not like you can miss it. Worked/lived with lots of people over the years that do this :mad:

Tropheus · 31-08-2015 11:12pm

People who wear a baseball cap when driving a car. It should be the international symbol to let other drivers know that the wearer is a complete wanker and is liable to do anything on the road and will most likely kill everyone bar themselves.

Mr_Muffin · 31-08-2015 11:12pm

SSLguru wrote: »

Anyone who is suddenly a UFC know it all even though they only started watching it in 2014

Not a whole lot to learn about UFC to be fair - it's just 2 guys in a ring fighting.

Puibo · 31-08-2015 11:13pm

People who wear their work badges outsife of work. "Oh look at me and my badge with my face on it"

Detached Retina · 31-08-2015 11:14pm

IvaBigWun wrote: »

Ive met people who have spent time in his company and they said he was great craic. And no, they werent **** either

The "Bono is an awful knob" thing people have about him is just Irish begrudgery IMO. Sure, he pontificates about his charity work etc but would you really say no to going on the lash with him?

Actually true, he does pontificate, but he'd have time for anyone - not a bit snobby or exclusive, very personable.

Detached Retina · 31-08-2015 11:16pm

Puibo wrote: »

People who wear their work badges outsife of work. "Oh look at me and my badge with my face on it"

I'll remember to take mine off when I pop to lidl on my break so :eek: (I keep the pic side in to the holder on my lanyard (on the wanker list too

) so its not showing btw, mings)

31-08-2015 11:16pm

Into The Blue wrote: »

The lanyard brigade.. Ye know who ye are..
Usually accompanied by 'borrowed my father's suit till i can afford my own' man..

These tossers, who themselves work for minimum wage, will look down on anyone who's parents earn less than 100k pa.

What's wrong with wearing a lanyard?

wetlandsboy · 31-08-2015 11:26pm

People who wear skinny tracksuit bottoms in the gym. People who wear hoodies over a baseball hat in the gym. Gyms certainly get an awful amount of gimps.

Sh1tbag OToole · 31-08-2015 11:27pm

Puibo wrote: »

People who wear their work badges outsife of work. "Oh look at me and my badge with my face on it"

What about putting QR codes with links to one's Linkedin profile on one's CV? How does that make you feel?

Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

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