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What's the stupidest thing you've ever done to yourself?

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    #122
    stimpson
    Registered Users Posts: 7,815 ✭✭✭stimpson


    whitewave wrote: »
    Not as bad as some of the previous stories, but I regularly drop my phone on my face in bed, punch myself in the face trying to pull up the blankets or else elbow myself in the boob trying to get a jumper/t-shirt off

    How is that even possible?


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    #123
    shroom007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 425 ✭✭shroom007


    mauzo! wrote: »
    I tried to see how far I could cycle with my hands crossed. Jesus that's tricky!!

    Brilliant im tempted

    how'd you get on


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    #124
    whitewave
    Registered Users Posts: 397 ✭✭whitewave


    stimpson wrote: »
    How is that even possible?

    Trying to pull my arm out of the sleeve of a jumper, let go of the sleeve...elbow catapults back...smack!


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    #125
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Wurly wrote: »
    A number of years ago, my parents were on holidays and I was the resident house-sitter. One morning I woke up late for work and was rushing like a mad yoke to get out the door. I forgot everything. I closed the front door behind me and just as I heard it close, I realised that both my keys and my phone were still inside. So I had no key to open the porch door. So there I was, for 8 hours, trapped in between the two doors. The postman came and I felt like an awful eejit just sitting in the porch. My rescue came when my next door neighbour finally came home and opened the door with her spare key. I had to shout at her through the letterbox.:pac: I had survived on half a small bottle of water than happened to be in my bag. It was a ROASTING day too.

    Gobsh1te!

    Lol, you should have invented a game to amuse yourself, like pretending you were the family pet and snarly and biting at him through the letterbox :P


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    #126
    5live
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,438 ✭✭✭5live


    44064-dagging-shears-5-inch-straight-double-bow-trafalgar.png
    I was cleaning lambs tails with a pair of the above when the lamb broke loose. I tried to catch him with one hand but couldn't so i threw the shears away to use my other hand when the lamb changed direction so i flew off in the other direction with the shears in the air. I put my foot out to steady myself, just as the shears came down in that spot. It went clear through my wellies and foot and out the other side.:o

    I hobbled back to my house, shears still stuck in my leg, to get someone to pull it out. My mother was first on the scene and she fainted on the spot. My father was next and all he could do was pull it out and ring for an ambulance.

    Turned out the LAST thing thing we should have done was pull it out. Took off the wellie, about quarter full of blood at this stage, and elevated my leg and applied pressure. At this stage my mother came around and picked up the wellie to tidy up before the ambulance came and all the blood flowed out and she fainted again.

    When the ambulance came finally, they spent as much time reviving my mother than sorting me:D

    I spent a week in hospital on a drip and antibiotics and off my feet for 2 weeks after.

    I fell off a ladder helping an electrician put up lights and the ladder slipped and i broke a rib. It hurt to breath and all my 'friends' came round to tell me jokes which hurt more than breathing:)


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    #127
    osarusan
    Registered Users Posts: 16,551 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    Applied Deep Heat to my inner thigh, and ended up with a burning willy.

    funny thing was that a few years later, my friend wanted some, so I gave it to him, with the advice to use it sparingly and avoid his groin. They guy smeared it all over himself, and was in agony.

    EDIT: Stamped on a nail poking out of some wood, intending to bend it flat. Ended up with a tetanus shot.


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    #128
    Going Strong
    Registered Users Posts: 837 ✭✭✭Going Strong


    osarusan wrote: »
    Applied Deep Heat to my inner thigh, and ended up with a burning willy.

    funny thing was that a few years later, my friend wanted some, so I gave it to him, with the advice to use it sparingly and avoid his groin. They guy smeared it all over himself, and was in agony.

    EDIT: Stamped on a nail poking out of some wood, intending to bend it flat. Ended up with a tetanus shot.


    Not Deep Heat and not me, honest, but a friend of mine decided he'd had enough of shaving rash so applied Immac to his face. Instead of the baby-smooth skin he'd imagined, he got a red raw face for a couple of weeks and a burning sensation. When he could shave again, his shaving rash was even worse from then on. Epic fail.


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    #129
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    Going Strong wrote: »
    Not Deep Heat and not me, honest, but a friend of mine decided he'd had enough of shaving rash so applied Immac to his face. Instead of the baby-smooth skin he'd imagined, he got a red raw face for a couple of weeks and a burning sensation. When he could shave again, his shaving rash was even worse from then on. Epic fail.
    Isn't there a review where some guy put stuff on his privates and it didn't have the desired results? His review is hilarious but for the life of me I can't think of it now. It's been doing the rounds for years so someone will remember it. If I remember I'll post the link.


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    #130
    uch
    Registered Users Posts: 7,008 ✭✭✭uch


    harry Bailey esq wrote: »
    mine usually involve fire.When i was a kid lighting your own farts was all the rage,the whole class was at it,one unfortunate day in April 92 i let rip and burnt the hole off meself :(.


    Hehe, I did this in the early 80's too, I was called captain caveman in school because I was so hairy, after setting me hole on fire I was baldy from above the knees to me belly button.

    21/25



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    #131
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    Found it. The review is by A.Chappell. A lesson to all men!


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    #132
    sebastianlieken
    Registered Users Posts: 1,778 ✭✭✭sebastianlieken


    sebastianlieken wrote: »
    I was once playing with a big slab of a rock out in our garden as a kid and managed to drop the slab onto my big toe, all went black and blue and the nail came off. 4 months later when the toe had healed and my nail had regrown I was out playing in the garden again; I managed to drop the exact same rock onto the exact same toe again. All went black and blue again and the toe nail came off. that sucked.
    razorblunt wrote: »
    Jesus where were all your toys?

    They were under the slab of rock.

    and don't call me jesus.


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    #133
    thejaguar
    Registered Users Posts: 730 ✭✭✭thejaguar


    Hanging around a bonfire as a young gouger and something popped and sent a rock rolling out of the bonfire.
    Sure I'll just pick that up and throw it back in won't I?

    The rock first stuck to my hand, then flew off with a few layers of skin. I then watched the blisters grow on all 4 fingers and the palm of my hand. Had fingers like sausages for a few days after that.

    Blamed it on some 'older kids' or some pathetic thing like that when I got home.


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    #134
    Antar Bolaeisk
    Registered Users Posts: 3,091 ✭✭✭Antar Bolaeisk


    Was playing some game with my brother and sister which involved balancing a plank of wood over the edge of the bed with my sister standing on the bed end and me on the air end. All was going well until mum called us for dinner at which point my sister ran out and I plummeted ripping open the six-week old wound on my head on the radiator.


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    #135
    razorblunt
    Registered Users Posts: 17,300 ✭✭✭✭razorblunt


    sebastianlieken wrote: »
    They were under the slab of rock.

    and don't call me jesus.

    Sebastian no lieken being called Jesus?


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    #136
    dgt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,985 ✭✭✭✭dgt


    Had tcp spill on my balls. Boy that stung....


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    #137
    Dizzicizzi
    Registered Users Posts: 182 ✭✭Dizzicizzi


    I was 17 at my sisters 21st and got so, so, so drunk. My father gave me a lift home first because I was in a bad way. He went out to collect the rest of the family from the pub so I was left alone. I suddenly felt very sick and ran to the toilet. While being violently sick, I was still considerate, so lifted the lid and the seat out of the way. Then... I let go of the heavy weight pine toilet seat and it knocked me out. I had a huge bruise on my forehead for about a week.

    Fun times.


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    #138
    Ihatecuddles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Ihatecuddles


    shroom007 wrote: »
    Brilliant im tempted

    how'd you get on

    By crossed I meant my hands swapped over on the handlebars.

    Its really f*cking hard.


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    #139
    Ihatecuddles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Ihatecuddles


    Oh yeah, I once rubbed one of the worlds hottest hot sauces on my vagina.

    In a pub. Strangers poured milk on it for me.


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    #140
    Dizzicizzi
    Registered Users Posts: 182 ✭✭Dizzicizzi


    mauzo! wrote: »
    Oh yeah, I once rubbed one of the worlds hottest hot sauces on my vagina.

    In a pub. Strangers poured milk on it for me.

    You're a special kind of f**ked up. I like it.


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    #141
    Ihatecuddles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Ihatecuddles


    Dizzicizzi wrote: »
    You're a special kind of f**ked up. I like it.

    I had a tiny bit on my finger, stuck it in my friends mouth for a laugh. He almost died, his face went all red, he was coughing, dribbling...then it was my turn :( went to the toilet, wiped, the tissue was irrelevant seeing as I ended up running my fingers from nearly my arse to the front. It was horrific.


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    #142
    Dizzicizzi
    Registered Users Posts: 182 ✭✭Dizzicizzi


    mauzo! wrote: »
    I had a tiny bit on my finger, stuck it in my friends mouth for a laugh. He almost died, his face went all red, he was coughing, dribbling...then it was my turn :( went to the toilet, wiped, the tissue was irrelevant seeing as I ended up running my fingers from nearly my arse to the front. It was horrific.

    OH MY GAWD!!!! Hilarious. I snorted. You poor thing that sounds awful.


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    #143
    MRnotlob606
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,642 ✭✭✭MRnotlob606


    slammed the car door on my middle finger and chipped the bone :mad:


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    #144
    Ihatecuddles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Ihatecuddles


    Dizzicizzi wrote: »
    OH MY GAWD!!!! Hilarious. I snorted. You poor thing that sounds awful.

    There was a bathroom full of girls puring creme de menthe on my vag, while I sat on the toilet, legs spread...letting them :o

    It was a boards beers too. Oh the shame.


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    #145
    shopaholic01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    mauzo! wrote: »
    There was a bathroom full of girls puring creme de menthe on my vag, while I sat on the toilet, legs spread...letting them :o

    It was a boards beers too. Oh the shame.
    :D:D:D:D:D


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    #146
    Dizzicizzi
    Registered Users Posts: 182 ✭✭Dizzicizzi


    mauzo! wrote: »
    There was a bathroom full of girls puring creme de menthe on my vag, while I sat on the toilet, legs spread...letting them :o

    It was a boards beers too. Oh the shame.

    Wow... The Motors meets are never that interesting...


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    #147
    Sam Kade
    Registered Users Posts: 12,313 ✭✭✭✭Sam Kade


    GenieOz wrote: »
    You're one of those people who thinks it isn't a word then?
    http://languageandgrammar.com/2008/05/09/stupid-grammar-error/

    It's an American slang word just because it made it's way into a dictionary isn't proof it's a word ;)


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    #148
    siblers
    Registered Users Posts: 12,356 ✭✭✭✭siblers


    At my Debs (I had been told it was gonna be a night to cherish). I turned up at the venue, went straight to the bar and downed 5 pints of Bulmers in one in under 20 minutes. About 5 minutes later I was puking my guts out over a spiked iron garden fence, I then slept on the bus till the night was over.


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    #149
    blastman
    Registered Users Posts: 5,449 ✭✭✭blastman


    mauzo! wrote: »
    There was a bathroom full of girls puring creme de menthe on my vag, while I sat on the toilet, legs spread...letting them :o

    It was a boards beers too. Oh the shame.

    I think I love you!!

    I have to ask, why Creme De Menthe? Just because it was minty? Peppermint cordial would have been cheaper..... :D


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    #150
    blastman
    Registered Users Posts: 5,449 ✭✭✭blastman


    5live wrote: »

    I fell off a ladder helping an electrician put up lights and the ladder slipped and i broke a rib. It hurt to breath and all my 'friends' came round to tell me jokes which hurt more than breathing:)

    I have 'friends' like that, they showed up in hospital the day after I had my appendix out and spent an hour trying to make me laugh. Bástards!


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    #151
    CaSCaDe711
    Registered Users Posts: 813 ✭✭✭CaSCaDe711


    Started smoking cigarettes :(
    But then quit many many years later :);)


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