Sex as Fun (?)

seenitall · 31-10-2019 9:53pm

Gynoid wrote: »

the reluctant mercy fcuk

Yeah, this is the kind of thing I don't get, I don't feel. I think I'm just not emotionally detached enough from getting nekkid with someone, for feeling like I could/would provide them with a mercy fcuk.

Zamboni · 31-10-2019 9:54pm

Sex is a shared DMT trip for the male and the female. That level of physiological and psychological alignment is otherworldly.
All lost in the era of Snapchat dick pics and insta tits.

Porklife · 31-10-2019 9:55pm

I couldn't agree less. Sex is the most fun I've ever had. Admittedly, it's a different type of fun then say going to a gig or dancing at an 80s tribute night but it's still deep and intense fun. I'd choose sex over pretty much anything tbh and if it's with somebody I'm into then forget about it!
Nothing excites me more than knowing I've a night of sex aka fun ahead with a guy I like!

JohnnyFlash · 31-10-2019 9:58pm

Raconteuse wrote: »

That's the only thing it could be?

Totally agreed OP. Fun is having a house party. There are many many other positive experiences besides fun so i don't know why that term is used about sex. I don't think it suits it either.

You'll get snarky comments of course because people always feel the need to tell folk here that any alternate way of looking at sex (outside of "it's fun!") makes them feel uncomfortable, but ignore.

Of course fun is a word that can be used to describe sex. I rode a middle-aged woman during the week and the sex was great fun.

Gynoid · 31-10-2019 10:03pm

seenitall wrote: »

Yeah, this is the kind of thing I don't get, I don't feel. I think I'm just not emotionally detached enough from getting nekkid with someone, for feeling like I could/would provide them with a mercy fcuk.

Stay with the same fella/girl for more than 3 decades and for either party there will be times you have sex just because the other needs or wants it, even though you or they would prefer tea and biccies in that moment - its not emotional detachment, if anything its the opposite. You are just required to grumble loudly at the start roll your eyes a lot, snort a bit and say things like come here then ya great big lummox and so on....then it qualifies as mercy.

seenitall · 31-10-2019 10:05pm

Gynoid wrote: »

Stay with the same fella/girl for more than 3 decades and for either party there will be times you have sex just because the other needs or wants it, even though you or they would prefer tea and biccies in that moment - its not emotional detachment, if anything its the opposite. You are just required to grumble loudly at the start roll your eyes a lot, snort a bit and say things like come here then ya great big lummox and so on....then it qualifies as mercy.

Ok, now I actually envy you! 30+ years - well done, both of you!

ETA: yeah, it wasn't the kind of situation I had in mind.

Raconteuse · 31-10-2019 10:06pm

eviltwin wrote: »

Did I say it's all it can be? It can be a lot of things but it should most definitely be fun. Sometimes it's just riding someone you really fancy, you've no need to form a mental connection, you just want to enjoy the experience and there is nothing wrong with that.

Yeah you did say that when you said what's the point.

Good sex is obviously a very positive, enjoyable experience but I don't think fun is the right word for it. And it's certainly strange to say it "should be" fun. Some people here seem to think "fun" just means any enjoyable experience though, so fair enough. But to me, it's the house party, 80s night type of thing only.

Don't think anyone said there's anything wrong with having sex with a person just because you fancy them only. People always get defensive from nothing when posting that.

eviltwin · 31-10-2019 10:09pm

Raconteuse wrote: »

Yeah you did say that when you said what's the point.

Good sex is obviously a very positive, enjoyable experience but I don't think fun is the right word for it. And it's certainly strange to say it "should be" fun. Some people here seem to think "fun" just means any enjoyable experience though, so fair enough. But to me, it's the house party, 80s night type of thing only.

Don't think anyone said there's anything wrong with having sex with a person just because you fancy them only. People always get defensive from nothing when posting that.

Good sex is fun to me. Fun is something I enjoy doing and I wouldn't have sex if I wasn't sure I'd enjoy it. If you don't think the word is apt fair enough but clearly some people do see it as a fun experience.

31-10-2019 10:12pm

You betcha bottom dolla it's a helluva buzz. Why can't sex be synonymous with fun? Not merely a mechanical process.

dartboardio · 31-10-2019 10:15pm

Omg! I'm with you...

It might sound a bit exaggerative.. Well then maybe I'm a drama queen.

Yes, I enjoy sex but I wouldn't call it something I do as carefree fun and can just let loose..

I've always felt quiet under pressure to act a certain way or act 'sexy' and no i haven't been with the wrong people. It's actually me! Maybe some sort of weird oppression thing.

No one has ever put me under pressure but it's just like when I feel like I should be acting a certain way or doing certain things. I get to feel kinda embarrassed and like I'm on stage. Maybe I'm just not comfortable with it.

Woke Hogan · 31-10-2019 10:18pm

Raconteuse wrote: »

Yeah you did say that when you said what's the point.

Good sex is obviously a very positive, enjoyable experience but I don't think fun is the right word for it. And it's certainly strange to say it "should be" fun. Some people here seem to think "fun" just means any enjoyable experience though, so fair enough. But to me, it's the house party, 80s night type of thing only.

Don't think anyone said there's anything wrong with having sex with a person just because you fancy them only. People always get defensive from nothing when posting that.

Only 80s nights are fun??? Maybe “in your 80s” nights!

Raconteuse · 31-10-2019 10:19pm

Deleted User wrote: »

You betcha bottom dolla it's a helluva buzz. Why can't sex be synonymous with fun? Not merely a mechanical process.

But nobody is saying it's either fun or a mechanical process.

Raconteuse · 31-10-2019 10:20pm

Woke Hogan wrote: »

Only 80s nights are fun??? Maybe “in your 80s” nights!

Somebody else used that as an example, I just repeated it.

And absolutely nowhere did I say "only" 80s nights are fun.

seenitall · 31-10-2019 10:23pm

dartboardio wrote: »

Omg! I'm with you...

It might sound a bit exaggerative.. Well then maybe I'm a drama queen.

Yes, I enjoy sex but I wouldn't call it something I do as carefree fun and can just let loose..

I've always felt quiet under pressure to act a certain way or act 'sexy' and no i haven't been with the wrong people. It's actually me! Maybe some sort of weird oppression thing.

No one has ever put me under pressure but it's just like when I feel like I should be acting a certain way or doing certain things. I get to feel kinda embarrassed and like I'm on stage. Maybe I'm just not comfortable with it.

Sorry to read that. The performance, on stage thing - may be down to your self confidence, a confidence in your body? You could work on that, I'm sure. Things are much more enjoyable when you are comfortable in your body and what you do and who you do it with. Then you may end up feeling like a great performer!!

Just a thought.

Woke Hogan · 31-10-2019 10:24pm

Raconteuse wrote: »

Somebody else used that as an example, I just repeated it.

And absolutely nowhere did I say "only" 80s nights are fun.

“Some people here seem to think "fun" just means any enjoyable experience though, so fair enough. But to me, it's the house party, 80s night type of thing only.“

Look at that last word there. Or, perhaps, you don’t mean ALL 80s nights?

seenitall · 31-10-2019 10:28pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I took the implication from the OP as the latter. And advocate for the former.

Not quite, the OP is just an exploration of the concept with the AHers. I am neither for or against anything, it would be stupid to be, as attitudes to sex are, and should be, very individual, very personal to us all. Just wanted a bit of a sounding board for my pondering. And just as I expected, all kinds of different opinions showed up.

Raconteuse · 31-10-2019 10:32pm

seenitall wrote: »

Not quite, the OP is just an exploration of the concept with the AHers. I am neither for or against anything, it would be stupid to be, as attitudes to sex are, and should be, very individual, very personal to us all. Just wanted a bit of a sounding board for my pondering. And just as I expected, all kinds of different opinions showed up.

And lots of snarkiness and putting words in mouths! Such a surprise!

The only sex that seems mechanical imo is porn or prostitution or having to shag shag shag anyone that moves due to an addiction.

"attitudes to sex are, and should be, very individual, very personal to us all" - indeed. If only you were afforded such open mindedness!

seenitall · 31-10-2019 10:37pm

Raconteuse wrote: »

And lots of snarkiness and putting words in mouths! Such a surprise!

The only sex that seems mechanical imo is porn or prostitution or having to shag shag shag anyone that moves due to an addiction.

"attitudes to sex are, and should be, very individual, very personal to us all" - indeed. If only you were afforded such open mindedness!

Hey no worries - it's the AH after all! No need to take it as seriously as I do sex - ba dum tish

Thank you, Storyteller girl

Pac1Man · 31-10-2019 10:38pm

I saw a woman today.

seenitall · 31-10-2019 10:39pm

Pac1Man wrote: »

I saw a woman today.

... is how all the best stories start.

bitofabind · 31-10-2019 10:53pm

“Fun” just seems too frivolous a word for it for me. Fun seems like the antonym to “intimate” and to me sex is a bonding experience where the objective is not really to swing from a chandelier and have an earth shattering orgasm, though that can be nice, but moreso about feeling more connected to him. Boring and all as that may be.

For a lot of people it’s purely a physical act though and they either park the emotions and intimacy at the door or dissociate entirely, maybe fun fits the bill in those cases. I just can’t really fathom being naked and the most vulnerable with someone and comparing it to karaoke down the local or an 80s tribute night.

seenitall · 31-10-2019 11:14pm

Yes, bitofabind, that'd be how I feel about it, more or less, so even when it's a casual thing, I still have to have that special something, a specific connection, attraction, trust going on. Maybe it all falls under the heading of Chemistry, but it has to be there. So much deeper than fun (as I see fun). Sex is then like a cherry on top, a physical manifestation and a rounding out of that experience.

I can see there is a devision on it here, and it's not strictly on gender lines, either. So that's interesting to me. Not all men are just looking for any hole when in physical need, and not all women feel about it as we do (which would be conventional wisdom). So we are not all biologically programmed a certain way, or sometimes it goes off script.

ETA: I don't mean to equate "any hole is a goal" attitude with "Sex is fun". However, fun is something that one can have with almost any other body who seems a good laugh and a bit of craic. And some people have a similar attitude to whoever has the basic characteristics (correct gender and within a certain age range, for example) that will fulfill the promise of a good night. Nothing wrong with that, we are animals after all.

mariaalice · 31-10-2019 11:31pm

seenitall wrote: »

Yes, bitofabind, that'd be how I feel about it, more or less, so even when it's a casual thing, I still have to have that special something, a specific connection, attraction, trust going on. Maybe it all falls under the heading of Chemistry, but it has to be there. So much deeper than fun (as I see fun). Sex is then like a cherry on top, a physical manifestation and a rounding out of that experience.

I can see there is a devision on it here, and it's not strictly on gender lines, either. So that's interesting to me. Not all men are just looking for any hole when in physical need, and not all women feel about it as we do (which would be conventional wisdom). So we are not all biologically programmed a certain way, or sometimes it goes off script.

There is a lot of pressure on the woman and to a lesser extent on men to acquiesce with a cultural narrative that sex is about fun and has no intrinsic meaning, its just a bodily function, they must be repressed and so on.

seenitall · 31-10-2019 11:46pm

mariaalice wrote: »

There is a lot of pressure on the woman and to a lesser extent on men to acquiesce with a cultural narrative that sex is about fun and has no intrinsic meaning, its just a bodily function, they must be repressed.

There's a bit of a nature vs. nurture there, I think, mariaalice. Yes, society has become more permissive about dissociating feelings from sex through the decades, but prior to modern times, you still had people mindlessly "fornicating" (what a disgusting word) in the green fields of this country, with presumably no talk of feelings or a wedding ring in sight, and the resultant "problems" being shunted off to the relevant establishments with a lot of laundry washing facilities, while the gentlemen disappeared off to England, maybe. I use the word "mindlessly" intentionally, as who in their right mind would be taking those risks, with those kinds of consequences in mind? And yet, they did. Because nature is such a powerful beast. So I think, perhaps, the mindsets of today are partly also the pendulum swinging to the side of nature, and letting it do its thing, without putting the meaning on it, WHICH IT MAY or MAY NOT have.

seenitall · 31-10-2019 11:59pm

mariaalice wrote: »

There is a lot of pressure on the woman

Also, to address this - I have never felt any kind of societal or peer pressure in my life regarding sexual matters. Is that because I've been lucky? Or is it because I grew up way outside Ireland? Or is it because I don't pressurise easily when it comes to it?

How about yourself?

01-11-2019 12:00am

Fun isn't a word I'd use, but sex isn't a single repetitive experience.

People all have different attitudes to and about sex, and all of them are fine if that's what makes them happy.

"Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing" - Woody Allen.

ILoveYourVibes · 01-11-2019 12:02am

You can do what ever you wish. No judgement. So long as its consenting.

However my body is not your **** toy.

I share a first person relationship with my body ...my body is me ...you touch my body you touch me.

My body is not your **** toy.

If that is different for someone else while i cannot relate to it ..i can respect it.

kowloon · 01-11-2019 12:07am

ChikiChiki wrote: »

I think the fun part is the chase tbh.

Christ no! Cast that idea into the fires of Mt. Doom before it takes hold! :eek:

Candie wrote: »

Fun isn't a word I'd use, but sex isn't a single repetitive experience.

You know nothing of my work.

Austria! · 01-11-2019 12:09am

I've had sex

kowloon · 01-11-2019 12:13am

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

I share a first person relationship with my body ...my body is me ...you touch my body you touch me.

The strange thing is, all my memories are third person.

Sex as Fun (?)

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