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Sex as Fun (?)

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    #62
    dartboardio
    Registered Users Posts: 2,436 ✭✭✭dartboardio


    In all seriousness, myself and my partner have only had sex a few times this year, every time , it is , as someone said above ' a single repetitive experience' it is the exact same way each time,

    Now in my eyes I see nothing wrong with that, I'd be happy as it feels very loving etc , maybe a little more frequent but that's due to me not initiating it/ less confident etc

    I wonder is this ' adventurous' sex only a relatively new thing ? or reserved for certain types of people? In my mind I always had 'out there' sexual fantasies, as does my boyfriend (i know that for a fact) so why don't we express them with eachother? Is it lack of communication or what,

    Anyone have similar experiences before? we are together a couple of years, get on fantastic in general, is it a possibility that we are not sexually compatible? Or just due to laziness on either side?

    It could be me, I just don't seem to have that little spark with sex or that 'naughty' feel like playing a sexy 'game' and would actually find it fairly daunting /uncomfortable to ever try express a fantasy or, to fulfill his. Maybe I've just had way too much time in my head.

    Maybe I just need to go to therapy! :V


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    #63
    Jenneke87
    Registered Users Posts: 807 ✭✭✭Jenneke87


    It has never been fun for me..:( It has been a massive source of pain and stress since it started and I am done with it.


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    #64
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    kowloon wrote: »
    The strange thing is, all my memories are third person. :confused:
    Me too ....maybe its the drugs.


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    #65
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Jenneke87 wrote: »
    It has never been fun for me..:( It has been a massive source of pain and stress since it started and I am done with it.
    Then you have been having it with assholes.


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    #66
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    dartboardio wrote: »
    In all seriousness, myself and my partner have only had sex a few times this year, every time , it is , as someone said above ' a single repetitive experience' it is the exact same way each time,

    Now in my eyes I see nothing wrong with that, I'd be happy as it feels very loving etc , maybe a little more frequent but that's due to me not initiating it/ less confident etc

    I wonder is this ' adventurous' sex only a relatively new thing ? or reserved for certain types of people? In my mind I always had 'out there' sexual fantasies, as does my boyfriend (i know that for a fact) so why don't we express them with eachother? Is it lack of communication or what,

    Anyone have similar experiences before? we are together a couple of years, get on fantastic in general, is it a possibility that we are not sexually compatible? Or just due to laziness on either side?

    It could be me, I just don't seem to have that little spark with sex or that 'naughty' feel like playing a sexy 'game' and would actually find it fairly daunting /uncomfortable to ever try express a fantasy or, to fulfill his. Maybe I've just had way too much time in my head.

    Maybe I just need to go to therapy! :V

    Games are not really what create chemistry.


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    #67
    Pherekydes
    Registered Users Posts: 16,115 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    Stark wrote: »
    Procreation not recreation

    And when you're finished procreatin', what then? Like for the rest of your life?


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    #68
    dartboardio
    Registered Users Posts: 2,436 ✭✭✭dartboardio


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    Games are not really what create chemistry.

    That's what I need to hear ! :D


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    #69
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    If a comfortable routine makes people happy, then they're doing it right for them. You can have the same routine and a world of different moods and emotions.

    There's a vast middle ground between swinging from the chandelier in a leather onesie and a bowler hat and going through the same motions in the same place at the same time. It's not just a one-or-the-other scenario here!


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    #70
    BorneTobyWilde
    Registered Users Posts: 35,707 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    Then you have been having it with assholes.


    Or they've been having it with her asshole


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    #71
    mikeecho
    Registered Users Posts: 5,062 ✭✭✭mikeecho


    seenitall wrote: »
    I've always heard this a lot, even used the expression myself, as interchangable with sex, but I don't think it has ever quite gelled with me. And I know it isn't just me being a woman not a man thing, at all. (But it could be a part of it?)

    What is it then, why can't I get on board - or do I even want to (I don't think so)

    For me, sex with another person (as opposed to with myself, heh) is a helluva intense situation. I have been with many people in my life, had ONS and other casual setups but - Fun is still the last word that comes to mind. Does that make sense to anyone else here..?

    Fun is going to cinema. Traveling to a new destination. Having a natter with a friend over some good food. Laughing with my daughter about some crazy meme she has just discovered online. Fun is fantastic, but it is not something my quality of life will suffer greatly if it is not forthcoming for a while.

    Sex is a need. For a physical release, and for a human connection, the likes of which it is impossible (or in any case, much more difficult) to realise with your clothes on. Intimacy like that, with another human being - so important to have that once in a while. However, I've never ever been able to get down and dirty with anyone I haven't been wildly attracted to (I don't drink, so no drink goggles thing has gone on!). Most people are different to that, as I understand? Especially men?

    Sex is a way of communication, an expression of trust, a wonderful means to an intensity of oblivion.

    But fun? Hm.

    (No PMs please. Don't even.)

    DM sent


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    #72
    Obvious Desperate Breakfasts
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,474 ✭✭✭Obvious Desperate Breakfasts


    Well, fun to me is doing something pleasurable. And I find sex pleasurable.


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    #73
    Tio07
    Registered Users Posts: 63 ✭✭Tio07


    ChikiChiki wrote: »
    I think the fun part is the chase tbh.

    I would totally agree with the fun being in the chase?

    It’s the flirting and the tension that builds that either makes it or breaks it for me! The sex that follows isn’t always what we sometimes build it up to be but at least the need is met after the fun!


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    #74
    JupiterKid
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 12,600 Mod ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    I know this is a bit of a cliche but most cliches have a big element of truth in them: men are much more able to separate out the physical pleasure of sex from the emotional intimacy of lovemaking. That’s not at all to say than men do not get strong emotional connection during sex - they certainly do with someone they really love and care about...

    ...but women seem to much more strongly fuse the emotional side of sex with the physical pleasure aspect.

    Gay men - and I know this from experience as one - often have multiple sexual partners with whom they have lots of fun with, but only one partner at a time whom they deeply love. Indeed many gay men in long-term relationships have mutually agreed open relationships and “play away” with other men in terms of sex - and if rules are set down and followed, it often works very well.


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    #75
    Plumbthedepths
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,653 ✭✭✭✭Plumbthedepths


    My wife and I are together since we were teenagers, late forties now. If fun wasn't one part of the experience we would have stopped long ago after our two sons like what would the point be? We had our first holiday on over own in several years recently. 7 days in Italy, we were like teenagers all over again no boundaries except 1 night both of us had a little to much to drink so we started the next day off with a bang...


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    #76
    RobbingBandit
    Registered Users Posts: 18,090 ✭✭✭✭RobbingBandit


    Procreation not Recreation you durty burtys


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    #77
    Plumbthedepths
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,653 ✭✭✭✭Plumbthedepths


    At 47 its only a grand child I want bouncing on my knee and that doesn't look likely anytime soon, thankfully


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    #78
    FluffyTowel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 406 ✭✭FluffyTowel


    Sex is great fun.

    Do you never look down at your partner (or up, or left or right, depending on what you’re at) and just burst out laughing because of how good and close and awesome it is? If not, I’d recommend it.


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    #79
    Raconteuse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,817 ✭✭✭Raconteuse


    Plumbthedepths wrote: »
    My wife and I are together since we were teenagers, late forties now. If fun wasn't one part of the experience we would have stopped long ago after our two sons like what would the point be?
    What would the point be? Pleasure, enjoyment, closeness, contentment.


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    #80
    Plumbthedepths
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,653 ✭✭✭✭Plumbthedepths


    Raconteuse wrote: »
    What would the point be? Pleasure, enjoyment, closeness, contentment.

    I did say fun as one part of the experience, there are several others. However my wife and I have fun with each others bodies we also have incredibly intense moments with each other that intercourse is not a factor. All emotions and experiences have a place in sex. We should never rule out anything unless it is without agreement or uncomfortable for the other. I genuinely cannot understand this idea that sex is not fun. Of course it is we are programmed to have fun to make us want to engage in the activity. It you stepped back and made an analytical study of sex you would most likely get disgusted and refuse to participate. Just my thoughts anyway.


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    #81
    dartboardio
    Registered Users Posts: 2,436 ✭✭✭dartboardio


    Raconteuse wrote: »
    What would the point be? Pleasure, enjoyment, closeness, contentment.

    Yes, true, me and my boyfriend are only together a few years but I feel there may be a bit of social pressure to have 'wild' or 'fun' sex.. Then maybe feel like something is missing when it's not.

    Like my previous comments, I wouldnt call our sex 'fun' i would call it intimate, close, emotional!

    Maybe it should be fun, maybe it shouldn't, whos to say I suppose, as long as it works for both.

    Or maybe one day we will want to make it fun, instead of just normal


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    #82
    Transginger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13 ✭Transginger


    seenitall wrote: »
    You'd understand if you'd seen the contents of my inbox through the years. I'm sure most female posters have the same.

    Ooh Matron!


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    #83
    Obvious Desperate Breakfasts
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,474 ✭✭✭Obvious Desperate Breakfasts


    Raconteuse wrote: »
    What would the point be? Pleasure, enjoyment, closeness, contentment.

    But pleasure is fun. Aren’t they kinda synonymous? Enjoyment too. I’m not really understanding this thread. I’m nonplussed at the narrow definition of fun. You’ve never heard sex described as ‘horizontal fun’?


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    #84
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    i think i can promise you sex that is anything but fun


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    #85
    Elmer Blooker
    Registered Users Posts: 6,044 ✭✭✭Elmer Blooker


    ...but women seem to much more strongly fuse the emotional side of sex with the physical pleasure aspect.
    The old 'men are only after one thing' myth.
    Men aren't as calculating as women and are more loyal and romantic. Reminds me of the old Dylan Moran joke about love - "that's how women feel about shoes!"
    The above quote may apply in a Hollywood 'rom-com' but not in the real world.


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    #86
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Gynoid wrote: »
    Stay with the same fella/girl for more than 3 decades and for either party.... You are just required to grumble loudly at the start roll your eyes a lot, snort a bit and say things like come here then ya great big lummox and so on....then it qualifies as mercy.

    hehe. The most romantic thing I've read on Boards in a while.


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    #87
    jimgoose
    Registered Users Posts: 20,175 ✭✭✭✭jimgoose


    Sex is great. I'm having more and better than I ever had, an' I an owdild feddit.

    OP, I think your definition of "fun" might be a tad narrow. As has been said, don't overthink it.


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    #88
    Jonybgud
    Registered Users Posts: 463 ✭✭Jonybgud


    teachers need sex too, apparently.


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    #89
    Woke Hogan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,630 ✭✭✭Woke Hogan


    Jonybgud wrote: »
    teachers need sex too, apparently.
    In my experience teachers are so brainless that, regarding sexual matters, they lack the chemical processes needed for anything other than pure reproduction. Lights out. Under the covers. Missionary.

    The idea of passionate, exciting, intimate lovemaking is probably as unknowable to them as echolocation is to us.


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    #90
    greenspurs
    Registered Users Posts: 10,257 ✭✭✭✭greenspurs


    Solo sex is fun too !!
    :D
    247469249_2017413731748359_7675802031635703098_n.jpg

    "Bright lights and Thunder .................... "



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    #91
    farmchoice
    Registered Users Posts: 1,026 ✭✭✭farmchoice


    it seems to me that the issue in question has nothing whatsoever to do with sex but to do with the english word ''FUN''.


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