The 'Funny (ha, ha)' side of religion

A PRIEST, foregoing the unsteady truce between the clergy and Christmas mass goers, which involves pretending that he recognises everyone in attendance, has confirmed that it was ‘nice of you ****in’ sin-soaked heathens to show up I suppose’. Spitting on the floor in their general direction, Fr. Willy Macken told parishioners of St. Declan’s church that they are ‘free to take the piss by putting your best Holy heads on’ but that he then reserved the right to ‘call out the ****ers who wouldn’t know a prayer of the fateful if it bit them in the arse’.

VATICAN CITY—Claiming the vestments represent a vital step in ameliorating the church’s centuries-long history of addressing sexual abuse with subsequent cover-ups, the Catholic Church introduced a line of wrought iron molestation-proof altar boy uniforms Monday.



“With these new impenetrable steel robes, Catholic altar boys can now serve the Lord and assist with Mass without the shame or fear of tempting otherwise pious clergymen,” a joint statement by senior Vatican officials read in part, explaining that the full-coverage metal loin-girdings are available to fit all sizes and ranges of youth’s suppleness and are guaranteed to spurn the fingers of any priest who attempts to violate its boundaries.