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Broke up with girlfriend but now I want her back
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billythekid90 wrote:Seems like she is still worried about what she says. Kind of ties in with her hiding some of her social media posts too I guess.
Wait, what?
I had been advocating having a conversation with her to trash this out but the more I read of your posts, the more I think this is doomed. The trust is gone and once that goes, there is no hope. This isn't just about your girlfriend kissing some bloke and lying to cover it up. It's now encompassing hidden social media posts and god knows what else. By all means, talk to her and stop analysing it to death. It's your gut you need to pay attention to here, not people on online forums. If you can't bring yourself to trust her and foresee a future where you'll be doubting her, it's better to cut your losses now.0 -
billythekid90 wrote: »I broke up with my girlfriend last week. I found out she had drunkenly kissed a guy on a night out early in our relationship and she lied about it. It was a while ago and I'm not even sure if we were official at the time but it still hurt, but mostly because of the lies. I loved her and still do but she broke my trust and I feel I broke up with her in the heat of the moment. I walked away feeling that I would never set eyes on her again. Now I'm regretting saying those things and want to make it work again.
We have been no contact since the break up but we still follow each other on Instagram. I couldn't bring myself to block her, and she hasn't blocked me. I noticed that she has started to hide her Instagram stories from me but is still watching mine. I'm not sure what this means. Maybe she thinks I hate her and doesn't want me to see what she is doing in her life but still cares for me and watches my stories.
I want to make the point to her that this is a big deal but not such a big deal that we can't work through this in time. At the same time I don't want to reach out to her first because I feel that would make me weak and make it seem that I accept that she can lie and get away with it. I think a break apart would be good to think about what happened but I didn't get a chance to say it. I think she feels that this break up is permanent which I thought it was at the time when I said it but now really want her back.
What should I do?
Did you have an angry confrontation with her when you broke up? Maybe she saw a side of you that she had never seen before.0 -
Midnight Sundance wrote: »I know you have been hurt and dont want to get hurt again but I really feel like your are not going to forgive and definitely won't forget.
Relationships are based on trust. Unless you can truly forgive her and put what she did behind you then I wouldn't be bothered trying to make this work.
What she did was not nice, i can understand the lies after cos it happened before you were exclusive or so i am led to believe from your posts
Breaking up with her has been a punishment for her by the sounds of it.
If you want this to work out then you forget about any games/what makes you seem weak/punishing her etc
And you talk about your feelings, no texting, be honest with yourself and her, only then will you both be able to move on. Don't move on if u are not willing to move past this!!
I think I will be able to forgive as she has never slighted me in any other way since we started dating. It seems like a stupid mistake she made and kept digging a hole for herself by not telling me and lying. But trust is another thing altogether. I think it could be repaired, but it may take time.Wait, what?
I had been advocating having a conversation with her to trash this out but the more I read of your posts, the more I think this is doomed. The trust is gone and once that goes, there is no hope. This isn't just about your girlfriend kissing some bloke and lying to cover it up. It's now encompassing hidden social media posts and god knows what else. By all means, talk to her and stop analysing it to death. It's your gut you need to pay attention to here, not people on online forums. If you can't bring yourself to trust her and foresee a future where you'll be doubting her, it's better to cut your losses now.
She only started hiding posts from me post breakup. I don't see it related to trust at all. I only see it as her not trying to hurt my feelings. I've done 'no contact' with exes after break ups and see it akin to that.Deleted User wrote: »Did you have an angry confrontation with her when you broke up? Maybe she saw a side of you that she had never seen before.
No I wasn't angry at all. It was more me being very upset and disappointed. I was very critical of her saying things like 'I can't believe you've thrown away this relationship', but no personal attacks or anger involved.0 -
billythekid90 wrote: »
Unfortunately I've told a few friends that we broke up because of trust issues. I didn't go into the minute details of it but none of them said anything bad about her after I said it.
I think the phrase "forgive but not forget" needs to come into play for a short while at least. I don't think I will let it go completely until I feel the trust is there again. If I don't feel that I can trust her again I wouldn't continue things.
Forgive but not forget? If you want this to work you have to move on and start with a clean slate. If you hold this over her and it becomes a thing, the relationship won’t last.
You’re more interested in having control and playing mind games than salvaging this relationship. She had apologised for something that may not have even been cheating by your own admission. I’d say let her go and let her find someone better.0 -
You’re saying she cheated when you’re not really sure if you were exclusive yet or not, and you’re policing her social media for content you deem too flirty. Seven months in.
Stay broken up, for her sake.0 -
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rainbowtrout wrote: »Forgive but not forget? If you want this to work you have to move on and start with a clean slate. If you hold this over her and it becomes a thing, the relationship won’t last.
You’re more interested in having control and playing mind games than salvaging this relationship. She had apologised for something that may not have even been cheating by your own admission. I’d say let her go and let her find someone better.
I mean not forget in a literal sense. I don't mean it like it's on my mind and would hold it over her. I mean it as in it's impossible to forget something that caused you to break up!
I am the least controlling person you could meet and hate games. Probably to my detriment. From my posts you can see that I want to reach out, but I'm hearing advice from friends and online about not messaging first etc. and wasn't sure what I should do.You’re saying she cheated when you’re not really sure if you were exclusive yet or not, and you’re policing her social media for content you deem too flirty. Seven months in.
Stay broken up, for her sake.
I think you're missing what I'm saying. It was the hiding and lying about it that was the real issue. When someone lies to you about something you start questioning everything they've done in the past. I think it would have all played out differently if she said it was true when I asked her about it instead of denying it so strongly.
And I wasn't 'policing' her social media. I was asked if she had done anything like the kiss since. I said no and looking back the only thing remotely close was the odd flirty comment.0 -
billythekid90 wrote: »I mean not forget in a literal sense. I don't mean it like it's on my mind and would hold it over her. I mean it as in it's impossible to forget something that caused you to break up!
I am the least controlling person you could meet and hate games. Probably to my detriment. From my posts you can see that I want to reach out, but I'm hearing advice from friends and online about not messaging first etc. and wasn't sure what I should do.
I think you're missing what I'm saying. It was the hiding and lying about it that was the real issue. When someone lies to you about something you start questioning everything they've done in the past. I think it would have all played out differently if she said it was true when I asked her about it instead of denying it so strongly.
And I wasn't 'policing' her social media. I was asked if she had done anything like the kiss since. I said no and looking back the only thing remotely close was the odd flirty comment.
I’m not missing what you’re saying. I think your attitude to this reunion is unhealthy and I don’t think it will be good for either of you.
You don’t seem to be coming at this in the spirit of forgiveness and reconciliation. You just miss her because you really liked her, but you don’t feel you can trust her so you need to just let it go and meet someone else.0 -
I’m not missing what you’re saying. I think your attitude to this reunion is unhealthy and I don’t think it will be good for either of you.
You don’t seem to be coming at this in the spirit of forgiveness and reconciliation. You just miss her because you really liked her, but you don’t feel you can trust her so you need to just let it go and meet someone else.
It's too soon to say how I feel without speaking with her face to face. I have a lot going on in this head of mine.
I think it might be best if I just talk to her, say how I'm feeling, say how she's feeling. probably the best outcome would be a bit of time apart.0 -
billythekid90 wrote: »I mean not forget in a literal sense. I don't mean it like it's on my mind and would hold it over her. I mean it as in it's impossible to forget something that caused you to break up!
I am the least controlling person you could meet and hate games. Probably to my detriment. From my posts you can see that I want to reach out, but I'm hearing advice from friends and online about not messaging first etc. and wasn't sure what I should do.
I think you're missing what I'm saying. It was the hiding and lying about it that was the real issue. When someone lies to you about something you start questioning everything they've done in the past. I think it would have all played out differently if she said it was true when I asked her about it instead of denying it so strongly.
And I wasn't 'policing' her social media. I was asked if she had done anything like the kiss since. I said no and looking back the only thing remotely close was the odd flirty comment.
All of your posts are about ‘not making the first move’ and ‘not wanting to be the one to text’. Even her response to your latest communication was generally ‘what have I done wrong now?’ With her ‘have I done anything to mess up again’.
If you want to get back with her then ring her, not text her, and tell her that. She’s apologised to you. She can’t do much more. So you either want to get back with her or you don’t. But you seem to enjoy wallowing in the drama of it all rather than doing something about it. If you want her, go and talk to her. If not let her go, she will find someone else.
Finally you mention that she took a long time to respond to your message about meeting for coffee. You reckon she had to sleep on it. You broke up with her, she is a free agent and is not obliged to meet you or respond to you in a timely manner. Why would she want to when it’s likely to be more accusations and guilt when she’s already apologised. She doesn’t need the hassle.0 -
rainbowtrout wrote: »All of your posts are about ‘not making the first move’ and ‘not wanting to be the one to text’. Even her response to your latest communication was generally ‘what have I done wrong now?’ With her ‘have I done anything to mess up again’.
If you want to get back with her then ring her, not text her, and tell her that. She’s apologised to you. She can’t do much more. So you either want to get back with her or you don’t. But you seem to enjoy wallowing in the drama of it all rather than doing something about it. If you want her, go and talk to her. If not let her go, she will find someone else.
Finally you mention that she took a long time to respond to your message about meeting for coffee. You reckon she had to sleep on it. You broke up with her, she is a free agent and is not obliged to meet you or respond to you in a timely manner. Why would she want to when it’s likely to be more accusations and guilt when she’s already apologised. She doesn’t need the hassle.
I messaged her to meet up to talk so I did make the move because I didn't want to play games any more. Do you thinking ringing is better? I thought face to face would be the right thing to do.
Either way she hasn't responded to my suggested time and venue. I did tell her that there would be no judgement and just wanted to chat about us. If she doesn't want to meet, as you say she's a free agent. No answer is an answer I guess.
I need to draw a line in the sand one way or the other and it will definitely be this weekend.0 -
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billythekid90 wrote: »I messaged her to meet up to talk so I did make the move because I didn't want to play games any more. Do you thinking ringing is better? I thought face to face would be the right thing to do.
Either way she hasn't responded to my suggested time and venue. I did tell her that there would be no judgement and just wanted to chat about us. If she doesn't want to meet, as you say she's a free agent. No answer is an answer I guess.
I need to draw a line in the sand one way or the other and it will definitely be this weekend.
Oh face to face is better, but in terms of communication by phone, a lot of context can get lost in text, not knowing the tone in which it was intended. There's too much time to read into why she spent so much time before she replied. Ring, have the conversation and you get an answer straight away.0 -
billythekid90 wrote: »I think the phrase "forgive but not forget" needs to come into play for a short while at least. I don't think I will let it go completely until I feel the trust is there again. If I don't feel that I can trust her again I wouldn't continue things.
OP, I think you are overthinking this. It was a kiss, she admitted it was a mistake as was lying to you. I do get that to you even a kiss might be a serious breach of trust. But you seem to be driving yourself up a wall. Also the longer you wait, the more time passes and you are running the risk she will move on.0 -
Some things you don’t seem to be seeing OP:
- She’s apologised for what she’s done and said stuff like “I can’t believe I ruined this”...but she’s not asking for you back...
- She’s not responding to your texts to possibly reconcile. This totally flies in the face of her being apologetic and suggests she doesn’t even respect you enough right now to care about your feelings.
- She’s blocking you from her social media...probably because she’s out living her life and doesn’t want you seeing it, which would be the only real reason you’d stop someone seeing your stories (unless you’re veering into “They might follow me if they know where I am” territory).
This doesn’t seem to be a girl who actually wants you back OP. I’m trying to think of what her perspective is and what people around her are saying: they’re almost definitely telling her that what she did was ancient history, not a big deal because you guys had only just started seeing each other, that you overreacted and are being dramatic and that she should just get out and enjoy life because **** you, the guy who dumped her and is now trying to get her back. And it sounds like she’s listening to them but also throwing you an apologetic bone every now and then to keep you chasing. If she decides you’re her best bet and she wants to be with someone, she knows you’re right there and keeping you waiting will only make you forgive her and want her more, but in truth people rarely go with that person because they can’t respect them enough to commit to it.
It’s all really dramatic and a bit childish tbh. This doesn’t seem like a relationship worth saving, more one that was pretty flimsy to begin with and then just disintegrated at the first speed bump. I’d suggest you start trying to recover from it now and looking back at it objectively so you can learn lessons from it.0 -
Hi OP
I'm a big believer in giving people chances... I've lost count how many times I've given people chances (some have worked some have failed) but I do believe that if someone is willing to change then why not let them show you. It can be a long and slow process however the circumstances.
But it's generally down to the person themselves which is you. You can only make this decision yourself. No one is saying no and no one is saying yes. You can look up as much information as you want. You can ask all the questions that you want to ask but the only person that can physically make the decision is you.
If you genuinely belive this girl is worth the fight and is worth giving it another try then you've got to learn to live and let go which means if she has apologised and has shown it was a once off and is willing to never let it happen again, then you can't hold it against her. Especially if an argument is to arise in the future (which let's face it, couples can argue over silly things) then you cant use it as a defence. To build a relationship is difficult at the best of times and time and patience plays a huge part. The willingness to move past and move forward can help.
Okay she made a mistake 2 months into the relationship. You said you were both causal but assumed steady, that's a miscommunication on both parts. That's fine. Usually at the start of relationships most people will admit they don't know what's going on and assume a lot of things. Couple of months later, it's now 7 months and you found out, you're steady now and overall happy and this has put a spanner in the works. You reacted like any human would do. We've got feelings and react differently towards things. You ended it as you taught it was the right choice. You can't beat yourself up over that.
My advice would be, to ring her (not text) and say you're willing to meet up for a chat over a coffee (or whichever you fancy doing) and let it all air out. Your willing to get her side of the story and you give yours, how you both feel and then when it's all aired out then your answer could be in front of you. Do not mention a friend said such and such or her friend such and such. It's between yourseld and this girl. As far as I'm concerned, no one else is in this relationship now. Especially at the start.
If you do decide to continue then start all over again and it might even be better this time round, you never know but hold your head up and do this with an open mind.
Good luck.0 -
Some things you don’t seem to be seeing OP:
I'm not that experienced in relationships so I'm not sure what the normal reaction is supposed to be. I just thought that when I was so firm in my 'rejection' of her that that was the reason she's not trying to reconcile.
She has since responded to my message saying that she will meet with me this week. I do genuinely think she cares about my feelings, but maybe she's not interested in getting back together and is not trying to give off that vibe.
The blocking from social media I don't really understand. If she is, as you say, doing it to stop me seeing her living her life then surely it's because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings which kind of goes against your previous point about her not respecting me.
I don't think she is trying to keep me on the line as a backup plan if that's what you're suggesting. I haven't given off any vibe of reconciliation, at least not yet. In my last message I did say to her that she's been on my mind ever since we broke up.Hi OP
I'm a big believer in giving people chances...
Thanks for the advice. I think I am willing to give her a second chance, but it may not be straight away. Time apart may be best to think about what happened. Some of the posts here have put doubts in my mind about how stable a relationship it was. Maybe it's not worth salvaging. I truly thought it was a great relationship but now thinking back on some things the signs may say otherwise.
At this point I feel that I just need to have this last conversation that is a lot more amicable than the previous one. I can see it ending with a 'goodbye and all the best in the future'. Who knows, we both might change how we think about this in 6 months, a year, 5 years time. I won't be clinging onto something that's not going to work in the short term at least.0 -
billythekid90 wrote: »Well we were dating for maybe 2.5 months at the time. I recall having a very loose conversation that we weren't seeing anyone else....
This whole are we official, the exclusive chat is some BS. I know it seems to be the norm now but after 2.5 months and a conversation of sorts, I would think that there should be some kind of understanding. Saying this isn’t cheating is only a technicality.
I know you are more concerned about the lying and fair enough. You are right to be annoyed imo. If you want to forgive her, then do. You said yourself it’ll be difficult to forget and it probably will nag you for a while, so bear that in mind.
Go ahead and meet her, chat and see how you get on.0 -
I think you made a mountain out of a molehill. Are you both quite young? So she got drunk and did something silly in the very early days with you. She probably wasn't sure what was going on or if you were offical. A lot of people date several people early on when you're unsure of each other - especially if you met online.
It's fairly normal that she didn't tell you. It was obviously a minor incident and I'm sure she reasoned it out as "sure we're not boyfriend and girlfriend yet, he's probably out doing the same, why would I upset him". How did you even find out anyway? Did the guy tell you?
It's also normal to want someone back after a breakup, it doesn't mean it's a goo idea. But if you genuinely think you're better together, tell her so, forgive her and move forward. Maybe discuss what you definitions of cheating or transperancy are as they're obviously slightly different. I understand you were hurt by her ommision but if you love her surely you can give her the benefit of the doubt in this situation.0 -
billythekid90 wrote: »
The blocking from social media I don't really understand. If she is, as you say, doing it to stop me seeing her living her life then surely it's because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings which kind of goes against your previous point about her not respecting me.
I don't think she is trying to keep me on the line as a backup plan if that's what you're suggesting. I haven't given off any vibe of reconciliation, at least not yet. In my last message I did say to her that she's been on my mind ever since we broke up.
Thanks for the advice. I think I am willing to give her a second chance, but it may not be straight away. Time apart may be best to think about what happened. Some of the posts here have put doubts in my mind about how stable a relationship it was. Maybe it's not worth salvaging. I truly thought it was a great relationship but now thinking back on some things the signs may say otherwise.
People of a certain age who live out their lives on social media seem to think that even after a break up that they should still let their ex be privy to every part of their lives. It doesn't work like that, nor is it healthy in most circumstances. Prior to social media, if you broke up with someone you generally didn't run into them if they didn't live in the same town as you or move in the same circles as you.
You called it off with her. She is doing what any sane person does and deleting you from her social media. You can't have it both ways - you can't break up with her and tell her it's over and expect to have a window into her life to see what she is doing.
And again, it's not about you. Have you considered that it's not about hurting your feelings, for her it might just simply be about being dumped, not feeling great about it, and figuring well if he called it off, no need for him to be part of my life anymore.
If you haven't given her any vibe of reconciliation, at this stage she must just think you are either a headwrecker or just trying to drag the whole thing out for the sake of drama.
Look at it from her perspective:
She kissed some guy at a time when it's not clear whether ye were in a committed relationship or not. She apologised to you. You broke up with her because of it. She's adhered to the break up and removed you from her social media. Instead you're at it like a dog with a bone. You're the one texting her. Not the other way around. She's not begging to get back together. She's of the opinion 'what have I done wrong now?' in response to you. From her point of view you got what you wanted (the break up) but seem determined to drag it out. She's accepted the consequences of the kiss, but you're not letting it go but you're making no moves to suggest reconciliation.
You also seem to think that this relationship is entirely your decision. You might give her a chance when you've got over yourself, she has a choice in whether she gets back with you or not. She may decide not.0 -
This whole are we official, the exclusive chat is some BS. I know it seems to be the norm now but after 2.5 months and a conversation of sorts, I would think that there should be some kind of understanding. Saying this isn’t cheating is only a technicality.
Maybe so. In my mind we were a couple but it wasn't said explicitly. Everyone keeps telling me that if you haven't said the words "exclusive" then it's not exclusive.I think you made a mountain out of a molehill. Are you both quite young? So she got drunk and did something silly in the very early days with you. She probably wasn't sure what was going on or if you were offical. A lot of people date several people early on when you're unsure of each other - especially if you met online.
We are both in our late twenties. Maybe it was a bit of an overreaction, but it's always worrying when someone you love is willing to lie to you about kissing someone. Just started my mind going into overdrive at the time thinking what else could she have lied about.rainbowtrout wrote: »You called it off with her. She is doing what any sane person does and deleting you from her social media. You can't have it both ways - you can't break up with her and tell her it's over and expect to have a window into her life to see what she is doing.....
.....She kissed some guy at a time when it's not clear whether ye were in a committed relationship or not. She apologised to you. You broke up with her because of it. She's adhered to the break up and removed you from her social media. Instead you're at it like a dog with a bone. You're the one texting her. Not the other way around. She's not begging to get back together. She's of the opinion 'what have I done wrong now?' in response to you. From her point of view you got what you wanted (the break up) but seem determined to drag it out. She's accepted the consequences of the kiss, but you're not letting it go but you're making no moves to suggest reconciliation.
Just to clear up a couple of points. She hasn't deleted from me from social media. She's picking and choosing what she shows me and it's really confusing me. She's of course entitled to do what she wants, but my head is wrecked trying to figure out what it means.
Also in my eyes we were exclusive but we never exactly said the words and didn't think we needed to. I am willing to let the incident pass because it was a bit of a grey area. I'm afraid to ask her if she thought we were exclusive at the time because if she says yes then she willingly did it while exclusive.
You could be right and she might think I'm messing her around. It's not my intention. I'm just trying to see her in person before saying it. Sending her a text feels wrong and won't get across my true feelings. I might be risking her not wanting to meet as a result, I don't know.0 -
billythekid90 wrote: »Maybe so. In my mind we were a couple but it wasn't said explicitly. Everyone keeps telling me that if you haven't said the words "exclusive" then it's not exclusive.
Just to clear up a couple of points. She hasn't deleted from me from social media. She's picking and choosing what she shows me and it's really confusing me. She's of course entitled to do what she wants, but my head is wrecked trying to figure out what it means.
Also in my eyes we were exclusive but we never exactly said the words and didn't think we needed to. I am willing to let the incident pass because it was a bit of a grey area. I'm afraid to ask her if she thought we were exclusive at the time because if she says yes then she willingly did it while exclusive.
You could be right and she might think I'm messing her around. It's not my intention. I'm just trying to see her in person before saying it. Sending her a text feels wrong and won't get across my true feelings. I might be risking her not wanting to meet as a result, I don't know.
If you didn't have a chat about whether you were in a proper relationship or not, then who she was with was her own business. She was under no obligation to tell you. And while she might have denied it initially when this came up, there's a distinct possibility it's because of this situation. This is why it is important not to play mind games and say what you want from a person.
Ireland has imported this 'dating' culture from America over the last 20 years or so, and I'm not sure it has done people here any good if they don't state what they want.
And your final sentence says that you are more worried about rejection than the chance of getting back together. That is a risk you have to take, you ditched her.0 -
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I wonder if someone asked her at the time if she had a boyfriend, what her answer would have been?0
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Shes just had a lucky escape. You sound immature and childish. Grow up before you get yourself a girlfriend again.0
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rainbowtrout wrote: »If you didn't have a chat about whether you were in a proper relationship or not, then who she was with was her own business. She was under no obligation to tell you. And while she might have denied it initially when this came up, there's a distinct possibility it's because of this situation. This is why it is important not to play mind games and say what you want from a person.
Ireland has imported this 'dating' culture from America over the last 20 years or so, and I'm not sure it has done people here any good if they don't state what they want.
And your final sentence says that you are more worried about rejection than the chance of getting back together. That is a risk you have to take, you ditched her.
I'm not very experienced in dating or relationships and really don't know what I'm doing. That's why I'm here, all anxious about it. Maybe I should have handled it differently, I don't know.
I don't think I'm more worried about rejection, I just worry about everything. Rejection might be the best thing for me right now. At least then I can draw a line in the sand and the decision isn't left to me. Probably the cowards way out.Shes just had a lucky escape. You sound immature and childish. Grow up before you get yourself a girlfriend again.
I don't really know what you mean by that? I thought I did what was right at the time, breakup up with her because she lied about being with a guy. Even if it was a grey area, lying is never a good sign in a relationship.0 -
billythekid90 wrote: »I'm not that experienced in relationships so I'm not sure what the normal reaction is supposed to be. I just thought that when I was so firm in my 'rejection' of her that that was the reason she's not trying to reconcile.
She has since responded to my message saying that she will meet with me this week. I do genuinely think she cares about my feelings, but maybe she's not interested in getting back together and is not trying to give off that vibe.
The blocking from social media I don't really understand. If she is, as you say, doing it to stop me seeing her living her life then surely it's because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings which kind of goes against your previous point about her not respecting me.
I don't think she is trying to keep me on the line as a backup plan if that's what you're suggesting. I haven't given off any vibe of reconciliation, at least not yet. In my last message I did say to her that she's been on my mind ever since we broke up.
Look OP, go see her and get whatever closure you need on this situation anyway. I do think the above is a bit naive though, it goes with the assumption that everything she’s doing is with you in mind. For example, even if she is, as you say, blocking you from her stories to ‘protect you’ because she cares so much...what’s she doing that you need protecting from? Like if she’s off with loads of new lads or has gotten into another relationship, that kinda flies in the face of someone who cares so deeply about you and what you had right?
You seem to be twisting your perception of the situation so much it defies logic that’s staring you in the face. Normally I’d leave someone be because it can take time to process and accept those tough decisions, but you’re now actively fighting to get this person back in your life and she’s actually done nothing proactive herself to inspire such a change of heart, beyond being okay with you finishing it. Keep in mind the simplest explanation is often the most likely one: she probably took ages to reply because your text wasn’t high on her list of priorities, she probably made a deliberate effort to block you from her stories because she’s pissed you dumped her and wants to punish you (which contradicts her apologetic routine), she’s probably apologising but not trying to stop you from dumping her because she’s okay with that.
Come to think of it, how did you find out about this kiss months after the fact? Did she tell you, did you snoop or what happened? I think the answer there might add a lot of context.0 -
What's clear is that I'm reading too much into everything. Look at how much time I've spent on this topic here on this forum! A normal person would have just slept on it and be done with it.
Sometimes I wonder if my reaction was way over the top because of all this thinking. I've essentially thrown away a good relationship with someone I love because of a single lie.
I'm sure there are plenty of people who see this as nothing and in the same situation would have a row and then be done with it the next day.0 -
How long have you been together? How many years vs 1 stupid kiss. You have to weight these thing up and decide if it's worth blowing things up over. To be honest it sounds as if you've already made a mess of things.0
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I think you’re being hard on yourself. If she didn’t kiss another guy and lie about it, you wouldn’t have broken up. Maybe you could have handled it differently but you had every right to be upset by her actions.
Not sure about having a row and forgetting about it in one day? Maybe if you were married and you found this out 10 years from now, you’d forget about it. But on the other hand, if you found out the day after it happened you would have probably walked away without a second thought. But because it happened 4 months ago, it’s awkward.
Have you met to talk yet?0 -
cloudatlas wrote: »How long have you been together? How many years vs 1 stupid kiss. You have to weight these thing up and decide if it's worth blowing things up over. To be honest it sounds as if you've already made a mess of things.
Only about 7 months.
I realise I messed up. Should have just said nothing.I think you’re being hard on yourself. If she didn’t kiss another guy and lie about it, you wouldn’t have broken up. Maybe you could have handled it differently but you had every right to be upset by her actions.
Not sure about having a row and forgetting about it in one day? Maybe if you were married and you found this out 10 years from now, you’d forget about it. But on the other hand, if you found out the day after it happened you would have probably walked away without a second thought. But because it happened 4 months ago, it’s awkward.
Have you met to talk yet?
I think different personalities would react differently to this situation. I wish I was more easy going and just accepted this was a silly mistake and moved on.
She said she was busy this weekend but would let me know today when she's free. Haven't heard anything so I think it's dead in the water.
It's probably best to go hard no contact and block her on social media and not reach out again. I still really care for her but seeing her day in day out will just bring up my feelings over and over again.0 -
Ah look, she might text you tomorrow, you just don’t know. She probably has a lot of the same feelings and thoughts you are having. I can’t say yes straight away, seem too eager, I’ll look weak etc....
Don’t make any rash decisions blocking her. You can hide her or take a break and she won’t know. A few days won’t make any difference. Your head is all over the place. Who knows how you’ll feel with a bit of time. You can block her next week, no rush.0 -
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Ah look, she might text you tomorrow, you just don’t know. She probably has a lot of the same feelings and thoughts you are having. I can’t say yes straight away, seem too eager, I’ll look weak etc....
Don’t make any rash decisions blocking her. You can hide her or take a break and she won’t know. A few days won’t make any difference. Your head is all over the place. Who knows how you’ll feel with a bit of time. You can block her next week, no rush.
I agree with this fully. If you do indeed love her and want her back, don't go rushing into blocking her. As per the above post, she could be deliberating the same things as you. Just give her a couple of days and see. Maybe take a break from social media or hide her stuff from your feed. But I say give her the chance. She knows what she did was wrong, and it sounds like she just wanted to forget it happened and not make a big deal of it. Let her get back to you, chat with her in person, be honest and see how she's feeling. By saying you miss her and that you want to see if there's a way to make things work, you are not being "weak"... you're being human!0
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