Social Anxiety Phobia/Disorder

eskimo88 · 19-06-2011 5:41pm

hi,
ive been feeling down alot lately and its gotten to the point where i dont want to socialise because i feel people will judge me negatively. ive always been abit self conscious but its affecting my everyday life now.id like to see a councellor about getting help but even the idea of that is scary.I guess i have to start somewhere though. Its nice to read that people have come through SA. Gives me hope

HUNK · 21-07-2011 7:50pm

Figured I'd link you all this http://www.youtube.com/user/SocialAnxietyDr

Basically he's a professional who is putting up videos weekly(ish) on ways to help you overcome SA. It generally follows a CBT format. The videos actually supplement his blog jus' so yas know :pac: http://socialanxietydr.wordpress.com/

Nodferatu · 31-08-2011 10:06pm

is depression and SA linked by any way does anyone know. it seems there is some link there. i mean i have had depression numerous times since i was about 16, im now 27. i have SA as long as i can remember back to when i was around 13 or 14 or so.

just started my first CBT session a week ago, due to go back again in a weeks time. im not depressed but i do get periods of sadness and get very lonely. feel very lonely in this world. i dont have friends and live at home with my parents. is anyone else here in same situation as me?

i looked on facebook recently old school class mates in my year, some i was friends with, some i wasnt. from primary school to secondary school, and i see some are in australia, some canada, some america, some other parts of the country/world, alot married, some kids, etc, it made me very depressed and angry and sad at my own life. i haven't lived, i haven't seen the world. i dont have any friends, i haven't anything to look forward to. no social life, im getting older and lonlier and still stuck. i feel like a complete failure but at same time im trying to be positive and do this self help and see this CBT doctor. its a struggle to stay on top, but it could be worse, at least i have a job and im not suffering depression.

Starfox · 31-08-2011 10:27pm

Nodferatu wrote: »

is depression and SA linked by any way does anyone know. it seems there is some link there. i mean i have had depression numerous times since i was about 16, im now 27. i have SA as long as i can remember back to when i was around 13 or 14 or so.

just started my first CBT session a week ago, due to go back again in a weeks time. im not depressed but i do get periods of sadness and get very lonely. feel very lonely in this world. i dont have friends and live at home with my parents. is anyone else here in same situation as me?

i looked on facebook recently old school class mates in my year, some i was friends with, some i wasnt. from primary school to secondary school, and i see some are in australia, some canada, some america, some other parts of the country/world, alot married, some kids, etc, it made me very depressed and angry and sad at my own life. i haven't lived, i haven't seen the world. i dont have any friends, i haven't anything to look forward to. no social life, im getting older and lonlier and still stuck. i feel like a complete failure but at same time im trying to be positive and do this self help and see this CBT doctor. its a struggle to stay on top, but it could be worse, at least i have a job and im not suffering depression.

Hi Nodferatu,

I dont think they are linked in a sense if you have SA, depression comes with it, but of course if you have SA you could easily get depressed and develop depression. Dont worry about what you might of and might not of achieved in the past, live your life in the NOW, nothing else matters, you dont have to worry about things in the future either, Be proud of the fact youve come this far and are willing to talk about it.

Stick CBT out, and get out as much as you can, do the thing that scares you the most, which is to socialize. If you read books i highly recommend 'The power of Now' by eckhart tolle, its not about SA but it shows you how to look at life differently and explains why our 'mind' can control you if you 'think' to much, its much deeper than that.

Slow down, get more sleep, do things in your life that make you more happy, and the people in your life where SA is least, socialize with them as much as you can, it helps more. SAers like to watch themselves as they act out their lives so much so that we almost create something to be scrutinized about, which has that irony to it :P

Stop thinking...

Nodferatu · 01-09-2011 9:21pm

@Starfox

yeah your right i ned to live in the now and not look to the past but i guess its difficult at times. once in a blue moon i get reminded by something that makes me look back at the past or when i was younger or whatever. i am lucky to have a job and my own car so at weekends i try go for a drive or something, just keep busy.
ill definitely look up that book. thanks.
i do tend to scrutinize myself a lot and am quite harsh and beat myself up about a lot of stuff but I'm trying to break the circle.
have you don't CBT?
anyway's this CBT doctor was telling me about this website which is quite good
(no need to sign up, or register its all free workbooks)

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

A Primal Nut · 07-09-2011 8:45pm

I was never diagnosed with Social Phobia but I'm sure I had some form of it when I was younger, from ages of about 13-22. I'm now 25 and can say I'm mostly over it, so it is definitely possible to overcome. I was lucky in that I always had some friends in school but when I moved to Dublin to go to college aged 18 was the first time I realised how bad my social disorder was.

I would sit in the college canteen not saying much and in general found it hard to make friends. I would force myself to go out at college events and stuff but it wasn't always fun. As for the opposite sex, I hadn't a clue. I took the time-honoured path of all-boys school to engineering course. Fortunately I got a part-time job in a supermarket and finally got to interact with girls. I made an effort from the beginning and there was one person in particular who seemed to want to be friends so it helped and was the first time in a long time I felt part of a group. But I still felt very shy around relatives, places with lots of people and girls I liked, Anywhere I felt like I had to make an impression was impossible for me. On the other hand, I could have out been with old friends and be the most talkative, funniest of the bunch. It was something I couldn't get my head around and I'm sure if one of my oldest friends had a conversation with a college mate for example, they would be shocked at the other's impressions of me.

It was also a little random; some people I had no problem interacting with; most people I was very easily intimidated. I knew some people made fun of me because I never talked. It was like my mind would stop me from thinking of conversation topics; so I would have to put extra effort into thinking of something to talk about.

I tried to surround myself just with those people I wasn't anxious around - hoping that I would forget what it felt like to be anxious.

I generally just forced myself to talk to girls, did some online dating etc. So I dated a couple of girls for the first time around the age of 22, but they seemed to lose interest. Anyway I finally got my first girlfriend earlier this year and I'm very happy. I don't want to focus on the opposite sex part of Social Anxiety, as its only aspect, but its the best example of how I can think I improved.

Travelling (went on my own in the beginning) was a good way to overcome it as well - gave me more confidence, plus a few stories to tell.

Has it ever being considered to have a meetup for people with Social Phobia/Disorder? Might be a good way for like-minded people to make friends and get more used to interacting in social situations without fear of being judged.

HUNK · 07-09-2011 11:54pm

Well meet-ups are difficult enough to organize for obvious reasons.

May as well throw this out there, but is there anyone here who suffers from SA and goes to UCD?

Angie06 · 07-10-2011 4:52pm

Hi Everyone, I was just wondering does anyone know of any groups in Cork for Social Phobia?

Starfox · 16-10-2011 3:23pm

I am now nearly 3 months into my new job, which is a telesales executive for an expanding company, meaning im the only telesales person,.. and this is all new to this company so there is a spot light on me! Not only that,.. im in a small room, with my manager, and managing director, and just about everyone else that works for the company. Whats the worst thing about this? I alone am the only person constantly making calls,.. and for someone with SA this is a nightmare,... let me explain.

Imagine sitting at your desk, you look at the pen on the desk and you focus on it to try and take your focus off yourself, because that will also get your mind off you thinking that others in the room have all got their attention on you. Thats just one way i try mentally blocking out what i think is others focusing on me.

Your breathing gets heavy, or tight it becomes hard to breathe in fact which in some people leads to panic attacks. Your head becomes tense almost like there is outside pressure crushing it, and you get stiff and it feels like you’ve no neck, I grind down on my teeth but that’s just me and what I do when im stressed..

This can all depend on what mood your in, because ultimately the more confident you are the less SA there is, but I need to point out that its almost like I feel trapped inside this body of a nervous invader, always and I mean always when I experience SA I, the real me inside is sitting back watching how my mind is controlling me, and the real me is pretty pissed off! I know how completely irrational it is to ‘think’ like I do, I keep on using this example to myself to try and relate. Someone with OCD knows how irrational it is to keep switching on and off that light, or washing their hands… but they cant help it,.. well it’s the same with someone with SA but only in the form of me constantly thinking im being judged…

Im in the most scariest position I can imagine, from an SA point of view its your worst situation. My new Job is to make calls to companies to try and sell a product, I have to be uplifting, friendly, relaxed, and professional but how can I do that.. because the anticipation of making a call is so stressful, I keep irrationally thinking people are judging me, listening to my every word, so when I do make a call im a clumsy, nervous stumbling over my words, train wreck.And when stress gets to a certain level and constant, it can mess with your short term memory that accompanied by lack of sleep, and not through lack of trying..

For people with SA the higher the ranked person, the more authority the harder it is to relax and the more extreme the SA is!So the fact that all my bosses are in one room together focusing on me (or at least i think this) its my SA challenge of my life.

I am here nearly 3 months now, i spoke to my manager and explained how i find it hard to make calls because of people being in the room, ect ect basically telling him my symptoms without telling him i have SA, because at the end of the day if i say i have SA,.. doesnt something like that directly cause a problem for someone supposed to do my job! lol :rolleyes:

I ended up having a meeting with my manager and managing director because of the lack of calls i was making and told her the same situation,.. leading my manager to say its almost like a phobia,.. is it? and me saying yes, but again not directly saying i have SA

I have promised to make more calls,... and i suppose get sales seeing as its my job :P

But if at the end of these 3 months,.. i dont become permanent *because its not working out* at least im facing my fear...

Would you tell your boss in a situation like this that you have Social Anxiety or just do what i did?

Starfox · 21-10-2011 5:55pm

well i made it through these 3 months facing my fear...(- 1 week) but im out of a job now

i wish i was not right about this one

Nodferatu · 22-10-2011 12:05am

i been seeing a cbt therapist now for about 2 months i see him once every 3-4 weeks. get a lot of reading material and a small bit of homework. i been feeling great and forcing myself out a lot more at weekends. go into town and get a coffee most times. i find the more you do something over and over the easier it is and more relaxed you get. i been doing good but today i feel quite depressed and lonely. feeling very low and sad. nobody to talk to. nobody to hang out with. i have no friends, there is only so much of going to town on my own i can take. find it hard to be on my own, too much time to think.

Penname · 18-11-2011 2:45pm

I'm so glad I found this thread.

I have suffered from Social phobia all my life. Only diagnosed last year.

I have a night out tonight that 'normal' people would really look forward to, but I am in bits: heart racing, nauseous, exhausted, drained, can't concentrate on anything. Am going out with people who are really nice but any time I go out or are with other people, I feel like I've nothing smart/interesting to say and worry that they are judging me. I have a packet of xanax in the press and am hovering over them but resisting taking one.

I too dread social occasions like weddings etc. I am an intelligent, friendly person but I constantly feel like people don't rate me because I've nothing to say. It's become worse since I gave up work to stay at home with my kids. I feel like a nobody sometimes.

It is comforting to know there are others like me out there.

Any advice for me for tonight? Will be with my partner but even that doesn't make me feel any more at ease.

Starfox · 18-11-2011 4:12pm

Penname wrote: »

I'm so glad I found this thread.

I have suffered from Social phobia all my life. Only diagnosed last year.

I have a night out tonight that 'normal' people would really look forward to, but I am in bits: heart racing, nauseous, exhausted, drained, can't concentrate on anything. Am going out with people who are really nice but any time I go out or are with other people, I feel like I've nothing smart/interesting to say and worry that they are judging me. I have a packet of xanax in the press and am hovering over them but resisting taking one.

I too dread social occasions like weddings etc. I am an intelligent, friendly person but I constantly feel like people don't rate me because I've nothing to say. It's become worse since I gave up work to stay at home with my kids. I feel like a nobody sometimes.

It is comforting to know there are others like me out there.

Any advice for me for tonight? Will be with my partner but even that doesn't make me feel any more at ease.

People with SA only seem to filter through the bad stuff, only noticing the bad stuff and because of this it can also be present in the conversations we do have speaking negatively of people, situations, arbitrary reasons.

People with SA believe they know whats going to happen in the future or know what people are thinking, Stop predicting this, your not a mind reader, its absolutely ridiculous get out of your head! Mind reading is not possible they are your own thoughts not other people.

are you comparing and despairing? seeing only the good in others and getting upset when comparing ourselves negatively against others.

Putting yourself down criticize yourself and blaming ourselves for events or situations that are not our responsibility.

Making evaluations or judgments about events, ourselves, others or the world rather than describing what we actually see and have evidence for.

Emotional Reasoning, I feel bad so it must be bad, i feel anxious so i must be in danger. Your feelings are just a reaction to your thoughts and thoughts are just an automation brain reflex, which can be re trained, when thoughts manifest instead of reacting to them, step back and look at them from a third person view and realize that they are just thoughts and they can not hurt you ever, its the human ego that does this to you and your way of thinking that creates these emotions, once you can dismiss they thoughts as just harmless thoughts the emotions that are attached will dissipate over time and you can live a normal life.

Penname, you have a night out, i think you and in most anybodies case the anticipation of this is actually the worst part, the repeating same thoughts going through your head all day about what to say at this night out, how to dress, get there on time, how to relax what they might think of you or what your saying...

The more thoughts that you let build up the more stressed out you will get, catch the thought coming into your head and dismiss it as just a thought, the more times your able to catch these and get rid of them the easier it becomes. Your dont have o lead any conversations but you can join in sometimes if you can, say something small occasionally, say something nice to someone about them, say the food is nice say the venue is nice be positive, but hey if your as quiet as a mouse all night it does not matter, you are who you are, being comfortable with yourself is more important in trying to get other people around you to be comfortable with you.

Have you a hobby or something in your life that really interests you, bring that up in a conversation and that alone is something you can easily talk about. Just relax it will be fine

Penname · 18-11-2011 4:53pm

Starfox, thanks for your very helpful post. I've just read it twice and so much of it makes sense. I've never realised before but I do "Compare and Despair". I look at others and wish I could be as skinny, clever, funny etc as them and think that they are looking at me and thinking "you are so not skinny/clever/funny etc" which is unfair, I guess to assume that people are thinking negatively about others, when they most probably aren't. I too, obsess over what to wear, how to do my hair etc.

I did attend a Givens Technique therapist last year and she gave me some tools, like playing the worst case scenario in my head and then rewinding it and playing the best case scenario instead, but I find that it doesn't ease my anxiety at all.

I do feel a bit better after reading this thread and am going to try to stop comparing and despairing, now that I am conscious that I do that. Not sure whether to take the xanax or not - don't take them often as hate relying on meds but if it would make me feel a bit better, it might give me some confidence?

This SA is really holding me back..... even something as simple as having coffee with a friend, I find I am constantly berating myself for not saying x or saying y.

Starfox · 18-11-2011 5:17pm

Penname wrote: »

Starfox, thanks for your very helpful post. I've just read it twice and so much of it makes sense. I've never realised before but I do "Compare and Despair". I look at others and wish I could be as skinny, clever, funny etc as them and think that they are looking at me and thinking "you are so not skinny/clever/funny etc" which is unfair, I guess to assume that people are thinking negatively about others, when they most probably aren't. I too, obsess over what to wear, how to do my hair etc.

I did attend a Givens Technique therapist last year and she gave me some tools, like playing the worst case scenario in my head and then rewinding it and playing the best case scenario instead, but I find that it doesn't ease my anxiety at all.

I do feel a bit better after reading this thread and am going to try to stop comparing and despairing, now that I am conscious that I do that. Not sure whether to take the xanax or not - don't take them often as hate relying on meds but if it would make me feel a bit better, it might give me some confidence?

This SA is really holding me back..... even something as simple as having coffee with a friend, I find I am constantly berating myself for not saying x or saying y.

You could let people know you have SA without telling them you have SA, you could say it to a friend that you know is the kind of person that 'spreads the word' that you are a very shy or quiet person that sometimes worries people think badly of you because of the way you are,.. when people know the real you they are very understanding. Its better out than in sometimes, but just judge it carefully on who think think should know and not know, because not everybody will understand

Hope that helps

superhero87 · 24-11-2011 4:37am

If your feeling like sh!t ......

Wait and see, don't catastrophize the situation, sorry that might be a made up word, I mean make it into a catastrophic worse case scenario in your head. If a friend doesn't answer the phone, it doesn't mean they don't like you, more often than not it's one of a dozen other more balanced reasons, no credit, battery, at work. If you think it's because they don't like you, way up evidence that the do and that they don't more often than not the pros will out weigh the cons.

If something bad happens, its not the end of the world, it is bearable, and you can stand it.

If you f##k up, it doesn't mean your a failure, it means you fails just like everybody else, "don't call a man happy til he's dead", one failure doesn't make you a failure . Its the way you take things in when they happen that makes you happy or sad, your negative beliefs make you happy, they can be changed.

Let a bad feeling pass, f##k dwelling, when you notice yourself dwelling drop it, just distract yourself. try writing, drawing, count the bricks on a wall, sing a song, take deep (inhaling, holding in and exhaling for six seconds each) breaths while closing your eyes (its surprising how many nagging thoughts that alone will quieten) or any hobbie, you have to distract your brain. Chronic anxiety sufferers fight or flight control in the brain is set to danger, releasing adrenalin making you feel anxious, this is why you can have odd or creepy thoughts around loved ones and friends your mind is searching for the danger or the worst case scenario. If your mind is distracted enough over time the control in your brain will reset back to normal levels. Also try meditation cds, ones to help you sleep, boost your confidence or just to relax.

Don't wallow in bed on your day off, get up and have a shower and breakfast.

Eat well, give diets for depressed people a google there.

Take time to yourself, cook your favorite dinner, watch your favorite show, curl up on the couch, be nice to and take it easy on yourself.

I'm saying this as a former sufferer of chronic social anxiety, depressed as hell with periods of near manic highs for over a year and a half. I gave up drink for six months stopped smoking weed both of which i over used, seen two therapists (because you have to find the right one for you, you should know after a few sessions) and tried anxiety tablets (which don't help just cover up the symptoms in my opinion, each to their own I suppose) a year later and im completely back to myself, but far more confidant and productive than I ever was, I still get bad days even bad weeks but that's mainly due to drinking etc. that's another trick, when you get a setback and your feeling really anxious again after an extended period of good days, don't despair, your not stuck it that awful horror, setbacks no matter how bad are really only setbacks, iv been through them they don't stay forever, its a part of your recovery, they are only as bad as you let them be, if you fight against them they will get worse, just stick to your guns keep distracting yourself, don't dwell with anything, and remind yourself its ok to be anxious it's not the end of the world.

Google the linden method

subscriber · 28-11-2011 8:57pm

Has anyone on here attended the CBT course classes in the maher hospital? I was looking at their website there earlier. there seems to be a screening fee of 70 euro and application process is through email, giving an account of why you think you should be deemed eligible for a place on the course. Seems quiet expensive just for an application fee. Im really at my wits end of SA at this stage though and seriously considering applying. Its been eating me on and off for the past few years and I have to tackle it head on at this stage or nothing will improve.

anybody now what the course is like , or has it proven to help people get over there anxiety problems??

Many thanks.

Ickle Magoo · 28-11-2011 9:02pm

Hi there subscriber,

Moved your post here from PI as I think there will be more people better placed to advise you.

All the best.

subscriber · 28-11-2011 9:16pm

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Hi there subscriber,

Moved your post here from PI as I think there will be more people better placed to advise you.

All the best.

Ok ickle, cheers.

Nodferatu · 05-02-2012 2:53pm

i have started to date a girl i been friends with for a year and a half. I'm just turned 28 and so is she. she is very relaxed around me, but I'm not. i still get nervous when i pick her up, i want to kiss her on the cheek but i just can't, i freeze up. she has had 3 serious long term relationships before me, so she is experienced in that way. i cant seem to let my guard down which makes me a bit distant and not intimate or that with her, i never had a girlfriend before so this is my first girlfriend and i have had no past experience at all its all new to me. i can't seem to loosen up.i can't drink when i meet her as i have to drive in to town from the country to see her. its effecting us too, when i say intimate i mean just kissing/cuddling/hugging/holding hands. all that stuff, it should come naturally right? i can't get over this bump as i freeze up when i try to. i feel depressed and annoyed with myself and am now starting to feel as though maybe I'm not meant to ever have a relationship, maybe I'm better off on my own. i live at home with my parents and she is unemployed so living with her parents too, situation is kind s**t. i don't know what to do or how to fix it, its up to me at the end of the day to open up. i want to so bad but i just freeze up in fear. has anyone got advice or had same/similar experience. i'm afraid I'm doomed to a life of anxiety and fear!! i don't have any friends to talk to.

Starfox · 05-02-2012 11:51pm

Nodferatu wrote: »

i have started to date a girl i been friends with for a year and a half. I'm just turned 28 and so is she. she is very relaxed around me, but I'm not. i still get nervous when i pick her up, i want to kiss her on the cheek but i just can't, i freeze up. she has had 3 serious long term relationships before me, so she is experienced in that way. i cant seem to let my guard down which makes me a bit distant and not intimate or that with her, i never had a girlfriend before so this is my first girlfriend and i have had no past experience at all its all new to me. i can't seem to loosen up.i can't drink when i meet her as i have to drive in to town from the country to see her. its effecting us too, when i say intimate i mean just kissing/cuddling/hugging/holding hands. all that stuff, it should come naturally right? i can't get over this bump as i freeze up when i try to. i feel depressed and annoyed with myself and am now starting to feel as though maybe I'm not meant to ever have a relationship, maybe I'm better off on my own. i live at home with my parents and she is unemployed so living with her parents too, situation is kind s**t. i don't know what to do or how to fix it, its up to me at the end of the day to open up. i want to so bad but i just freeze up in fear. has anyone got advice or had same/similar experience. i'm afraid I'm doomed to a life of anxiety and fear!! i don't have any friends to talk to.

It all depends on your girlfriend really, like, from what you have said it seems that your relationship might not progress if your SA is getting in the way, i kmow what its like obviously but at the same time im not dr phil lol

(im just your average guy) Heres one suggestion though, how about telling her you have SA, but to not scare her off, show her what it is, make her understand it. Show her the examples i put up on the first page of this thread if you think that might help.

If it was me, and i did not want to lose her, and i thought that might happen because of my SA, well i have nothing to lose id tell her. Thing is it could swing both ways, so its really up to you. Hope that helps, good luck

Nodferatu · 09-02-2012 12:43pm

yeah, she broke up with me last night. were just friends now, i think... i have told her about my SA, so she knows, i told her I'm getting help and all that, she just needs me to be more open, physically mostly. which i feel is part my problem, I'm lacking lovability in myself I'm just anticipating rejection thus being tense and too distant from her, I've put up a brick wall because of past experiences of getting hurt. I've never had luck with girls and any time i DID try and reach out to a girl on rare occasions i got burned pretty bad. now that i finally have a chance at a great relationship I'm sabotaging it myself by default. she knows all this too. the more i think about it all, the more i think i am better off on my own I'm not cut out to love or be loved. pure and simple. just hard to accept I'm on my own after coming so close,

Ickle Magoo · 09-02-2012 12:50pm

Sorry to hear you broke up. I don't think anyone is cut out not to love or be loved Nodferatu - don't be so hard on yourself or talk yourself into that self-fulfilling prophesy.

Keep going with the help - I found when my head was in the right place, the heart stuff just fell into place...but when I was projecting sadness, being uncomfortable with myself/others and carrying around more baggage than most, it just wouldn't happen.

Chin up and never say never.

pinkhop · 13-02-2012 9:45pm

Great thread just what I was looking for.
I think I may be suffering from social anxiety but im not sure.

In some aspects I am very confident. Im nearly always the first out of my friends on the dance floor on a night out. Im chatty so people never ever think im shy.

Right now im in tears at the thought of having to make a phonecall tomorrow. I get so nervous when I have to make a call. I'll sit and agonise before either making the call or just not making it at all. Iv just started a new job and really don't want my fear to ruin things for me.

In my head I know ow irrational it is to be afraid of making a phone call but im sick over worring about it

superhero87 · 13-02-2012 10:01pm

Ya it really is the weirdest thing in the world, it rarely affects two people the same way, is it just phone calls for you?

pinkhop · 13-02-2012 11:05pm

Phone calls when I have to ring someone I don't know, answering phonecalls from a number I don't know, listening to voicemails or if the doorbell rings my heart starts racing and I get really nervous

!

Besides all that im very out going!

Devia · 17-02-2012 4:17pm

pinkhop wrote: »

Phone calls when I have to ring someone I don't know, answering phonecalls from a number I don't know, listening to voicemails or if the doorbell rings my heart starts racing and I get really nervous !

Besides all that im very out going!

You're not alone. In terms of social anxiety I'm only affected by two things really - Phone calls to strangers and public/group speaking (presentations ect) or any sort of individual 'performance' where I am the centre of attention. Managed to wing it for most of my life but definitely feel its holding me back in my career at this stage.

I've somewhat suppressed the whole phone thing. Found writing notes down of what I want to say and keeping them in front of me is a bit of a help, especially if the stress takes your mind off the game.

HUNK · 31-03-2012 7:46am

Thought I'd share this: a volunatry Dublin group is being started. They've set up a website which gives a bit more detail. It is based in Smithfield, Dublin 7. They have an email you can contact if you're interested.

As far as I know, the group is made up of past and present SA sufferers.

Sul · 06-04-2012 7:52pm

I suffer with social anxiety...so bad I blush excessively. It got to the stage that I thought I was never going to be able to leave my house again. I explained it to my friends (who all thought I was mad cuz im quite out going) but it made it easier. It all stemmed from my first panic attack which happened because I was on very strong painkillers. I started having panic attacks regularly then but I managed to quickly get a grip on them and can stop one before it starts but as a result I began blushing all the time for no reason, which then rolled into worrying what people thought of me which then rolled into me not wanting to leave the house....
Then I went to cognetive behavioral therapy. I still blush all the time but now I just dont give a **** what anyone thinks...
Helped me out loads!

skinny malinky · 27-04-2012 7:06pm

Sul wrote: »

Then I went to cognetive behavioral therapy.

How do you get into that? I'm in the same boat

Sul · 27-04-2012 7:23pm

skinny malinky wrote: »

Sul wrote: »

Then I went to cognetive behavioral therapy.

How do you get into that? I'm in the same boat

I went to the doctor who referred me to a therapist. The waiting list can be quite long I was waiting about 3 months but in the meantime he prescribed me beta blockers which softened the sudden rush of anxiety and helped a bit. But I wouldn't be one for taking medication long time so would advise going to the therapist. I couldn't believe the waiting list was so long but I think it helped me somewhat because I started realising that im not alone and its so common so im not a complete headcase, just going through something that seemingly loads go through and with a bit of help it can be better

Go straight away to the doctor to get on a list. After a while they will send you a letter to meet a therapist who will assess how badly you need to be seen. You could get in straight away or be waiting a few more weeks.

In the meantime, try to face your problem head on. Tell yourself that you have to do these things that make you blush or feel anxious. It is hard but once you start doing it you will feel better. I just plough through with it now. I still blush but I dont think about it so much which is a great help because the worrying was driving me mad and making the whole problem way worse than it is.

Hope this helps! Best of luck with it. There is light at the end of the tunnel

skinny malinky · 27-04-2012 7:36pm

Sul wrote: »

I went to the doctor who referred me to a therapist. The waiting list can be quite long I was waiting about 3 months but in the meantime he prescribed me beta blockers which softened the sudden rush of anxiety and helped a bit. But I wouldn't be one for taking medication long time so would advise going to the therapist. I couldn't believe the waiting list was so long but I think it helped me somewhat because I started realising that im not alone and its so common so im not a complete headcase, just going through something that seemingly loads go through and with a bit of help it can be better

Go straight away to the doctor to get on a list. After a while they will send you a letter to meet a therapist who will assess how badly you need to be seen. You could get in straight away or be waiting a few more weeks.

In the meantime, try to face your problem head on. Tell yourself that you have to do these things that make you blush or feel anxious. It is hard but once you start doing it you will feel better. I just plough through with it now. I still blush but I dont think about it so much which is a great help because the worrying was driving me mad and making the whole problem way worse than it is.

Hope this helps! Best of luck with it. There is light at the end of the tunnel

I went to a doctor about it two years ago. He said he'd never heard of anyone excessively blushing and laughed (I'm sure he wasn't laughing at me, maybe he was just embarrassed about not knowing what to do). I felt like an eejit. He referred me to a therapy place in Rathgar but the price was through the roof and as a student I couldn't afford it.

Your story has given me renewed hope though, thanks.

skinny malinky · 27-04-2012 7:37pm

HUNK wrote: »

Thought I'd share this: a volunatry Dublin group is being started. They've set up a website which gives a bit more detail. It is based in Smithfield, Dublin 7. They have an email you can contact if you're interested.

As far as I know, the group is made up of past and present SA sufferers.

This is brilliant. Thanks a million. Just emailed them there now. No idea there'd be a group for this sort of thing

skinny malinky · 27-04-2012 7:41pm

Does anyone else get watery eyes when nervous?

Whenever I'm nervous (which is pretty much any time I interact) I blush and sweat excessively and my voice get shaky, but they're relatively normal compared to my eyes. I could be talking to someone and literally get teary eyed. I can see people looking at me thinking "what an absolute freak". Happened yesterday and I had to stop mid-sentence and walk away from the girl.

Sul · 27-04-2012 7:55pm

skinny malinky wrote: »

Does anyone else get watery eyes when nervous?

Whenever I'm nervous (which is pretty much any time I interact) I blush and sweat excessively and my voice get shaky, but they're relatively normal compared to my eyes. I could be talking to someone and literally get teary eyed. I can see people looking at me thinking "what an absolute freak". Happened yesterday and I had to stop mid-sentence and walk away from the girl.

A member of my family wells up too!! We couldn't stop laughing when we talked about it. She had never heard of my problem and I hadn't heard hers, it was so mad! She feels like shes going to start crying every time she talks to people. She too is seeing a therapist now after going to the doctor. Change your doctor. You can definitely get therapy on the HSE. I dont have a medical card so I had to pay the standard doctor bill and then that was it. It definitely is about the place and in some cases if its not treated it develop into a full on fear of anything red. Social anxiety has many many forms. I know a lad who has a fear of being/getting sick so he finds it hard to be in public places. Some people sweat, some people have panic attacks the list is endless. Do go back to the doctor and tell him/her that you have heard of cognitive therapy and would like to be referred.

Tell your friends too. My friends thought I was mad cuz im really quite outgoing and always up for a laugh. But they were very understanding and wanted to know more and it meant im completely more at ease and sometimes when they see im having an 'episode' they jump in and take the attention off me which is great and helps so much.

Its really common. Loads suffer from some form of social phobia. The worse thing you can do is not get help.

skinny malinky · 27-04-2012 8:31pm

Sul wrote: »

I explained it to my friends (who all thought I was mad cuz im quite out going)

I have a serious amount of respect for you. I can't discuss it with anyone I know

skinny malinky · 27-04-2012 8:37pm

I'm going to a voluntary meeting thing next week (a few posts above) so hopefully that'll help.

Can't tell my mates - they're very manly lads so we don't really talk about our feelings and all that stuff. My family aren't the hugging/discussion type either (I'm making them sound horrible but they're not!) so I've kept it to myself all my life. Although my family see me blushing every day so they know, we just don't acknowledge it. I don't even talk at the dinner table 'cos I blush and it's getting worse with age, so hopefully with your advice (which I'll put to practice and I'm very grateful for) I can get over it

Sul · 27-04-2012 8:51pm

skinny malinky wrote: »

Sul wrote: »

I explained it to my friends (who all thought I was mad cuz im quite out going)

I have a serious amount of respect for you. I can't discuss it with anyone I know

For a long time I was the same. I went through about 3 or 4 years thinking I was going around the bend and had no one to talk to. I stopped going to events with no alcohol, I spent all day in work in knots worrying about who would come through the door, who would I meet etc. If I met someone and had an episode id spend all day thinking about it, stressing out. It was horrible. It just came to a head one day, I woke up and literally couldn't leave the house and had to ring in sick to work. That was the turning point for me. I knew I couldn't carry on or id end up never being able to leave the house and I definitely didnt want that. So I rang the doctor and went a few days later. The mad thing is ,i knew how completely irrational the problem was. At the end of the day, 9 times out of 10 most people really dont care enough about you to give you a second thought. People are too wrapped up in their own problems to be thinking about you. You leave the situation thinking the world is going to end but they leave and dont give it a second thought. Once you start concentrating more on that and get out of your head it gets better.

As for telling your friends, it was after I went to the doctor that I realised I cant not involve them. They are my friends at the end of the day. I listen to their problems and help them so they can do the same for me. Would you tell them if you were really sick? Of course you would, you need the support and that goes for this too. Once I told them they too started telling me about certain times they get anxious and it really helps. You dont have to tell them all, just your close ones or even family.

Hope this helps you. Its over a year since I had therapy. Some days are worse than others but on a whole im in a much better place than I was last year.

Sul · 27-04-2012 8:57pm

skinny malinky wrote: »

I'm going to a voluntary meeting thing next week (a few posts above) so hopefully that'll help.

Can't tell my mates - they're very manly lads so we don't really talk about our feelings and all that stuff. My family aren't the hugging/discussion type either (I'm making them sound horrible but they're not!) so I've kept it to myself all my life. Although my family see me blushing every day so they know, we just don't acknowledge it. I don't even talk at the dinner table 'cos I blush and it's getting worse with age, so hopefully with your advice (which I'll put to practice and I'm very grateful for) I can get over it

You dont have to talk about your feelings. Maybe just tell the ones you are closest too that you are having a bit of a rough time. It doesnt have to be an in dept conversation, I had my chat over a few drinks one night and nearly all my mates know now, male and female. Men aren't that bad you know, you'd be surprised. You could find that one of your friends could be having their own anxiety problems. Its very common. Even the most full on out going people can suffer. Talking is always a great solution.

skinny malinky · 27-04-2012 9:17pm

Sul wrote: »

I stopped going to events with no alcohol, I spent all day in work in knots worrying about who would come through the door, who would I meet etc. If I met someone and had an episode id spend all day thinking about it, stressing out. It was horrible. It just came to a head one day, I woke up and literally couldn't leave the house and had to ring in sick to work. That was the turning point for me.... You leave the situation thinking the world is going to end but they leave and dont give it a second thought. Once you start concentrating more on that and get out of your head it gets better.

Jesus you've no idea how reassuring it is so read someone else goes through exactly what I go through.

During my first year in college I drank maybe three mornings a week in preparation for classes I was nervous about. Naggins on the bus at 8.30 in the morning, like a bloody hobo! Had to stop when people questioned me about the smell off my breath. I'm not an alcoholic or anything I just got it into my head that I couldn't interact without drink.

Have you ever tried hypnosis? There's some good Paul Mckenna ones on youtube

Sul · 27-04-2012 9:36pm

skinny malinky wrote: »

Sul wrote: »

I stopped going to events with no alcohol, I spent all day in work in knots worrying about who would come through the door, who would I meet etc. If I met someone and had an episode id spend all day thinking about it, stressing out. It was horrible. It just came to a head one day, I woke up and literally couldn't leave the house and had to ring in sick to work. That was the turning point for me.... You leave the situation thinking the world is going to end but they leave and dont give it a second thought. Once you start concentrating more on that and get out of your head it gets better.

Jesus you've no idea how reassuring it is so read someone else goes through exactly what I go through.

During my first year in college I drank maybe three mornings a week in preparation for classes I was nervous about. Naggins on the bus at 8.30 in the morning, like a bloody hobo! Had to stop when people questioned me about the smell off my breath. I'm not an alcoholic or anything I just got it into my head that I couldn't interact without drink.

Have you ever tried hypnosis? There's some good Paul Mckenna ones on youtube

No ive never tried hypnosis. If im honest im not really a huge fan

but I have found that exercising and looking after myself helps. It boost my confidence when I feel good about myself.

I too nearly went down the road of drinking. It crossed my mind a lot but I was also worried about losing my job. I mentioned to my doctor too and he said its a slippery slop. Could turn into an alcoholic doing that!

Im hoping to start college in September. Im worried but I know that if I want to succeed and progress I just have to bite the bullet and do it. Thats it! I can either spend the rest of my life living at home, safe and comfortable but unhappy or get out into the world and live my life!

I still blush. I still have days where I cant face anybody but they are a lot less frequent now and if I do blush I just forget about it. I learned too not to hide away. I used turn my back on people or change conversation topics anything to distract from what was going on on my face but now I just let it happen. If the person im talking to has a problem with it then thats their problem not mine!

I hope you get sorted soon. It really is a hard place to be but at least you know now you're not alone in the world

Starfox · 27-04-2012 10:43pm

Sul wrote: »

No ive never tried hypnosis. If im honest im not really a huge fan but I have found that exercising and looking after myself helps. It boost my confidence when I feel good about myself.

I too nearly went down the road of drinking. It crossed my mind a lot but I was also worried about losing my job. I mentioned to my doctor too and he said its a slippery slop. Could turn into an alcoholic doing that!

Im hoping to start college in September. Im worried but I know that if I want to succeed and progress I just have to bite the bullet and do it. Thats it! I can either spend the rest of my life living at home, safe and comfortable but unhappy or get out into the world and live my life!

I still blush. I still have days where I cant face anybody but they are a lot less frequent now and if I do blush I just forget about it. I learned too not to hide away. I used turn my back on people or change conversation topics anything to distract from what was going on on my face but now I just let it happen. If the person im talking to has a problem with it then thats their problem not mine!

I hope you get sorted soon. It really is a hard place to be but at least you know now you're not alone in the world

Hey Sul,

Just reading what you had to say, you know when you said by exercising it helps you feel good about yourself, thats exactly right, exercising increases endorphins. Endorphins are the body’s natural feel good chemicals

Im not sure if you read any of my previous posts, but what really helped me with my anxiety is meditation. Anxiety can come from over thinking, over analyzing (negative) situations repeatedly again and again.. you know the deal, but with meditation, and what i do is transcendental meditation, it relaxes you, calms you down, it helps you think clear and make decisions which would otherwise be very clouded anxious situations.

Also you know them situations where you are not looking forward to, to meeting someone, some people an event ect and you spend an unreasonable amount of time thinking about it before hand that you create more anxiety for yourself, that by the time it comes around when you have to go your in a heap... We'll that disappears. Everything becomes easier, i had depression too, but that went too

CBT seems to work for allot of people too, but thats not something i have tried, yet..

superhero87 · 20-05-2012 4:37am

Hi just like to drop in and say, I'm doing fantastic I've virtually no anxieties now, besides trying to pull when sober(quitting drinking and not depending on it helping me immensely) I got my second sober shift of my life last week even got a date(which admittedly didn't lead anywhere) with a girl I'd worshipped from afar for over a year, would have been terrified to talk to her a year ago even if I was drunk. compare this to the near suicidal who could hardly get out of bed to go the evil work place where "everybody hated me" , I really enjoy work now dare I say it (and I'm a cashier In tescos for ****s sake), I have many great friends there, always had I guess but I was too afraid or preoccupied to realize it, I've made some new friends too, a beutiful bromance is budding with a dude who the old me would have said I have nothing in common with and have nothing to interesting to say to . my last bout of depression possibibly being the worst(i checked myself into A & E twice because it was getting too much) is completely gone sure I have my ****ty days, buts thats all they are days. I owe most of my recovery to guidance from a great psychotherapist, (live in Galway, pm me for contact details), her and my own desire to get better EVERYBODY HAS THE ABILITY TO BE COMPLETELY HAPPY, IF ONE PERSON HAS DONE IT IS POSSIBLE, I think I can near safely say, I'm nearly there, a bit of regular sex and I'll be singing. main things that helped me: CBT(as my therapist says the main kernel of which a whole book or many books will teach you: A Situation B Belief C feeling depressed, eg meet "Barry" from work in the hallway at work (A that's the situation), you think to yourself "Barry" thinks I'm boring (B that's the hard thing to work out but the key to changing your feelings about a situation, and your resulting feelings (C), you have to challenge this belief. How do you know Barry is thinking your boring, he probably hasn't even noticed you, he could be thinking how hungry he is, what he has to do next in work, how **** that film he seen last night was, what he's going to have for lunch the possibilities are endless, but so many more times often than not he is not thinking about you, even if he is thinking your boring, think about someone you see as boring, do you hold any malice towards them, no , do you hate them? you probably just wish they'd relax and say something interesting. Plus if someone thinks your boring IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, YOU CAN STAND IT, often you tell yourself that you can't stand it, that it's the end of the world, YOU CAN, IT'S NOT (start applying this to everything)) mindful meditation (mindfulness a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world is the name of the book), exercise, The "Anxiety & Phobia Workbook" I bought it and the size of it really scared me, didn't end up using it but it gives you a good idea of the different areas you can attack. take time to do things you enjoy read or whatever, writing and drawing help me but that's me, still think creative writing is good for anyone, even if what you write is no good for toilet paper, writing kinda shuts off the thinking part of your mind, it will give you a break, who knows you may even be good at it. read gareth o callaghan's "a day called hope" a former rte broadcaster and now 4fm broadcastor, it deals with his years of depression, he says how writing uses a different part of the brain, he wrote a best seller while depressed as fook. In the words of the great David Bowie "do something outrageous" break up your cycle of staying indoors scouring the internet for a solution to your problem, go to the cinema "I've no one to go with" **** it go by yourself, it's more enjoyable in some ways, go to a comedy gig, who knows you may even smile, go to a play, go on a night out with your friends, even if you have a balls to the wall anxious night that makes you terribly depressed TAKE THE POSITIVE OUT OF IT, you have something to say to a co-worker if they ask "what did you get up to at the weekend?", they won't know you were awkwardly crying in the corner for the half an hour you could stand being in a social situation. Breaking your cycle breaks your negative thought patterns, start small going the full hog may scare you into submission, little progressive steps, even if you go miles backwards for weeks on end, you can always start again in the moment you realized you've done it, "nothing is as far away as one minute ago" (that's a bit of mindfulness in action there, I meditated(following the books plan) when I was bad with anxiety/depression A/D, but stopped when I got better, it did teach me the power of the present moment (just to note this is not just for people with depression, I self diagnosed myself with social anxiety, was convinced its what I had, true I had a lot of anxiety which was fed and was feeding on my/by my depression, I now truly believe each persons issues are entirely their own, don't get under the blanket/label of social anxiety, many things might fit you but your recovery is individual to you. I've learnt for me anyways and I do believe it applies to everyone that social anxiety doesn't apply to everyone. Everyone is different, its the **** that happened in your individual past that gives you hang ups today, something happens that draws up memories from your past. E.G. In work I was asked to stack shelves with items for a trolley, this was recently when I was mostly happy, after about ten minutes I started to get really panicky, thinking "**** I'm going really slow, I'm going to get in trouble" I stopped and checked myself seeing this a s being a bit irational, I thought where this might of come (this way of thinking coming from my therapist) My Dad used to always roar the house down giving out to me and my siblings for now doing any work around the house (he never asked us to do anything just gave out to us for not doing anything) we walked on egg shells, being asked to stack shelves by a manager the authority figure, it brought up my memories/feelings from the past, when I realized this my panic faded. Psychotherapy was the way to go for me, I have been seeing my current therapist since January, and for a year a year before that, if you go to one try and make every appointment, if you think drink or drugs are making your problems worse just quit, I gave up for six months a year or two ago, was always waiting for when I'd be well enough to drink again, I went back on it when I was feeling a little better , had a pretty decent year, but hadn't fundimentaly changed anything, wound up seriously depressed, more than I ever before, I've kicked it in for good now, trust me if I can do it anybody can, couldn't feel comfertable around certain people when I was drunk, now I can easily sit in their company , might feel slightly uncomfertable and have nothing to say, but it doesn't bother me, and I don't blame inwards (formerly a BIG problem for me) and with people like that If your not pressuring yourself to say something, sitting quietly until something comes up that you might actually have to say, you can slowly see a bond between you grow, eg friends of friends, ye build your own friendship independant of the one that brought you to meet this person. Another "issue" I had was seeing others say at work as better than me, what i Came to realize through my therapist was that eg people at work, are my equals, we bought got up, put on are uniforms made are way to work, we both eat, we both ****, we both brush our teeth, we both cry, we both get horny we.... we are equals. A friends mother always told him growing up "You are no better or worse than anyone". I'm still with my therapist and will be for the year at least, I working on my insecurities than I have left, they'll never be 100% gone but I can sure kick the **** out of them, down to something a lot more managable. Another note about not drinking, I go out an drink non alcoholic beers all night, bring them to house parties, and go for pints with the lads (Paulander probably the nicest, Erdinger at second and whatever you do stay away from becks gassey ****) I just had to realize that I was sensitive to alcohol. A couple of hours of fake happiness does not outweigh what I have now, I've finally started writing (something I've drunkenly talked about for years) I'm drawing, I've just started my first comic book, I've surprized myself by designing t-shirts which lead to a little side business, I'M LEARNING TO SWIM, never thought I'd knock that off my to do list, never would have done these things were I still drinking. I hope this comes as some use to someone, it's been therapeutic as **** for me. PM me if ya want a chat about anything

superhero87 · 20-05-2012 4:49am

Also came to a realization one morning before work, woke hours before my alarm clock as I always did in the height of my A/D, with the usual gut wrenching despair/dread of going to work, I second guessed my second guessing by chance I guess, I thought whats the worst that's really going to happen, I'm going to have some awkward conversations with people, that was the begining of the end of it

Dannydman · 09-06-2012 11:51am

Hi all, I am 26 and this is my first post on this topic..

Looking back I think social anxiety is something that has been with me all my life in some shape or form. It is only in recent years that I can put a name on it. I mean when you are young you just think you are shy and you will grow out of it, however for me this was not the case. It has taken me years to put a name on how I feel. At first I thought I was depressed but upon further self reflection and research I now know I suffer from social anxiety.

I am extremely self conscious, it is as if I am contantly on edge when I am out doing anything, this results in me trying to avoid the feeling by not doing much. I hate it so much. I do try and try and try to force myself to do things however the social anxiety simply seems to multiply. As you can imagine this is not much of a life to live, SA makes if very hard to make close friends meaning I have lived my life so far with just a few close friends.. I would give anything to live a normal life. I have even lived and worked abroad for a year but the SA was still in full effect.

I have been taking lexipro for years and have started seeing a counsellor however I am starting to think that I will always have this social anxiety and will never find peace. I should be out living but instead I am avoiding life, That is how much of a nightmare SA is.

I know there are others who suffer this daily battle with life, I would love to hear from people in the same boat, I would also love any advice, groups, meds etc that have helped people. I need to escape this 24-7 hell. It makes me feel so isolated, lonely and down.
I feel stupid for having SA it is a curse, there seems to be so little help out their in Ireland. I want the help so let’s work together and kick the **** out of SA….

Email me if you have lived with the hell that is SA.

superhero87 · 15-06-2012 11:16pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93pID40xKoM&feature=g-upl

DeWitt · 15-06-2012 11:42pm

superhero87 wrote: »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93pID40xKoM&feature=g-upl

Very helpful, and it's great to see & hear of someone who has been able to overcome it.Will be keeping an eye out for more in the series and that book you mentioned too.

Xim1 · 11-07-2012 11:20pm

social anxiety is one o the worst things that can happen to anyone, I used to be 'normal' but then not sure what happened and started to get all weird around my friends and afraid of going out , needed to be drunk to have fun and it wasn't fun at the end... lost my job and got into trouble

now I am back on track recovering from my episode and trying to meet new people and not drinking ! I tried several things to get over my fear and need to say EFT helped a lot

<modsnip>

clancyboy · 08-10-2012 7:43pm

Is there anyone who has any luck with meds or doctors? I have ocd on top of social anxiety and depression to cream it off. I have had terrible luck with doctors between them not understanding social anxiety to complete lack of compassion and empathy. I had one psychologist tell me to just explain to everyone that i had social anxiety and that was why i am the way i am. i had my doubts from the start but i never realized how bad a mistake it turn out to be. my family now they just think im absolutely crazy and are always trying to monitor me now. I told a good few of my friends and most of them have little or nothing to do with me now. I actually ended up having to quit my job because people started acting different towards me, things like i was no longer asked to do anything people avoiding me when they were warm towards me before. The few people i was comfortable around i ended up pushing them away when i told them i had SAD. my family are always trying to find out my condition with blatant comments like stories about mentally ill people(probable made up) that got help and lived happily ever after. I feel like the only normal thing i had in my life is gone now because some pushy no it all psychologist gave me extremely poor advise.

I used to go to hypnotherapists and energy healers(bio energy) NLP therapists out of desperation but after thousands flushed down the jacks i swore i would never turn my back on science again after all the bogus claims and promises from alternative therapists, i realized that people in my mental state were there bread & butter, people with little hope and desperate for a cure. I have realized that a lot of psychiatrists and psychologists are no better. i always explain my story and ask whoever im attending for the truth and not to be telling me lies and giving me false hope like Nardil or prozac is a cure or CBT is a cure, but i was still being told this crap. I went on meds and when i starded getting no benefit and plenty of side effects i was accused of acting up in spite and not giving the meds a chance. I have seen 3 different psychiatrists and 4 psychologists and each one has diagnosed me with different mental disorders from generalized anxiety, ocd, bi polar, social anxiety, angoraphobia. you cant help but ask how much does science really understand the brain. why are the same meds used to treat so many different mental disorders and psychiatric illness. I know in my heart in soul the way neuroscience is progressing that in the next 5 -10 years better treatment will emerge from areas like optogenetics research in mcgovern institute. they have already discovered a anxiety circuit in the amygdala a area that was previously ruled out. hope is so near yet so far

Bee82 · 23-10-2012 10:43pm

Johro wrote: »

Yup, I get the old panic attacks alright, have done for years. I might be okay for a while and a panic attack will get me all of a sudden, always when I'm out, rarely happens at home, which I guess tells it's own story. I'll start to feel hot, my head especially, I'll feel my heart racing, my mouth will go dry and I'll have trouble swallowing, I'll start to feel dizzy and trembly, I think I can't breathe and I'll try and get a deep breath, which I can't and that of course just makes the palpitations worse, it's just a mess. All the while I'd be thinking 'Got to get the hell out of here! Gotta get home.'
This kinda thing typically seems to happen to me when I'm shopping or something and waiting in a queue at the checkout, which just makes the panic worse coz you think everyone can see it and thinks you're a nutter. If I'm feeling a bit fragile (which happens when you're thinking 'I hope I don't get panicky like last time') when I walk into the local supermarket and see a long queue at the tills I'll walk straight back out again.
What doesn't help, and I think it's because of all this, is that I've become agoraphobic. Also, I have had the odd epileptic fit. Now I gotta say that hasn't happened for what must be close to ten years now, but I'm afraid of it happening. Not the fit itself, I can feel it coming on before it happens and I know to be somewhere safe, what frightens me is that I don't remember anything for a good two to three hours afterwards. Total amnesia. I won't remember my name, where or when I am. The last time it happened, I was in Dublin, when I came to, someone asked me 'do you know where you are?' and I said ' the Hague'. (I'm from Holland originally) This is a scary thing for me, and it started off my agoraphobia, so now I simply hardly ever go anywhere on my own. I have days where I'm okay, and I think those are days where I'm feeling better about myself because I achieved something that day, or did something I've wanted/needed to do for a long time, or did something for someone that made them happy, or maybe I got praise or compliments from someone that made me feel good.
This is why I think that it's all about my perception of myself.
I know I'm a nice person, I know I'm a good friend who people can talk to and relate to, that I'm not bad looking and I'm capable and smart enough etc., but subconsciously, deep down, I guess I don't know all those things, I think coz I had a lot of bad **** happen to me in my childhood, which I won't go in to right now, but it was enough to rob me of my confidence and my trust in people.
So there it is.
The thing is, I can't really blame the people who hurt me or deserted me when I was a kid, partly because it serves no one, partly because they were messed up themselves, and also because I need to take charge of my own life.
So for now, when I get panicky, I try to slow down my breathing (breathe into your belly, not into your chest, in 5 seconds, out 5 seconds), find a quiet spot, and I think: 'This will pass. It always does.'
And it always does. Sometimes it takes a little longer, but it does pass. Hey if it happens to you, it's worth a try. And give yourself a little credit.

Your post just made me cry - its so sad, but also a strange relief to think there are people feeling the same things. Especially saying you know you are smart, know you are nice etc but dont feel it. I think our childhood shapes us all and I know mine is the root of the problem for me.
I am having therapy and staying optimistic- I hope you are tacling your demons too!!
Best Wishes!

Social Anxiety Phobia/Disorder

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