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14-11-2019, 01:36   #1
JupiterKid
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Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

So as the thread title asks - why are weddings such a huge fuss for people?

I’ve heard it said that women make much more of a huge deal of their wedding than men do, and that the stress, anxiety and expectations can become completely overwhelming for some. You hear of the “bridezilla” stories, of super lavish affairs with hundreds of guests, people getting into serious debt over their “perfect” day etc. And that’s not taking the increasingly lavish and expensive hen and stag parties into account.

It really seems crazy and ridiculous to me. My OH and I have been talking about marriage for a while now and if and when we do get hitched, it will be a relatively simple, low key affair, with family and closest friends invited. As it would be a same-sex wedding, there would be no church service (which suits me) and the reception would be low key but relaxed and classy.

Most of my good mates had their weddings 10 to 15 years ago now, some were very big and lavish, others were smaller and more intimate and TBH the smaller ones were nicer and more fun.

Do you think, due to social conditioning and materialism, that people have lost the run of themselves when it comes to weddings? Isn’t the marriage the really important thing, not the actual wedding day itself?
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14-11-2019, 02:20   #2
Calhoun
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Depends on a couple of things, first its the couple getting married. Allot of people forget that your essentially hosting a good party to celebrate an important occasion in your life and that the focus should be on making sure the guests have a good time and enjoy it.

The other variable is family, your bringing two families together for a day and that can complicate the hell out of things. My generation would have been one of the first where divorce was a regular occurrence and that complicated the hell out of it.
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14-11-2019, 02:42   #3
AllForIt
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The other variable is family, your bringing two families together for a day and that can complicate the hell out of things. My generation would have been one of the first where divorce was a regular occurrence and that complicated the hell out of it.
Yeah it does sound a bit complicated to get divorced first and then get married.
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14-11-2019, 02:43   #4
NIMAN
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From reading reports of recent weddings in Ireland, it appears the boom is back.
And people are back to spending small fortunes on them, some in the hope of impressing people or getting on social media.

Probably taking dancing lessons again for the first dance, thinking up some wacky thing to do to get likes.

I was in a Donegal hotel about 2 weeks ago. Was sitting having a pint when 2 young 'uns had a meeting with the hotel wedding planner. They were within earshot (ok so I was listening).

I heard them chat about the band, thats fair enough. Most of us have had a band. But they also said they were getting a comedian and a comedy hypnotist for the evening do.
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14-11-2019, 02:43   #5
Calhoun
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Yeah it does sound a bit complicated to get divorced first and then get married.
Lol i meant the parents were divorced so trying to blend parents and their new spouses and all the baggage it can bring is a ****ing nightmare.
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14-11-2019, 03:01   #6
Obvious Desperate Breakfasts
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One of my husband’s friends is getting married in the US next summer. He’s not being decadent there; his bride-to-be is American. But he’s having the stag abroad too, on the continent. I can’t get over that. I’d be making the stag as affordable as possible. I thought maybe the groomsmen planned it without his knowledge but apparently he was keen on a foreign stag.

One of the groomsmen is wealthy and a bit oblivious and all the groomsmen are like “Sure, the two trips can be your holidays next year!”. There’s a lot of behind the scenes grumbling. Between the two, you’re talking thousands and thousands of euro. To be honest, it’s a lot of money for anybody, even the well-paid. I’d be mortified asking people to pony up so much for my wedding.

I already know I’m not going to the wedding. I felt bad until something shocked sense into me. A friend of ours who is financially pretty comfortable said she can’t really afford to go and that made me realise “Hang on, you’re on welfare, of course you can’t go to a wedding in the US!”. So I don’t feel bad anymore. I’m not putting myself in debt for it.

Hubs thinks the stag is the only thing he’ll do. It’s mad if people have to choose between the two. Decadent weddings need to go. My MIL showed me her wedding album recently and it was so elegant and pared back.
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14-11-2019, 03:03   #7
NIMAN
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If people want to get married abroad, they can't expect hundreds of people to follow them out.

Simply not possible for a lot of people.
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14-11-2019, 03:11   #8
Obvious Desperate Breakfasts
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Originally Posted by NIMAN View Post
From reading reports of recent weddings in Ireland, it appears the boom is back.
And people are back to spending small fortunes on them, some in the hope of impressing people or getting on social media.

Probably taking dancing lessons again for the first dance, thinking up some wacky thing to do to get likes.

I was in a Donegal hotel about 2 weeks ago. Was sitting having a pint when 2 young 'uns had a meeting with the hotel wedding planner. They were within earshot (ok so I was listening).

I heard them chat about the band, thats fair enough. Most of us have had a band. But they also said they were getting a comedian and a comedy hypnotist for the evening do.
That sounds brutal. Imagine how bland a comedian would have to be in order to offend nobody?

The last three weddings I was at had no gimmicks (photo booths etc.) and they weren’t missed at all. It never even crossed my mind.
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14-11-2019, 04:20   #9
Omackeral
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If people want to get married abroad, they can't expect hundreds of people to follow them out.

Simply not possible for a lot of people.
I even think these two day weddings at home with a brunch or whatever the next day is pushing it.
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14-11-2019, 04:25   #10
Graces7
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Pressure from families?

When I was fairly new to Ireland I knew a young woman, with a small child, living with the father as they had had to decide, because of family pressures, to build their home instead of getting married.

Both had large famiiles and would demand a big "after" wedding "do!

She was upset as marriage meant so much for religious reasons.

Well, I was able to help organise a small secret wedding! ( knew the Franciscans)

Just half a dozen folk and the toddler running round. Flowers and cake and a meal after. It was for the wedding itself, not the hype. A lovely occasion.

Their plan was, after they had told the families, to wait until the house was finished, then have a huge housewarming party

Just family pressure and social pressure.
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14-11-2019, 05:31   #11
eviltwin
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I hate weddings. I would have not been able to cope with a traditional affair, we got married very quietly with just a few people there who thought they were going to a house warming. Simple with no fuss. Why do people go mad? Who knows but it's one of the reasons the wedding forum on boards is so entertaining.
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14-11-2019, 05:47   #12
maximoose
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They are only as crazy/ridiculous/over the top as the couple involved want them to be

Got married 3 weeks ago - no stress, had a lot of fun planning it, saved for a year and paid for the whole thing ourselves. No wild spending, no debt, no expectation of gifts etc.

There's always crazy stories (see the wedding forum here) but they are outliers surely
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14-11-2019, 06:04   #13
ReginaldSmythV
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Wedding wankery and the thirst to go viral is all they're about these days.
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14-11-2019, 06:10   #14
Graces7
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Wedding wankery and the thirst to go viral is all they're about these days.
Not everyone.. heard of other couples having secret weddings and even at least one elopement!
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14-11-2019, 06:43   #15
salmocab
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Originally Posted by Obvious Desperate Breakfasts View Post
One of my husband’s friends is getting married in the US next summer. He’s not being decadent there; his bride-to-be is American. But he’s having the stag abroad too, on the continent. I can’t get over that. I’d be making the stag as affordable as possible. I thought maybe the groomsmen planned it without his knowledge but apparently he was keen on a foreign stag.

One of the groomsmen is wealthy and a bit oblivious and all the groomsmen are like “Sure, the two trips can be your holidays next year!”. There’s a lot of behind the scenes grumbling. Between the two, you’re talking thousands and thousands of euro. To be honest, it’s a lot of money for anybody, even the well-paid. I’d be mortified asking people to pony up so much for my wedding.

I already know I’m not going to the wedding. I felt bad until something shocked sense into me. A friend of ours who is financially pretty comfortable said she can’t really afford to go and that made me realise “Hang on, you’re on welfare, of course you can’t go to a wedding in the US!”. So I don’t feel bad anymore. I’m not putting myself in debt for it.

Hubs thinks the stag is the only thing he’ll do. It’s mad if people have to choose between the two. Decadent weddings need to go. My MIL showed me her wedding album recently and it was so elegant and pared back.
One of my mates got married abroad years ago, as it happened he was one of the first weddings so very few had children at that stage so loads of us made it our summer holiday and it worked out great, for the stag he wanted a big trip abroad and the best man just shot it down straight away and said your not inviting people to a wedding away and also getting the lads to pay for another trip. People get caught up and probably need a reality check sometimes.
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