The bride who wanted a no kids wedding now wants her kids at the wedding

nthclare · 15-07-2020 11:02am

The Raging Bile Duct wrote: »

A couple of crusties tying a rope around each other. That sort of thing?

No actually it's more classy than a bunch of middle classes running around a tacky ballroom, rocking the boat and rolling up their trousers and headbanging to thunderstruck.

A lot of upper class people, disregard the generic plastic weddings of the middle classes and go all out and with a classy regency style Jane Austen wedding with a pagan twist...

None of your gannets and jocks bouncing around..

Peintre Celebre · 15-07-2020 11:05am

I can think of few things I'd rather less at a wedding than kids running around, bumping into waiters carrying food, getting stampeded on on the dancefloor, crying during the speeches. Each to their own

eviltwin · 15-07-2020 11:20am

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Seems the overarching reason for not bringing kids is so the adults can have a giant piss up. This is not a wedding, it’s a piss up. Not the type of “wedding” I want to go to.

No need for the hyperbole. A wedding is a chance for a lot of people who don’t see each other much to catch up, it’s not always about getting locked. It’s a great opportunity to sit down with a few drinks, have a dance, a nice meal and relax. It’s impossible to do that if you have young kids as they will require a lot of attention.

lazygal · 15-07-2020 11:22am

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

Kids or pissup is very basic thinking. I know lots of people who would drink very little at a wedding and wouldn’t want children anywhere near them on the day. A few people have made this very basic assumption now and it really just comes across as a jibe. Every situation and person is different.

I love a drink, but the last wedding we were at I didn't drink as we didn't want to stay overnight so I drove us home. Himself had a few pints with the lads at it. Great time had by all.

I seriously don't recognise the Baccanlian type shenanigans some people seem to envisage when it comes to weddings. We had a free bar and one older relative, who gets pissed at every wedding, overdid it. Everyone else relaxed and had a good time.

listermint · 15-07-2020 11:26am

eviltwin wrote: »

No need for the hyperbole. A wedding is a chance for a lot of people who don’t see each other much to catch up, it’s not always about getting locked. It’s a great opportunity to sit down with a few drinks, have a dance, a nice meal and relax. It’s impossible to do that if you have young kids as they will require a lot of attention.

To be fair, our wedding was exactly that. Kids included.

And its not impossible to do that. All the kids were young. I also have 2 young kids. Just wanted to point out that the arguments that kids are mayhem and specifically at weddings is flawed logic.

eviltwin · 15-07-2020 11:33am

listermint wrote: »

To be fair, our wedding was exactly that. Kids included.

And its not impossible to do that. All the kids were young. I also have 2 young kids. Just wanted to point out that the arguments that kids are mayhem and specifically at weddings is flawed logic.

Look it’s a personal choice. Having kids there doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy the day but it does impact it. The last wedding I went to with kids was when my youngest was 4. He was asleep by 11 so we had to play tag team with each of us taking turns to watch him. It was a pain and it definitely affected the night. It was a family wedding so I didn’t mind but if it had been a friends and involved a mini reunion I’d hate having to disappear. It’s just easier not to bring them.

lazygal · 15-07-2020 11:38am

eviltwin wrote: »

Look it’s a personal choice. Having kids there doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy the day but it does impact it. The last wedding I went to with kids was when my youngest was 4. He was asleep by 11 so we had to play tag team with each of us taking turns to watch him. It was a pain and it definitely affected the night. It was a family wedding so I didn’t mind but if it had been a friends and involved a mini reunion I’d hate having to disappear. It’s just easier not to bring them.

Same here. I've gone to weddings solo because it was easier and we didn't have child care. Preferred to meet up with friends on my own than have the two of us trying to juggle our generally well behaved but cranky after a long day kids. And the nights the grandparents had them, the kids had a ball doing a sleepover and we had a lie in the next day. Win!

The Raging Bile Duct · 15-07-2020 11:39am

eviltwin wrote: »

Look it’s a personal choice. Having kids there doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy the day but it does impact it. The last wedding I went to with kids was when my youngest was 4. He was asleep by 11 so we had to play tag team with each of us taking turns to watch him. It was a pain and it definitely affected the night. It was a family wedding so I didn’t mind but if it had been a friends and involved a mini reunion I’d hate having to disappear. It’s just easier not to bring them.

Any wedding venue worth its salt will usually have a list of local babysitters to call on. I can't think of any wedding where we brought the kids that we didn't use a babysitter for the end of the night. We usually check in every hour but that's all.

Mango Joe · 15-07-2020 11:42am

lazygal wrote: »

We had a child free wedding.
We never expect our children to be accommodated at a wedding.
Unless this is your wedding stay out of it.

How apt that line 3 reads totally like a veiled threat....Pun intended

Also I've actually read on here that one reason kids are banned at some weddings is that they are dressed up so cute & this takes a lot of attention away from the Bride - How saucer shallow and dumb would you have to be??!?!?!

- Also the sentiment on here placating and supporting the Bridezilla/Groomzilla mania with mentions of "its your special day Karen/Kian - Of course you should do/say/buy/offend/inconvenience whatever and whoever you like - After all they're only your friends and family you're irritating with your narcissistic nonsense (or other unfortunates feeling obliged to attend)

lazygal · 15-07-2020 11:45am

Mango Joe wrote: »

How apt that line 3 reads totally like a veiled threat....Pun intended

Also I've actually read on here that one reason kids are banned at some weddings is that they are dressed up so cute & this takes a lot of attention away from the Bride!!!

LOL.
This sound suspiciously like the urban legend of 'No Coast dresses' on invites that did the rounds for years.
Obviously my children are so cute I would never want to take the shine off a bride by having them compete with one at a wedding. We have the beauty pageants for that.

facehugger99 · 15-07-2020 11:48am

Peintre Celebre wrote: »

I can think of few things I'd rather less at a wedding than kids running around, bumping into waiters carrying food, getting stampeded on on the dancefloor, crying during the speeches. Each to their own

I've been to dozens of wedding with kids and never seen any of the above - what kind of weddings do you go to?

lazygal · 15-07-2020 11:52am

I've missed a good Kids At Weddings thread, thanks OP!
Once again the weddings forum delivers.

baby and crumble · 15-07-2020 12:03pm

We had a general rule of 'no kids' but made exceptions for my best friend (and best man) son, as we're very close to him and he did a reading with his Mum, and the 12 year old son of a couple who had to travel from the UK. Our wedding was planned as an adult party, it was black tie and didn't start until 5pm. We had a feeling some of friends were going to do some possibly 'risque' bellydance and burlesque performances - and we were right - and so we explained that to any of our friends with young kids (which are few and far between). The youngsters were both gone by 9pm after dinner, and everyone was happy.

I think it's important to respect whatever is on an invitation - ANY invitation. If my wife was invited to a wedding on her own because I didn't know the person getting married then grand. We're not joined at the hip and don't have to share our every move or friend, tbh. I know now just how expensive an extra person at a wedding is, so I'd never begrudge anyone setting boundaries that way.

And to the OP - it's really stupid and naive to think that 'the point' of marriage is to start a family and therefore have children. My wife IS my family, we are a family regardless of children.

The Raging Bile Duct · 15-07-2020 12:05pm

facehugger99 wrote: »

I've been to dozens of wedding with kids and never seen any of the above - what kind of weddings do you go to?

I go around and give the kids a couple of lines of charlie at any wedding I go to just to liven things up.

listermint · 15-07-2020 12:07pm

eviltwin wrote: »

Look it’s a personal choice. Having kids there doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy the day but it does impact it. The last wedding I went to with kids was when my youngest was 4. He was asleep by 11 so we had to play tag team with each of us taking turns to watch him. It was a pain and it definitely affected the night. It was a family wedding so I didn’t mind but if it had been a friends and involved a mini reunion I’d hate having to disappear. It’s just easier not to bring them.

I know it's personal choice I was challenging your blanket assertion. That's all.

15-07-2020 12:11pm

facehugger99 wrote: »

I've been to dozens of wedding with kids and never seen any of the above - what kind of weddings do you go to?

I’ve been to loads and would regularly see that happen. Probably a case of it happens sometimes and doesn’t happen sometimes. I don’t think it’s a blanket thing either way.

Outkast_IRE · 15-07-2020 12:14pm

We asked around our family on what their preferences were and most said they wanted to leave the kids at home so they could actually enjoy the day/night . So we went child free on the basis of that. if someone was stuck for babysitting it wouldn't of bothered us if they asked can they bring their child .

recyclops · 15-07-2020 12:19pm

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

There is glaring lack of self awareness with newly weds in that the whole point of marriage is the start a family

I better tell my wife this as it appears we got married for the wrong reason, you know the whole loving each other :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

regarding the reasoning as too why we didn't want kids there was really down to family size and size of the venue we wanted. simply really.

jam_mac_jam · 15-07-2020 12:21pm

It's up to the couple really one way or another and you need to respect that. I don't like kids at weddings but I can see why other people want them to be included as they are part of the family.

It seems to be more common now not ro have kids there.

JayRoc · 15-07-2020 12:58pm

My primary objection to seeing kids at weddings (something that isn't really the kids' fault) is how they are allowed to disrupt ceremonies, speeches etc.

Every time I see a young child at a wedding ceremony I I groan inwardly because I know I probably won't be able to hear a word, and I find myself getting annoyed on the couples' behalf!

If parents were generally a little more pro-active about not allowing their kids disrupt adult occasions, I imagine more people would allow kids at their weddings maybe.

(I love kids by the way! This is just a pet peeve)

15-07-2020 1:24pm

baby and crumble wrote:

And to the OP - it's really stupid and naive to think that 'the point' of marriage is to start a family and therefore have children. My wife IS my family, we are a family regardless of children.

How would you live without kids. Because I have kids, I expect everyone to. As a parent, I am always right.

The point of marriage is the woman to give up her job and pump out kids and be a good little Catholic. This is Ireland don't you know!!

This is sarcasm btw.

BnB · 15-07-2020 1:40pm

eviltwin wrote: »

No need for the hyperbole. A wedding is a chance for a lot of people who don’t see each other much to catch up, it’s not always about getting locked. It’s a great opportunity to sit down with a few drinks, have a dance, a nice meal and relax. It’s impossible to do that if you have young kids as they will require a lot of attention.

Abso-freggin-lutely...

I really love my kids, but just because you have kids, doesn't mean they have to be involved in every single thing you do. I think it's good for both you and the kids to get away for a few hours, meet a few friends and have a bit of adult time.

I love that time in a wedding after the church and before the meal. A lot of old friends who are in the same position as ourselves have probably been run ragged all morning trying to get there on time. Barely made the church (or probably a bit late...!!!!) and now when you come out of the church and stand around or go for a pint, you all finally start to relax. You meet old friends, start telling old jokes and really start to wind down.

You are 10 times better off when you come home with the batteries reset and the kids have had a hoolie hanging out with whoever was minding them and probably spoiling them rotten.

v638sg7k1a92bx · 15-07-2020 1:58pm

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

Kids or pissup is very basic thinking. I know lots of people who would drink very little at a wedding and wouldn’t want children anywhere near them on the day. A few people have made this very basic assumption now and it really just comes across as a jibe. Every situation and person is different.

Lots of people who drink very little but don’t want kids anywhere near them??? What has one got to do with the other? If someone has a problem being around children that’s a problem they will have to deal with regardless of whether they are at a wedding.

v638sg7k1a92bx · 15-07-2020 2:01pm

BnB wrote: »

Abso-freggin-lutely...

I really love my kids, but just because you have kids, doesn't mean they have to be involved in every single thing you do. I think it's good for both you and the kids to get away for a few hours, meet a few friends and have a bit of adult time.

I love that time in a wedding after the church and before the meal. A lot of old friends who are in the same position as ourselves have probably been run ragged all morning trying to get there on time. Barely made the church (or probably a bit late...!!!!) and now when you come out of the church and stand around or go for a pint, you all finally start to relax. You meet old friends, start telling old jokes and really start to wind down.

You are 10 times better off when you come home with the batteries reset and the kids have had a hoolie hanging out with whoever was minding them and probably spoiling them rotten.

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

lazygal · 15-07-2020 2:03pm

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

Hard nope.
Weddings are a celebration for the couple who got married.
We didn't ask all of our families to ours. Some aunts, uncles and cousins weren't people we wanted there.

Faith · 15-07-2020 2:05pm

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

According to you. Not according to everyone.

The irony is that you seem to be as rigid in your thinking as the person you're castigating in your OP.

Unless you're actually just being deliberately provocative to wind people up, that is.

baby and crumble · 15-07-2020 2:15pm

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

For you, maybe. We had about 100 guests at ours, I’d say maybe 30 were actual “family”. Not everyone sees family in the same way, not everyone wants a wedding that’s child friendly. Especially if you yourself don’t have children. Why should I pay for a type of party that I don’t like?

rainbowtrout · 15-07-2020 2:50pm

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

Not every wedding is a family occasion. And just because kids aren't there doesn't make it a piss up. You seem heavily invested in this when it's allegedly your sister in law who is throwing the wobbler about being able to bring her kids...... unless it's actually you who wants to bring them.

eviltwin · 15-07-2020 3:01pm

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

Weddings are whatever the couple want them to be

witchgirl26 · 15-07-2020 3:04pm

Mango Joe wrote: »

How apt that line 3 reads totally like a veiled threat....Pun intended

Also I've actually read on here that one reason kids are banned at some weddings is that they are dressed up so cute & this takes a lot of attention away from the Bride - How saucer shallow and dumb would you have to be??!?!?!

- Also the sentiment on here placating and supporting the Bridezilla/Groomzilla mania with mentions of "its your special day Karen/Kian - Of course you should do/say/buy/offend/inconvenience whatever and whoever you like - After all they're only your friends and family you're irritating with your narcissistic nonsense (or other unfortunates feeling obliged to attend)

I have never heard of kids not being asked for that reason at all! God that would be a horrible reason not to invite them & how insecure would you have to be?

You are not obliged to attend anything. The day is the couple's day and guest do not get a vote in how it is organised, set up etc. God I bet you're one of those people who moans if the wedding is down the country or away from the couple's home place coz it's a huge inconvenience to travel. I don't agree with offending anyone for your wedding but realistically the couple need to suit themselves to a certain degree as it's their marriage. And just because a couple do things to suit them does not make them narcissistic. I mean come on. You'd hardly tell someone who's 40th it was that their party shouldn't be about them but their family & friends who've come now would you?

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

Because not all weddings are family occassions. Not in a bad way but I know people who had very little family at their wedding for varying reasons. Lots to do with how much fuss family members would make about things & they don't want to deal with the drama. A quick straw pole of our friends about our wedding showed they'd prefer the excuse of a night away from the kids & would sort childcare. They don't always get an opportunity to just go away for the weekend so a wedding where the kids aren't invited makes for the perfect excuse.

Patrick2010 · 15-07-2020 3:12pm

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

From your original post...

"There is glaring lack of self awareness with newly weds in that the whole point of marriage is the start a family"

Judging from your posts you seem that weddings and marriage itself has to involve children but maybe you might understand not everyone feels the same.
Was at a wedding last year that had plenty of children in the church. My memory of the ceremony was that the older children enjoyed chasing each other in the church while the younger ones cried loudly. Reception was the same. Grand for the couple getting married but maybe you might understand not everyone feels the same?
Myself and Mrs P opted for a wedding abroad with just the 2 of us but each to their own.

15-07-2020 3:49pm

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Lots of people who drink very little but don’t want kids anywhere near them??? What has one got to do with the other? If someone has a problem being around children that’s a problem they will have to deal with regardless of whether they are at a wedding.

Maybe I worded it badly but you’ve picked that up completely wrong.

v638sg7k1a92bx · 15-07-2020 4:41pm

eviltwin wrote: »

Weddings are whatever the couple want them to be

They actually aren’t.

recyclops · 15-07-2020 4:43pm

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

They actually aren’t.

is this experience or opinion?

v638sg7k1a92bx · 15-07-2020 4:43pm

baby and crumble wrote: »

We had a general rule of 'no kids' but made exceptions for my best friend (and best man) son, as we're very close to him and he did a reading with his Mum, and the 12 year old son of a couple who had to travel from the UK. Our wedding was planned as an adult party, it was black tie and didn't start until 5pm. We had a feeling some of friends were going to do some possibly 'risque' bellydance and burlesque performances - and we were right - and so we explained that to any of our friends with young kids (which are few and far between). The youngsters were both gone by 9pm after dinner, and everyone was happy.

I think it's important to respect whatever is on an invitation - ANY invitation. If my wife was invited to a wedding on her own because I didn't know the person getting married then grand. We're not joined at the hip and don't have to share our every move or friend, tbh. I know now just how expensive an extra person at a wedding is, so I'd never begrudge anyone setting boundaries that way.

And to the OP - it's really stupid and naive to think that 'the point' of marriage is to start a family and therefore have children. My wife IS my family, we are a family regardless of children.

You just said it yourself. Your wife is your family. When you married her you started a family. A wedding is a family occasion.

v638sg7k1a92bx · 15-07-2020 4:45pm

baby and crumble wrote: »

For you, maybe. We had about 100 guests at ours, I’d say maybe 30 were actual “family”. Not everyone sees family in the same way, not everyone wants a wedding that’s child friendly. Especially if you yourself don’t have children. Why should I pay for a type of party that I don’t like?

Why should your guests pay for your party and the cost of getting someone to mind their kids?

15-07-2020 4:48pm

Jeez, Tickers - why bother asking the question if you are so certain that you are right and anyone who disagrees is wrong.

v638sg7k1a92bx · 15-07-2020 4:50pm

eviltwin wrote: »

No need for the hyperbole. A wedding is a chance for a lot of people who don’t see each other much to catch up, it’s not always about getting locked. It’s a great opportunity to sit down with a few drinks, have a dance, a nice meal and relax. It’s impossible to do that if you have young kids as they will require a lot of attention.

No it isn’t. Most children are well behaved. I have never been to these weddings people describe with kids charging around the place not doing what they’re told. Considering most people on here advocate a no children wedding it’s surprising how you’ve all been to a wedding with kids???

v638sg7k1a92bx · 15-07-2020 4:52pm

facehugger99 wrote: »

I've been to dozens of wedding with kids and never seen any of the above - what kind of weddings do you go to?

It’s all made up. People just posting excuses to justify why they spent all that money on an expensive piss up and try and argue that a wedding is not a family event.

v638sg7k1a92bx · 15-07-2020 4:53pm

recyclops wrote: »

is this experience or opinion?

It’s a fact.

recyclops · 15-07-2020 4:58pm

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

It’s a fact.

throw up the science behind the fact and then we can discuss it.

FWIW in my own "experience" myself and my now wife made decisions that we knew would annoy family members, we had family members decline due to some decisions but they respected them and we still get along/chat/ meet up.

one of these decisions was based on kids, one was on venue others were on different things, but one thing i can say without a shadow of a doubt is that they were OUR decisions and nobody could sway us.

for example we were categorically told we had to have fish on the menu, we didnt and guess what, Nothing happened.

if your getting married for your "family" and what they will think of YOUR day then you may need to rethink why your getting married.

Sebastian Dangerfield · 15-07-2020 4:59pm

People who get worked up about not being able to bring their kids to weddings don't do it to include them, they do it because they think their kids are better than everyone else's and want to show them off. It's not enough for them to dote on their kids, everyone else has to too.

See, gross generalisations are easy to make.

Limpy · 15-07-2020 5:00pm

Weddings are ****e, vanity ops for couples. Keep your money and invest it in your child's education or a business. Same goes for confirmations ect, people dont even go mass and somehow want some priest to marry them.

Nothing worse then getting an invite to a wedding, mostly people you'll see once a year if they don't work with you.

Sorry folks, go away and get married in a registry office as I have no interest in your wedding.

Sarn · 15-07-2020 5:04pm

At the end of the day it is down to the couple getting married as to who is invited. The only say the guests have is to accept or decline the invitation.

I can completely understand why people don’t want to invite children. If someone is reasonable they should respect the (reasonable) wishes of the bride and groom. A no children wedding is a reasonable request.

The sister in law has some cheek demanding that her kids go when she was adamant that no kids attend her wedding. It shows a total lack of awareness of others.

In our case, as we were only having a relatively small wedding, the small number of nieces and nephews were invited. The children of our friends were not invited.

eviltwin · 15-07-2020 5:07pm

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

No it isn’t. Most children are well behaved. I have never been to these weddings people describe with kids charging around the place not doing what they’re told. Considering most people on here advocate a no children wedding it’s surprising how you’ve all been to a wedding with kids???

It’s nothing to do with behaviour, it’s just a fact of life that bringing kids to a wedding will have an impact on how much socialising you can do. For a lot of people, a friends wedding is one of few occasions where everyone is in the same room so it’s nice to make the most of it.

eviltwin · 15-07-2020 5:08pm

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

It’s a fact.

This thread is becoming more bizarre by the minute.

salmocab · 15-07-2020 5:12pm

Limpy wrote: »

Weddings are ****e, vanity ops for couples. Keep your money and invest it in your child's education or a business. Same goes for confirmations ect, people dont even go mass and somehow want some priest to marry them.

Nothing worse then getting an invite to a wedding, mostly people you'll see once a year if they don't work with you.

Sorry folks, go away and get married in a registry office as I have no interest in your wedding.

You could just not go and not worry about the peopleS finances

15-07-2020 5:14pm

Limpy wrote: »

Weddings are ****e, vanity ops for couples. Keep your money and invest it in your child's education or a business. Same goes for confirmations ect, people dont even go mass and somehow want some priest to marry them.

Nothing worse then getting an invite to a wedding, mostly people you'll see once a year if they don't work with you.

Sorry folks, go away and get married in a registry office as I have no interest in your wedding.

Could say the same about holidays, could say the same about most things. Probably not worth getting worked up over.

eviltwin · 15-07-2020 5:19pm

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

It’s all made up. People just posting excuses to justify why they spent all that money on an expensive piss up and try and argue that a wedding is not a family event.

It’s only a family event if you choose to make it one. For some people that’s not their thing and that’s cool. Do what feels right.

Neyite · 15-07-2020 5:28pm

eviltwin wrote: »

Weddings are whatever the couple want them to be

Exactly.

I've been to child-free weddings before children and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I've been to child-free weddings after I had a child also thoroughly enjoyed myself without my son there.

Our wedding will have lots of kids. We couldn't leave out our son, or his cousins so we've got a bouncy castle off the function room and will have activity packs and we will have minders there for the younger ones so their parents can relax in the bar, but be on hand for the parent stuff that crops up during the day. Those same sitters will go back to the accommodation after the first few dances with the children so that the adults can have a few drinks enjoy themselves and not have to worry about trampled toddlers or disappearing children. That's the kind of set up that works for our extended family and the style of wedding but it could be another couple's worst nightmare.

Like the OP, I've a relative that had a strictly no-kids wedding - fair enough, their wedding. Fast-forward a few years and that same relative caused ructions because someone else wanted a child-free wedding and her darling wasn't invited. She ended up being told to fcuk off by the groom and reminded of her hypocrisy. She didn't go to the wedding and they are still not talking.

It's actually surprisingly common to see that people who are massively intolerant of children are the very ones demanding exceptions for their own darling offspring when they come along. Hypocrites really. And usually insufferable before or after kids.

The bride who wanted a no kids wedding now wants her kids at the wedding

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