The bride who wanted a no kids wedding now wants her kids at the wedding

facehugger99

Peintre Celebre wrote: »

I can think of few things I'd rather less at a wedding than kids running around, bumping into waiters carrying food, getting stampeded on on the dancefloor, crying during the speeches. Each to their own

I've been to dozens of wedding with kids and never seen any of the above - what kind of weddings do you go to?

lazygal

I've missed a good Kids At Weddings thread, thanks OP!
Once again the weddings forum delivers.

baby and crumble

We had a general rule of 'no kids' but made exceptions for my best friend (and best man) son, as we're very close to him and he did a reading with his Mum, and the 12 year old son of a couple who had to travel from the UK. Our wedding was planned as an adult party, it was black tie and didn't start until 5pm. We had a feeling some of friends were going to do some possibly 'risque' bellydance and burlesque performances - and we were right - and so we explained that to any of our friends with young kids (which are few and far between). The youngsters were both gone by 9pm after dinner, and everyone was happy.

I think it's important to respect whatever is on an invitation - ANY invitation. If my wife was invited to a wedding on her own because I didn't know the person getting married then grand. We're not joined at the hip and don't have to share our every move or friend, tbh. I know now just how expensive an extra person at a wedding is, so I'd never begrudge anyone setting boundaries that way.

And to the OP - it's really stupid and naive to think that 'the point' of marriage is to start a family and therefore have children. My wife IS my family, we are a family regardless of children.

The Raging Bile Duct

facehugger99 wrote: »

I've been to dozens of wedding with kids and never seen any of the above - what kind of weddings do you go to?

I go around and give the kids a couple of lines of charlie at any wedding I go to just to liven things up.

listermint

eviltwin wrote: »

Look it’s a personal choice. Having kids there doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy the day but it does impact it. The last wedding I went to with kids was when my youngest was 4. He was asleep by 11 so we had to play tag team with each of us taking turns to watch him. It was a pain and it definitely affected the night. It was a family wedding so I didn’t mind but if it had been a friends and involved a mini reunion I’d hate having to disappear. It’s just easier not to bring them.

I know it's personal choice I was challenging your blanket assertion. That's all.

facehugger99

facehugger99 wrote: »

I've been to dozens of wedding with kids and never seen any of the above - what kind of weddings do you go to?

I’ve been to loads and would regularly see that happen. Probably a case of it happens sometimes and doesn’t happen sometimes. I don’t think it’s a blanket thing either way.

Outkast_IRE

We asked around our family on what their preferences were and most said they wanted to leave the kids at home so they could actually enjoy the day/night . So we went child free on the basis of that. if someone was stuck for babysitting it wouldn't of bothered us if they asked can they bring their child .

recyclops

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

There is glaring lack of self awareness with newly weds in that the whole point of marriage is the start a family

I better tell my wife this as it appears we got married for the wrong reason, you know the whole loving each other :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

regarding the reasoning as too why we didn't want kids there was really down to family size and size of the venue we wanted. simply really.

jam_mac_jam

It's up to the couple really one way or another and you need to respect that. I don't like kids at weddings but I can see why other people want them to be included as they are part of the family.

It seems to be more common now not ro have kids there.

JayRoc

My primary objection to seeing kids at weddings (something that isn't really the kids' fault) is how they are allowed to disrupt ceremonies, speeches etc.

Every time I see a young child at a wedding ceremony I I groan inwardly because I know I probably won't be able to hear a word, and I find myself getting annoyed on the couples' behalf!

If parents were generally a little more pro-active about not allowing their kids disrupt adult occasions, I imagine more people would allow kids at their weddings maybe.

(I love kids by the way! This is just a pet peeve)

baby and crumble

baby and crumble wrote:

And to the OP - it's really stupid and naive to think that 'the point' of marriage is to start a family and therefore have children. My wife IS my family, we are a family regardless of children.

How would you live without kids. Because I have kids, I expect everyone to. As a parent, I am always right.

The point of marriage is the woman to give up her job and pump out kids and be a good little Catholic. This is Ireland don't you know!!

This is sarcasm btw.

BnB

eviltwin wrote: »

No need for the hyperbole. A wedding is a chance for a lot of people who don’t see each other much to catch up, it’s not always about getting locked. It’s a great opportunity to sit down with a few drinks, have a dance, a nice meal and relax. It’s impossible to do that if you have young kids as they will require a lot of attention.

Abso-freggin-lutely...

I really love my kids, but just because you have kids, doesn't mean they have to be involved in every single thing you do. I think it's good for both you and the kids to get away for a few hours, meet a few friends and have a bit of adult time.

I love that time in a wedding after the church and before the meal. A lot of old friends who are in the same position as ourselves have probably been run ragged all morning trying to get there on time. Barely made the church (or probably a bit late...!!!!) and now when you come out of the church and stand around or go for a pint, you all finally start to relax. You meet old friends, start telling old jokes and really start to wind down.

You are 10 times better off when you come home with the batteries reset and the kids have had a hoolie hanging out with whoever was minding them and probably spoiling them rotten.

v638sg7k1a92bx

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

Kids or pissup is very basic thinking. I know lots of people who would drink very little at a wedding and wouldn’t want children anywhere near them on the day. A few people have made this very basic assumption now and it really just comes across as a jibe. Every situation and person is different.

Lots of people who drink very little but don’t want kids anywhere near them??? What has one got to do with the other? If someone has a problem being around children that’s a problem they will have to deal with regardless of whether they are at a wedding.

v638sg7k1a92bx

BnB wrote: »

Abso-freggin-lutely...

I really love my kids, but just because you have kids, doesn't mean they have to be involved in every single thing you do. I think it's good for both you and the kids to get away for a few hours, meet a few friends and have a bit of adult time.

I love that time in a wedding after the church and before the meal. A lot of old friends who are in the same position as ourselves have probably been run ragged all morning trying to get there on time. Barely made the church (or probably a bit late...!!!!) and now when you come out of the church and stand around or go for a pint, you all finally start to relax. You meet old friends, start telling old jokes and really start to wind down.

You are 10 times better off when you come home with the batteries reset and the kids have had a hoolie hanging out with whoever was minding them and probably spoiling them rotten.

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

lazygal

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

Hard nope.
Weddings are a celebration for the couple who got married.
We didn't ask all of our families to ours. Some aunts, uncles and cousins weren't people we wanted there.

Faith

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

According to you. Not according to everyone.

The irony is that you seem to be as rigid in your thinking as the person you're castigating in your OP.



Unless you're actually just being deliberately provocative to wind people up, that is.

baby and crumble

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

For you, maybe. We had about 100 guests at ours, I’d say maybe 30 were actual “family”. Not everyone sees family in the same way, not everyone wants a wedding that’s child friendly. Especially if you yourself don’t have children. Why should I pay for a type of party that I don’t like?

rainbowtrout

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

Not every wedding is a family occasion. And just because kids aren't there doesn't make it a piss up. You seem heavily invested in this when it's allegedly your sister in law who is throwing the wobbler about being able to bring her kids...... unless it's actually you who wants to bring them.

eviltwin

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

Weddings are whatever the couple want them to be

witchgirl26

Mango Joe wrote: »

How apt that line 3 reads totally like a veiled threat....Pun intended

Also I've actually read on here that one reason kids are banned at some weddings is that they are dressed up so cute & this takes a lot of attention away from the Bride - How saucer shallow and dumb would you have to be??!?!?!

- Also the sentiment on here placating and supporting the Bridezilla/Groomzilla mania with mentions of "its your special day Karen/Kian - Of course you should do/say/buy/offend/inconvenience whatever and whoever you like - After all they're only your friends and family you're irritating with your narcissistic nonsense (or other unfortunates feeling obliged to attend)

I have never heard of kids not being asked for that reason at all! God that would be a horrible reason not to invite them & how insecure would you have to be?

You are not obliged to attend anything. The day is the couple's day and guest do not get a vote in how it is organised, set up etc. God I bet you're one of those people who moans if the wedding is down the country or away from the couple's home place coz it's a huge inconvenience to travel. I don't agree with offending anyone for your wedding but realistically the couple need to suit themselves to a certain degree as it's their marriage. And just because a couple do things to suit them does not make them narcissistic. I mean come on. You'd hardly tell someone who's 40th it was that their party shouldn't be about them but their family & friends who've come now would you?

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

Because not all weddings are family occassions. Not in a bad way but I know people who had very little family at their wedding for varying reasons. Lots to do with how much fuss family members would make about things & they don't want to deal with the drama. A quick straw pole of our friends about our wedding showed they'd prefer the excuse of a night away from the kids & would sort childcare. They don't always get an opportunity to just go away for the weekend so a wedding where the kids aren't invited makes for the perfect excuse.

Patrick2010

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

If you want to get a weekend away from the kids then book a hotel. Weddings are “family” occasions not a piss up.

From your original post...


"There is glaring lack of self awareness with newly weds in that the whole point of marriage is the start a family"

Judging from your posts you seem that weddings and marriage itself has to involve children but maybe you might understand not everyone feels the same.
Was at a wedding last year that had plenty of children in the church. My memory of the ceremony was that the older children enjoyed chasing each other in the church while the younger ones cried loudly. Reception was the same. Grand for the couple getting married but maybe you might understand not everyone feels the same?
Myself and Mrs P opted for a wedding abroad with just the 2 of us but each to their own.

Charlie Spicy Jade

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Lots of people who drink very little but don’t want kids anywhere near them??? What has one got to do with the other? If someone has a problem being around children that’s a problem they will have to deal with regardless of whether they are at a wedding.

Maybe I worded it badly but you’ve picked that up completely wrong.

v638sg7k1a92bx

eviltwin wrote: »

Weddings are whatever the couple want them to be

They actually aren’t.

recyclops

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

They actually aren’t.

is this experience or opinion?

v638sg7k1a92bx

baby and crumble wrote: »

We had a general rule of 'no kids' but made exceptions for my best friend (and best man) son, as we're very close to him and he did a reading with his Mum, and the 12 year old son of a couple who had to travel from the UK. Our wedding was planned as an adult party, it was black tie and didn't start until 5pm. We had a feeling some of friends were going to do some possibly 'risque' bellydance and burlesque performances - and we were right - and so we explained that to any of our friends with young kids (which are few and far between). The youngsters were both gone by 9pm after dinner, and everyone was happy.

I think it's important to respect whatever is on an invitation - ANY invitation. If my wife was invited to a wedding on her own because I didn't know the person getting married then grand. We're not joined at the hip and don't have to share our every move or friend, tbh. I know now just how expensive an extra person at a wedding is, so I'd never begrudge anyone setting boundaries that way.

And to the OP - it's really stupid and naive to think that 'the point' of marriage is to start a family and therefore have children. My wife IS my family, we are a family regardless of children.

You just said it yourself. Your wife is your family. When you married her you started a family. A wedding is a family occasion.

v638sg7k1a92bx

baby and crumble wrote: »

For you, maybe. We had about 100 guests at ours, I’d say maybe 30 were actual “family”. Not everyone sees family in the same way, not everyone wants a wedding that’s child friendly. Especially if you yourself don’t have children. Why should I pay for a type of party that I don’t like?

Why should your guests pay for your party and the cost of getting someone to mind their kids?

Jeez, Tickers - why bother asking the question if you are so certain that you are right and anyone who disagrees is wrong.

v638sg7k1a92bx

eviltwin wrote: »

No need for the hyperbole. A wedding is a chance for a lot of people who don’t see each other much to catch up, it’s not always about getting locked. It’s a great opportunity to sit down with a few drinks, have a dance, a nice meal and relax. It’s impossible to do that if you have young kids as they will require a lot of attention.

No it isn’t. Most children are well behaved. I have never been to these weddings people describe with kids charging around the place not doing what they’re told. Considering most people on here advocate a no children wedding it’s surprising how you’ve all been to a wedding with kids???

v638sg7k1a92bx

facehugger99 wrote: »

I've been to dozens of wedding with kids and never seen any of the above - what kind of weddings do you go to?

It’s all made up. People just posting excuses to justify why they spent all that money on an expensive piss up and try and argue that a wedding is not a family event.

v638sg7k1a92bx

recyclops wrote: »

is this experience or opinion?

It’s a fact.