The bride who wanted a no kids wedding now wants her kids at the wedding

collywobble7

Sebastian Dangerfield wrote:

There are two issues here. One is the issue of kids at weddings, which has been done to death on Boards. I personally think weddings are not places for kids, in the same way I wouldnt leave a child in a pub for 12 hours. This is getting worse rather than better, due to the ever growing beast that is the Irish wedding. Every one I go to seems to have more standing around and waiting than the last. I accept people have different views on that.

The other is this persons huge double standards, which seem odd in the extreme.[/quote

This!

Ah come here. You're a guest at the wedding. Your children are only really important to you.

Kids at a wedding are a nightmare. Crying during the ceremony, crying at speeches. Always in the way. Older kids are OK up to a point but then the couple have to split up to mind them and can't relax.

Parents I know like child free weddings as they get a night out with just the two of them.

screamer

See people who are all my way or the high way expect that to be the case always. So now I want no kids at my wedding, god forbid they’d take the shine off her special day, and now I want my kids invited to every wedding. Spoiled brat adults.
Anyway my feeling with weddings is invite everyone in the Immediate families including the kids. if parents don’t want to bring kids, they’ll make arrangements to leave them with someone for the day, but if they can’t do that they have an option. TBH I find a lot of weddings are just an exercise in selfishness and showing off mostly, with bridezillas roaming free.

Sebastian Dangerfield

facehugger99 wrote: »

Some people think weddings are a family and friends celebration of two people coming together. Personally I love to see kids at a wedding.

Other people are more into the slab of beef, side of mash and 15 pints of Guinness by 7.30pm.

They're generally both, from my experience. You can absolutely have the former, and still enjoy the latter.

facehugger99

facehugger99 wrote: »

Some people think weddings are a family and friends celebration of two people coming together. Personally I love to see kids at a wedding.

Other people are more into the slab of beef, side of mash and 15 pints of Guinness by 7.30pm. For them a wedding is an excuse for a gigantic piss-up and they massively resent anything that impinges on that.

It’s really not that black or white.

Faith

Mod Note: We'll be keeping a close eye on this thread. In case anyone needs reminding, here's a relevant exerpt from the charter:

Keep It Civil
It's nice to be nice, in fact, we insist on it. Getting married and wedding planning can be a very stressful time. Let's keep tempers in check and keep the tone supportive and friendly. Do not Troll, Flame or attack other posters. Same goes for soapboxing. Everyone has differing opinions on what they like and don't like (especially when it comes to gifts) and that's great, but posting in a confrontational, argumentative way is not on, and will earn a warning/infraction, or even a ban.


Seriously, Keep it Civil
It's a sad state of affairs that this actually has to be repeated. There have been increasing incidences of some posters being downright abusive towards other posters, vilifying them over their choices/opinions/plans for their wedding day. There are plenty of ways to express your opinion without being a dick about it. Think carefully before you post; if you were on the receiving end of what you had written, how would that make you feel? Usually we only issue cards/bans as a last resort, but going forward there will be zero tolerance for muppetry/general cattiness. Repeat offenders will get a 2 week ban, and risk a permaban if their behaviour continues when they return.

The Raging Bile Duct

Sebastian Dangerfield wrote: »

At another wedding, people coming from America hassled every member of the family to lobby for their teenage daughter to come (the issue wasnt so much with her, the bride felt if that person came, she'd have to row back on another 20 or so kids coming). Anyway despite being told by everyone not to bring the teenager, who could stay behind in the US with her dad, they landed in with her anyway and the bride had a handful of people on her back all the next day, about why some kids were allowed but theirs weren't.

I don't know... I know your one was a bit brazen just rocking up with the daughter but they're exceptional enough circumstances. There's a big difference between leaving your child at home back in Termonfeckin for the night while you go on the lash and leaving her in the States on what will probably be your only holiday for the year. It would have been pretty easy to explain to people why you made an exception in that case. Also, she was a teenager so she's hardly going to be getting under people's feet on the dancefloors or walking up and down the aisle during the ceremony.

The ideal solution would have been if other relatives were able to accommodate the teenager by letting her stay in one of their houses for the night of the wedding.

nthclare

I wouldn't fall out with them over it, obviously at the time this couple weren't aware of the love, responsibilities and connections parents have with the family unit.

Now they're in that situation themselves and their priorities are their kid's.

It's not that they were selfish and lacked any decency, it's because they knew no better.

Personally I think lifetime celebration's within reason should involve kid's, the elderly etc even the black sheep of the family deserves to show up.

I'd stay out of it myself, weddings and kid's do mix as long as everyone there is important, after all the best weddings are where everyone is invited.

I myself prefer the alternative Pagan or Celtic weddings where it's more organized and organic rather than a big ostentatious plastic event.

A good old fashioned wedding where it's quirky and fun.

gmisk

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

You couldn't make this up. There is now a dispute in the family because the sister in law who was adamant about having a no kids wedding now wants an exception to be made for her kids to be allowed to another relatives wedding. Something to do with not leaving her 1.5 yo and 4 yo alone and the babysitter, the weekend, the cost, her kids are really good etc etc.
The lack of awareness of these people is incredible. Did she not think other people had the same issue for at her wedding knowing that her husband's siblings and cousins had small children but now that the tables have turned somehow the situation is different for her?

Do people who have childless weddings also plan on having childless marriages? There is glaring lack of self awareness with newly weds in that the whole point of marriage is the start a family and you mark this occasion by excluding children which most people intend on having.

At my wedding, everyone was invited. I was aware that if I want my friends and family have lives and commitments of their own and if I want them to be there then I accept they have families of their own. What type of friend says I want you to come to my wedding but leave your kids at home or leave your wife at home?

It's really a person's choice whether they want kids or not at a wedding but it's bizarre for someone to give out a out someone doing the exact same thing as they did...

Do people who want childless weddings plan on having childless marriages line is bizarre imo....one thing does not necessarily mean the other it's really up to the couple imo

The Raging Bile Duct

nthclare wrote: »

I myself prefer the alternative Pagan or Celtic weddings where it's more organized and organic rather than a big ostentatious plastic event.

A couple of crusties tying a rope around each other. That sort of thing?

jrosen

Its a little cheeky alright. I can only assume her mind is in a different place now. That being said id dig my heels in if I were the bride and groom. Leave your kids at home or dont come.

ax530

I think this is often the case. Same people fuss, complain and think different rules apply for them in all areas of life. No doubt they also were able to go bit longer than 2km/5km to visit beach earlier in the year as it was quiet and less than 10km ect...

I know a situation where couple were adament no children at their wedding at the time no one minded understood got on with it however few years on they were the ones who insisted their children had to go to 'no children' wedding (due to venue size and if being fair invite all children or none) on the day they had the only child at wedding so not much fun for either parents or the kid.

Personaly I love children at family weddings they love seeing all their family relaxed dressed up celebrating. Friends have invited my children to weddings I never bring them leave it for family weddings only. When people have big families weddings and funerals may be the only time all get to see each other.

v638sg7k1a92bx

Seems the overarching reason for not bringing kids is so the adults can have a giant piss up. This is not a wedding, it’s a piss up. Not the type of “wedding” I want to go to.

Charlie Spicy Jade

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Seems the overarching reason for not bringing kids is so the adults can have a giant piss up. This is not a wedding, it’s a piss up. Not the type of “wedding” I want to go to.

Kids or pissup is very basic thinking. I know lots of people who would drink very little at a wedding and wouldn’t want children anywhere near them on the day. A few people have made this very basic assumption now and it really just comes across as a jibe. Every situation and person is different.

witchgirl26

The woman in the OP is definitely just trying to have it all her own way. If she had a child-free wedding she should respect others decision for the exact same.

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Do people who have childless weddings also plan on having childless marriages? There is glaring lack of self awareness with newly weds in that the whole point of marriage is the start a family and you mark this occasion by excluding children which most people intend on having.

Ah come on that's a bit of a reach. I'm getting married next year & we have one child ourselves. Only nieces & nephews are being invited - no friends children. Honestly it comes down to numbers and cost. We can't afford to pay for a load of kids meals on top of the wedding itself. We'd been invited to weddings this year (that obviously didn't happen) but we knew well in advance and had arranged childcare for the night. In fact a load of people I talked to said they like not having to bring the kids as it means they can stay a bit later & feel a bit freer. Not necessarily just to get drunk but to catch up with people.

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

At my wedding, everyone was invited. I was aware that if I want my friends and family have lives and commitments of their own and if I want them to be there then I accept they have families of their own. What type of friend says I want you to come to my wedding but leave your kids at home or leave your wife at home?

Ah here there's a difference between not inviting someones wife and not inviting someones children. That's great that you had everyone there but not everyone is able to do that. If I included friends children in the invites that would be an additional 40 people which means none of the venues we like would be able to accommodate us.

Sebastian Dangerfield

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

Kids or pissup is very basic thinking. I know lots of people who would drink very little at a wedding and wouldn’t want children anywhere near them on the day. A few people have made this very basic assumption now and it really just comes across as a jibe. Every situation and person is different.

Ultimately it's very simple. What kind of day do the people getting married want? It may be anything on the very wide spectrum from family reconnecting to an out and out p1ss up. Some may not want guests at all.

If you're invited, and you don't like the sound of the day they have planned, don't go. Unfortunately people seem to have the idea that because it costs them a lot to go, or they invited the same people to their day, they somehow get a vote.

listermint

We had kids allowed at our wedding, no kids of our own at the time. We wanted everyone included because quite frankly thats how i was raised. When i was younger i attended weddings of aunty's and 2nd /1st counsins and they are some of my fondest memories dancing and singing with my since passed grand parents. Why would i want to remove that opportunity from the memories of any other children.

I also bear no ill will to someone who wishes to have child free, thats your own business.


The have your cake and eat it approach though. Well thats ridiculous. Serious levels of cop on required.

Faith

Faith wrote: »

Mod Note: We'll be keeping a close eye on this thread. In case anyone needs reminding, here's a relevant exerpt from the charter:

The Raging Bile Duct wrote: »

A couple of crusties tying a rope around each other. That sort of thing?

Mod Note: The Raging Bile Duct, you either missed or ignored my mod warning. Either way, your post was not up to standard and is not acceptable in this forum. Any further breaches of the charter will result in an infraction and thread ban.

seamus

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Seems the overarching reason for not bringing kids is so the adults can have a giant piss up. This is not a wedding, it’s a piss up. Not the type of “wedding” I want to go to.

It's about being able to enjoy the day. To relax, to chat, to take it easy. If you have kids under 6, they're going to be up and down, they're going to be constantly interrupting you, running away, arguing about their meal, trying to drown in the nearest river, etc etc.

That's grand, I'm happy to deal with that stuff most days. But not at a wedding. I'd rather not go to the wedding and take the kids to the park instead.

Which is what the woman in your OP should do. If she has no-one to babysit, then one parent goes to the wedding, the other stays home.

HildaOgdenx

JustAThought wrote: »

Agreed. If you can’t organise a babysitter either in the hotel or at home then don’t go - its totally unfair.

Friend of mine had a babies welcome event up til 10pm which seemed reasonable and there were a few children accidentally trampled on by drunk dancers when the dj upped his game and everyone got over-enthuiastic too quickly - I still remember the horrified dancers and parents and heart wrenching screams of the toddlers -IMO a big drinking event is not suitable for children and mobile toddlers.

:eek:
We need to hear more about this, sounds like quite the event.

nthclare

The Raging Bile Duct wrote: »

A couple of crusties tying a rope around each other. That sort of thing?

No actually it's more classy than a bunch of middle classes running around a tacky ballroom, rocking the boat and rolling up their trousers and headbanging to thunderstruck.

A lot of upper class people, disregard the generic plastic weddings of the middle classes and go all out and with a classy regency style Jane Austen wedding with a pagan twist...

None of your gannets and jocks bouncing around..

Peintre Celebre

I can think of few things I'd rather less at a wedding than kids running around, bumping into waiters carrying food, getting stampeded on on the dancefloor, crying during the speeches. Each to their own

eviltwin

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Seems the overarching reason for not bringing kids is so the adults can have a giant piss up. This is not a wedding, it’s a piss up. Not the type of “wedding” I want to go to.

No need for the hyperbole. A wedding is a chance for a lot of people who don’t see each other much to catch up, it’s not always about getting locked. It’s a great opportunity to sit down with a few drinks, have a dance, a nice meal and relax. It’s impossible to do that if you have young kids as they will require a lot of attention.

lazygal

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

Kids or pissup is very basic thinking. I know lots of people who would drink very little at a wedding and wouldn’t want children anywhere near them on the day. A few people have made this very basic assumption now and it really just comes across as a jibe. Every situation and person is different.

I love a drink, but the last wedding we were at I didn't drink as we didn't want to stay overnight so I drove us home. Himself had a few pints with the lads at it. Great time had by all.

I seriously don't recognise the Baccanlian type shenanigans some people seem to envisage when it comes to weddings. We had a free bar and one older relative, who gets pissed at every wedding, overdid it. Everyone else relaxed and had a good time.

listermint

eviltwin wrote: »

No need for the hyperbole. A wedding is a chance for a lot of people who don’t see each other much to catch up, it’s not always about getting locked. It’s a great opportunity to sit down with a few drinks, have a dance, a nice meal and relax. It’s impossible to do that if you have young kids as they will require a lot of attention.

To be fair, our wedding was exactly that. Kids included.

And its not impossible to do that. All the kids were young. I also have 2 young kids. Just wanted to point out that the arguments that kids are mayhem and specifically at weddings is flawed logic.

eviltwin

listermint wrote: »

To be fair, our wedding was exactly that. Kids included.

And its not impossible to do that. All the kids were young. I also have 2 young kids. Just wanted to point out that the arguments that kids are mayhem and specifically at weddings is flawed logic.

Look it’s a personal choice. Having kids there doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy the day but it does impact it. The last wedding I went to with kids was when my youngest was 4. He was asleep by 11 so we had to play tag team with each of us taking turns to watch him. It was a pain and it definitely affected the night. It was a family wedding so I didn’t mind but if it had been a friends and involved a mini reunion I’d hate having to disappear. It’s just easier not to bring them.

lazygal

eviltwin wrote: »

Look it’s a personal choice. Having kids there doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy the day but it does impact it. The last wedding I went to with kids was when my youngest was 4. He was asleep by 11 so we had to play tag team with each of us taking turns to watch him. It was a pain and it definitely affected the night. It was a family wedding so I didn’t mind but if it had been a friends and involved a mini reunion I’d hate having to disappear. It’s just easier not to bring them.

Same here. I've gone to weddings solo because it was easier and we didn't have child care. Preferred to meet up with friends on my own than have the two of us trying to juggle our generally well behaved but cranky after a long day kids. And the nights the grandparents had them, the kids had a ball doing a sleepover and we had a lie in the next day. Win!

The Raging Bile Duct

eviltwin wrote: »

Look it’s a personal choice. Having kids there doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy the day but it does impact it. The last wedding I went to with kids was when my youngest was 4. He was asleep by 11 so we had to play tag team with each of us taking turns to watch him. It was a pain and it definitely affected the night. It was a family wedding so I didn’t mind but if it had been a friends and involved a mini reunion I’d hate having to disappear. It’s just easier not to bring them.

Any wedding venue worth its salt will usually have a list of local babysitters to call on. I can't think of any wedding where we brought the kids that we didn't use a babysitter for the end of the night. We usually check in every hour but that's all.

Mango Joe

lazygal wrote: »

We had a child free wedding.
We never expect our children to be accommodated at a wedding.
Unless this is your wedding stay out of it.

How apt that line 3 reads totally like a veiled threat....Pun intended

Also I've actually read on here that one reason kids are banned at some weddings is that they are dressed up so cute & this takes a lot of attention away from the Bride - How saucer shallow and dumb would you have to be??!?!?!

- Also the sentiment on here placating and supporting the Bridezilla/Groomzilla mania with mentions of "its your special day Karen/Kian - Of course you should do/say/buy/offend/inconvenience whatever and whoever you like - After all they're only your friends and family you're irritating with your narcissistic nonsense (or other unfortunates feeling obliged to attend)

lazygal

Mango Joe wrote: »

How apt that line 3 reads totally like a veiled threat....Pun intended

Also I've actually read on here that one reason kids are banned at some weddings is that they are dressed up so cute & this takes a lot of attention away from the Bride!!!

LOL.
This sound suspiciously like the urban legend of 'No Coast dresses' on invites that did the rounds for years.
Obviously my children are so cute I would never want to take the shine off a bride by having them compete with one at a wedding. We have the beauty pageants for that.