Flatmates partner

fritzelly · 26-06-2019 12:27am

hurikane wrote: »

There's only one issue here. Your issue is house sharing. Your housemates behavior is fine. You need to get a place by yourself or put up with sharing.

Nope, you respect your other housemates and don't keep them up all night

hurikane · 26-06-2019 12:28am

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Their behavior isn't fine... It's disrespectful and annoying.

You're sharing. This is what happens. This is exactly why I decided 5 years ago that if never live in a house share again.

Church on Tuesday · 26-06-2019 12:29am

hurikane wrote: »

You're sharing. This is what happens. This is exactly why I decided 5 years ago that if never live in a house share again.

Yeah, that's grand if you can afford to do that.

stop animal cruelty · 26-06-2019 12:30am

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

.

Does this go on after 12? have you spoke to your housemate face to face about this issue?

It has gone on after then, tonight up until half an hour ago cause twice I said keep the noise down. On 4 occasions Iv asked to keep the noise down, I shouldn't have asked more than twice on do this. And every time I have asked I get 'sorry ya' as a reply back.[/QUOTE]

Like I said before noise after 12 is not on in a house-share. Did you speak with your housemate face to face though?

If you have and there is considerable noise after 12, you have to contact your LL about the issue, but again speaking from experience here, LL tend to be very hands off with this stuff.[/quote]

No I haven't spoken face to face, Im so pissed off I might do it tomorrow, I just know I'm gonna be told, alright ya sorry or some other empty response.

Rackstar · 26-06-2019 12:31am

fritzelly wrote: »

Nope, you respect your other housemates and don't keep them up all night

Have you read the thread? The flat mate is just living in the house, doing nothing out of the ordinary, and the OP has an issue with this.

stop animal cruelty · 26-06-2019 12:33am

hurikane wrote: »

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Their behavior isn't fine... It's disrespectful and annoying.

You're sharing. This is what happens. This is exactly why I decided 5 years ago that if never live in a house share again.

Yes it is what happens, but I want to do something about it. All of us here are respectable to each other, bar his GF..... It only takes a small bit of cop on to keep the noise turned low.

Twenty Grand · 26-06-2019 12:38am

I mean, I can see both sides.

Sound insulation in some houses can be ****.
I can't watch TV in the living room after midnight as it keeps my housemate awake.

If they're really making an attempt to keep the noise down, like talking quietly, not dancing on the floors then theres nothing you can do.
They're as entitled to their own space as you are.

As a rule I've always given as good as I got. If your roommate is having noisy sex one night, then you have noisy sex some other night

Why don't you swap rooms?
Then you won't hear them walking around. Then put a rug or some carpet down and you might not hear them so clearly.

stop animal cruelty · 26-06-2019 12:40am

Hearing them almost turns me off it!! He doesn't shower n she has the most annoying voice n false laugh.

stop animal cruelty · 26-06-2019 12:41am

Not swapping cause my room is nicer.

Twenty Grand · 26-06-2019 12:44am

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Hearing them almost turns me off it!! He doesn't shower n she has the most annoying voice n false laugh.

I mean, is it really about the noise any more or they just annoy you on a personal level?
I know your room is nicer, but for the sake of your sanity maybe just do it?

Really do feel your pain. Lived in DCC for a year in a house with single pane windows. Got woken up by a Dublin Bus most mornings, or crows, and once by a St. Patrick's Parade brass band warming up.

Ursus Horribilis · 26-06-2019 2:33am

Bang on their bedroom door and tell them to keep the noise down.

Church on Tuesday · 26-06-2019 2:36am

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

It has gone on after then, tonight up until half an hour ago cause twice I said keep the noise down. On 4 occasions Iv asked to keep the noise down, I shouldn't have asked more than twice on do this. And every time I have asked I get 'sorry ya' as a reply back.

Like I said before noise after 12 is not on in a house-share. Did you speak with your housemate face to face though?

If you have and there is considerable noise after 12, you have to contact your LL about the issue, but again speaking from experience here, LL tend to be very hands off with this stuff.[/quote]

No I haven't spoken face to face, Im so pissed off I might do it tomorrow, I just know I'm gonna be told, alright ya sorry or some other empty response.[/QUOTE]

You have to have a word with the two of them face to face about it and explain how noise after 12 is affecting you.

Is this only happening two nights in the week as before? is your flatmate noisy by themselves the rest of the week?

Del2005 · 26-06-2019 3:14am

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

No I haven't spoken face to face, Im so pissed off I might do it tomorrow, I just know I'm gonna be told, alright ya sorry or some other empty response.

It's been going on for 2 months and all you've done is complain on the internet about it. It must not be that big an issue is you can't tell someone to keep the noise down.

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Not swapping cause my room is nicer.

Not if you can't sleep due to the noise from above. Nice is being able to sleep not having an ensuite or more space.

LionelNashe · 26-06-2019 9:11am

stop animal cruelty wrote:

No I haven't spoken face to face, Im so pissed off I might do it tomorrow, I just know I'm gonna be told, alright ya sorry or some other empty response.

This is a very common pattern on threads about neighbours, bosses, flatmates etc. Some people are incapable of asserting themselves face to face, and procrastinate by sending texts, or emails, or posting on boards about it. Just talk to the flatmate. Be assertive and don't be aggressive.

Ursus Horribilis · 26-06-2019 10:07am

Sending texts to landlords is a bit like kids telling tales to the teacher. The only way to deal with any issues is face to face and as early as possible.

26-06-2019 11:48am

Not a particular dig on the OP, but the generation of people with smart phones get nothing done because they think a text is enough. TALK TO THEM.

If you knocked on the door in April this would probably be sorted. Now if you knock on the door they will laugh at you because they think for 2 months you were too afraid to.

stop animal cruelty · 26-06-2019 6:28pm

I didn't text the LL in the end, I'm thinking clearer today and will say something.

I have been icey towards them so it's gonna be awkward but at least I can say something was said and of that doesn't work I'll text the landlord.

I can hear them both in the shower, any minute the other housemate will be home and her room is next to there's plus they share the bathroom.

I am trying to word what to say, but I'm aware I might come across aggressive.
Last night I turned on my music loud (other housemate was not here at the time) 3 times.

I must make it clear again, I don't mind people staying over as long as they have respect for the other tenants and keep the noise down. It's manners and a bit of cop on.

26-06-2019 7:00pm

Two nights a week every week is too much imo especially as it’s two nights in a row. Also saying things like “sex noises are fair game” isn’t the case in a houseshare you have to respect housemates and part of that is not making noise that can be heard all over the house.

Having lived in a free shares no housemate would have had a partner over as regular as two nights every week. It’s even worse if they are in the kitchen or sit in the living room as it’s bad enough having to cook with housemates etc but the awkwardness of their partner there also when you come in from work and just want to relax.

Ursus Horribilis · 26-06-2019 7:12pm

Being icy and turning up music is the equivalent of standing on the side of a river and saying "Ooh, please stop drowning" to someone who's going under the water. This pair are clearly inconsiderate oiks and they don't give a **** about what you think or feel. They know you're weak and afraid to open your mouth.

At this stage, I wouldn't give a monkey's how they perceive you. Your relationship with them is broken anyway so you have feck all to lose. I'd say something along the lines of "John, I don't think you realise how much noise travels through the walls. Making this amount of noise at x time of night/morning (name your time) is not on. We all have to share this house and you aren't showing a lot of consideration to the rest of us." I also would have no problem with banging on their bedroom door if they get too noisy. The time for being civil has long since passed.

IAMAMORON · 26-06-2019 7:25pm

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Noise issue hasn't stopped, Iv asked many times to keep their voices down. Tonight she's moaning out loud. Twice Iv asked them to keep their voices down. I'm so sick of it every week my sleep is disrupted. Iv written out a text I'm planning on sending my landlord tomorrow morning.. . Asking if perhaps she might text and say something along the lines of show some respect to the other housemates....

Please elaborate on the moaning, please don't stop, please keep it going with the moaning. What are they moaning about ? What is he doing to her?

Church on Tuesday · 26-06-2019 7:39pm

OP, you've got to talk to them in a calm clear firm manner, DO NOT be passive aggressive or angry with them because this will only drive up further tensions.

At the end of the day you will still have to live with them, until either you move out or your housemate does.

After that chat and if the noise continues, mention it to the LL.

If that fails you either move out or contact the RTB.

beertons · 26-06-2019 7:42pm

So she's a screamer. Yeah, I shared a house with a pair like that before. 4 months later, I moved.

is_that_so · 26-06-2019 8:18pm

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

I didn't text the LL in the end, I'm thinking clearer today and will say something.

I have been icey towards them so it's gonna be awkward but at least I can say something was said and of that doesn't work I'll text the landlord.

I can hear them both in the shower, any minute the other housemate will be home and her room is next to there's plus they share the bathroom.

I am trying to word what to say, but I'm aware I might come across aggressive.
Last night I turned on my music loud (other housemate was not here at the time) 3 times.

I must make it clear again, I don't mind people staying over as long as they have respect for the other tenants and keep the noise down. It's manners and a bit of cop on.

Write down what you might want to say. It may not be the exact words you use but writing it down helps you focus on the points you want to make. It's probably going to go along the lines of "Listen, it's lovely to see you dropping over but ...." .

is_that_so · 26-06-2019 8:20pm

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

OP, you've got to talk to them in a calm clear firm manner, DO NOT be passive aggressive or angry with them because this will only drive up further tensions.

At the end of the day you will still have to live with them, until either you move out or your housemate does.

After that chat and if the noise continues, mention it to the LL.

If that fails you either move out or contact the RTB.

Why should the OP move out? The flatmate is the one who has the guest.

Church on Tuesday · 26-06-2019 8:22pm

is_that_so wrote: »

Why should the OP move out? The flatmate is the one who has the guest.

Might not have much of a choice if the housemate won't cop on.

is_that_so · 26-06-2019 8:30pm

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Might not have much of a choice if the housemate won't cop on.

Then it's the house meeting!

katiek102010 · 26-06-2019 8:33pm

To be honest, you do sound like the one who had the issue.

House shares are normally single people dating etc and it's perfectly normal to have bf/gf or even one night stands to stay over.

From what you have said re moaning, I take it you mean sex noise. That is also perfectly normal

In all fairness get over it or move out and live by yourself.

26-06-2019 8:47pm

katiek102010 wrote: »

From what you have said re moaning, I take it you mean sex noise. That is also perfectly normal

A good few people have said this. I'd totally disagree.

Sex noises are normal. So is talking.

After midnight in a shared house, you talk quieter. If you've any respect for your housemates, you also bang quieter. No one would expect you to be noiseless, but I'd expect them to try to keep it down.

The noise itself aside, the fact that they keep ignoring your requests also shows they've no respect for you, which can only be driving you mental OP.

I'd try to get your other housemate on side, speak to the offending housemate, and if there's no luck, the landlord.

Church on Tuesday · 26-06-2019 9:02pm

is_that_so wrote: »

Then it's the house meeting!

That will only work if the other housemates are affected too.

stop animal cruelty · 26-06-2019 9:29pm

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Being icy and turning up music is the equivalent of standing on the side of a river and saying "Ooh, please stop drowning" to someone who's going under the water. This pair are clearly inconsiderate oiks and they don't give a **** about what you think or feel. They know you're weak and afraid to open your mouth.

At this stage, I wouldn't give a monkey's how they perceive you. Your relationship with them is broken anyway so you have feck all to lose. I'd say something along the lines of "John, I don't think you realise how much noise travels through the walls. Making this amount of noise at x time of night/morning (name your time) is not on. We all have to share this house and you aren't showing a lot of consideration to the rest of us." I also would have no problem with banging on their bedroom door if they get too noisy. The time for being civil has long since passed.

This is what Im looking to hear.. .. Will say that thanks.

stop animal cruelty · 26-06-2019 10:19pm

So far.. .

I thought my house mate was I the kitchen, but it turned out to be the partner was hesitate in saying something to her but I thought fuk it. .. I said basically Ursus Horbilis said.. .. I asked to be more considerate that I don't mind her staying, that I do mind the noise after 11pm. I got an ok sorry, so hopefully this will put a stop.

seasidedub · 26-06-2019 11:23pm

This is why Ireland needs more well-designed self-contained studios or properly designed one-bed flats like you see in Europe.

If 4 people are housemates and they all have guests over 3 nights a week every week, then you have 8 people using showers, lights, etc. Might be ok when you're a student but I'd hate to be living that way in my late 20s or 30s. No peace.

Always Tired · 26-06-2019 11:36pm

katiek102010 wrote: »

To be honest, you do sound like the one who had the issue.

House shares are normally single people dating etc and it's perfectly normal to have bf/gf or even one night stands to stay over.

From what you have said re moaning, I take it you mean sex noise. That is also perfectly normal

In all fairness get over it or move out and live by yourself.

Yes, having sex is normal. But so is making some effort to not wake the whole house up when you do it.

You'll notice most ads for houseshares specify, 'no couples'. Having a housemates partner in the house 2 nights a week would be almost like living with a couple.

They're the ones who should be getting advised to move out!

myshirt · 26-06-2019 11:47pm

A bit off topic but this reminds me of the guy who said nearly every night he heard rhythmic pumping for 30 minutes straight from the upstairs apartment, so much that while it initially annoyed him he actually ended up respecting the guys stamina and technique. Every night the guy was at it, 30 minutes solid without fail, with perfect rhythmic technique.

Investigated more and discovered that it was two guys living in the apartment.

That created a bit of gossip, but it turned out that the two lads just had a dodgy washing machine.

The lesson is op, all may not be as it seems. Get some ear muffs or ear plugs. This is the nature of shared living.

Church on Tuesday · 27-06-2019 12:26am

seasidedub wrote: »

This is why Ireland needs more well-designed self-contained studios or properly designed one-bed flats like you see in Europe.

If 4 people are housemates and they all have guests over 3 nights a week every week, then you have 8 people using showers, lights, etc. Might be ok when you're a student but I'd hate to be living that way in my late 20s or 30s. No peace.

That makes perfect sense but we'll be waiting a long time for that.

It's awful really having to live in such crapped spaces.

mvl · 27-06-2019 12:57am

myshirt wrote: »

The lesson is op, all may not be as it seems. Get some ear muffs or ear plugs. This is the nature of shared living.

guess depends what's in the lease contract. also, I've not seen adds where LL were OK with couples living in - how common is that ?
-imo, 2 days a week constantly sounds more of a permanent setup - since there is a cost associated with that, someone could be asked to pay their part from monthly bills ...

IAMAMORON · 27-06-2019 1:35am

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

So far.. .

I thought my house mate was I the kitchen, but it turned out to be the partner was hesitate in saying something to her but I thought fuk it. .. I said basically Ursus Horbilis said.. .. I asked to be more considerate that I don't mind her staying, that I do mind the noise after 11pm. I got an ok sorry, so hopefully this will put a stop.

Sounds awesome... any progress on the moaning? How loud ... is it a dull tone or more ecstatic?

Have you started to feel the gasps between expletions ?

Any feedback?

Always Tired · 27-06-2019 1:39am

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Sounds awesome... any progress on the moaning? How loud ... is it a dull tone or more ecstatic?

Have you started to feel the gasps between expletions ?

Any feedback?

Okay, we get it, you get turned on by sex sounds. It wasn't that funny the first time, maybe try in AH you might get a better reaction.

MuffinTop86 · 27-06-2019 2:10am

I don’t think approaching her was the wisest move. The actual housemate will think you’re too cowardly to come to him. It will either make him more determined to annoy you, or he’ll think he has the upper hand and will continue as is.

I’m currently sharing with 6 other absolute dillholes (spread out over 3 floors) and you absolutely have to be a tyrant to keep people in line. They’ll stick on the washing machine at 2am, take a long shower, do jumping jacks in their rooms on the ceiling above us etc.

Church on Tuesday · 27-06-2019 2:15am

MuffinTop86 wrote: »

I don’t think approaching her was the wisest move. The actual housemate will think you’re too cowardly to come to him. It will either make him more determined to annoy you, or he’ll think he has the upper hand and will continue as is.

I’m currently sharing with 6 other absolute dillholes (spread out over 3 floors) and you absolutely have to be a tyrant to keep people in line. They’ll stick on the washing machine at 2am, take a long shower, do jumping jacks in their rooms on the ceiling above us etc.

It blows my mind that people think it's OK to do this, had a clown of a housemate do this most nights when she'd come in until I had a word with her.

I agree, you best talk to the actual housemate, the GF might not even bother passing on the message.

stop animal cruelty · 27-06-2019 9:00am

MuffinTop86 wrote: »

I don’t think approaching her was the wisest move. The actual housemate will think you’re too cowardly to come to him. It will either make him more determined to annoy you, or he’ll think he has the upper hand and will continue as is.

I’m currently sharing with 6 other absolute dillholes (spread out over 3 floors) and you absolutely have to be a tyrant to keep people in line. They’ll stick on the washing machine at 2am, take a long shower, do jumping jacks in their rooms on the ceiling above us etc.

I haven't seen him yet but I am planning on saying what I said to her to him as well.

is_that_so · 27-06-2019 10:33am

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

That will only work if the other housemates are affected too.

If anyone is affected you need one. As others have posted not everyone will follow common sense nor decency. House rules at the beginning, of course, can do away with a lot of this but constant reminders are the norm too!

is_that_so · 27-06-2019 10:36am

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

So far.. .

I thought my house mate was I the kitchen, but it turned out to be the partner was hesitate in saying something to her but I thought fuk it. .. I said basically Ursus Horbilis said.. .. I asked to be more considerate that I don't mind her staying, that I do mind the noise after 11pm. I got an ok sorry, so hopefully this will put a stop.

Bringing it up will probably help clear the air. Sometimes people just don't notice. Conversation needs to happen with housemate as well.

stop animal cruelty · 27-06-2019 11:11am

The other housemates find them annoying also they have told me but are not bothered about saying anything. I'm prob here more than them plus my room is directly under there's, so I'm the one most affected.

I'm also gonna say she can start contributing to the bills too cause really, so does here part time now. Every week she comes in with her suitcase. She's not a guest anymore really.

Church on Tuesday · 27-06-2019 11:32am

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

The other housemates find them annoying also they have told me but are not bothered about saying anything. I'm prob here more than them plus my room is directly under there's, so I'm the one most affected.

I'm also gonna say she can start contributing to the bills too cause really, so does here part time now. Every week she comes in with her suitcase. She's not a guest anymore really.

You can only ask for that realistically if she's staying more than 3 nights a week though.

27-06-2019 11:48am

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

The other housemates find them annoying also they have told me but are not bothered about saying anything. I'm prob here more than them plus my room is directly under there's, so I'm the one most affected.

I'm also gonna say she can start contributing to the bills too cause really, so does here part time now. Every week she comes in with her suitcase. She's not a guest anymore really.

I would advise against asking for bills as that will give her more right to be there, in her head at least. The fact you are meeting her in the kitchen alone without the housemate is a red flag, guests should not be in the kitchen alone.

You need to address the two issues, the noise is too much and 2 nights a week every week is too often for a guest to stay in a houseshare.

woodchuck · 27-06-2019 11:52am

OP I'd just focus on the issue at hand (the noise). I wouldn't muddy the waters by asking her to start paying for bills too - she's only there 2 nights a week, so I don't think it's very reasonable. Certainly much more debatable than the noise issue anyway!

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 27-06-2019 12:19pm

Addison Scruffy Walkway wrote: »

I would advise against asking for bills as that will give her more right to be there, in her head at least. The fact you are meeting her in the kitchen alone without the housemate is a red flag, guests should not be in the kitchen alone.

You need to address the two issues, the noise is too much and 2 nights a week every week is too often for a guest to stay in a houseshare.

What? I never expected partners of housemates to be accompanied by the housemate to common areas at all times. Taking over common areas is not on but being bothered by something like the partner making them both tea alone or whatever is a bit precious. Once the agreed amount of days decided amongst the housemates for partners to be over was stuck to and they didn’t take over common areas, it was always grand to bump into the partner alone in any houseshare I’ve been in.

Twenty Grand · 27-06-2019 12:40pm

Does no one here actually make friends with the people they live with?

Ya know, go for pints, cinema, light the fire and have movie nights?

Edgware · 27-06-2019 12:44pm

Twenty Grand wrote: »

Does no one here actually make friends with the people they live with?

Ya know, go for pints, cinema, light the fire and have movie nights?

That day is gone. It was different when college lads etc were renting together and everyone up for the craic when the grant cheque came through or results came out.
Now the age profile of renters has risen. Renters in their late 20s or 30s sharing a place do their own thing and are more immersed in careers and relationships. Years ago they would have had their own place at that stage

Flatmates partner

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