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Flatmates partner

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135

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    #62
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Bang on their bedroom door and tell them to keep the noise down.


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    #63
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    stop animal cruelty wrote: »
    It has gone on after then, tonight up until half an hour ago cause twice I said keep the noise down. On 4 occasions Iv asked to keep the noise down, I shouldn't have asked more than twice on do this. And every time I have asked I get 'sorry ya' as a reply back.

    Like I said before noise after 12 is not on in a house-share. Did you speak with your housemate face to face though?

    If you have and there is considerable noise after 12, you have to contact your LL about the issue, but again speaking from experience here, LL tend to be very hands off with this stuff.[/quote]

    No I haven't spoken face to face, Im so pissed off I might do it tomorrow, I just know I'm gonna be told, alright ya sorry or some other empty response.[/QUOTE]

    You have to have a word with the two of them face to face about it and explain how noise after 12 is affecting you.

    Is this only happening two nights in the week as before? is your flatmate noisy by themselves the rest of the week?


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    #64
    Del2005
    Registered Users Posts: 18,938 ✭✭✭✭Del2005


    stop animal cruelty wrote: »

    No I haven't spoken face to face, Im so pissed off I might do it tomorrow, I just know I'm gonna be told, alright ya sorry or some other empty response.


    It's been going on for 2 months and all you've done is complain on the internet about it. It must not be that big an issue is you can't tell someone to keep the noise down.
    stop animal cruelty wrote: »
    Not swapping cause my room is nicer.

    Not if you can't sleep due to the noise from above. Nice is being able to sleep not having an ensuite or more space.


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    #65
    LionelNashe
    Registered Users Posts: 1,961 ✭✭✭LionelNashe


    stop animal cruelty wrote:
    No I haven't spoken face to face, Im so pissed off I might do it tomorrow, I just know I'm gonna be told, alright ya sorry or some other empty response.

    This is a very common pattern on threads about neighbours, bosses, flatmates etc. Some people are incapable of asserting themselves face to face, and procrastinate by sending texts, or emails, or posting on boards about it. Just talk to the flatmate. Be assertive and don't be aggressive.


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    #66
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Sending texts to landlords is a bit like kids telling tales to the teacher. The only way to deal with any issues is face to face and as early as possible.


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    #67
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,799 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Not a particular dig on the OP, but the generation of people with smart phones get nothing done because they think a text is enough. TALK TO THEM.

    If you knocked on the door in April this would probably be sorted. Now if you knock on the door they will laugh at you because they think for 2 months you were too afraid to.


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    #68
    stop animal cruelty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,012 ✭✭✭stop animal cruelty


    I didn't text the LL in the end, I'm thinking clearer today and will say something.

    I have been icey towards them so it's gonna be awkward but at least I can say something was said and of that doesn't work I'll text the landlord.

    I can hear them both in the shower, any minute the other housemate will be home and her room is next to there's plus they share the bathroom.

    I am trying to word what to say, but I'm aware I might come across aggressive.
    Last night I turned on my music loud (other housemate was not here at the time) 3 times.

    I must make it clear again, I don't mind people staying over as long as they have respect for the other tenants and keep the noise down. It's manners and a bit of cop on.


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    #69
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Two nights a week every week is too much imo especially as it’s two nights in a row. Also saying things like “sex noises are fair game” isn’t the case in a houseshare you have to respect housemates and part of that is not making noise that can be heard all over the house.

    Having lived in a free shares no housemate would have had a partner over as regular as two nights every week. It’s even worse if they are in the kitchen or sit in the living room as it’s bad enough having to cook with housemates etc but the awkwardness of their partner there also when you come in from work and just want to relax.


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    #70
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Being icy and turning up music is the equivalent of standing on the side of a river and saying "Ooh, please stop drowning" to someone who's going under the water. This pair are clearly inconsiderate oiks and they don't give a **** about what you think or feel. They know you're weak and afraid to open your mouth.

    At this stage, I wouldn't give a monkey's how they perceive you. Your relationship with them is broken anyway so you have feck all to lose. I'd say something along the lines of "John, I don't think you realise how much noise travels through the walls. Making this amount of noise at x time of night/morning (name your time) is not on. We all have to share this house and you aren't showing a lot of consideration to the rest of us." I also would have no problem with banging on their bedroom door if they get too noisy. The time for being civil has long since passed.


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    #71
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    stop animal cruelty wrote: »
    Noise issue hasn't stopped, Iv asked many times to keep their voices down. Tonight she's moaning out loud. Twice Iv asked them to keep their voices down. I'm so sick of it every week my sleep is disrupted. Iv written out a text I'm planning on sending my landlord tomorrow morning.. . Asking if perhaps she might text and say something along the lines of show some respect to the other housemates....

    Please elaborate on the moaning, please don't stop, please keep it going with the moaning. What are they moaning about ? What is he doing to her?


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    #72
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    OP, you've got to talk to them in a calm clear firm manner, DO NOT be passive aggressive or angry with them because this will only drive up further tensions.

    At the end of the day you will still have to live with them, until either you move out or your housemate does.

    After that chat and if the noise continues, mention it to the LL.

    If that fails you either move out or contact the RTB.


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    #73
    beertons
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 23,069 ✭✭✭✭beertons


    So she's a screamer. Yeah, I shared a house with a pair like that before. 4 months later, I moved.


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    #74
    is_that_so
    Registered Users Posts: 32,136 ✭✭✭✭is_that_so


    stop animal cruelty wrote: »
    I didn't text the LL in the end, I'm thinking clearer today and will say something.

    I have been icey towards them so it's gonna be awkward but at least I can say something was said and of that doesn't work I'll text the landlord.

    I can hear them both in the shower, any minute the other housemate will be home and her room is next to there's plus they share the bathroom.

    I am trying to word what to say, but I'm aware I might come across aggressive.
    Last night I turned on my music loud (other housemate was not here at the time) 3 times.

    I must make it clear again, I don't mind people staying over as long as they have respect for the other tenants and keep the noise down. It's manners and a bit of cop on.
    Write down what you might want to say. It may not be the exact words you use but writing it down helps you focus on the points you want to make. It's probably going to go along the lines of "Listen, it's lovely to see you dropping over but ...." .


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    #75
    is_that_so
    Registered Users Posts: 32,136 ✭✭✭✭is_that_so


    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    OP, you've got to talk to them in a calm clear firm manner, DO NOT be passive aggressive or angry with them because this will only drive up further tensions.

    At the end of the day you will still have to live with them, until either you move out or your housemate does.

    After that chat and if the noise continues, mention it to the LL.

    If that fails you either move out or contact the RTB.
    Why should the OP move out? The flatmate is the one who has the guest.


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    #76
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    is_that_so wrote: »
    Why should the OP move out? The flatmate is the one who has the guest.

    Might not have much of a choice if the housemate won't cop on.


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    #77
    is_that_so
    Registered Users Posts: 32,136 ✭✭✭✭is_that_so


    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    Might not have much of a choice if the housemate won't cop on.
    Then it's the house meeting!


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    #78
    katiek102010
    Registered Users Posts: 1,105 ✭✭✭katiek102010


    To be honest, you do sound like the one who had the issue.

    House shares are normally single people dating etc and it's perfectly normal to have bf/gf or even one night stands to stay over.

    From what you have said re moaning, I take it you mean sex noise. That is also perfectly normal

    In all fairness get over it or move out and live by yourself.


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    #79
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,505 ✭ [Deleted User]


    katiek102010 wrote: »
    From what you have said re moaning, I take it you mean sex noise. That is also perfectly normal
    A good few people have said this. I'd totally disagree.

    Sex noises are normal. So is talking.

    After midnight in a shared house, you talk quieter. If you've any respect for your housemates, you also bang quieter. No one would expect you to be noiseless, but I'd expect them to try to keep it down.

    The noise itself aside, the fact that they keep ignoring your requests also shows they've no respect for you, which can only be driving you mental OP.

    I'd try to get your other housemate on side, speak to the offending housemate, and if there's no luck, the landlord.


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    #80
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    is_that_so wrote: »
    Then it's the house meeting!

    That will only work if the other housemates are affected too.


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    #81
    stop animal cruelty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,012 ✭✭✭stop animal cruelty


    Ursus Horribilis wrote: »
    Being icy and turning up music is the equivalent of standing on the side of a river and saying "Ooh, please stop drowning" to someone who's going under the water. This pair are clearly inconsiderate oiks and they don't give a **** about what you think or feel. They know you're weak and afraid to open your mouth.

    At this stage, I wouldn't give a monkey's how they perceive you. Your relationship with them is broken anyway so you have feck all to lose. I'd say something along the lines of "John, I don't think you realise how much noise travels through the walls. Making this amount of noise at x time of night/morning (name your time) is not on. We all have to share this house and you aren't showing a lot of consideration to the rest of us." I also would have no problem with banging on their bedroom door if they get too noisy. The time for being civil has long since passed.

    This is what Im looking to hear.. .. Will say that thanks.


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    #82
    stop animal cruelty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,012 ✭✭✭stop animal cruelty


    So far.. .

    I thought my house mate was I the kitchen, but it turned out to be the partner was hesitate in saying something to her but I thought fuk it. .. I said basically Ursus Horbilis said.. .. I asked to be more considerate that I don't mind her staying, that I do mind the noise after 11pm. I got an ok sorry, so hopefully this will put a stop.


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    #83
    seasidedub
    Registered Users Posts: 234 ✭✭seasidedub


    This is why Ireland needs more well-designed self-contained studios or properly designed one-bed flats like you see in Europe.

    If 4 people are housemates and they all have guests over 3 nights a week every week, then you have 8 people using showers, lights, etc. Might be ok when you're a student but I'd hate to be living that way in my late 20s or 30s. No peace.


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    #84
    Always Tired
    Closed Accounts Posts: 945 ✭✭✭Always Tired


    katiek102010 wrote: »
    To be honest, you do sound like the one who had the issue.

    House shares are normally single people dating etc and it's perfectly normal to have bf/gf or even one night stands to stay over.

    From what you have said re moaning, I take it you mean sex noise. That is also perfectly normal

    In all fairness get over it or move out and live by yourself.

    Yes, having sex is normal. But so is making some effort to not wake the whole house up when you do it.

    You'll notice most ads for houseshares specify, 'no couples'. Having a housemates partner in the house 2 nights a week would be almost like living with a couple.

    They're the ones who should be getting advised to move out!


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    #85
    myshirt
    Registered Users Posts: 5,245 ✭✭✭myshirt


    A bit off topic but this reminds me of the guy who said nearly every night he heard rhythmic pumping for 30 minutes straight from the upstairs apartment, so much that while it initially annoyed him he actually ended up respecting the guys stamina and technique. Every night the guy was at it, 30 minutes solid without fail, with perfect rhythmic technique.

    Investigated more and discovered that it was two guys living in the apartment.

    That created a bit of gossip, but it turned out that the two lads just had a dodgy washing machine.

    The lesson is op, all may not be as it seems. Get some ear muffs or ear plugs. This is the nature of shared living.


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    #86
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    seasidedub wrote: »
    This is why Ireland needs more well-designed self-contained studios or properly designed one-bed flats like you see in Europe.

    If 4 people are housemates and they all have guests over 3 nights a week every week, then you have 8 people using showers, lights, etc. Might be ok when you're a student but I'd hate to be living that way in my late 20s or 30s. No peace.

    That makes perfect sense but we'll be waiting a long time for that.

    It's awful really having to live in such crapped spaces.


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    #87
    mvl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,229 ✭✭✭mvl


    myshirt wrote: »
    The lesson is op, all may not be as it seems. Get some ear muffs or ear plugs. This is the nature of shared living.


    guess depends what's in the lease contract. also, I've not seen adds where LL were OK with couples living in - how common is that ?
    -imo, 2 days a week constantly sounds more of a permanent setup - since there is a cost associated with that, someone could be asked to pay their part from monthly bills ...


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    #88
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    stop animal cruelty wrote: »
    So far.. .

    I thought my house mate was I the kitchen, but it turned out to be the partner was hesitate in saying something to her but I thought fuk it. .. I said basically Ursus Horbilis said.. .. I asked to be more considerate that I don't mind her staying, that I do mind the noise after 11pm. I got an ok sorry, so hopefully this will put a stop.

    Sounds awesome... any progress on the moaning? How loud ... is it a dull tone or more ecstatic?

    Have you started to feel the gasps between expletions ?

    Any feedback?


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    #89
    Always Tired
    Closed Accounts Posts: 945 ✭✭✭Always Tired


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    Sounds awesome... any progress on the moaning? How loud ... is it a dull tone or more ecstatic?

    Have you started to feel the gasps between expletions ?

    Any feedback?

    Okay, we get it, you get turned on by sex sounds. It wasn't that funny the first time, maybe try in AH you might get a better reaction.


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    #90
    MuffinTop86
    Registered Users Posts: 957 ✭✭✭MuffinTop86


    I don’t think approaching her was the wisest move. The actual housemate will think you’re too cowardly to come to him. It will either make him more determined to annoy you, or he’ll think he has the upper hand and will continue as is.

    I’m currently sharing with 6 other absolute dillholes (spread out over 3 floors) and you absolutely have to be a tyrant to keep people in line. They’ll stick on the washing machine at 2am, take a long shower, do jumping jacks in their rooms on the ceiling above us etc.


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    #91
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    MuffinTop86 wrote: »
    I don’t think approaching her was the wisest move. The actual housemate will think you’re too cowardly to come to him. It will either make him more determined to annoy you, or he’ll think he has the upper hand and will continue as is.

    I’m currently sharing with 6 other absolute dillholes (spread out over 3 floors) and you absolutely have to be a tyrant to keep people in line. They’ll stick on the washing machine at 2am, take a long shower, do jumping jacks in their rooms on the ceiling above us etc.

    It blows my mind that people think it's OK to do this, had a clown of a housemate do this most nights when she'd come in until I had a word with her.

    I agree, you best talk to the actual housemate, the GF might not even bother passing on the message.


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