Now Ye're Talking - To A Man With 2 Mothers

Sonics2k · 24-01-2015 12:00pm

Hi all, just a quick one now to say I will post with answer as soon as I can. Posting from a phone is a bit awkward, so I'll post back on my lunch!

Loving the new questions!

Sonics2k · 24-01-2015 2:13pm

AlanS181824 wrote: »

Maybe this is a totally inappropriate/stupid question but it's 6am so cut me a bit of slack!:rolleyes:

Are they both currently in lesbian relationships now?

I'm guessing the answer will be something along the lines of they were lesbian before they split, why would that suddenly change? So yeah! But said I'd ask it anyway.

Thanks!

Yes, they are indeed both in relationships with other women now and always have been. Both of them are in long-term relationships of course.

seventeen sheep wrote: »

Do you have any siblings / half-siblings / step-siblings? Or did either of your mothers ever want to have more children with their new partners?

What's your relationship like with your mothers' new partners ... I guess they're technically your (sort of) stepmothers, or do you think of them like that? Have you ever had to introduce all four of them to someone at the same time - I'm thinking along the lines of "This is my mother, and my other mother, and my stepmother, and my other stepmother" ... could get confusing! :pac:

I have no step-brothers or sisters! I guess I am pretty much the best a parent could hope for haha!
But seriously, my biological mother only wanted one child, and my other mother never really wanted/planned on a biological child of her own.

My partners have all met my biological mothers family, my fiancée gets on very well with them too. She hasn't met my other mothers family because they live in the UK.

And yes, I have jokingly made the same joke for introductions. I've always found it funny!

Dilbert75 · 24-01-2015 2:32pm

Great Q & A and thanks for doing it. I'd imagine quite a few people would be dismayed by the reality that the birth son of a gay woman and a gay man could turn out straight. Kinda blows the "choice" theory out of the water.

KatW4 · 24-01-2015 3:15pm

I don't have any questions at the minute. i just wanted to tell you that it's a really informative read. Thank you!

freyners · 24-01-2015 4:13pm

Hi Sonics2k

Thanks for agreeing to run this thread, been a brilliant read so far.

You mentioned earlier that you managed to change from feeling anger towards people who dismiss gay parents as inferior to feeling pity for them. I just wondering how you found yourself to respond in such a way to a topic that is very close to the bone. Did it require you to make a conscious effort to not get angry anymore or was it something natural?

Escapees · 24-01-2015 4:19pm

Really interesting thread.

One point is that you mentioned something about knowing as many children of gay couples who are now gay as from straight marriages. But surely since gay couples having kids is much more uncommon, that implies that a much larger percentage of children of gay couples also grow up to be gay? Or maybe I'm misinterpreting what you said. Sorry if my wording or phrasing here comes across as non-PC or ignorant - it's a subject that I and probably the public generally are not used to discussing often...

Now for the biggie question. I've come across gay couples over the years, some of which had had children (though not in this country). In all cases of those with children, and in most cases of those without, it was evident to me that the relationships between the couples involved were not 'healthy', in that there were usually clear indications that one or both of them was not happy etc. Those with children would, as others already mentioned, have cared for them and even been more dedicated to them than some straight couples, but... it was my impression that the relationships would most likely not last and this might not be in the long-term interest of the children. Any comments on this?

I accept that straight couples have relationship issues too and that there are many problematic ones out there. But, at the same time, I know of many straight relationships that appear 100% 'healthy'. Admittedly though, I obviously would come across significantly more straight couple than gay couple relationships.

Sorry this post is so wordy but from my experience the last question is really on what appears to be the elephant in the room, yet I feel I have to step on eggshells to raise the point.

Sonics2k · 24-01-2015 6:31pm

freyners wrote: »

Hi Sonics2k

Thanks for agreeing to run this thread, been a brilliant read so far.

You mentioned earlier that you managed to change from feeling anger towards people who dismiss gay parents as inferior to feeling pity for them. I just wondering how you found yourself to respond in such a way to a topic that is very close to the bone. Did it require you to make a conscious effort to not get angry anymore or was it something natural?

This actually took a lot of time. In my teens and early twenties I felt a lot of anger toward these people, and from time to time I still do. But in the last two or three years it's more turned to a kind of pity and almost empathy.

I pity them because, well, it's a bit sad really. To live your life filled with a bile-fueled hatred for a group of people based on their sexuality as consenting adults is insanity. I pity them because they don't understand the pain they can cause people, probably even family.

I know of one young woman, who I will not name for privacy reasons, who is gay. She has known this since she was about 12. The problem is that quite a few members of direct family are Iona supporters, and have openly said some disgusting things about gay and lesbian people, and never even realised the amount they hurt their own family.

The bit that amuses me though, is that for all their hate speech and fear mongering, they haven't even noticed their perfectly normal family member is herself a lesbian.

That's why I pity them. I pity their ignorance and gullibility, the fact that they themselves have fallen for these lies and continue to believe them, despite the overwhelming proof that gay and lesbian people are exactly the same as a straight person, except who they are attracted to.

I pity them because they are so blinded by their own religious beliefs that they hurt their own loved ones, and the insane and bizarre conclusions they will jump to to try and and prevent marriage equality.
This referendum isn't about same-sex marriage or gay adoption, it's about marriage equality. Equality is a simple thing, and we should vote yes.

quick Edit.
Escapees. My post to you will take a bit longer to write than I have, so I'll get back to you as soon as I get home.

AlanS181824 · 24-01-2015 7:01pm

AlanS181824 wrote: »

I don't really have anything major to say/ask other than a massive thank you for doing this, it's amazing to actually hear from someone who was raised like this.

One question that did come to mind for me would be surnames.

Like did you take both your mothers surnames and just "double barrel" them with a - or did you just take your biological mothers or maybe something different altogether?

Cheers.

Maybe this has been answered already but if not....*bump*:pac:

Sonics2k · 24-01-2015 8:53pm

Escapees wrote: »

Really interesting thread.

One point is that you mentioned something about knowing as many children of gay couples who are now gay as from straight marriages. But surely since gay couples having kids is much more uncommon, that implies that a much larger percentage of children of gay couples also grow up to be gay? Or maybe I'm misinterpreting what you said. Sorry if my wording or phrasing here comes across as non-PC or ignorant - it's a subject that I and probably the public generally are not used to discussing often...

I think that one may have been misinterpreted.
Frankly I don't know the figures on how many gay children are raised by gay parents, but I'd imagine it's roughly the same percentage as the children of straight couples.

Sexuality is not a result of environment, it's just who you are.
As a slightly crass comparison, it's like being a boob guy or an bum guy. You're going to have a preference between the two as a straight male, but it's not as if you sit down with a list one day and decide which it is, you just do.

In all honesty, I only know of 1 gay child of a gay couple, but known about 20 straight children of gay couples.

Escapees wrote: »

Now for the biggie question. I've come across gay couples over the years, some of which had had children (though not in this country). In all cases of those with children, and in most cases of those without, it was evident to me that the relationships between the couples involved were not 'healthy', in that there were usually clear indications that one or both of them was not happy etc. Those with children would, as others already mentioned, have cared for them and even been more dedicated to them than some straight couples, but... it was my impression that the relationships would most likely not last and this might not be in the long-term interest of the children. Any comments on this?

I accept that straight couples have relationship issues too and that there are many problematic ones out there. But, at the same time, I know of many straight relationships that appear 100% 'healthy'. Admittedly though, I obviously would come across significantly more straight couple than gay couple relationships.

Sorry this post is so wordy but from my experience the last question is really on what appears to be the elephant in the room, yet I feel I have to step on eggshells to raise the point.

Escapees, please do not worry about any question you ask me. I will not take them personally, and I will do my best to answer them. All I ask in return is that you remember I am not an expert on gay or lesbian couples in the world, and can only give evidence that I have personally been able to vouch for. This goes for all questions asked of me here.

In answer to your question, well I guess in a way I can see your point, with the proviso that I too have. Straight couples can always separate, and yes, sometimes a gay or lesbian couple can separate a few years or more after a child has come into the family, it did happen in my own family after all.

Y'see, this is a tricky one to answer, simply because I don't know for sure, and I don't want to speak on things I can't answer fully. But from my own personal experience from the gay and straight parents I've known in my life, I'd say it's roughly equal as to the ones who have separated and the ones who haven't. Though honestly I'd reckon it's more of the straight couples, but again, this is most likely because I'd know a lot more straight parents of my friends overall.

Sonics2k · 24-01-2015 8:55pm

AlanS181824 wrote: »

Maybe this has been answered already but if not....*bump*:pac:

My bad, sorry!

I took my biological mothers surname when I was born. Uh, I never really asked why the reason was, I just grew up like that. For example, my own children took my surname and not their mothers. I guess it was just decided at some point, or maybe because it was easier.

AlanS181824 · 24-01-2015 9:03pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

My bad, sorry!

I took my biological mothers surname when I was born. Uh, I never really asked why the reason was, I just grew up like that. For example, my own children took my surname and not their mothers. I guess it was just decided at some point, or maybe because it was easier.

Thanks for getting back to me!

Yeah I was thinking that.

It's just even with straight couples now some of them have their children take both surnames so I just said I'd ask anyway.

Escapees · 24-01-2015 10:33pm

Thanks Sonic2k for replying earlier - you must be pretty tired at this stage from thinking about and answering all our odd questions!! Anyway, thanks again.

evolving_doors · 25-01-2015 12:29am

1. Do you think all children (from adopted/surrogacy/one night stands! whatever) have a legal right to know who their biological parents are. I'm not specifically asking in terms of 'medical family history' , that too, but in general?

2. If so, should there be an age that they be allowed to find out (e.g. when they reach 18).?

3.If say you were 14 and you really really wanted to find out, but your parents said no... do you think it would be unjust not to let you find out, or meet this person.

4. Going along the lines of David Quinn's argument against referendum; do you think gender equality matters? (as he talked about the desire for having gender balance in the workplace/politics etc. and it should translate into the preference for having children raised by a man and a woman). (I'm in a fairly large gender minority in my own job but I think gender quotas are a load of xyz)

I'm not trying to stir the pot as I know people usually :rolleyes: and throw out the homophobe word when the Iona Institute or David Quinn are mentioned. But just wanted to know your own personal opinion. Thanks.

Sonics2k · 25-01-2015 1:15pm

Armelodie wrote: »

1. Do you think all children (from adopted/surrogacy/one night stands! whatever) have a legal right to know who their biological parents are. I'm not specifically asking in terms of 'medical family history' , that too, but in general?

2. If so, should there be an age that they be allowed to find out (e.g. when they reach 18).?

3.If say you were 14 and you really really wanted to find out, but your parents said no... do you think it would be unjust not to let you find out, or meet this person.

4. Going along the lines of David Quinn's argument against referendum; do you think gender equality matters? (as he talked about the desire for having gender balance in the workplace/politics etc. and it should translate into the preference for having children raised by a man and a woman). (I'm in a fairly large gender minority in my own job but I think gender quotas are a load of xyz)

I'm not trying to stir the pot as I know people usually :rolleyes: and throw out the homophobe word when the Iona Institute or David Quinn are mentioned. But just wanted to know your own personal opinion. Thanks.

Hi Armelodie, I'll be honest and say a few of your questions are hardly my area of expertise, but I'll answer what I can and strictly in my own opinion.

1. I don't know a good answer to this one. On the one hand, yes. Mostly in the event of needing to know any serious medical news that may impact the child too. On the other hand, no. Not if the biological parent strictly requested not to have it known. Both people have their rights on this.
I'm sorry to say this is not one I can answer straight up. This would obviously impact question 2.

3. Again, this is similar. But really there are hundreds of variables, I guess it would depend on the reason why the parents are not willing to tell. My parents were always very open with me and hid nothing, if I asked then I was told. For me, this was great, but may not always be ideal depending on the circumstances.

4. Gender equality is important to me, but I say this in the sense that people are people and are equal. Society may not always -treat- them equally, but as a species we are the same. I think there should be more focus on that.
David Quinn is trying to twist the concept of equality in the work place into a mother/father family being the ideal situation, which is a nonsense.
Equality in the workplace and so on should really be about the right person for the right job, whether they be male, female, black, asian, white or anything else.
I do think that sometimes we can jump to the sexism claim in some situations, when instead the recruiters simply went with the person they preferred. And yes, in so many many case, they simply don't want to have a woman in the job. That is where the problem is.

I'm sorry Armelodie, I'm afraid I may not have been great for answering your questions on this one, it's not really my area of expertise!

Shrap · 25-01-2015 1:41pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

Equality in the workplace and so on should really be about the right person for the right job, whether they be male, female, black, asian, white or anything else.
I do think that sometimes we can jump to the sexism claim in some situations, when instead the recruiters simply went with the person they preferred. And yes, in so many many case, they simply don't want to have a woman in the job. That is where the problem is.

I'm sorry Armelodie, I'm afraid I may not have been great for answering your questions on this one, it's not really my area of expertise!

I think you totally answered the question. The right person for the job of parenting is one (or two) who can provide the love, care and attention a child needs regardless of gender.

Hope I'm not going against thread rules by jumping in here with no question for you, but I can clear something up for Armelodie about David Quinn's position on gender quotas, which in 2011 he was totally against and seemed to be based on keeping women in the home. Now he's using the notion of gender balance to suit his needs in 2015.

http://www.independent.ie/opinion/analysis/david-quinn-forget-corporate-donations-its-gender-quotas-that-worry-me-26738966.html
"What is more, even if in the future 30pc of TDs are women, many will represent the interests of women like themselves, that is women who want full-time careers, at the expense of all those other women who favour a different mix of home and work."

david75 · 25-01-2015 2:45pm

Brilliant stuff, thanks for doing this man! hope to see yourself and others who grew up in the same situation get to speak in these debates! make the experience of growing up as you did more of a reality to those who are trying to stifle the referendum with their 'think of the children' nonsense.

fair play!

sniperman · 25-01-2015 4:07pm

keep marrige between man and woman,end of.

Sonics2k · 25-01-2015 4:11pm

sniperman wrote: »

keep marrige between man and woman,end of.

Fantastic contribution, do you have a question for me?

amdublin · 25-01-2015 4:15pm

Oh I've thought of a question!

Re. Panti Bliss/Noble Call/Oppression
Did you witness any "oppression/bullying" of your parents growing up?

sniperman · 25-01-2015 4:35pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

Fantastic contribution, do you have a question for me?

only question i have is why even put SSM to a vote?it just should not be even thought of,end of

Sonics2k · 25-01-2015 4:37pm

amdublin wrote: »

Oh I've thought of a question!

Re. Panti Bliss/Noble Call/Oppression
Did you witness any "oppression/bullying" of your parents growing up?

Never direct bullying or oppression. I do remember times we'd be walking down the street and someone driving past shouts "Dyke" or something, usually my parents just shrugged it off, but I do remember a few times it actually hurt them, but of course like all parents they wouldn't really show it in front of me.

Most people, and I do mean most people, that knew/know my parents have basically just accepted them for who they are and sexuality has little to do with it. Again, that's over the last 20 years or so, I do know that both of them would have received more hassle/oppression in late 70's and 80's.

seventeen sheep · 25-01-2015 4:37pm

sniperman wrote: »

only question i have is why even put SSM to a vote?it just should not be even thought of,end of

No one is making you marry anyone of the same sex ....

Unless you are considering marrying someone of the same sex as you, why do you think it affects you, and why do you care what others choose to do?

Sonics2k · 25-01-2015 4:38pm

sniperman wrote: »

only question i have is why even put SSM to a vote?it just should not be even thought of,end of

Y'know what, you are spot on my friend. Why even put it to a vote? We shouldn't even need to think of it, end of!

It should already be legal, we should not be into the second decade of the 21st century and debating this. Good man yourself, sniperman :pac:

Whosthis · 25-01-2015 4:49pm

As you're in your 30s I'm guessing your mums are of an age that there sexuality would have been a contentious issue with their parents, was that the case and if so did you have a relationship with your grandparents?

You've mentioned that your mother was good friends with your father yet you don't know him. Did they sever the friendship or are they still in contact?

Did you ever steal either or both of your mums Playboys?

Sonics2k · 25-01-2015 5:00pm

Whosthis wrote: »

As you're in your 30s I'm guessing your mums are of an age that there sexuality would have been a contentious issue with their parents, was that the case and if so did you have a relationship with your grandparents?

A fair question. My biological mothers mother was, so far as I know, quite accepting of it after some time. Maybe a few years and then she just stopped caring. I believe (but not positive) an early problem was grandkids, but that got sorted out haha. My biological grandfather seemed to drift in and out, I remember years and years of him seemingly not caring at all, and then for a while he denied ever knowing or accepting it, despite all the years at dinner and so on. He is okay and doesn't care about it anymore, I've spoken with him at length in private and know he's sorry for the past things he said. I appreciated his honesty for that.

My other mothers parents have, as far as I know at all, never really cared at all. They're both delightfully chirpy and stereotyped happy English couple who solve problems with tea and farming.

Whosthis wrote: »

You've mentioned that your mother was good friends with your father yet you don't know him. Did they sever the friendship or are they still in contact?

The friendship was severed a while after I was born. Sadly they basically drifted into different life styles, my parents being completely happy to do the happy family thing for a long time, and he was more up for the partying and general debauchery lifestyle.
I have, admittedly, in times in my life (like when my daughter was born) how my life would have been had I known him. But honestly, I think it would have been basically the same, with the same upbringing.

Whosthis wrote: »

Did you ever steal either or both of your mums Playboys?

Hah, this does actually remind me of a funny story.
I was asked when I was about 15 or so by a mate of mine if because my parents were lesbians, did that mean the idea of lesbian porn was of no interest to me. I looked him dead in the eye, in front of all our friends, and said "Let me ask you this, because your parents are straight, does that mean you never look at straight porn?"
We all laughed and so did he, admitting that was a damn good point.

In answer to your questions, no I did not steal them! My parents were far too high-brow for that filth! :pac:

Omackeral · 25-01-2015 5:49pm

Do you call both your mothers 'mam' or have you a variation for each parent?

Sonics2k · 25-01-2015 5:53pm

Omackeral wrote: »

Do you call both your mothers 'mam' or have you a variation for each parent?

I call them both by their names honestly. Habit I got into when I was very young and stuck with me, I call all my family by their names. It's like calling my cousin "Cousin". Sounded strange as a kid, still does.

Probably when I a child I called them mum or mam when I wanted something.

Gloomtastic! · 25-01-2015 9:27pm

Did you have a male role model when you were growing up?

sniperman · 25-01-2015 9:55pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

Y'know what, you are spot on my friend. Why even put it to a vote? We shouldn't even need to think of it, end of!

It should already be legal, we should not be into the second decade of the 21st century and debating this. Good man yourself, sniperman :pac:

think your missing my point,marrige should only be between a man and woman,it more natural,end of;)

sniperman · 25-01-2015 9:57pm

seventeen sheep wrote: »

No one is making you marry anyone of the same sex ....

Unless you are considering marrying someone of the same sex as you, why do you think it affects you, and why do you care what others choose to do?

ask the pope if he cares;)

Whosthis · 25-01-2015 10:04pm

sniperman wrote: »

think your missing my point,marrige should only be between a man and woman,it more natural,end of;)

Marriage isn't natural, its a human concept.

Mars Bar · 25-01-2015 10:26pm

sniperman wrote: »

ask the pope if he cares;)

In all honesty, who should give one flying **** what he thinks?

Thanks for your fantastic contribution OP.

Sonics2k · 25-01-2015 10:45pm

Gloomtastic! wrote: »

Did you have a male role model when you were growing up?

Besides Spiderman? Well I guess there was my grandfather, uncle, and other male friends of my parents. But as I said earlier, my own parents served both roles, exactly the same as a single mother would.

Sonics2k · 25-01-2015 11:02pm

sniperman wrote: »

think your missing my point,marrige should only be between a man and woman,it more natural,end of;)

I didn't miss your point at all, in fact.

Now, I didn't want to address as you haven't actually asked a question, but what the hell.

As you mentioned the Pope, well its clear you're a Catholic. The first thing I want to say is I respect that and your right to your belief. I'm not asking you to marry a man, or even that the Church should perform gay marriages.

Secondly, marriage itself in Ireland and Europe in general has changed massively even in the last 150 years. While it used to largely be about wealth and gaining land (ala Pride and Prejudice), its now more about love and commitment. Even divorce itself is a relatively new concept in Ireland and the Church claimed them that it would ruin marriage. Gosh, up until the 80s I believe it was legal for a husband to rape his wife, because it was his right. And even then, people complained about that.

Thirdly, the upcoming referendum is really just about legal recognition. Tax rights as a couple for example, and even basic rights of inheritence. For example, a female couple who have been together for let's say 50 years and one dies, sadly they lack proper legal recognition for the other to pass on their belongings.

Or even of say a lesbian couple had a child, the biological child of one of them. If both parents died when the child was let's say 18, the other mother would not be able to inherit her belongings to the child she'd raised for 18 years without a massive tax penalty.

I doubt you've read this far, so I'll finish on this. This referendum is not about redefining marriage, or even religion. It is simply about legal rights as a person.

Nothing more than that.

sniperman · 25-01-2015 11:07pm

Mars Bar wrote: »

In all honesty, who should give one flying **** what he thinks?

Thanks for your fantastic contribution OP.

well i think anyone who is catholic might disagree with your comment,if we all thought that about the closest person there is to god,then what would be the point of having a pope?

Aard · 25-01-2015 11:12pm

Can we just not go down the whole religion path? It's so overdone.

Question for OP (and thank you for your answers so far): Has "officialdom" ever been a problem for you? Like filling out forms where it might say "mother" and "father", that type of thing? Or because one of your mothers is not legally your parent, did Official Ireland just assume you were the child of a single mother?

Sonics2k · 25-01-2015 11:16pm

Aard wrote: »

Can we just not go down the whole religion path? It's so overdone.

Question for OP (and thank you for your answers so far): Has "officialdom" ever been a problem for you? Like filling out forms where it might say "mother" and "father", that type of thing? Or because one of your mothers is not legally your parent, did Official Ireland just assume you were the child of a single mother?

Funny you mention it, but it never really came up. As I said previously on hospital visits the Doctor always just assumed the one who brought me was my mother and went from there. If the other came to they did the usual eyes glazed thing for a moment and moved on.

Officially of course, Ireland has always gone with single parent. As I said before, legally they were never recognised as a couple and so, my mother mother was never recognised as a parent by the state. Despite the fact she was raising me.

Zaph · 25-01-2015 11:25pm

sniperman, despite the fact that you're doing a great job of encouraging people to vote yes, I have to insist that you stop derailing this thread. There are loads of SSM threads on the go in other forums if you want to debate the issue, but continuing to do so here will result in a ban.

Annasopra · 25-01-2015 11:39pm

What do you call your Mothers?

sniperman · 25-01-2015 11:39pm

Zaph wrote: »

sniperman, despite the fact that you're doing a great job of encouraging people to vote yes, I have to insist that you stop derailing this thread. There are loads of SSM threads on the go in other forums if you want to debate the issue, but continuing to do so here will result in a ban.

hey ,im having my say like all the rest,so i dont give a rats behind what you do,simples:D

Zaph · 25-01-2015 11:55pm

sniperman wrote: »

hey ,im having my say like all the rest,so i dont give a rats behind what you do,simples:D

Week off.

tjomeara118 · 26-01-2015 1:14am

Hi,

I was wondering if you ever had a time where you wondered would you be gay because you had lesbian parents? and if at any point, after you began to realise you had feelings for women, that you thought you would begin to have gay feelings at a later date?

shalalala · 26-01-2015 1:18am

It makes me sad that people are using this thread to push an agenda. This is one mans experiences and I for one am interested in hearing his answers. I have no idea why people are using it to attack the OPs upbringing when they could be using it to learn more about someones life.

Thank you OP for taking the time to answer these questions, often I have pondered a lot of them and never before have I had the opportunity to have them answered by someone that grew up in the situation.

stillalive88 · 26-01-2015 1:19am

Did you ever wonder how life would have been with two fathers instead?

secman · 26-01-2015 1:31am

My grandson has 2 mammies and it is normal for him, he distinguishes them apart by calling them Mama and their name. He's just a normal happy 3year old bundle of joy... pure tonic.When they told us they were going to try for a baby, my immediate question was "which one of you ?". My daughters response was " me, Jenny doesn't do pain "
And i used to be a dinosaur. ... shames me when i think how i used to behave and think about gay people. ... Thanks to my daughter and daughter in law I have copped on big time and for their sake i sincerely hope the referendum is passed.
Thanks sonic for your input into the debate .

.

lyda · 26-01-2015 1:32am

Wonderful thread, bar the two commenters here who are a little, um, off.

1. How do your moms feel about the beard?
2. What age were you when your parents split up? And a follow-up - did they handle it well? We all have friends who have had parents split up and some were messier than others. But straight parents have official recognition and there are some resources for them. Your mums were on their own. Official Ireland didn't even recognise them as you said so it had to have been hard for them.
3. Your fiancee essentially has four mothers-in-law. What does her family make of it? How do you and your future father-in-law handle being outnumbered 6 to 2?
4. How did your moms deal with you dating as you got older? Did they offer advice on how to treat women or did they find straight women mysterious?

The context for #4 for me - I worked for a few days in an office where I slowly realised I was the sole straight guy there. During breaks the guys would bemoan the state of their relationships / dating lives. And more importantly they would explain very often that men are horrible. There were multiple rather hilarious iterations of these conversations.

Obviously ones that parents wouldn't have with their kids, but I would just imagine a lesbian couple parenting a straight boy as he begins to date would have many potential moments of comedy. In fact I assume such a sitcom already exists or will soon.

chaz_angel · 26-01-2015 1:38am

Fantastic thread

certainly putting my mind at ease on a few things. All expectant parents worry and stress, we all hope that we get it right basically. All the debates just make that worry worse for those of us actually living this at the moment. Anyway I smiled reading your witty replies and I hope my son/daughter turns out as intelligent, respectful and polite as you.

Zaph · 26-01-2015 1:46am

I've just removed a lot of posts to clean up this thread and get it back on-topic. It would be appreciated if it could be kept that way. Thanks.

Dave147 · 26-01-2015 2:33am

Don't have a question for OP, but just wanted to say after reading his posts that he is clearly a very well rounded, intelligent and articulate individual. Your mothers I'm sure are very proud and you are an excellent spokesperson for the Yes vote. I was already voting yes, but hopefully it will make a few others realise they should vote yes also.

gary_world · 26-01-2015 2:39am

first and foremost, thank you for taking the time out to answer genuine questions with such candor and humour. i'm so impressed with the whole discussion on this thread and how people are so genuinely inquisitive of a life unknown.

i have just 2 questions for you:

1. where people have 'condemned' [for lack of a better word] your life experience of being raised by a lesbian couple etc., have they tended to cite 'religious' beliefs or something else? could you please talk to the reasons behind people not approving of your family situation.

2. with the exception of simpleman/sniperman, whatever his name was, have you had to moderate out a lot of negativity on this thread or have the majority of people posting been supportive of you?

thank you, and everyone else on this thread, for showing some maturity and grace in this debate ... it really is lacking on most social media sites.

Now Ye're Talking - To A Man With 2 Mothers

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