Does the "asking for hand in marriage" tradition still go on?

Antares35 · 10-10-2019 12:37pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Just do what makes you happy,
I knew asking for the blessing , (not permission ) would make her parents feel a bit involved and excited for the whole thing, It was happing weather they liked it or not but I thought it was nice for everyone to feel some what a part of it as she is the only daughter,

Someone said they'd think the person asking was a "BETA" , im in no shape or form a beta but I knew asking would make other people feel good and excited so why not give them that moment, ,
I could have easy said nothing and done it myself no one would have really cared but if you can add a bit of excitement and give the family good memories why not ?

Each to there own but to say someone is "BETA" for asking shows you care way to much about keeping up front's and the fear of that actually makes you a " BETA "

Agree.

https://www.themodernman.com/success/alpha-male-vs-beta-male.html

It's an interesting position that some people have taken - to ridicule the act of asking permission because it belittles the woman and treats her like property, while at the same time supporting the concept of the alpha male, who by design, is overly confident, and relentlessly pursues women he is interested in by making them feel "girly and feminine" in order for them to respect him. How do these two positions reconcile?

In my opinion, allowing any kind of hierarchical stereotype to dictate the value you place on a person is quite a Neanderthal approach, and I'm glad that neither of the two most important men in my life think like this

I'll take a beta with his mid level of social assurance any day!

miezekatze · 10-10-2019 1:17pm

I first heard of this tradition after I moved to Ireland so I wonder if this is just an Irish thing. I wouldn't have wanted my husband to ask my dad first or even talk to him about it before talking to me first. I think I would have found it a bit insulting tbh. We didn't have a traditional wedding or engagement either though, that was never really our thing.

facehugger99 · 10-10-2019 1:41pm

Antares35 wrote: »

It's an interesting position that some people have taken - to ridicule the act of asking permission because it belittles the woman and treats her like property,

No, I'd be more concerned at a man that needs to 'ask permission' from an older male figure.

It's strikes me as very Beta.

I would hope that my daughter has more sense than to marry a soyboy, I really would.

Antares35 · 10-10-2019 2:00pm

facehugger99 wrote: »

No, I'd be more concerned at a man that needs to 'ask permission' from an older male figure.

It's strikes me as very Beta.

I would hope that my daughter has more sense than to marry a soyboy, I really would.

Oh I don't doubt your concern, but you're just re-stating your position rather than answering my question which is how to reconcile a position which on the one hand demonises men who are viewed as "beta" but also (rightly) supports the idea that women should be confident and think for themselves - an alpha male, by design, would run a mile from such a woman.

Raconteuse · 10-10-2019 2:09pm

I thought soyboys/betas were feminists who would surely eschew such a tradition.

Antares35 · 10-10-2019 2:17pm

Raconteuse wrote: »

I thought soyboys/betas were feminists who would surely eschew such a tradition.

"As with ‘cuck’ before it, ‘soy boy’ has its roots in masculinity and an intense fear of being anything like a woman. Because as we know, a woman is the worst thing you can be."

https://metro.co.uk/2017/10/28/what-is-a-soy-boy-7034424/

yourdeadwright · 10-10-2019 3:34pm

facehugger99 wrote: »

No, I'd be more concerned at a man that needs to 'ask permission' from an older male figure.

It's strikes me as very Beta.

I would hope that my daughter has more sense than to marry a soyboy, I really would.

Surely you can see people just do it to involve there wife's family it more a sign of respect to her father, 99% will still go ahead with the marriage even if the father said no ,

Now obvious we don't know you or what your really like but in your post you show all the sign's of a BETA, afraid to let down a guard or show respect to someone incase the see that as a weakness

I'v never meet a Alpha who is afraid of showing another man respect Infact its a BETA trait to not show respect , its a fear that showing respect belittles you , its a lack of self confidence

If your a combat sports fan you'll see the most Alpha men in the world show respect to each other its not something to be afraid of ,

Again each to there own and there are many reason why someone would not ask the parents which are valid but to say someone who does is BETA or a soy boy is not an intelligent take on the situation ,

10-10-2019 6:36pm

Beta
Alpha

Get off the internet mate, real people don't talk/think like that

yourdeadwright · 11-10-2019 11:48am

Deleted User wrote: »

Beta
Alpha

Get off the internet mate, real people don't talk/think like that

I know just relying to the chap that started of the whole BETA debate

11-10-2019 1:39pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

I know just relying to the chap that started of the whole BETA debate

Fair enough :-)

B_ecke_r · 11-10-2019 1:41pm

I asked her Dad,

it's a nice touch I think and can mean a lot to a Dad

Does the "asking for hand in marriage" tradition still go on?

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