Does the "asking for hand in marriage" tradition still go on?

My husband didn't do it, nor did my sister's husband. It would not occur to him that if and when our daughter or sons are about to be proposed to that a prospective partner would ask him for permission.

I had an engagement ring because I wanted one, my dad walked me up the aisle etc but the 'asking for your daughter's hand in marriage' thing creeps me out.

lazygal wrote: »

He wasn't giving me away. He walked down the aisle with me. As he wanted to.

That's splitting straws really though. The father walking the bride down the aisle is traditionally the father 'giving away' the bride. Likewise the 'Asking the fathers permission' which in reality is just giving them a heads up in advance of anyone else.

lazygal wrote: »

My husband didn't do it, nor did my sister's husband. It would not occur to him that if and when our daughter or sons are about to be proposed to that a prospective partner would ask him for permission.

I had an engagement ring because I wanted one, my dad walked me up the aisle etc but the 'asking for your daughter's hand in marriage' thing creeps me out.

There's a contradiction in not wanting your finance to ask for permission, but still wanting the tradition of your father giving you away. You didn't consider it being given away, but that's the tradition that you observed.

And I think that's completely fine. I don't think people should have to explain themselves on what traditions they like and which they don't. Sometimes people have a specific objection to a tradition and sometimes it just doesn't feel right to them. Or maybe they have an objection but just like it anyway. And that's all completely fine.

My OH spoke to my Dad (he doesn't know this, I overheard them ) but it certainly wasn't asking permission, it was just telling him that this is what he was planning to do. I think some people are a little defensive about it. It's a tradition - do it if you want, don't do it if you don't want but don't be bullying and lambasting those who do. It's mean and it doesn't impact on you anyway. Sometimes traditions are held up just for nostalgia or whatever. Clearly, nobody actually thinks that daughters are their fathers property, and if you do think this, your problems go beyond this old school tradition. Traditions are there to be used or not, depending on the individual's preferences.

I like the idea that my OH spoke to my Dad about it. I know my Dad did too. I certainly am secure enough in my own independence as a grown woman with my own life, career, friends, goals etc. to not implode from sensitivity or offence because my other half decides to indulge my old dad in a bit of old school tradition. Also, people claiming that they would be grossly offended etc. if their partner did this - presumably, if you're planning to spend the rest of your life with someone, you would know them well enough to know where the land lies on this!

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Just do what makes you happy,
I knew asking for the blessing , (not permission ) would make her parents feel a bit involved and excited for the whole thing, It was happing weather they liked it or not but I thought it was nice for everyone to feel some what a part of it as she is the only daughter,

Someone said they'd think the person asking was a "BETA" , im in no shape or form a beta but I knew asking would make other people feel good and excited so why not give them that moment, ,
I could have easy said nothing and done it myself no one would have really cared but if you can add a bit of excitement and give the family good memories why not ?

Each to there own but to say someone is "BETA" for asking shows you care way to much about keeping up front's and the fear of that actually makes you a " BETA "

Agree.

https://www.themodernman.com/success/alpha-male-vs-beta-male.html

It's an interesting position that some people have taken - to ridicule the act of asking permission because it belittles the woman and treats her like property, while at the same time supporting the concept of the alpha male, who by design, is overly confident, and relentlessly pursues women he is interested in by making them feel "girly and feminine" in order for them to respect him. How do these two positions reconcile?

In my opinion, allowing any kind of hierarchical stereotype to dictate the value you place on a person is quite a Neanderthal approach, and I'm glad that neither of the two most important men in my life think like this I'll take a beta with his mid level of social assurance any day!

Antares35 wrote: »

It's an interesting position that some people have taken - to ridicule the act of asking permission because it belittles the woman and treats her like property,

No, I'd be more concerned at a man that needs to 'ask permission' from an older male figure.

It's strikes me as very Beta.

I would hope that my daughter has more sense than to marry a soyboy, I really would.

facehugger99 wrote: »

No, I'd be more concerned at a man that needs to 'ask permission' from an older male figure.

It's strikes me as very Beta.

I would hope that my daughter has more sense than to marry a soyboy, I really would.

Surely you can see people just do it to involve there wife's family it more a sign of respect to her father, 99% will still go ahead with the marriage even if the father said no ,





Now obvious we don't know you or what your really like but in your post you show all the sign's of a BETA, afraid to let down a guard or show respect to someone incase the see that as a weakness























I'v never meet a Alpha who is afraid of showing another man respect Infact its a BETA trait to not show respect , its a fear that showing respect belittles you , its a lack of self confidence














If your a combat sports fan you'll see the most Alpha men in the world show respect to each other its not something to be afraid of ,


Again each to there own and there are many reason why someone would not ask the parents which are valid but to say someone who does is BETA or a soy boy is not an intelligent take on the situation ,

Deleted User wrote: »

Beta
Alpha

Get off the internet mate, real people don't talk/think like that

I know just relying to the chap that started of the whole BETA debate

I asked her Dad,

it's a nice touch I think and can mean a lot to a Dad