General Chat Thread (PLEASE READ POST #1)

cactusgal · 06-02-2015 8:32pm

I'm not a book snob, but 50 Shades of Gray was honestly the most poorly written and horribly edited tripe I've ever had the misfortune of reading. Read 50 Shades of Tedious Fuc*ery on Red Lemonade Blog (what Toots linked), it is infinitely better!!!

Toots · 06-02-2015 11:43pm

How so Joe wrote: »

The whole story was originally posted on a fanfiction site, and it was called 'Master of the Universe' - how very he-man. James just changed the names before she published it as a standalone. Lots of the characters are instantly identifiable as their Twilight counterparts.

I know, it's just awful! I mean she didn't even make an effort to come up with very good different names. It's like she just got a book of baby names and looked a few lines along in the chapter with the same letter and went "that'll do!". When you think of the amount of would-be authors out there absolutely killing themselves to even get a look in with a publisher, and this wagon trots out this crap.

For anyone who has read Twilight but hasn't read 50 shíts, here's a character guide for you. May contain slight spoilers if you plan on reading the books.

Christian = Edward
Ana = Bella (only whereas Bella seems reasonably well able to take care of herself, Ana is just crap at life in general)
Mia = Alice
Grace = Esme (would you look at that, a parent who's a doctor!) and a bit of Carlisle too.
Mrs Jones = Also Esme
Taylor = Jasper
Mr Rodriguez (Jose's dad) = Billy Black
Taylor's Goon Squad = The Quileute wolf pack
Elizabeth from the office = Victoria
Kate = Rosalie with a bit of Angela
Ethan = a mixture of Mike Newton, Emmet
Paul Clayton = Mike Newton

Then she obviously got really lazy with these characters, because she wasn't even arsed changing the first letter of their names:

Elliott = Emmet
Jose = Jacob
Jack Hyde = James
Carrick = Carlisle
Carla (Ana's mum) = Renee
Ray = Charlie (see what she did there, reversed the parents and just used similar sounding names)

The only somewhat-original character is Elena (Mrs Robinson) because in fairness, Twilight largely stayed away from the area of statutory rape. Although it could be said that she's got a basis in Lauren & Jessica from the Twilight books, who go all claws out when Bella comes back to school after going insane when Christian Edward left.

Neyite · 06-02-2015 11:50pm

I've never read twilight. Should I?

cactusgal · 06-02-2015 11:54pm

Just following on from your point about her not being arsed changing the names/characters ... Another thing that really bugged me was that she had set the book in the USA, but kept using British English words, like "rucksack" and "plaited" and the ever-present foil "packet." (There's loads of other examples, but those are a few that I remember off the top of my head) If you're gonna set the book in the USA, at least make a minimal attempt to make the characters sound American.

cactusgal · 06-02-2015 11:56pm

Neyite wrote: »

I've never read twilight. Should I?

It's very poorly written, although I thought the idea behind it (vampire characters in the modern world) was interesting. I read the first book out if curiosity, but I didn't think it was great. But Twilight is like Shakespeare in comparison to 50 Shades!

(Again, I'm not a book snob, I loved Harry Potter and buy New magazine every week and have an unhealthy attachment to the celebrity column in the Daily Mail)

Neyite · 06-02-2015 11:57pm

Actually red lemonade linked to an Irish review

MistyCheese · 07-02-2015 12:03am

Toots wrote: »

If you've ever read twilight, the plot line is fairly similar. Except that in Twilight it takes 4 books til they get the ride, whereas in 50 shades it's not even 4 chapters.

I wasn't a bit surprised to hear that E.L James started out writing twilight fan fiction.

I've never read Twilight. I don't have any desire to read Twilight. That's not me knocking it though, I can't knock it if I haven't read it.

Toots · 07-02-2015 12:21am

Neyite wrote: »

I've never read twilight. Should I?

I actually quite like the Twilight books, I first read them when I was 19/20 I think, but have re-read them a couple of times. I'm not mad on the films, but the books at least have like-able characters.

cactusgal wrote: »

Just following on from your point about her not being arsed changing the names/characters ... Another thing that really bugged me was that she had set the book in the USA, but kept using British English words, like "rucksack" and "plaited" and the ever-present foil "packet." (There's loads of other examples, but those are a few that I remember off the top of my head) If you're gonna set the book in the USA, at least make a minimal attempt to make the characters sound American.

Oh god, the 'foil packet'. Talk about a passion killer!

GUY: "Ooh yeah baby, I've got a raging horn, let's bone!"
GIRL: "Hang on, you're riddled. I don't wanna get the clap, or pregnant."
GUY: "Don't worry baby, just grab one of those foil packets out of the nightstand."
GIRL: "One of.....what......?"
GUY: "A foil packet. They're in the top drawer there. Just grab one and I can get on with impaling you on my pork sword!"
GIRL: "You mean a condom?"
GUY "Yes, but it's contained within a foil packet, so therefore you must first grab the foil packet, in order to get the condom. I mean, it's just common sense. So if you'd just hurry up and hand me the foil packet we can get on with things..."
GIRL: "Ok, I'm going to just have to stop you there. It is not normal to refer to condoms as 'foil packets'. It' just not. Condom, johnny, rubber, helmet, cock armour, rain mac, protection, hell even prophylactic would be preferable. 'Foil packet' just makes you sound like an anally retentive nut job. And with that, I'm leaving. You can finish yourself off, you probably won't need a 'foil packet' for that."

Seriously, with all that's wrong with that book, the LAST thing E.L.J. needs to be worrying about is getting criticised for implying that the characters don't practice safe sex. It's not like it's going to be read by a bunch of impressionable 14 year olds!

cactusgal · 07-02-2015 12:29am

Toots wrote: »

GUY "Yes, but it's contained within a foil packet, so therefore you must first grab the foil packet, in order to get the condom. I mean, it's just common sense. So if you'd just hurry up and hand me the foil packet we can get on with things..."

Lolz. And the number of times that Ana flushes, blushes, or bites her lip. Or refers to turning on her laptop as "firing up the mean machine." And don't even get me started on her Inner Goddess, or whatever the F it was!!!

Toots · 07-02-2015 12:34am

Let's not be too hard on the girl, she's probably hitting the menopause early. I hear those hot flushes are a killer.

Malari · 07-02-2015 8:49am

cactusgal wrote: »

It's very poorly written, although I thought the idea behind it (vampire characters in the modern world) was interesting. I read the first book out if curiosity, but I didn't think it was great. But Twilight is like Shakespeare in comparison to 50 Shades!

(Again, I'm not a book snob, I loved Harry Potter and buy New magazine every week and have an unhealthy attachment to the celebrity column in the Daily Mail)

Don't put HP in the same category! That has plotting, great characterisation and story-telling! ;-)

fits · 07-02-2015 9:16am

Has there ever been a photo thread in here? Following a few people now and would love to see photos from their wedding day.

Extraplus · 07-02-2015 11:13am

fits wrote: »

Has there ever been a photo thread in here? Following a few people now and would love to see photos from their wedding day.

Oh, that's a great idea! I'd love to see how people's day turns out after having chats about them here!

Toots · 07-02-2015 2:03pm

I don't think we've had a photo thread before. If you want to start one, feel free

the only thing is a lot of people may feel shy about putting their wedding pics up on Boards for all and sundry to see!

fits · 07-02-2015 2:05pm

Toots wrote: »

I don't think we've had a photo thread before. If you want to start one, feel free the only thing is a lot of people may feel shy about putting their wedding pics up on Boards for all and sundry to see!

I know, and I would count myself among them, so I worded it as any photo. You can still show something from the day without showing faces if you don't wish to.

tinkerbell · 07-02-2015 2:42pm

Toots wrote: »

I actually quite like the Twilight books, I first read them when I was 19/20 I think, but have re-read them a couple of times. I'm not mad on the films, but the books at least have like-able characters.

Oh god, the 'foil packet'. Talk about a passion killer!

GUY: "Ooh yeah baby, I've got a raging horn, let's bone!"
GIRL: "Hang on, you're riddled. I don't wanna get the clap, or pregnant."
GUY: "Don't worry baby, just grab one of those foil packets out of the nightstand."
GIRL: "One of.....what......?"
GUY: "A foil packet. They're in the top drawer there. Just grab one and I can get on with impaling you on my pork sword!"
GIRL: "You mean a condom?"
GUY "Yes, but it's contained within a foil packet, so therefore you must first grab the foil packet, in order to get the condom. I mean, it's just common sense. So if you'd just hurry up and hand me the foil packet we can get on with things..."
GIRL: "Ok, I'm going to just have to stop you there. It is not normal to refer to condoms as 'foil packets'. It' just not. Condom, johnny, rubber, helmet, cock armour, rain mac, protection, hell even prophylactic would be preferable. 'Foil packet' just makes you sound like an anally retentive nut job. And with that, I'm leaving. You can finish yourself off, you probably won't need a 'foil packet' for that."

Seriously, with all that's wrong with that book, the LAST thing E.L.J. needs to be worrying about is getting criticised for implying that the characters don't practice safe sex. It's not like it's going to be read by a bunch of impressionable 14 year olds!

Hold on .... What in the actual fook? :eek: Is this an excerpt from that 50 Shades rubbish? I haven't actually read it - I refuse to insult my intelligence by reading that crap! :pac:

Neyite - I actually loved the Twilight books, ok they are not for everyone but I enjoyed them. The movies on the other hand were a load of crap though.

Toots · 07-02-2015 5:04pm

tinkerbell wrote: »

Hold on .... What in the actual fook? :eek: Is this an excerpt from that 50 Shades rubbish?

tinkerbell, you wound me! That is a Toots original right there, an excerpt from MY forthcoming novel '50 Shags of Awfulness'! EL James WISHES she could write literary gold like that!

fits · 08-02-2015 11:36am

Stamps! Available from Thursday

fits · 08-02-2015 11:39am

Although maybe I should post the invites from Finland. Yes these are official stamps here.

Stamps designed as a tribute to homoerotic artist and gay icon Touko Laaksonen -- also known as Tom of Finland -- went on sale Monday.

Tom+of+Finland+postimerkki+arkki+Touko+Laaksonen.jpg

MistyCheese · 08-02-2015 12:17pm

Finland seems like a pretty cool place.

January · 08-02-2015 12:28pm

You should SO send them from Finland!

Toots · 08-02-2015 4:48pm

Jaysus imagine if An Post launched those over here! There'd be riots!

fits · 08-02-2015 4:52pm

Toots wrote: »

Jaysus imagine if An Post launched those over here! There'd be riots!

Hmmm I think it is at least in part motivated by annoying-the-russians. People can be quite conservative here too but in general yes, society is very progressive.

Faith · 08-02-2015 6:45pm

Fits, do you know how long those stamps will be available for? I might get someone to pick them up for us for our invitations.

fits · 08-02-2015 7:00pm

Faith wrote: »

Fits, do you know how long those stamps will be available for? I might get someone to pick them up for us for our invitations.

No idea but you can order them online from thursday. I think irishstamps.ie is the website.

Faith · 08-02-2015 7:04pm

They actually match our invitations perfectly so I must get them! Hopefully they'll be online for a bit because collectors will want them too.

tinkerbell · 09-02-2015 2:21am

Faith wrote: »

They actually match our invitations perfectly so I must get them! Hopefully they'll be online for a bit because collectors will want them too.

Which stamps are you referring to? :pac:

rainbow kirby · 09-02-2015 11:55am

If I had any really conservative relatives, I would absolutely *love* to have been able to use the Tom of Finland ones

Toots · 14-02-2015 1:42pm

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Has anyone got any nice plans?

I'll be having a romantic dinner for 3 cooked by my hubby. My son was learning about valentines day in playschool and came home yesterday with the cutest little card, my heart just about melted when I opened it.

fits · 14-02-2015 1:45pm

He bought me a rose bush.

no flowers right now but I think its the sweetest thing.

General Chat Thread (PLEASE READ POST #1)

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