What's the etiquette here??

Brendan Bendar · 25-11-2019 6:25pm

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I had a fairly thunderous sh1te there, delivered a payload of 64 kilograms of highly enriched uranium-235 into the jacks. Minimal paperwork required, but i did have to bring the brush into action. Never pleasant.

I didn't have a full clear out since Friday, think it must have been the de-hydration. I drank two litres water of before lunch, that got things moving.

I feel like a new man.

#blessed

64kilos.... no way...6.4 maybe but you’d want a hole like the sleeve of a winter coat to discharge that lot.

Borderfox · 25-11-2019 7:02pm

Top floor of the Powerscourt centre has some fine facilities for making a large deposit. Two cubicles but in opposite corners is just perfect to unload the contents of a days ramble around town

KWAG2019 · 25-11-2019 7:28pm

Borderfox wrote: »

Top floor of the Powerscourt centre has some fine facilities for making a large deposit. Two cubicles but in opposite corners is just perfect to unload the contents of a days ramble around town

The danger there is that large deposit has a deep plunge to reach under street level. Terminal velocity on some of what we read about here would cause fair damage to pipe work. Mind you. I always wondered about the thunderous rumbling and thuds you’d hear in parts of that place. You’d be settling into your chicken maryland and you’d hear this barrage. Actually, I might have been better not knowing what some kernt had loosed into the wild.

Voodoomelon · 25-11-2019 7:59pm

This warning was stuck in up in the local gym 3 years ago and still remains firmly tacked to the notice board, which indicates that the Phantom Shítter is still at large. He's a crafty bugger to be keeping it up this long, but deserves to be hung from the nearest pulldown machine.

I've yet to come across any of his "work" thank god, but have fallen victim a few times to inhaling the noxious fumes of an unflushed protein-laden log left winking from the depths of the pan. The gym seems to bring out the filth in people; had an aul lad try to strike up conversation with me in the locker room whilst he ran his towel between his arse cheeks for a good 20 seconds. Have these lads no shame?

Brendan Bendar · 25-11-2019 8:49pm

Voodoomelon wrote: »

This warning was stuck in up in the local gym 3 years ago and still remains firmly tacked to the notice board, which indicates that the Phantom Shítter is still at large. He's a crafty bugger to be keeping it up this long, but deserves to be hung from the nearest pulldown machine.

I've yet to come across any of his "work" thank god, but have fallen victim a few times to inhaling the noxious fumes of an unflushed protein-laden log left winking from the depths of the pan. The gym seems to bring out the filth in people; had an aul lad try to strike up conversation with me in the locker room whilst he ran his towel between his arse cheeks for a good 20 seconds. Have these lads no shame?

Fcuking clackers and knob must have flying around like the opening break in a pool game?

Filthy kernt probably shook the clags onto the floor after the arse sawing.

Arse on him like a roofers tool bag probably.

JohnnyFlash · 25-11-2019 9:12pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

64kilos.... no way...6.4 maybe but you’d want a hole like the sleeve of a winter coat to discharge that lot.

I’d say it came out like bats at dusk, Brendan.

Dirty fücker.

Bullocks · 25-11-2019 9:35pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

64kilos.... no way...6.4 maybe but you’d want a hole like the sleeve of a winter coat to discharge that lot.

If a lad was asked to push 64 kgs in a wheelbarrow they would be ****ed not to mind carrying it in the bowels.

NeinNeinNein · 25-11-2019 10:47pm

Voodoomelon wrote: »

The gym seems to bring out the filth in people; had an aul lad try to strike up conversation with me in the locker room whilst he ran his towel between his arse cheeks for a good 20 seconds. Have these lads no shame?

Dirty bugger. I'll bet that was before he even hopped into the shower.

tgdaly · 26-11-2019 12:10am

Hector Savage wrote: »

Im afraid to google that at work ...

in other news - the Pintman has had his ban reduced.

Posters like him make this site worth visiting, it's a good move to have him back.

I see Andreas77 has got himself a ban as well, however unlike Pintman he is no loss to this thread, only talks sh1te and not in a good way

EmmetSpiceland · 26-11-2019 12:13am

tgdaly wrote: »

I see Andreas77 has got himself a ban as well, however unlike Pintman he is no loss to this thread, only talks sh1te and not in a good way

A “low blow” taking a swipe at man who’s not here to defend himself, T.

tgdaly · 26-11-2019 12:28am

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

A “low blow” taking a swipe at man who’s not here to defend himself, T.

Sorry E, I just hate when the thread gets sidetracked by some of his more "distasteful" comments. I've no problem with the lad if he just sticks to talking about good toilet etiquette and general "waste management" so to speak. I'm by no means the most active poster on this thread but I'm as passionate as any other man about it, would hate to see it jeopardised in any way.

Genuinely look forward to sitting down every day for a good sh1te and educate myself

Lewis_Benson · 26-11-2019 12:28am

Picked up some sort of stomach bug today.

Jaysus tte session on the ****ter this morning was horrible.
What came out of me should never come out of any man.

Sharp MZ700 · 26-11-2019 12:35am

Same here Lewis, not feeling the best..what came outta me this morning was pure 80's, a mix of Cola Soda Stream and chocolate Angel Delight. Felt clean as a whistle after it though.

26-11-2019 12:55am

The system needs a good "purging" every now and then.

sligojoek · 26-11-2019 1:17am

Deleted User wrote: »

The system needs a good "purging" every now and then.

Leave politics out of this fine thread.

sligojoek · 26-11-2019 1:21am

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

A “low blow” taking a swipe at man who’s not here to defend himself, T.

tgdaly wrote: »

Sorry E, I just hate when the thread gets sidetracked by some of his more "distasteful" comments. I've no problem with the lad if he just sticks to talking about good toilet etiquette and general "waste management" so to speak. I'm by no means the most active poster on this thread but I'm as passionate as any other man about it, would hate to see it jeopardised in any way.

Genuinely look forward to sitting down every day for a good sh1te and educate myself

As regards "The Prisoner" I think the "judge" made a good call.

There's "filthy kernts" and there's "filthy kernts".

NSFW posts in otherwise "harmless" threads.

26-11-2019 1:24am

sligojoek wrote: »

Leave politics out of this fine thread.

Nothing political about clearing out the pipework every few weeks. A pot of dunnes stores indulgent stracciatella yogurt combined with a chocolate protein shake make a good accelerant to get things moving when feeling a bit bound up.

sligojoek · 26-11-2019 1:32am

A few dollops of the Greek stuff in a curry is good too. The important thing is to keep the heat low after adding. If it boils up and "splits" you'll could be in for a dose of "ring sting" in the morning. Wrap Andrex in cling-film and leave in the fridge overnight, just in case.

LaFuton · 26-11-2019 1:54am

pukin from ur arse

Nevin Parsnipp · 26-11-2019 9:48am

tgdaly wrote: »

I see Andreas77 has got himself a ban as well, however unlike Pintman he is no loss to this thread, only talks sh1te and not in a good way

Is that cnunt Losty back ?

Sent me a vile abusive personal message with no provocation on my part !

Very upsetting for a respected poster.

If I come across that useless bell end he will get the nibb of a heavy brogan between his arse cheeks that will have him ****eing in landscape mode !

Personal abuse should not be tolerated....:eek:

Brendan Bendar · 26-11-2019 10:11am

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Is that cnunt Losty back ?

Sent me a vile abusive personal message with no provocation on my part !

Very upsetting for a respected poster.

If I come across that useless bell end he will get the nibb of a heavy brogan between his arse cheeks that will have him ****eing in landscape mode !

Personal abuse should not be tolerated....:eek:

Go take a good dump Nevin, you are getting a bit sour here abusing a lad like Losty, lad might have a gallon of porter on board.

Haven’t we all had tankage on board and fired off abuse at some Mod or something we didn’t like and wanted a cut at.

Take a good dose of orange juice lad, and spread the cheeks.

Might clear some of the bile out of you.

EmmetSpiceland · 26-11-2019 11:51am

tgdaly wrote: »

Sorry E, I just hate when the thread gets sidetracked by some of his more "distasteful" comments. I've no problem with the lad if he just sticks to talking about good toilet etiquette and general "waste management" so to speak. I'm by no means the most active poster on this thread but I'm as passionate as any other man about it, would hate to see it jeopardised in any way.

Genuinely look forward to sitting down every day for a good sh1te and educate myself

Your alright, T.

I guess he could get a bit, well, descriptive when he was talking about his “mickey”. Something he seemed to mention a lot.

But enough focusing on the “shortcomings” of others, let’s continue with the task at hand.

I saw someone post in another thread about the smell of asparagus in your piss after eating it. Well, I had the misfortune of hitting a trap that had a “bowlful” of dark yellow water contained within and the stink of syrupy “Sugar Puffs” hung heavy in the air. I actually gasped.

Was like getting hit with a “sweet” tear gas, still have a burning sensation in my nose. I didn’t even flush it, I couldn’t, I just backed out and took my place in a separate stall.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d have a bit of a “sweet tooth” myself but this incident will have me sticking to the fruit and water for a day or too.

Nasty business, I have my suspicions about who squeezed out that thick “golden syrup” but will have to wait and see if I can prove it.

I mean, he could have just flushed, it’s bad enough he pissed in a cubicle but to not flush is inexcusable. I’m guessing it was because the viscosity would have been too much to deal anywhere else, definitely would have required some stretching and “frubing” with a small amount of paperwork once he was done.

Brendan Bendar · 26-11-2019 12:09pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Your alright, T.

I guess he could get a bit, well, descriptive when he was talking about his “mickey”. Something he seemed to mention a lot.

But enough focusing on the “shortcomings” of others, let’s continue with the task at hand.

I saw someone post in another thread about the smell of asparagus in your piss after eating it. Well, I had the misfortune of hitting a trap that had a “bowlful” of dark yellow water contained within and the stink of syrupy “Sugar Puffs” hung heavy in the air. I actually gasped.

Was like getting hit with a “sweet” tear gas, still have a burning sensation in my nose. I didn’t even flush it, I couldn’t, I just backed out and took my place in a separate stall.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d have a bit of a “sweet tooth” myself but this incident will have me sticking to the fruit and water for a day or too.

Nasty business, I have my suspicions about who squeezed out that thick “golden syrup” but will have to wait and see if I can prove it.

I mean, he could have just flushed, it’s bad enough he pissed in a cubicle but to not flush is inexcusable. I’m guessing it was because the viscosity would have been too much to deal anywhere else, definitely would have required some stretching and “frubing” with a small amount of paperwork once he was done.

Grade six rough sandpaper given the description.

EmmetSpiceland · 26-11-2019 12:18pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Grade six rough sandpaper given the description.

From the colour and the “bang” off it I’d say he might have had to rest it on the seat and “press” to get the last of it out, B.

Very thick. Prick could do with a couple of litres of water. But, if it’s the guy I think it is, he only drinks Pepsi Max and those “energy” drinks.

Hector Savage · 26-11-2019 12:30pm

Voodoomelon wrote: »

This warning was stuck in up in the local gym 3 years ago and still remains firmly tacked to the notice board, which indicates that the Phantom Shítter is still at large. He's a crafty bugger to be keeping it up this long, but deserves to be hung from the nearest pulldown machine.

I've yet to come across any of his "work" thank god, but have fallen victim a few times to inhaling the noxious fumes of an unflushed protein-laden log left winking from the depths of the pan. The gym seems to bring out the filth in people; had an aul lad try to strike up conversation with me in the locker room whilst he ran his towel between his arse cheeks for a good 20 seconds. Have these lads no shame?

We could do with that sign at my workplace!

partyguinness · 26-11-2019 1:39pm

Situation yesterday evening at work. Been struggling with a cold etc over the past few weeks and normal toilet routine is all over the place so I found myself having to deliver a post lunch payload which is most unusual

Anyways, standard fare until I had to reach for the toilet brush. The brush head broke clean off and into the pan. May have been a little too rigorous or it was a suicide attempt by the brush. I had already flushed so the flora and fauna was passable but still had to dip the hand in to retrieve it. But to my shame I managed to coax the brush head back on to the handle and gently place it back in the holder for the next guy to take the hit.

Bumped into the other lad working here this morning coming in the door clutching with a new toilet brush and holder telling me how he somehow managed to break the toilet brush.

On mature reflection and all things considered this is probably an example of bad toilet etiquette and a little cowardly.

Bullocks · 26-11-2019 2:28pm

partyguinness wrote: »

Situation yesterday evening at work. Been struggling with a cold etc over the past few weeks and normal toilet routine is all over the place so I found myself having to deliver a post lunch payload which is most unusual

Anyways, standard fare until I had to reach for the toilet brush. The brush head broke clean off and into the pan. May have been a little too rigorous or it was a suicide attempt by the brush. I had already flushed so the flora and fauna was passable but still had to dip the hand in to retrieve it. But to my shame I managed to coax the brush head back on to the handle and gently place it back in the holder for the next guy to take the hit.

Bumped into the other lad working here this morning coming in the door clutching with a new toilet brush and holder telling me how he somehow managed to break the toilet brush.

On mature reflection and all things considered this is probably an example of bad toilet etiquette and a little cowardly.

Not at all, I think you played it like a pro, let the other bollix buy the brush. For all you know he might have fractured it in a previous stirring of the poop

EmmetSpiceland · 26-11-2019 2:56pm

partyguinness wrote: »

On mature reflection and all things considered this is probably an example of bad toilet etiquette and a little cowardly.

While what you did would certainly be frowned upon on your home “patch”, in a work setting you were perfectly entitled to, simply, walk away.

In fact, going back in for the brush head would be seen as going “above and beyond” what is expected of you.

Well done, sir. Well done.

NeinNeinNein · 26-11-2019 3:25pm

Personally I would never fish out anything with a bare hand. Unless I was in the ladies, then I would rise to the occasion.

KWAG2019 · 26-11-2019 3:49pm

Another origin story for chancing your arm or your hand. The flush removes the heavyweights but what remains! And there’s you serving up the Krispy Kreme donuts at work and shaking hands with the important client from Dubai. Unclean! Unclean!

What's the etiquette here??

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