The bride who wanted a no kids wedding now wants her kids at the wedding

v638sg7k1a92bx · 15-07-2020 2:40am #1

You couldn't make this up. There is now a dispute in the family because the sister in law who was adamant about having a no kids wedding now wants an exception to be made for her kids to be allowed to another relatives wedding. Something to do with not leaving her 1.5 yo and 4 yo alone and the babysitter, the weekend, the cost, her kids are really good etc etc.
The lack of awareness of these people is incredible. Did she not think other people had the same issue for at her wedding knowing that her husband's siblings and cousins had small children but now that the tables have turned somehow the situation is different for her?

Do people who have childless weddings also plan on having childless marriages? There is glaring lack of self awareness with newly weds in that the whole point of marriage is the start a family and you mark this occasion by excluding children which most people intend on having.

At my wedding, everyone was invited. I was aware that if I want my friends and family have lives and commitments of their own and if I want them to be there then I accept they have families of their own. What type of friend says I want you to come to my wedding but leave your kids at home or leave your wife at home?

lazygal · 15-07-2020 5:28am

We had a child free wedding.
We never expect our children to be accommodated at a wedding.
Unless this is your wedding stay out of it.

Pawwed Rig · 15-07-2020 5:41am

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

At my wedding, everyone was invited. I was aware that if I want my friends and family have lives and commitments of their own and if I want them to be there then I accept they have families of their own. What type of friend says I want you to come to my wedding but leave your kids at home or leave your wife at home?

Same as mine. We did everything we could to encourage people to come and did our best to keep costs down for our guests.
Weddings unfortunately seem to bring out the selfish in people. How often have you heard something like 'her wedding so she decides '.
When my kids aren't invited to a wedding we don't really enjoy it as we need to check in regularly. We usually end up leaving at around 10 to make it home at a reasonable hour. The day is more of a hassle than anything else.

15-07-2020 5:45am

I don’t think there’s much that can ruin a wedding as much as children at it. For one day arrangements should be made and they should be left behind and if you can’t/won’t then don’t come.
The woman in the OP just sounds mean and wants it every way. Hopefully the couple getting married stand for.

Sebastian Dangerfield · 15-07-2020 6:00am

There are two issues here. One is the issue of kids at weddings, which has been done to death on Boards. I personally think weddings are not places for kids, in the same way I wouldnt leave a child in a pub for 12 hours. This is getting worse rather than better, due to the ever growing beast that is the Irish wedding. Every one I go to seems to have more standing around and waiting than the last. I accept people have different views on that.

The other is this persons huge double standards, which seem odd in the extreme.

Gruffalux · 15-07-2020 6:11am

Everything about weddings bamboozles me. The mind boggling expense. The paralysing stress. The stupid numbers. The should dos, must haves, cant bares. It is a cryptic modern invention designed to torture people at the beginning of a marriage. Bring back small quick I Dos in a little church or public office followed by tasty snacks in someones house and then everyone can feck off mid afternoon and live happily ever after! I eloped and hope to goodness my children do too. A million problems solved in one fell swoop.
As for this issue OP and any similar issues my advice is stay well back, say nothing, offer no ears to argument, be completely and happily detached from the madness and float on by.

15-07-2020 6:28am

Gruffalox wrote: »

Everything about weddings bamboozles me. The mind boggling expense. The paralysing stress. The stupid numbers. The should dos, must haves, cant bares. It is a cryptic modern invention designed to torture people at the beginning of a marriage. Bring back small quick I Dos in a little church or public office followed by tasty snacks in someones house and then everyone can feck off mid afternoon and live happily ever after! I eloped and hope to goodness my children do too. A million problems solved in one fell swoop.
As for this issue OP and any similar issues my advice is stay well back, say nothing, offer no ears to argument, be completely and happily detached from the madness and float on by.

I’d be more of the thinking that people should do what they want themselves. Big wedding if they like or your small wedding if they like, but I certainly wouldn’t hold them to yours.
This bride in question sounds like she doesn’t want children at hers the same as double standards woman didn’t want them at hers.

Gruffalux · 15-07-2020 6:59am

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

I’d be more of the thinking that people should do what they want themselves. Big wedding if they like or your small wedding if they like, but I certainly wouldn’t hold them to yours.
This bride in question sounds like she doesn’t want children at hers the same as double standards woman didn’t want them at hers.

I know people should do what they want. Just some things seem to bring a lot more hassle in their wake. Plus the general point stands - stay back, don't wade into other people's melodramas . It will be sorted by the loudest voice. Life is too short for that.

Loveinapril · 15-07-2020 7:09am

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Do people who have childless weddings also plan on having childless marriages?

Absolutely not the same thing. People who have kids manage jobs, trips to the pub, meals out and weekends away without their kids. If someone is having a party, often with a long day of alcohol use, they are absolutely entitled to say they don't want children present. We only had our two nieces present as they were flower girls and they left after the meal. If my kids were invited to a wedding I wouldn't being them. They are under 3 though, so it would be a nightmare day. I can't see myself wanting to bring them for the next few years anyway unless it was either of our siblings getting married.

GingerLily · 15-07-2020 7:19am

I had a mostly childless wedding (just my 2 nieces and babies under 1), the venue wasn't very safe for kids and I know we made the right decision for us given what I've seen at other family weddings. None of our close friends or family cared, only distant cousins really, which really doesn't bother me.

Unless the B&G have asked you to get involved, stay out of it OP.

Irishphotodesk · 15-07-2020 7:33am

The only people we didn’t invite to our wedding was social media, we asked people not to post images online because some people who were not invited may be hurt/offended, we wanted people to enjoy the moment and the day.

As regards kids, we felt it added to the party seeing young kids dancing without a care in the world, some with no rhythm just bopping along , playing air guitar, or trying to imitate adults.

one of my sisters was heavily pregnant at the time of our wedding, and kids in the immediate family ranged from a few months old to in their teens.

We have attended weddings where kids were not invited and due to how young our kids were at the time we felt it necessary to either not attend (usually a friends wedding) or have one of us stay with the kids in hotel room for the duration (usually it was a relatives wedding).

The cost involved in attending any wedding these days is crazy, I think we have 2 next year which were postponed from 2020, we had arranged that the kids attend a sleepover with cousins for one of the weddings and had not seen formal arrangements for the second wedding but assume kids will be invited due to the fact that our kids are friends and go on play dates...but we will cross that when invite comes in the letterbox next summer.

For us, kids aren’t an issue at a wedding, neither family are big drinkers so there was never going to be adults drunk and somewhat messy.

Hannibal_Smith · 15-07-2020 7:36am

It's a bit rich having a no kids wedding and then insisting your kids are invited to another wedding. I think that's really cheeky.

Heres Johnny · 15-07-2020 7:48am

What I don't get is why people take other peoples weddings so seriously. Giving out about timing/costs/kids/locations etc and putting themselves under pressure but still going. If it doesn't suit, don't go. They're nearly all carbon copy of each other anyway even though everyone spends big thinking they're unique.

I'm in my late 30s now and have been invited to, at a guess, 50 to 60 weddings in last 10 years between my huge number of cousins, rugby club mates, gaa club mates, close friends, work colleagues. I've gone to about 10, just made excuses with work/holidays and wished them luck. 6 weddings a year, not a hope, couldn't sit through that many. Some cousins pissed off at me but don't really care.

Sebastian Dangerfield · 15-07-2020 7:58am

The hassle that comes from these things is unreal. My cousins wife still hasnt spoken to me 5 years later, because I said their invite was just for the adults. She had mentioned before that regardless of what was written on the invite, unless she was categorically told not to bring kids, she was bringing them to any wedding she was invited to. So I categorically told her and it didnt go down well.

At another wedding, people coming from America hassled every member of the family to lobby for their teenage daughter to come (the issue wasnt so much with her, the bride felt if that person came, she'd have to row back on another 20 or so kids coming). Anyway despite being told by everyone not to bring the teenager, who could stay behind in the US with her dad, they landed in with her anyway and the bride had a handful of people on her back all the next day, about why some kids were allowed but theirs weren't.

Like some others, if my kids are invited Im still not bringing them, for their sake and mine. Ive been to some lower key weddings in the UK though, and would probably reconsider if that was the done thing here. But its not.

Fr Tod Umptious · 15-07-2020 8:00am

The thing is that when most people get married they don't have kids themselves so they don't understand the amount of time and effort that kids take up, especially the ages mentioned in this case 1.5yo and 4yo.

They think that it's easy for a couple to go to an event without their kids, being totally oblivious to things like finding a babysitter, the amount of time they will be away etc etc.

And why wouldn't they be oblivious, they don't have kids, they don't know what's involved.

But now the shoe is on the other foot, the person in question has two of her own, and is probably flat out with both of them.
She knows the hassle of having to get a babysitter, of being away all day/possibly overnight.
And she probably has a very different mindset when it comes to kids than she did when she got married.

It's only natural, kids are the biggest game changer in life.

15-07-2020 8:02am

Sebastian Dangerfield wrote: »

The hassle that comes from these things is unreal. My cousins wife still hasnt spoken to me 5 years later, because I said their invite was just for the adults. She had mentioned before that regardless of what was written on the invite, unless she was categorically told not to bring kids, she was bringing them to any wedding she was invited to. So I categorically told her and it didnt go down well.

At another wedding, people coming from America hassled every member of the family to lobby for their teenage daughter to come (the issue wasnt so much with her, the bride felt if that person came, she'd have to row back on another 20 or so kids coming). Anyway despite being told by everyone not to bring the teenager, who could stay behind in the US with her dad, they landed in with her anyway and the bride had a handful of people on her back all the next day, about why some kids were allowed but theirs weren't.

Like some others, if my kids are invited Im still not bringing them, for their sake and mine. Ive been to some lower key weddings in the UK though, and would probably reconsider if that was the done thing here. But its not.

That would boil me. The lot of them should have been turned away for bringing her.

15-07-2020 8:04am

Fr Tod Umptious wrote: »

The thing is that when most people get married they don't have kids themselves so they don't understand the amount of time and effort that kids take up, especially the ages mentioned in this case 1.5yo and 4yo.

They think that it's easy for a couple to go to an event without their kids, being totally oblivious to things like finding a babysitter, the amount of time they will be away etc etc.

And why wouldn't they be oblivious, they don't have kids, they don't know what's involved.

But now the shoe is on the other foot, the person in question has two of her own, and is probably flat out with both of them.
She knows the hassle of having to get a babysitter, of being away all day/possibly overnight.
And she probably has a very different mindset when it comes to kids than she did when she got married.

It's only natural, kids are the biggest game changer in life.

That’s not the brides problem though. The same as it wasn’t this other woman’s problem when she didn’t want children at hers.

lazygal · 15-07-2020 8:06am

Fr Tod Umptious wrote: »

The thing is that when most people get married they don't have kids themselves so they don't understand the amount of time and effort that kids take up, especially the ages mentioned in this case 1.5yo and 4yo.

They think that it's easy for a couple to go to an event without their kids, being totally oblivious to things like finding a babysitter, the amount of time they will be away etc etc.

And why wouldn't they be oblivious, they don't have kids, they don't know what's involved.

But now the shoe is on the other foot, the person in question has two of her own, and is probably flat out with both of them.
She knows the hassle of having to get a babysitter, of being away all day/possibly overnight.
And she probably has a very different mindset when it comes to kids than she did when she got married.

It's only natural, kids are the biggest game changer in life.

Don't buy this for a second.
The entitled arseholes are the same regardless of whether they have kids. Most people I know with kids aren't selfish. The selfish ones would be the same if they had no kids because they think the world revolves around them.
No one should expect anyone else to care about their child care issues or other matters when it comes to attending an event.

sydthebeat · 15-07-2020 8:10am

Fr Tod Umptious wrote: »

The thing is that when most people get married they don't have kids themselves so they don't understand the amount of time and effort that kids take up, especially the ages mentioned in this case 1.5yo and 4yo.

They think that it's easy for a couple to go to an event without their kids, being totally oblivious to things like finding a babysitter, the amount of time they will be away etc etc.

And why wouldn't they be oblivious, they don't have kids, they don't know what's involved.

But now the shoe is on the other foot, the person in question has two of her own, and is probably flat out with both of them.
She knows the hassle of having to get a babysitter, of being away all day/possibly overnight.
And she probably has a very different mindset when it comes to kids than she did when she got married.

It's only natural, kids are the biggest game changer in life.

If she can't organise her kids, she shouldn't go to the wedding... End of.

This woman is ultra selfish

BnB · 15-07-2020 8:14am

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

...... When my kids aren't invited to a wedding we don't really enjoy it as we need to check in regularly. We usually end up leaving at around 10 to make it home at a reasonable hour. The day is more of a hassle than anything else.

I have to say, I'd be the complete opposite to that. I'd say nothing would ruin a good wedding for me more than having to bring my kids.

I understand there is a bit of hassle dropping them off at Granny's or the babysitters or getting your house ready for someone coming in for the night to mind them or whatever, but there is a shed load more hassle involved in bringing them. You have to get outfits for them, you have to get them all ready that morning, bring all their gear with you, mind them in the church, mind them all day in the hotel, put them to bed in the hotel (and stay with them) or sod off home early with them.

It was probably what I loved most about all the weddings we went to in our late 20s / early 30s. They forced us to get dolled up and take a day (and god forbid, even a night) off, just together away from the kids, when otherwise we probably wouldn't have done it. We were often chatting in the car going to a wedding and we'd realise it was the first time we got to have just a normal chat in months.

Having said that, other people's kids don't bother me at weddings. I don't care if a bunch of sugared up kids are setting fire to the table cloth of the table I'm eating off. As long as I'm not the one meant to be looking after them, it's no skin off my nose whatsoever. In fact, t'was probably me bought them all the red bull and gave them the matches...!!!!

salmocab · 15-07-2020 8:26am

Heres Johnny wrote: »

What I don't get is why people take other peoples weddings so seriously. Giving out about timing/costs/kids/locations etc and putting themselves under pressure but still going. If it doesn't suit, don't go. They're nearly all carbon copy of each other anyway even though everyone spends big thinking they're unique.

I'm in my late 30s now and have been invited to, at a guess, 50 to 60 weddings in last 10 years between my huge number of cousins, rugby club mates, gaa club mates, close friends, work colleagues. I've gone to about 10, just made excuses with work/holidays and wished them luck. 6 weddings a year, not a hope, couldn't sit through that many. Some cousins pissed off at me but don't really care.

I’ve said this around here a few times, just say no if it doesn’t suit you. It’s not a court summons it’s an invite with a box ready for you to tick to say you arent coming. Tick the box write a short apology and that’s the end of it. I actually in the main enjoy weddings especially of my mates but don’t go if they don’t suit. I think people waste money on certain things at weddings like sweet carts and photo booths but whatever floats their boats, so long as you give people a good meal and great music they’ll generally remember it as a good day.

Fr Tod Umptious · 15-07-2020 8:38am

sydthebeat wrote: »

If she can't organise her kids, she shouldn't go to the wedding... End of.

This woman is ultra selfish

I'm not saying she is right

I'm just saying her attitude to kids has changed since she got married.

sydthebeat · 15-07-2020 8:45am

Fr Tod Umptious wrote: »

I'm not saying she is right

I'm just saying her attitude to kids has changed since she got married.

I'd say her attitude about kids changed after she had kids, as, you know, having kids is a life altering event.

However she was once the bride who didn't want kids at her wedding, so she should understand fully why this current bride doesn't want kids at this wedding.

She is being incredibly selfish by insisting she brings her own kids.

If she can't organise them, then don't go.

Its actually incredibly simple

JayRoc · 15-07-2020 8:48am

Sebastian Dangerfield wrote: »

She had mentioned before that regardless of what was written on the invite, unless she was categorically told not to bring kids, she was bringing them to any wedding she was invited to.
.

Of all the mad things to do with weddings, the above attitude is the one that genuinely stuns me

facehugger99 · 15-07-2020 8:51am

Some people think weddings are a family and friends celebration of two people coming together. Personally I love to see kids at a wedding.

Other people are more into the slab of beef, side of mash and 15 pints of Guinness by 7.30pm. For them a wedding is an excuse for a gigantic piss-up and they massively resent anything that impinges on that.

JustAThought · 15-07-2020 9:09am

Agreed. If you can’t organise a babysitter either in the hotel or at home then don’t go - its totally unfair.

Friend of mine had a babies welcome event up til 10pm which seemed reasonable and there were a few children accidentally trampled on by drunk dancers when the dj upped his game and everyone got over-enthuiastic too quickly - I still remember the horrified dancers and parents and heart wrenching screams of the toddlers -IMO a big drinking event is not suitable for children and mobile toddlers.

Relation of mine was very specific about having an absolutely no baby/children welcome wedding. They went to a lot of effort planning and paying for their dream day. Another relation despite asking and being told no, turned up to the dinner with two children both of which despite the bride coming down and telling her to leave with them. the mother refused and insisted to the hotel staff they had to be sat at the table (I was at) and the mother insisted on plates being put in front of them and others put bits from their meal in front of them so they would have something to eat. It was mortifying and a total
embarassment - especially to see the bride who was paying for it all so put out and angry about it.
Her friends and family had been told no and made arrangements - she didn’t even know these kids. Of course the kid talked and made noise and the baby screamed throughout the speeches - ruining
the video of her fathers speech and the
look of upset and anger on the brides face was just awful.

We all still talk years on about how the mother behaved so badly and upset the bride so
much. She was a distant cousin and had been invited to be polite and include her - she wasn’t eveen close with the bride or her new husband.

Weddings are emotional events - if the bride says no kids they have thought about it and mean it. They are paying huge money for one day - if you can’t abide by their wishes then don’t go IMO.

lazygal · 15-07-2020 9:12am

facehugger99 wrote: »

Some people think weddings are a family and friends celebration of two people coming together. Personally I love to see kids at a wedding.

Other people are more into the slab of beef, side of mash and 15 pints of Guinness by 7.30pm. For them a wedding is an excuse for a gigantic piss-up and they massively resent anything that impinges on that.

You say this like its one or the other.
I've never thought a wedding was improved by having children present.

GBX · 15-07-2020 9:13am

We have no children and are having an almost kid free wedding. There will be 4 kids who are part of the wedding party and no more kids/children/babies invited. We made this clear to anyone invited and had no resistance to it. Everybody was fine about it that had kids. Our friends and family group have a lot of grown up kids so this could have added 20-30% to our numbers so we made the decision and stuck with it.

What a ridiculous comment about having a lack of self awareness and therefore childless marriages?
Im very aware of what I/we want. And also took into consideration others when we made the decision of no kids. Come down off your high horse and don't be so sanctimonious.

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

You couldn't make this up. There is now a dispute in the family because the sister in law who was adamant about having a no kids wedding now wants an exception to be made for her kids to be allowed to another relatives wedding. Something to do with not leaving her 1.5 yo and 4 yo alone and the babysitter, the weekend, the cost, her kids are really good etc etc.
The lack of awareness of these people is incredible. Did she not think other people had the same issue for at her wedding knowing that her husband's siblings and cousins had small children but now that the tables have turned somehow the situation is different for her?

Do people who have childless weddings also plan on having childless marriages? There is glaring lack of self awareness with newly weds in that the whole point of marriage is the start a family and you mark this occasion by excluding children which most people intend on having.

At my wedding, everyone was invited. I was aware that if I want my friends and family have lives and commitments of their own and if I want them to be there then I accept they have families of their own. What type of friend says I want you to come to my wedding but leave your kids at home or leave your wife at home?

Hannibal_Smith · 15-07-2020 9:17am

Fr Tod Umptious wrote: »

The thing is that when most people get married they don't have kids themselves so they don't understand the amount of time and effort that kids take up, especially the ages mentioned in this case 1.5yo and 4yo.

They think that it's easy for a couple to go to an event without their kids, being totally oblivious to things like finding a babysitter, the amount of time they will be away etc etc.

And why wouldn't they be oblivious, they don't have kids, they don't know what's involved.

But now the shoe is on the other foot, the person in question has two of her own, and is probably flat out with both of them.
She knows the hassle of having to get a babysitter, of being away all day/possibly overnight.
And she probably has a very different mindset when it comes to kids than she did when she got married.

It's only natural, kids are the biggest game changer in life.

If one couple insist on a child free wedding, other couples are allowed to have that mindset too. Otherwise who gets to decide which bride and groom get to have it their way?

eviltwin · 15-07-2020 9:17am

The couple are entitled to have the day they want. If that means no kids so be it. It’s difficult when you’ve kids and you have to try and organise childcare but that’s life. If you can’t go you can’t go. No harm in asking if you can bring your children but expecting people to accommodate them or getting into a strop when you don’t get your way is ridiculous. Weddings really do bring out the worst in people.

lazygal · 15-07-2020 9:20am

I think it's so rude to ask if you can bring someone who's name isn't in the invite. Be it a child or the woman who wanted to bring a friend to our wedding because her husband couldn't go.

collywobble7 · 15-07-2020 9:21am

Sebastian Dangerfield wrote:

There are two issues here. One is the issue of kids at weddings, which has been done to death on Boards. I personally think weddings are not places for kids, in the same way I wouldnt leave a child in a pub for 12 hours. This is getting worse rather than better, due to the ever growing beast that is the Irish wedding. Every one I go to seems to have more standing around and waiting than the last. I accept people have different views on that.

The other is this persons huge double standards, which seem odd in the extreme.[/quote

This!

15-07-2020 9:21am

Ah come here. You're a guest at the wedding. Your children are only really important to you.

Kids at a wedding are a nightmare. Crying during the ceremony, crying at speeches. Always in the way. Older kids are OK up to a point but then the couple have to split up to mind them and can't relax.

Parents I know like child free weddings as they get a night out with just the two of them.

screamer · 15-07-2020 9:27am

See people who are all my way or the high way expect that to be the case always. So now I want no kids at my wedding, god forbid they’d take the shine off her special day, and now I want my kids invited to every wedding. Spoiled brat adults.
Anyway my feeling with weddings is invite everyone in the Immediate families including the kids. if parents don’t want to bring kids, they’ll make arrangements to leave them with someone for the day, but if they can’t do that they have an option. TBH I find a lot of weddings are just an exercise in selfishness and showing off mostly, with bridezillas roaming free.

Sebastian Dangerfield · 15-07-2020 9:31am

facehugger99 wrote: »

Some people think weddings are a family and friends celebration of two people coming together. Personally I love to see kids at a wedding.

Other people are more into the slab of beef, side of mash and 15 pints of Guinness by 7.30pm.

They're generally both, from my experience. You can absolutely have the former, and still enjoy the latter.

15-07-2020 9:53am

facehugger99 wrote: »

Some people think weddings are a family and friends celebration of two people coming together. Personally I love to see kids at a wedding.

Other people are more into the slab of beef, side of mash and 15 pints of Guinness by 7.30pm. For them a wedding is an excuse for a gigantic piss-up and they massively resent anything that impinges on that.

It’s really not that black or white.

Faith · 15-07-2020 9:53am

Mod Note: We'll be keeping a close eye on this thread. In case anyone needs reminding, here's a relevant exerpt from the charter:

Keep It Civil
It's nice to be nice, in fact, we insist on it. Getting married and wedding planning can be a very stressful time. Let's keep tempers in check and keep the tone supportive and friendly. Do not Troll, Flame or attack other posters. Same goes for soapboxing. Everyone has differing opinions on what they like and don't like (especially when it comes to gifts) and that's great, but posting in a confrontational, argumentative way is not on, and will earn a warning/infraction, or even a ban.

Seriously, Keep it Civil
It's a sad state of affairs that this actually has to be repeated. There have been increasing incidences of some posters being downright abusive towards other posters, vilifying them over their choices/opinions/plans for their wedding day. There are plenty of ways to express your opinion without being a dick about it. Think carefully before you post; if you were on the receiving end of what you had written, how would that make you feel? Usually we only issue cards/bans as a last resort, but going forward there will be zero tolerance for muppetry/general cattiness. Repeat offenders will get a 2 week ban, and risk a permaban if their behaviour continues when they return.

The Raging Bile Duct · 15-07-2020 9:59am

Sebastian Dangerfield wrote: »

At another wedding, people coming from America hassled every member of the family to lobby for their teenage daughter to come (the issue wasnt so much with her, the bride felt if that person came, she'd have to row back on another 20 or so kids coming). Anyway despite being told by everyone not to bring the teenager, who could stay behind in the US with her dad, they landed in with her anyway and the bride had a handful of people on her back all the next day, about why some kids were allowed but theirs weren't.

I don't know... I know your one was a bit brazen just rocking up with the daughter but they're exceptional enough circumstances. There's a big difference between leaving your child at home back in Termonfeckin for the night while you go on the lash and leaving her in the States on what will probably be your only holiday for the year. It would have been pretty easy to explain to people why you made an exception in that case. Also, she was a teenager so she's hardly going to be getting under people's feet on the dancefloors or walking up and down the aisle during the ceremony.

The ideal solution would have been if other relatives were able to accommodate the teenager by letting her stay in one of their houses for the night of the wedding.

nthclare · 15-07-2020 10:02am

I wouldn't fall out with them over it, obviously at the time this couple weren't aware of the love, responsibilities and connections parents have with the family unit.

Now they're in that situation themselves and their priorities are their kid's.

It's not that they were selfish and lacked any decency, it's because they knew no better.

Personally I think lifetime celebration's within reason should involve kid's, the elderly etc even the black sheep of the family deserves to show up.

I'd stay out of it myself, weddings and kid's do mix as long as everyone there is important, after all the best weddings are where everyone is invited.

I myself prefer the alternative Pagan or Celtic weddings where it's more organized and organic rather than a big ostentatious plastic event.

A good old fashioned wedding where it's quirky and fun.

gmisk · 15-07-2020 10:03am

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

You couldn't make this up. There is now a dispute in the family because the sister in law who was adamant about having a no kids wedding now wants an exception to be made for her kids to be allowed to another relatives wedding. Something to do with not leaving her 1.5 yo and 4 yo alone and the babysitter, the weekend, the cost, her kids are really good etc etc.
The lack of awareness of these people is incredible. Did she not think other people had the same issue for at her wedding knowing that her husband's siblings and cousins had small children but now that the tables have turned somehow the situation is different for her?

Do people who have childless weddings also plan on having childless marriages? There is glaring lack of self awareness with newly weds in that the whole point of marriage is the start a family and you mark this occasion by excluding children which most people intend on having.

At my wedding, everyone was invited. I was aware that if I want my friends and family have lives and commitments of their own and if I want them to be there then I accept they have families of their own. What type of friend says I want you to come to my wedding but leave your kids at home or leave your wife at home?

It's really a person's choice whether they want kids or not at a wedding but it's bizarre for someone to give out a out someone doing the exact same thing as they did...

Do people who want childless weddings plan on having childless marriages line is bizarre imo....one thing does not necessarily mean the other it's really up to the couple imo

The Raging Bile Duct · 15-07-2020 10:05am

nthclare wrote: »

I myself prefer the alternative Pagan or Celtic weddings where it's more organized and organic rather than a big ostentatious plastic event.

A couple of crusties tying a rope around each other. That sort of thing?

jrosen · 15-07-2020 10:05am

Its a little cheeky alright. I can only assume her mind is in a different place now. That being said id dig my heels in if I were the bride and groom. Leave your kids at home or dont come.

ax530 · 15-07-2020 10:16am

I think this is often the case. Same people fuss, complain and think different rules apply for them in all areas of life. No doubt they also were able to go bit longer than 2km/5km to visit beach earlier in the year as it was quiet and less than 10km ect...

I know a situation where couple were adament no children at their wedding at the time no one minded understood got on with it however few years on they were the ones who insisted their children had to go to 'no children' wedding (due to venue size and if being fair invite all children or none) on the day they had the only child at wedding so not much fun for either parents or the kid.

Personaly I love children at family weddings they love seeing all their family relaxed dressed up celebrating. Friends have invited my children to weddings I never bring them leave it for family weddings only. When people have big families weddings and funerals may be the only time all get to see each other.

v638sg7k1a92bx · 15-07-2020 10:33am

Seems the overarching reason for not bringing kids is so the adults can have a giant piss up. This is not a wedding, it’s a piss up. Not the type of “wedding” I want to go to.

15-07-2020 10:43am

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Seems the overarching reason for not bringing kids is so the adults can have a giant piss up. This is not a wedding, it’s a piss up. Not the type of “wedding” I want to go to.

Kids or pissup is very basic thinking. I know lots of people who would drink very little at a wedding and wouldn’t want children anywhere near them on the day. A few people have made this very basic assumption now and it really just comes across as a jibe. Every situation and person is different.

witchgirl26 · 15-07-2020 10:44am

The woman in the OP is definitely just trying to have it all her own way. If she had a child-free wedding she should respect others decision for the exact same.

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Do people who have childless weddings also plan on having childless marriages? There is glaring lack of self awareness with newly weds in that the whole point of marriage is the start a family and you mark this occasion by excluding children which most people intend on having.

Ah come on that's a bit of a reach. I'm getting married next year & we have one child ourselves. Only nieces & nephews are being invited - no friends children. Honestly it comes down to numbers and cost. We can't afford to pay for a load of kids meals on top of the wedding itself. We'd been invited to weddings this year (that obviously didn't happen) but we knew well in advance and had arranged childcare for the night. In fact a load of people I talked to said they like not having to bring the kids as it means they can stay a bit later & feel a bit freer. Not necessarily just to get drunk but to catch up with people.

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

At my wedding, everyone was invited. I was aware that if I want my friends and family have lives and commitments of their own and if I want them to be there then I accept they have families of their own. What type of friend says I want you to come to my wedding but leave your kids at home or leave your wife at home?

Ah here there's a difference between not inviting someones wife and not inviting someones children. That's great that you had everyone there but not everyone is able to do that. If I included friends children in the invites that would be an additional 40 people which means none of the venues we like would be able to accommodate us.

Sebastian Dangerfield · 15-07-2020 10:46am

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

Kids or pissup is very basic thinking. I know lots of people who would drink very little at a wedding and wouldn’t want children anywhere near them on the day. A few people have made this very basic assumption now and it really just comes across as a jibe. Every situation and person is different.

Ultimately it's very simple. What kind of day do the people getting married want? It may be anything on the very wide spectrum from family reconnecting to an out and out p1ss up. Some may not want guests at all.

If you're invited, and you don't like the sound of the day they have planned, don't go. Unfortunately people seem to have the idea that because it costs them a lot to go, or they invited the same people to their day, they somehow get a vote.

listermint · 15-07-2020 10:50am

We had kids allowed at our wedding, no kids of our own at the time. We wanted everyone included because quite frankly thats how i was raised. When i was younger i attended weddings of aunty's and 2nd /1st counsins and they are some of my fondest memories dancing and singing with my since passed grand parents. Why would i want to remove that opportunity from the memories of any other children.

I also bear no ill will to someone who wishes to have child free, thats your own business.

The have your cake and eat it approach though. Well thats ridiculous. Serious levels of cop on required.

Faith · 15-07-2020 10:51am

Faith wrote: »

Mod Note: We'll be keeping a close eye on this thread. In case anyone needs reminding, here's a relevant exerpt from the charter:

The Raging Bile Duct wrote: »

A couple of crusties tying a rope around each other. That sort of thing?

Mod Note: The Raging Bile Duct, you either missed or ignored my mod warning. Either way, your post was not up to standard and is not acceptable in this forum. Any further breaches of the charter will result in an infraction and thread ban.

seamus · 15-07-2020 10:51am

Charlie Spicy Jade wrote: »

Seems the overarching reason for not bringing kids is so the adults can have a giant piss up. This is not a wedding, it’s a piss up. Not the type of “wedding” I want to go to.

It's about being able to enjoy the day. To relax, to chat, to take it easy. If you have kids under 6, they're going to be up and down, they're going to be constantly interrupting you, running away, arguing about their meal, trying to drown in the nearest river, etc etc.

That's grand, I'm happy to deal with that stuff most days. But not at a wedding. I'd rather not go to the wedding and take the kids to the park instead.

Which is what the woman in your OP should do. If she has no-one to babysit, then one parent goes to the wedding, the other stays home.

HildaOgdenx · 15-07-2020 11:01am

JustAThought wrote: »

Agreed. If you can’t organise a babysitter either in the hotel or at home then don’t go - its totally unfair.

Friend of mine had a babies welcome event up til 10pm which seemed reasonable and there were a few children accidentally trampled on by drunk dancers when the dj upped his game and everyone got over-enthuiastic too quickly - I still remember the horrified dancers and parents and heart wrenching screams of the toddlers -IMO a big drinking event is not suitable for children and mobile toddlers.

:eek:
We need to hear more about this, sounds like quite the event.

The bride who wanted a no kids wedding now wants her kids at the wedding

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