Who's single?

diceyriley · 31-10-2018 3:47pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

I don't live in Ireland anymore, but returned recently for a spate of weddings, one friend got engaged while I was there, and I noticed that I got asked approximately 531 times why I was single, or if I had a fella yet, or if "I'd be next" *wink wink*

I don't think I've ever had that many questions or that much curiosity about my love life in such a short time period, I live abroad and while a lot of people are married or coupled up, there's a strong percentage of single/divorced/not arsed dating folks in pretty much all walks of life over here too.

I'm 33, female and a total ride, obviously. I broke up with a long-term ex about a year ago and am far too fragile to consider new relationships just yet...but all the same, harbour notions about returning home in a year or two and finding some miraculously gorgeous Irish man who was equally unlucky in the love stakes (until I walk in, obv)

So general essay about my life story aside - are you single? And what age are you? And if so, why?

ETA: how does one add a poll around here?

say it like you mean it

yourdeadwright · 31-10-2018 4:48pm

In a long term relationship and we have toddler,
Now don't get me wrong I wouldn't change it as I love my life but I think if things did change and for some unforeseen reason we did break up i'd be fine
Id still love my life even if I was single
No slight on the missus she's great but if everyone is honest there is upsides and downsides to both,

I reckon i'd be fine either way,
In the end of the day its down to yourself weather your happy or not
Everyone else is living there own life around you regardless if your in a couple or not, your still just yourself living your own existence

Mite sound a bit mad but when you die you'll die alone with just yourself regardless of family or partner's or being single,

So learn to love yourself the most and love life regardless of a status

Tell me how · 31-10-2018 4:56pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Mite sound a bit mad but when you die you'll die alone with just yourself regardless of family or partner's or being single,

That's true for the final moments but one of the things I notice about being single and having all friends and siblings in the long term relationship/married mode is how many of them look out for the others health.

My father would be gone 10 years at least but for the loving diligence by which my mother ensures he manages his illness.

I've noticed partners of friends casually say things to them like "this would be good for your blood pressure" when eating out. It would be nice to have someone helping you make the effort to be healthy even though, obviously, the primary beneficiary is yourself.

31-10-2018 5:38pm

Tell me how wrote: »

That's true for the final moments but one of the things I notice about being single and having all friends and siblings in the long term relationship/married mode is how many of them look out for the others health.

My father would be gone 10 years at least but for the loving diligence by which my mother ensures he manages his illness.

I've noticed partners of friends casually say things to them like "this would be good for your blood pressure" when eating out. It would be nice to have someone helping you make the effort to be healthy even though, obviously, the primary beneficiary is yourself.

I had a chat with a friend of mine last night about something kind of similar. What I notice is the amount of support some people get from their parents and how it unique it is. Relationships can end but loving parents will only depart when death arrives. The older I get the more I miss this. My dad is great but really its me looking out for him. That's not to say he doesn't look out for me, of course he does. It's just different to how it was with my mam.

LolaJJ · 31-10-2018 5:45pm

Was long term single for 10 years....with a few medium-significance-heart-bruising-interruptions

Aged 35 completely convinced myself I would be single for ever, was actually pretty happy about that idea...

Downloaded Tinder again, went on one date, he was awesome, we celebrated our first anniversary last month

Dickie10 · 24-05-2020 11:57pm

How are all the singletons getting on during the lockdown? will u miss being out and about for the next few months? how does it affect you?

Wanderer19 · 25-05-2020 12:08am

Dickie10 wrote: »

How are all the singletons getting on during the lockdown? will u miss being out and about for the next few months? how does it affect you?

I'm not single, however, I am a massage therapist and I've noticed an increase in the amount of requests I've received over the last couple of months, mainly from single people who want someone to talk to.

Obviously, I'm not working at the moment, but have been asked if I'd meet a few, for a walk, as they're fed up walking by themselves.

Whilst we have to isolate/use social distancing I think mental health issues will rise because of the situation.

Plus, there's also the ones that wish they were single ...

Dickie10 · 25-05-2020 12:13am

Yes i really thonk mental health of the nation is under serious pressure the last 2 weeks. i am not one usually to go hyperbole and pull the mental health card but this is getting tough. think the government should pull a bank holiday in late september or something and announce it to try to lift the morale

dennispenn · 25-05-2020 12:20am

Dickie10 wrote: »

Yes i really thonk mental health of the nation is under serious pressure the last 2 weeks. i am not one usually to go hyperbole and pull the mental health card but this is getting tough. think the government should pull a bank holiday in late september or something and announce it to try to lift the morale

what is getting you down?

i and anyone i speak to is absolutely loving this period.

Arghus · 25-05-2020 12:22am

Dickie10 wrote: »

How are all the singletons getting on during the lockdown? will u miss being out and about for the next few months? how does it affect you?

It's easier, now that FOMO is non-existent.

Wanderer19 · 25-05-2020 12:51am

Dickie10 wrote: »

Yes i really thonk mental health of the nation is under serious pressure the last 2 weeks. i am not one usually to go hyperbole and pull the mental health card but this is getting tough. think the government should pull a bank holiday in late september or something and announce it to try to lift the morale

That would be nice, maybe in December when everything has calmed down a bit?
Or the 12th of March, as that seems to be the date all this kicked off.

Potential-Monke · 25-05-2020 1:00am

Loving it. Was already hermitised to a degree, this lockdown has just given me permission to stare and mention it to people who get too close now. Still single, but wasn't actively looking before the lockdown. I have been paying attention to my friends and family, and the Facebook 'friends', and have noticed the following:

- Some parents are finding out what it's like to actually be a parent
- Parents are suddenly figuring out that they don't have little angels as children, but devils in disguise
- Couples who were 'madly in love' are fighting a lot more
- Drink consumption is gone up
- People are having issues with staying inside for prolonged periods of time

For the top 3 points, it's reaffirming that I've made the right choice in staying single and not having kids. For point 4, I was expecting that tbh. And point 5, to me, really speaks volumes about how much people are not as mentally stable as they would like to think. Aside from extreme examples, ie: single parents with multiple kids who have special needs, I think anyone who is finding this hard needs to have a long hard look at themselves and figure out why a lockdown is messing them up. It's only been a few months, if people can't hack it this long I think it means they have placed too much value on superfluous things that they have attached a need to.

Just my opinion mind. Everyone else would be saying that i'm depressed, social outcast, can't possibly be happy, blah, blah. The simple life is easier!

Church on Tuesday · 25-05-2020 1:01am

A lot worse has happened to general humanity than Covid 19.

I think us single folk can hold out for another few months.

PARlance · 25-05-2020 1:40am

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Loving it. Was already hermitised to a degree, this lockdown has just given me permission to stare and mention it to people who get too close now. Still single, but wasn't actively looking before the lockdown. I have been paying attention to my friends and family, and the Facebook 'friends', and have noticed the following:

- Some parents are finding out what it's like to actually be a parent
- Parents are suddenly figuring out that they don't have little angels as children, but devils in disguise
- Couples who were 'madly in love' are fighting a lot more
- Drink consumption is gone up
- People are having issues with staying inside for prolonged periods of time

For the top 3 points, it's reaffirming that I've made the right choice in staying single and not having kids. For point 4, I was expecting that tbh. And point 5, to me, really speaks volumes about how much people are not as mentally stable as they would like to think. Aside from extreme examples, ie: single parents with multiple kids who have special needs, I think anyone who is finding this hard needs to have a long hard look at themselves and figure out why a lockdown is messing them up. It's only been a few months, if people can't hack it this long I think it means they have placed too much value on superfluous things that they have attached a need to.

Just my opinion mind. Everyone else would be saying that i'm depressed, social outcast, can't possibly be happy, blah, blah. The simple life is easier!

That's a lot of paying attention to other people's business for a person who likes to see themself as some kind of hermit.

Potential-Monke · 25-05-2020 6:41am

PARlance wrote: »

That's a lot of paying attention to other people's business for a person who likes to see themself as some kind of hermit.

Can't feckin miss it these days. It's all that's on Facebook (which I peruse during a smoke), and it's all that the parents are talking about. And it's far from paying attention, can one not notice things without actually really caring? I notice things quite often, doesn't mean i'm interacting. My thoughts are mine and mine alone. I'm a hermit because I don't socialise:

"You hear about hermits more often than you meet one, and that's because a hermit is someone who likes to be alone, far from people, sometimes because of their religious beliefs or maybe because they simply want some privacy."

I'd add to that "or because he's just sick of humanity and doesn't want to interact with them any more". Didn't know part of being a hermit was making sure to not pay attention to anything or anyone ever. TIL!

Realt Dearg Sec · 25-05-2020 6:51am

Potential-Monke wrote: »

. My thoughts are mine and mine alone.

If only.

LeYouth · 25-05-2020 9:45am

Dickie10 wrote: »

How are all the singletons getting on during the lockdown? will u miss being out and about for the next few months? how does it affect you?

I'm doing great. Loads of time to finish editing my novel.

Women? What women.....

cena · 25-05-2020 10:09am

Any single ladies want to chat

25-05-2020 10:42am

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Can't feckin miss it these days. It's all that's on Facebook (which I peruse during a smoke), and it's all that the parents are talking about. And it's far from paying attention, can one not notice things without actually really caring? I notice things quite often, doesn't mean i'm interacting. My thoughts are mine and mine alone. I'm a hermit because I don't socialise:

"You hear about hermits more often than you meet one, and that's because a hermit is someone who likes to be alone, far from people, sometimes because of their religious beliefs or maybe because they simply want some privacy."

I'd add to that "or because he's just sick of humanity and doesn't want to interact with them any more". Didn't know part of being a hermit was making sure to not pay attention to anything or anyone ever. TIL!

Your post seemed quite bitter. It's as if you are thinking "ha ha all those couples and families are really challenged by this

"

The reasons why so many people find this difficult are varied. For a lot its because they miss people they love, they miss human contact and connection and their old way of life. Also having choice taken away can lead to feelings of being trapped and even desperation. None of that means the person wasn't mentally stable to begin with. They are experiencing normal human emotions to a crisis.

It's ok that you are having a different experience. It's yours. It would have been better though to try and understand that others are also having their unique experience without judging them for it. You have your opinion on families and couples, again without showing understanding of their lives.

PARlance · 25-05-2020 11:40am

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Can't feckin miss it these days. It's all that's on Facebook (which I peruse during a smoke), and it's all that the parents are talking about. And it's far from paying attention, can one not notice things without actually really caring? I notice things quite often, doesn't mean i'm interacting. My thoughts are mine and mine alone. I'm a hermit because I don't socialise:

"You hear about hermits more often than you meet one, and that's because a hermit is someone who likes to be alone, far from people, sometimes because of their religious beliefs or maybe because they simply want some privacy."

I'd add to that "or because he's just sick of humanity and doesn't want to interact with them any more". Didn't know part of being a hermit was making sure to not pay attention to anything or anyone ever. TIL!

Sick of humanity... still browses Facebook when having a fag, still interacts on Boards. But a self professed hermit.

Church on Tuesday · 25-05-2020 12:08pm

PARlance wrote: »

Sick of humanity... still browses Facebook when having a fag, still interacts on Boards. But a self professed hermit.

Well, that's basically most of us now these days apart from the self imposed part.

suicide_circus · 25-05-2020 12:12pm

cena wrote: »

Any single ladies want to chat

a/s/l ?

andekwarhola · 25-05-2020 12:23pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Loving it. Was already hermitised to a degree, this lockdown has just given me permission to stare and mention it to people who get too close now. Still single, but wasn't actively looking before the lockdown. I have been paying attention to my friends and family, and the Facebook 'friends', and have noticed the following:

- Some parents are finding out what it's like to actually be a parent
- Parents are suddenly figuring out that they don't have little angels as children, but devils in disguise
- Couples who were 'madly in love' are fighting a lot more
- Drink consumption is gone up
- People are having issues with staying inside for prolonged periods of time

For the top 3 points, it's reaffirming that I've made the right choice in staying single and not having kids. For point 4, I was expecting that tbh. And point 5, to me, really speaks volumes about how much people are not as mentally stable as they would like to think. Aside from extreme examples, ie: single parents with multiple kids who have special needs, I think anyone who is finding this hard needs to have a long hard look at themselves and figure out why a lockdown is messing them up. It's only been a few months, if people can't hack it this long I think it means they have placed too much value on superfluous things that they have attached a need to.

Just my opinion mind. Everyone else would be saying that i'm depressed, social outcast, can't possibly be happy, blah, blah. The simple life is easier!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEojXETRW3k

cena · 25-05-2020 12:27pm

suicide_circus wrote: »

a/s/l ?

?????

howamidifferent · 25-05-2020 12:30pm

cena wrote: »

?????

ger vallely · 25-05-2020 12:35pm

Potential_monke well I think if people are struggling, either with their partners or children. Maybe it's partially because this whole lockdown isn't the normal run of things. Generally people signed up for a different type of life. If this virus worked a different way, if you had to mingle, be around people way more than usual, then you would be uncomfortable. Plus, for many, there was the added stress and genuine fear of illness or death. The uncertainty of their future career.

Church on Tuesday · 25-05-2020 12:51pm

ger vallely wrote: »

Potential_monke well I think if people are struggling, either with their partners or children. Maybe it's partially because this whole lockdown isn't the normal run of things. Generally people signed up for a different type of life. If this virus worked a different way, if you had to mingle, be around people way more than usual, then you would be uncomfortable. Plus, for many, there was the added stress and genuine fear of illness or death. The uncertainty of their future career.

Fair enough but I don't think we should be lambasting people for their life choices either.

I have no doubt it's beyond frustrating at this stage for people with young families, it's times like these I'm glad I don't have kids yet.

And yeah, I would like to be able to meet up with people and family I haven't seen in months but what can you do? If I was living with a partner atm I guess things would be grand but also you need your time away.

We are over the worst of it now and come September things will be much better. Perhaps this pandemic will make people appreciate what they have that bit more than before.

cena · 25-05-2020 1:10pm

suicide_circus wrote: »

a/s/l ?

male. mid 30s Ireland

Ultrflat · 25-05-2020 1:17pm

I'm single or that horrible word "separated" Hate that word it's such a horrible label...

world class wreckin’ cru · 25-05-2020 2:02pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Loving it. Was already hermitised to a degree, this lockdown has just given me permission to stare and mention it to people who get too close now. Still single, but wasn't actively looking before the lockdown. I have been paying attention to my friends and family, and the Facebook 'friends', and have noticed the following:

- Some parents are finding out what it's like to actually be a parent
- Parents are suddenly figuring out that they don't have little angels as children, but devils in disguise
- Couples who were 'madly in love' are fighting a lot more
- Drink consumption is gone up
- People are having issues with staying inside for prolonged periods of time

For the top 3 points, it's reaffirming that I've made the right choice in staying single and not having kids. For point 4, I was expecting that tbh. And point 5, to me, really speaks volumes about how much people are not as mentally stable as they would like to think. Aside from extreme examples, ie: single parents with multiple kids who have special needs, I think anyone who is finding this hard needs to have a long hard look at themselves and figure out why a lockdown is messing them up. It's only been a few months, if people can't hack it this long I think it means they have placed too much value on superfluous things that they have attached a need to.

Just my opinion mind. Everyone else would be saying that i'm depressed, social outcast, can't possibly be happy, blah, blah. The simple life is easier!

As another poster said - you're coming across bitter. I'd go so far as to say you've not noticed anything, but have conjured up you're own negative-laden fantasy of what it might be like to be married with kids at a time like this. Perhaps as a means to validate your own existence.

And it's almost like you want to believe anyone who's finding it hard has therefore made the wrong choice in life (bizarre) and which strangely enough again, validates your own situation. You don't seem to have any understanding of these people's lives.

I'd also say that posts like yours makes it look like it's far from being a choice for you. There's just too much glee in the thinking of how bad others with families must have it.

Who's single?

Comments