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Maths jokes!

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Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,806 ✭✭✭i71jskz5xu42pb


    How poor is that? :D
    When you have to explain the joke .....

    Here's what I think is the orginal version
    A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages
    though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

    However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

    A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 321 ✭✭TheColl


    It's a lifetime ambition of mine
    a new value for Pi to assign.
    I would set it at three
    for it's simpler, you see,
    than 3.14159.

    that's brilliant!!

    some more...

    There was a young lady called Kate,
    Whose maths was right up-to-date.
    She said, "It is fun
    When three threes are one,
    Which they are with modulo eight.

    A Dozen, a Gross, and a Score,
    plus three times the square root of four,
    divided by seven,
    plus five times eleven,
    equals nine squared and not a bit more.

    Integral z-squared dz
    from 1 to the cube root of 3
    times the cosine
    of three pi over 9
    equals log of the cube root of 'e'.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,745 ✭✭✭Eliot Rosewater


    I heard my first Maths joke I actually laughed at the other day. Its joking about how symbolic and abstract college maths is.


    Theres a Maths class on in Oxford and there are two students at the back of the class. One of them is squinting at the board. He turns to his friend, points and says "I don't know what the symbol is there, next to the alpha; its looks like a backward epsilon".

    "That would be a three" his friend replies...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,149 ✭✭✭ZorbaTehZ


    "What's an anagram of Banach-Tarski?" "Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski."


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,674 ✭✭✭Faith+1


    ZorbaTehZ wrote: »
    "What's an anagram of Banach-Tarski?" "Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski."
    Lol!:D


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  • Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.
    "How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.
    "My head's spinning", the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"
    "Well, it's not hard. All I do is visualize arbitrary N-dimensional space and then set N = 13."


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,674 ✭✭✭Faith+1


    All I do is visualize arbitrary N-dimensional space and then set N = 13."
    :D God I love these!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 33 iSeeStars


    Why was 6 afraid of 7?
    Because seven eight nine


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,674 ✭✭✭Faith+1


    iSeeStars wrote: »
    Why was 6 afraid of 7?
    Because seven eight nine

    Nice!:D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 271 ✭✭Clinker


    Azelfafage wrote: »
    In Ireland a square is legally a circle.

    On the windscreen of your car there is a square Insurance Disc. (Disk)

    The Irish law says "The Disk shall be Square.".

    How clever is that?

    .

    It's a disk in the infinity norm.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Nick Dolan


    Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?
    A. You can't. A mountain climber is a scalar.
    [/QUOTE]

    Genius!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,924 ✭✭✭✭RolandIRL


    some chat up lines :D

    I wish i was your differential, cos then i'd be touching all your curves

    I like maths. Let's go to my room, add the bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs, and hope we don't multiply

    i'm not being obtuse, but you're acute girl

    Our love is like dividing by zero....you can't define it

    Our relationship is like a modulus function, all the signs are positive

    :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,674 ✭✭✭Faith+1


    whiteman19 wrote: »
    I like maths. Let's go to my room, add the bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs, and hope we don't multiply

    An oldie but very good!:D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,082 ✭✭✭Fringe


    Here's some chat up lines I made up:

    Hey baby, if I be the leading variable of this reduced row echelon matrix, will you be free tonight?

    Our love is like a failed epsilon-delta definition. It has no limits.

    And here's a joke that I also made:

    An adjoint matrix walks into a bar. The barman says sorry, we don't serve minors.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,674 ✭✭✭Faith+1


    Fringe wrote: »
    Here's some chat up lines I made up:

    Hey baby, if I be the leading variable of this reduced row echelon matrix, will you be free tonight?

    Our love is like a failed epsilon-delta definition. It has no limits.

    And here's a joke that I also made:

    An adjoint matrix walks into a bar. The barman says sorry, we don't serve minors.

    I'd love to use em for a laugh but I could just imagine the response "YE Wha?"


  • Registered Users Posts: 817 ✭✭✭dafunk


    chch-atheist.gif


  • Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, it's left as an excercise to the reader.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭paultheviking


    An infinite crowd of mathematicians enters a bar.
    The first one orders a pint, the second one a half pint, the third one a quarter pint...
    The bartender pours two pints.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,038 ✭✭✭sponsoredwalk


    Q: When did Bourbaki stop writing books?
    A: When they realized that Serge Lang was a single person...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,893 ✭✭✭Davidius


    Not exactly a traditional joke but read this page. :D
    Take note of the name of some commenters


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,082 ✭✭✭Pygmalion


    A mathematics professor is writing a proof on the blackboard, he says to the class "... and it obviously follows that ..." and a student interrupts him with "Is that step really obvious?".
    He puts down the chalk, reads his notes, writes a page of calculations on a sheet of paper, leaves the room, consults with the other professors and returns 15 minutes later. "Yes, it's quite obvious!"


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,034 ✭✭✭Ficheall


    Pygmalion wrote: »
    A mathematics professor is writing a proof on the blackboard, he says to the class "... and it obviously follows that ..." and a student interrupts him with "Is that step really obvious?".
    He puts down the chalk, reads his notes, writes a page of calculations on a sheet of paper, leaves the room, consults with the other professors and returns 15 minutes later. "Yes, it's quite obvious!"

    That's a true story. Hardy, iirc.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 650 ✭✭✭Gordon Gecko


    Bogger trigonometry: swine and coswine

    DNS trigonometry: Ah Jaysint'a


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,669 ✭✭✭Colonel Sanders


    Pygmalion wrote: »
    A mathematics professor is writing a proof on the blackboard, he says to the class "... and it obviously follows that ..." and a student interrupts him with "Is that step really obvious?".
    He puts down the chalk, reads his notes, writes a page of calculations on a sheet of paper, leaves the room, consults with the other professors and returns 15 minutes later. "Yes, it's quite obvious!"

    Did anyone ever have David Wilkins in TCD?

    He used the word "clearly" to justify a step in a proof. Very often when you actually tried justify the step the justification took longer than the proof using the word "clearly"


  • Registered Users Posts: 123 ✭✭gaeilgeboy


    Did anyone ever have David Wilkins in TCD?

    He used the word "clearly" to justify a step in a proof. Very often when you actually tried justify the step the justification took longer than the proof using the word "clearly"

    I know exactly what you mean ...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,141 ✭✭✭Yakuza


    Traffic Policeman: Mr. Heisenberg, do you know how fast you were going?
    Mr. Heisenberg : No, but I know where I am.
    Traffic Policeman : 150 km/h
    Mr. Heisenberg : Great! Now I'm lost....


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 360 ✭✭CJC86


    Did you hear about the grad student who submitted a PhD thesis on the properties of Holder continuous functions with alpha>1?
    Check the definition, divide across by |x-y| and take the limit.

    I believe this actually happened...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,038 ✭✭✭sponsoredwalk


    How did the philandering string theorist, on being caught in the act by his wife, respond?
    Don't worry darling I can explain everything!


  • Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Brantley Screeching Advisor


    Did anyone ever have David Wilkins in TCD?

    He used the word "clearly" to justify a step in a proof. Very often when you actually tried justify the step the justification took longer than the proof using the word "clearly"

    I think our one with charlie nash in nuim was the same as well. It was bad enough we'd joke that in the exam for writing out a proof we'd just write the first line, "clearly..." and the last line


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,717 ✭✭✭Midnight_EG




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