Impressing the opposite sex - insider tips.

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

Never try to impress the opposite sex. Just be. They will either be impressed by who and what you are, or they won't.

Ideally maybe But alas nothing is ever ideal. A product should also speak for itself in it's own quality - but if the packaging is off putting no one will ever buy it to find out.

A friend of mine was recently getting quite down over ongoing lack of success with the opposite sex and I knew this person myself to be a real quality person. The kind you would mutually accept bullets for because you simply feel the world is a better place for having them in it.

So I took it upon myself to subject this person to speed dating to observe them in action. It really was not good. And following what I observed I put a "program" in place to work on and improve things before subjecting them to it again.

And the majority of what I worked on was changes in the packaging not the person. Changing how they represent themselves more than changing them.

And the results were quite noticeable and in fact there is now a danger of a long term relationship developing.

Ok sure it is an anecdote of one so I would not read too much into it. But I genuinely think the "Just be yourself" or "Just be" approach certainly has limits worth being aware of.

BetsyEllen wrote: »

You should shave them anyway. Pubes are minging.

I wouldn't be let

Anyway I itch like a mad man for no reason - just people merely starting to discuss fleas or itches and I go mad itchy all over. Feck it is starting now just typing that. So I can only imagine what I would be like if I went about creating a _genuine_ reason to feel itchy. I would become "that guy who is always scratching his crotch" in no time.

Now excuse me while I go about resisting the urge to do just that now I have typed and thought about it. Goddamit.

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I'm sorry but I find that a bit disturbing

Without knowing why exactly - or what you specifically mean - I can not help you much with that

But I have to say so did I at the time actually. I only did it because this was one of those "do anything for" friends and they came to me genuinely depressed and down and beseeching me for help and advice on their failures with the opposite sex. And for whatever reason they seemed to have it in their heads that I am someone somehow successful or informed or skilled in this area when in fact I am as clueless as the rest of our species usually is

And I felt more uncomfortable with saying no to them in their hour of genuine depression and need than I did with saying yes. But quite uncomfortable with both.

I was hyper aware at the time of my absolute and deep loathing for the whole industry of PUA and the like. And I obsessed over it at the time ensuring that I was not going down that road - and holding up everything I advised at the time to the kinds of things "those people" get up to and work with. There is even a lovely mod (you know who you are - thanks) who lent an ear through the process and listened to my concerns on the matter.

And I was checking myself constantly at every turn. Solely focusing on teaching this person how to simply represent themselves better - and avoiding _every_ turn where it even approached the PUA style manipulation of "the other" or "the mark".

In the end I was quite proud of myself and them. And far more pleased with the result than my initial reservations and discomfort could have predicted.

After some retrospection however I know I genuinely do not want to have to ever do it again. But I feel I learned enough to know that "just be" or "just be yourself" while great advice in so far as it goes - does have limitations if you can not represent yourself truly, honestly and well.