What's the etiquette here??

padd b1975 · 12-08-2020 8:47am

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Hmmm ...must give it a try before the semi-final of the mixed fourball.

Rock into the dressing room, there’s Conrad nervously polishing his clubs beside his locker.

Unload a ferocious howitzer of a fart, flex the knees, Con.. I’m ready to blow you outa water today, just have to ream out the pipes and I’ll be untouchable.

I’ll take this hen run apart. Into the traps ..door open ..plenty of belt buckle rattle and baaaaaang explode a cargo of sour porridge in the general area of the crockery.

Out again trousers down, big baton with a head like a sheep’s heart swaying and a wedge of rotten caked arse roll in the fist.

If that doesn’t fcuk up Con, nothing will.

Get help.

In fact I'm surprised someone with your "unpredictability" hasn't come to the attention of the committee already.

Brendan Bendar · 12-08-2020 8:57am

padd b1975 wrote: »

Get help.

In fact I'm surprised someone with your "unpredictability" hasn't come to the attention of the committee already.

Lad with influence in the ‘House Committee’ did try to have me censured.

‘Suspected damage to sanitary unit with a club‘ was the ‘charge’.

Only gave the urinal a tip of a seven iron after an unlucky defeat on the 21st. Didn’t give it a full swing.

Paid for the damage and that was case closed.

Ush1 · 12-08-2020 11:07am

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Would have to be done tastefully- no close ups .

Don’t want the trouble the minge cork lot had.

No bleaching or make up.

"Warts an all" as they say Bren.

NeinNeinNein · 12-08-2020 12:33pm

Ush1 wrote: »

Perhaps there should be an ad campaign for men about bowel movements? Topical considering the ol tampax stuff.

Good call U. I can see the television advert now, a white trousered man roller skating delightedly from tennis court to cubicle. Of course it would have to have an appropriate soundtrack, perhaps a Richie Kavanagh number?

Dual wheels · 12-08-2020 9:11pm

There’s a bird in my house share, savage looking but has a hole on her like the ring of Kerry after a curry, jacks is destroyed every morning desperate smell of slurry which won’t go away

fuerte1976 · 12-08-2020 11:18pm

Dual wheels wrote: »

There’s a bird in my house share, savage looking but has a hole on her like the ring of Kerry after a curry, jacks is destroyed every morning desperate smell of slurry which won’t go away

Is the smell worth the view?

If yes, then embrace it and move on..
If no, then.... Try the current affairs forum..

To add, I'm under the influence of almost 2 gallons of Co Clares finest porter. So what brought me here, God only knows..

Nevin Parsnipp · 13-08-2020 9:11am

I blame all this Sourdough Bread....

Blew out an ar$efull of rank sour midden in the "Good Toilet" this morn...

Mrs Parsnipp who had occasion to enter shortly arter the event opined that you could "Hang an Overcoat" on the foul bang that she encountered....and would I consider deploying the rose scented aerosol spray to be found in the cabinet ?

As always I was happy to accept the advice......

NeinNeinNein · 13-08-2020 1:29pm

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Mrs Parsnipp who had occasion to enter shortly arter the event opined that you could "Hang an Overcoat" on the foul bang that she encountered....and would I consider deploying the rose scented aerosol spray to be found in the cabinet ?

As always I was happy to accept the advice......

Sounds like the perfect marriage.

Hotblack Desiato · 13-08-2020 2:15pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

at least some of that 24/7 irritability is undoubtedly down to severe constipation as a result of the bedsit diet of spaghetti hoops, frozen pizza, microwavable cheeseburgers, and strong Eastern European 'cooking lager'.

No doubt, JF, although I would have thought the lagers in question would open up the sluices with a ripe mushy-peas texture discharge?

A regular and smooth bowel movement is a sign of good emotional and physical health, and has positive impacts on all aspects of your life.

Indeed. You'd think one of those Eastern religions would have cottoned on to this route to spiritual enlightenment by now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re9YorsrUa4

Hotblack Desiato · 13-08-2020 2:19pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Just blew out a bright floury discharge after a full Ooirish.

Will be fry-up breakfasts all next week, dining like a lord and gallons of porter

Arse won't know what hit it. Dropping down to the jacks beside reception for the more serious loads might not be an option in these covid protocol times, we'll have to see. At least we have interconnecting rooms, so there is still an option if one pot is temporarily out of commission due to toxic fumes.

Actually I'm going to a place on the western seaboard which discharges its wastes direct into the sea - swimming on the local beach is already not advised so by this time next week they'll well and truly be flying the brown flag.

Hector Savage wrote: »

In a bit of a pickle lads, cleaning lady is upstairs .... I just had a large coffee and have about 3 KG of midden in the hull busting to get out ....

really struggling here ... even thinking of heading back up to the cafe to drop the guts!!

Ooh posh lad Hector.

Just give her a good seeing to and she won't notice any subsequent noxious emissons. Should save on this week's wages as well.

Dual wheels · 13-08-2020 3:47pm

I suppose the good thing about working from home is that you can fart away all day long

Aglomerado · 13-08-2020 5:46pm

Dual wheels wrote: »

I suppose the good thing about working from home is that you can fart away all day long

The danger of that is getting so accustomed to it that when you do get back to the office, you lift your cheek and blast out a ripper in front of everyone without thinking. Will have to rein it in before going back...

An Ri rua · 13-08-2020 5:56pm

Dual wheels wrote: »

I suppose the good thing about working from home is that you can fart away all day long

Zoom zoom

Lewis_Benson · 13-08-2020 10:22pm

Aglomerado wrote: »

The danger of that is getting so accustomed to it that when you do get back to the office, you lift your cheek and blast out a ripper in front of everyone without thinking. Will have to rein it in before going back...

Imagine doing that in front of Karen from accounts.

Hotblack Desiato · 14-08-2020 12:11am

An Ri rua wrote: »

Zoom zoom

At least on a zoom meeting you can mute the mic when you get the "two second warning"

JohnnyFlash · 14-08-2020 12:39am

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

At least on a zoom meeting you can mute the mic when you get the "two second warning"

Muting the mic is one thing, but it's trying to overrule the natural instinct to cock your leg, make a face like you're having a stroke, and going 'get out and walk, you cúnt' that you have to overcome.

Not easy. :mad:

Dual wheels · 14-08-2020 12:55am

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Imagine doing that in front of Karen from accounts.

Imagine Karen from accounts doing that in front of you...

Lewis_Benson · 14-08-2020 11:27pm

A feed of Pat McDonaghs finest this evening, was meant to eat a decent meal, but plans changed and it was a chicken fillet burger, Curry Cheese Chips, chicken dippers with garlic dip.
Washed down with a few cans of Perlenbacher Pilsner from Lidl.

Let's see how things look in the morning.

sligojoek · 15-08-2020 1:18am

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

A feed of Pat McDonaghs finest this evening, was meant to eat a decent meal, but plans changed and it was a chicken fillet burger, Curry Cheese Chips, chicken dippers with garlic dip.
Washed down with a few cans of Perlenbacher Pilsner from Lidl.

Let's see how things look in the morning.

You'll be grand. Nothing too obnoxious there.

On "thin ice", myself, tonight.

Got a "marked down" pound of minced lamb tuesday evening and forgot about it till today. Looked at the date and realised it should have been cooked yesterday. I had planned on doing something Indian or Moroccan with it but decided to go for a shepherd's pie on the hottest day of the year.

I cooked the sh1te out of it so I should be OK

Hotblack Desiato · 15-08-2020 2:29am

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Let's see how things look in the morning.

Not great I expect, but no need to post pics.

Hotblack Desiato · 15-08-2020 2:35am

sligojoek wrote: »

I had planned on doing something Indian or Moroccan with it but decided to go for a shepherd's pie on the hottest day of the year.

I cooked the sh1te out of it so I should be OK

Pretty sure they don't bother much with use-by dates in that part of the world, if it's not walking off your plate it's good to eat. It'll probably kill you in a wimpy dish like a Shepard's Pie, if you stuck the same rancid meat in a Vindaloo or similar then possibly the heat would have killed off some of the pathogens.*

* I am not an enterobacteriologist

Nevin Parsnipp · 15-08-2020 9:16am

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

A feed of Pat McDonaghs finest this evening, was meant to eat a decent meal, but plans changed and it was a chicken fillet burger, Curry Cheese Chips, chicken dippers with garlic dip.
Washed down with a few cans of Perlenbacher Pilsner from Lidl.

Let's see how things look in the morning.

Be a nice gesture to give the council lads down at the sh1tters some prior warning ?

Incoming heavy load ....

Lewis_Benson · 15-08-2020 9:55am

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Be a nice gesture to give the council lads down at the sh1tters some prior warning ?

Incoming heavy load ....

No council lads having to deal with my load.
Straight to the septic tank.

sligojoek · 16-08-2020 12:26am

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Pretty sure they don't bother much with use-by dates in that part of the world, if it's not walking off your plate it's good to eat. It'll probably kill you in a wimpy dish like a Shepard's Pie, if you stuck the same rancid meat in a Vindaloo or similar then possibly the heat would have killed off some of the pathogens.*

* I am not an enterobacteriologist

Thanks for your "optimism", HB

It was either use it yesterday or next Tuesday, by which time, there's no way I'd be eating it. Hadn't time to go "all foreign". Just made the bottom half of the pie and had locally grown new spuds with it. Nothing "wimpy" about it at all.

Anyway all's well that ends well.

Sent an 8 incher , with no paper, to the new treatment plant just down the road. They'll be well able for it as the place has just undergone a 2 year refurbishment.

This is the first summer in 20 years you can walk past the place on a roaster of a day and smell absolutely nothing.

T'would nearly make you want to pay water charges.

Dual wheels · 16-08-2020 12:08pm

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

A feed of Pat McDonaghs finest this evening, was meant to eat a decent meal, but plans changed and it was a chicken fillet burger, Curry Cheese Chips, chicken dippers with garlic dip.
Washed down with a few cans of Perlenbacher Pilsner from Lidl.

Let's see how things look in the morning.

Pat mcdonagh is solely responsible for 70% of blocked toilets in this country, his nosh is pre eaten schutther

Lewis_Benson · 16-08-2020 12:47pm

Dual wheels wrote: »

Pat mcdonagh is solely responsible for 70% of blocked toilets in this country, his nosh is pre eaten schutther

You're not wrong.
I had occasion to visit a friends house in another part of the country yesterday. (not one of the locked down counties)

I had to use the facilities while on site.
I'd say he will be calling his local Dyno-Rod agent in the coming days.
I left a right solid mass down that u bend.
It may not Make it to the end of the line.

Brendan Bendar · 16-08-2020 1:03pm

Little bit off topic but a mate of mine in the UK was sharing a flat in the Chiswick area.

The dude sharing the flat had this habit of hitting the can and reeling out thick logs of stinking midden.

However he also had the habit of smoking about 4 fags and tossing the matches into the bowl.

Lad decided he had enough of this and early next morning tipped about half a cup of petrol into the pot.

Apparently after about the third fag, later on ,the fchukking petrol ‘exploded’ and scorched the nutpurse off him + the inner thighs and balloon knot.

Sorted the problem though.

JohnnyFlash · 16-08-2020 1:09pm

Drank 12 pints of Guinness in a pub in West Cork last night. Also had a huge feed of fish and chips.

Hosed out a quart of very loose and smelly slurry just 10 minutes ago. Coated the entire pan. Was like trying to clean up an oil slick using a j-cloth. The hole is very raw at the moment. Feels like it is pulsing.

Not good.

Lewis_Benson · 16-08-2020 1:17pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Drank 12 pints of Guinness in a pub in West Cork last night. Also had a huge feed of fish and chips.

Hosed out a quart of very loose and smelly slurry just 10 minutes ago. Coated the entire pan. Was like trying to clean up an oil slick using a j-cloth. The hole is very raw at the moment. Feels like it is pulsing.

Not good.

Good man Johnny.
A good feed of fish should work well as a lubricant on the way back out of you.

Brendan Bendar · 16-08-2020 1:42pm

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Good man Johnny.
A good feed of fish should work well as a lubricant on the way back out of you.

Doesn’t seem it’s a lubricant the boy needs Mr B.

Fchooking pair of football socks stuffed up his muzzle most likely.

Just leave the ‘toes’ hanging out for removal about midweek.

What's the etiquette here??

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