Ideal wedding from guest's perspective (Mod warning in 1st post)

El_Duderino 09 · 06-07-2017 11:57am

pwurple wrote: »

baby and crumble wrote: »

Handfasting is a celtic tradition, so it makes perfect sense for an Irish ceremony.

Sure, sure, if your parents and their parents etc did it and it stretches back generations, beautiful. But if you saw it on the internet or in Braveheart and think it's quirky rather than it having any resonance with your family... put it back on pinterest.

The entire ceremony is symbolic-apart from signing the marriage certificate. The religious prayers, speeches, toasts, wearing rings etc. are all symbols of the event. 'Tying the knot' in a symbolic sense is hardly way out of keeping with all the other symbolism at a wedding ceremony. It's probably not something I'd do but it's in keeping with the celebration.

This thread is kind of about challenging the traditions. Finding out which parts people like and which parts are just done for the sake of tradition in spite of whether people actually enjoy them or not.

elekid · 06-07-2017 12:05pm

I've been to a good few weddings in the last 3 or 4 years. It's always nice to see friends and family getting happily married but some of the things which I've found increase my enjoyment as a guest are:

- If the ceremony is kept short and in the same location as the reception
- If I don't go hungry between the ceremony and dinner
- If I'm seated with people I know well and like for dinner
- If the speeches are kept minimal and cringe-free
- I don't do well with loud music so I always appreciate a venue where I can escape to somewhere quieter once the band/dj starts

kunst nugget · 06-07-2017 12:58pm

Ann_Landers wrote: »

Meh, I say let the winner do what they want with the money. I wouldn't expect them to buy me a drink personally. And often, the money won won't even cover a round for a table. People tend to put in €2 or €3. You often won't have more than €25 or €30 per table. A round could cost €40-€50 per table. And the person is even more out of pocket if the money collected from every table is pooled and the winner is expected to buy a drink for everyone in the place.

Say there are 150 guests and €3 is collected from each guest.

That's €450 collected.

Say the winner then has to buy a round for everyone. Even if the average drink was €4 because some people are not drinking, that would still come to €600 for the round, meaning the winner has to pony up €150. That hardly seems fair, does it? And what is the point in having the competition if the winner has to spend all the money?

So it's unfair to expect them to get a round in, IMO, on a day that is quite expensive for guests as it is.

I've only ever seen it done on a table by table basis and it's always been for a fiver each which means nobody's going to be out of pocket. I've never ever seen it done where someone had to buy a round for everyone attending.

baby and crumble · 06-07-2017 1:03pm

pwurple wrote: »

Sure, sure, if your parents and their parents etc did it and it stretches back generations, beautiful. But if you saw it on the internet or in Braveheart and think it's quirky rather than it having any resonance with your family... put it back on pinterest.

Why? Why not incorporate something you like in your wedding day? If I was only to do "what my parents did" for my wedding I'd be marrying a dude, wearing a dress and having a church wedding.

Where does that end? Only have a reading if you have a deep long lasting connection to it? Only choose a wedding dress if you personally know the designer? Everything about a wedding is a choice. Why be so scathing about other people choices? Let's be honest, everything about weddings is a bit cheesy, and a bit tacky. Embrace it, I say. Don't be gross about it (ie a white Irish couple having a Haka, or I dunno, dressing up a blackface to jump the broom, is probably a bit much) but who really cares?

draiochtanois · 06-07-2017 1:33pm

This post has been deleted.

Ann_Landers · 06-07-2017 1:59pm

kunst nugget wrote: »

I've only ever seen it done on a table by table basis and it's always been for a fiver each which means nobody's going to be out of pocket. I've never ever seen it done where someone had to buy a round for everyone attending.

E2 or E3 per person per table at any wedding I've been at. Even if it was a fiver, what's the point if the person who "wins" has to hand people their money back? Eurgh, stupid conventions. I've never expected the winner to buy me a drink. Speak for yourselves. It's also one of those things that anyone who hasn't attended many weddings would be a bit clueless about. The first few weddings I was at, I hadn't a clue of a lot of the conventions. It's a shitty thing to judge someone on and someone even mentioned the couple who won being loaded. Such a sense of entitlement.

GingerLily · 06-07-2017 2:11pm

Ann_Landers wrote: »

€2 or €3 post table at any wedding I've been at. Even if it was a fiver, what's the point if the person who "wins" has to hand people their money back? Eurgh, stupid conventions. I've never expected the winner to but me a drink. Speak for yourselves. :cool:

I have only been to weddings where it's a fiver buy in (coins are far too noisey), and it's pretty much covered the round. It's also only ever been per table and oganised by the guests themselves so not something the B&G can control, so not helpful to the OP.

It's a bit of fun, of you don't like it opt out, simples

Ann_Landers · 06-07-2017 2:14pm

GingerLily wrote: »

I have only been to weddings where it's a fiver buy in (coins are far too noisey), and it's pretty much covered the round. It's also only ever been per table and oganised by the guests themselves so not something the B&G can control, so not helpful to the OP.

It's a bit of fun, of you don't like it opt out, simples

I have no problem at all opting in, I simply dislike the expectations of how the winner should spend the money. Lose the tradition if the winner is going to have their character questioned! If it's a "bit of fun", why be so serious about what the person does with their winnings?

GingerLily · 06-07-2017 2:21pm

Ann_Landers wrote: »

I have no problem at all opting in, I simply dislike the expectations of how the winner should spend the money. Lose the tradition if the winner is going to have their character questioned! If it's a "bit of fun", why be so serious about what the person does with their winnings?

I think you're the only person being serious about it!
I like choosing the round for the table, usually a shot or baby guiness etc

kunst nugget · 06-07-2017 2:26pm

GingerLily wrote: »

I think you're the only person being serious about it!
I like choosing the round for the table, usually a shot or baby guiness etc

Tbh, I'd never stick the money in my pocket if I won. It does look incredibly cheap.

Ann_Landers · 06-07-2017 2:35pm

GingerLily wrote: »

I think you're the only person being serious about it!
I like choosing the round for the table, usually a shot or baby guiness etc

Someone called it the height of rudeness. I am taking that seriously because I think that's awful.

GingerLily · 06-07-2017 2:40pm

Ann_Landers wrote: »

Someone called it the height of rudeness. I am taking that seriously because I think that's awful.

Some people think it's rude / some people don't, good to know

The Cool · 06-07-2017 2:51pm

I haven't been to that many weddings but I've never seen the speech betting going on - I think it's so tacky!!!
Yes speeches can be a snooze but I think it's really disrespectful.

I like a weekend wedding but also prefer a civil ceremony to a religious one, but in Ireland you can only get a registrar on a weekday, unless you go to the registry office yourselves and then have an unofficial officiant conduct the ceremony on the weekend. I would prefer a civil ceremony on a Friday than a church ceremony on a Saturday tbh.

I would say, don't take the piss with the timing of things on the day, in terms of fitting your photos in between. If the ceremony is early and people know dinner is lateish, that's totally fine and I will sneak off for a burger in between. But don't have a ceremony at 1pm and then disappear for hours, not get us seated for dinner til 8 and THEN make us sit through an hour of speeches before we eat. Even if you do put on nibbles while you go for photos, don't leave us waiting for 3-4 hours, because we will be bored silly.

As for 2nd-day parties, if it's a close friend I like getting together the day after to chat about the big day and have a bit more relaxed craic before everyone goes off in their different directions. If we're not that close I won't bother, I think it naturally ends up that the people you want, and the people who want to be there, will be.

The quality of food as well - was at friends' wedding in a castle, they had had a menu tasting beforehand and went with beef for mains, theirs came out as two steaks on a flaming sword and I'm told they were amazing. The guests on the other hand got chewy, dry roast beef that was like a leather shoe. I don't think the B&G realised there would be such a difference in the quality of food. Something to watch for.

Walter H Price · 06-07-2017 3:16pm

Personal Dislikes :

I hate Church's/ Religious weddings , just so dull and impersonal tbh i usually skip the mass part if i'm not overly close to the B&G.

Cheap Hotels are a pet peeve , bad food crap rooms at inflated wedding prices a good day does not make.

Kids being allowed past 9pm , there not allowed in pubs after that time for a reason

Free bars , always a bad shout and ends in tears and puke so much puke (not mine , not a big drinker)

Dress Codes , I'm not 7 i know how to dress for an occasion i dont need an instuct and FYI theames are beyond classless, its a wedding not a Haloween Party.

Being informed the coulpe has registered somwhere , or specific gifts being requested etc , your getting cash pal end of.

Personal Likes:

Late Ceremonies , absolute gift no hanging around plus a lie in what more can you want.

Good wine , you pick the menu at least pair some nice wines with it Reds with beef and game , whites with fish and poultry.

Day 2 , Particularly if I've had to travel a bit as in more then a Taxi away from home book out a pub do a BBQ something to to make the overnight worth it.

Music pre-reception , A harpist or singer at the ceremony a few acoustic tunes at the pre reception drinks etc...

An Interesting Menu, Cant beat a good dinner if the menu is good its gunna be a good day.

pwurple · 06-07-2017 3:27pm

baby and crumble wrote: »

Why? Why not incorporate something you like in your wedding day? If I was only to do "what my parents did" for my wedding I'd be marrying a dude, wearing a dress and having a church wedding.

Where does that end? Only have a reading if you have a deep long lasting connection to it? Only choose a wedding dress if you personally know the designer? Everything about a wedding is a choice. Why be so scathing about other people choices? Let's be honest, everything about weddings is a bit cheesy, and a bit tacky. Embrace it, I say. Don't be gross about it (ie a white Irish couple having a Haka, or I dunno, dressing up a blackface to jump the broom, is probably a bit much) but who really cares?

Oh geez louise, the wedding forum and people's overreactions. :rolleyes:
You've people already accusing things of being "the height of rudeness" in here. LOL. Love it.

Anyway, back to yourself. Touchy much? You LOVE hand-fasting. I get it. Am I not allowed express my thoughts on it or what? 16th century activity suddenly is the rage in intimate expression, and I can't even raise an half an eyebrow about how it might be a teensy tiniest speck of a fad?

Gas justification from someone else above... one generation away from Norse blood. *Snort.

Anyway, like you said, who cares for goodness sake. It's all cheese. I totally agree. Roll with it. (most importantly I'm only a randomer on the internet.)

zoobizoo · 06-07-2017 3:28pm

I Was the one who first mentioned the speech betting.

Tradition would be to buy a round for the table, not the whole room (for the person who thought it was)!!

We always put a tenner in each... so that's 100 / 110 / 120 euro per table... so you buy a round and pocket the change.... Gets people chatting at the table.

********* **********

Dislike:
I've never been invited to a black tie wedding and I have a tux but it's an extra cost on guests who don't own one. I know of a black tie wedding which is on in Italy. So everyone flying over is going to be sitting in black tie / formal dress for the day in the middle of summer...

Like:
When the priest knows the couple or has gotten to know the couple prior to the ceremony. Makes a big difference to the ceremony - as does having a properly funny priest / celebrant.

Neyite · 06-07-2017 3:57pm

Dislikes:
St. Paul's letter to the Corinthians :P
Long wait for the bride.
Long gap between ceremony and meal
Long distance between ceremony and venue
Any kind of dress code or gift list.
Long lull between the end of the meal and the band or DJ setting up.

Likes:
Any kind of food - cheap or fancy I don't mind, as long as it's decent quality, hot and it arrives at the same time, not getting your beef/chicken then waiting 30 mins for the veg waiting staff to come around.
Being able to get a room upstairs or nearby so that when I've had enough, I've not far to go.
I like the day after, as long as it's optional, and one that's informal and like a regular get together in a pub (ie, not another outfit to plan)

scarepanda · 06-07-2017 4:03pm

I think one of the reasons that hand fasting/sand ceremonies etc etc etc are becoming so common now is because couples today are the first generation of Irish people who genuinely have the option of having a non religious wedding (registrar, humanist and spiritualism). So therefore new or old symbolic ceremonies are becoming more popular and being resurrected from times past.

zoobizoo · 06-07-2017 4:11pm

Non religious ceremonies can be very short without all the bits and bobs..

Rituals and symbolic gestures give a bit more weight to them.

Sand thing is similar to burning candles.

Poems similar to prayers.

Prose similar to letters to the Corinthians and Bible passages.

Walter H Price · 06-07-2017 4:11pm

scarepanda wrote: »

I think one of the reasons that hand fasting/sand ceremonies etc etc etc are becoming so common now is because couples today are the first generation of Irish people who genuinely have the option of having a non religious wedding (registrar, humanist and spiritualism). So therefore new or old symbolic ceremonies are becoming more popular and being resurrected from times past.

I like em tbh , we were considering it for ours but decided against going for a more subtle candle lighting ceremony instead , My Dad lighting a candle embossed with our family crest hers doing the same at the start of the ceremony , at the end we light one big candle embossed with both crests from the two , nice simple and most importantly quick.

kunst nugget · 06-07-2017 4:11pm

scarepanda wrote: »

I think one of the reasons that hand fasting/sand ceremonies etc etc etc are becoming so common now is because couples today are the first generation of Irish people who genuinely have the option of having a non religious wedding (registrar, humanist and spiritualism). So therefore new or old symbolic ceremonies are becoming more popular and being resurrected from times past.

Imo, it's just replacing religious bollixology with symbolic bollixology.

Atomic Pineapple · 06-07-2017 4:17pm

kunst nugget wrote: »

Imo, it's just replacing religious bollixology with symbolic bollixology.

Still, its the right direction in terms of bollixology

Walter H Price · 06-07-2017 4:24pm

Atomic Pineapple wrote: »

Still, its the right direction in terms of bollixology

100% hahahahaha Church weddings are grim

06-07-2017 4:50pm

Walter H Price wrote: »

100% hahahahaha Church weddings are grim

For you, but for many it wouldn't be a wedding without the church.

Neyite · 06-07-2017 4:50pm

scarepanda wrote: »

I think one of the reasons that hand fasting/sand ceremonies etc etc etc are becoming so common now is because couples today are the first generation of Irish people who genuinely have the option of having a non religious wedding (registrar, humanist and spiritualism). So therefore new or old symbolic ceremonies are becoming more popular and being resurrected from times past.

It's popularity is probably down to the novelty factor of being able to design your own ceremony and probably Pinterest where lots of ideas are imported from the US now.

kunst nugget wrote: »

Imo, it's just replacing religious bollixology with symbolic bollixology.

Yeah. It's nice and ceremonial for some and all that but to me it all feels like a bit of bolloxology because I'm not really a fan of that kind of symbolism.

Neyite · 06-07-2017 4:53pm

Bobby Massive Drill wrote: »

For you, but for many it wouldn't be a wedding without the church.

That attitude cant die out quickly enough for me.

Fine if you don't think you are properly married without a church wedding for yourself, but this country is full of those who impose that rigid view on others, regardless of what that couple's faith may or may not be.

scarepanda · 06-07-2017 4:55pm

Walter H Price wrote:

I like em tbh , we were considering it for ours but decided against going for a more subtle candle lighting ceremony instead , My Dad lighting a candle embossed with our family crest hers doing the same at the start of the ceremony , at the end we light one big candle embossed with both crests from the two , nice simple and most importantly quick.

I love that idea of having the family crest on the unity candles, but himself doesn't like the idea!

Were having a non religious spiritualist wedding and we are doing a few smaller ceremonies which will be symbolic to both us as a couple and also us as a family as our daughter will have a role in the sand ceremony.

kunst nugget wrote:

Imo, it's just replacing religious bollixology with symbolic bollixology.

Ya that's true to a degree, but what would you do instead? I think without some symbolic ceremonies the wedding ceremony would be quite cold and impersonal. But sure, other than the legal side of things, isn't the whole wedding day/getting married symbolic bollixology (love the word btw!) anyways, no matter which route you go?

While I'm here, what are people opinions on seating arrangements?

El_Duderino 09 · 06-07-2017 5:11pm

Bobby Massive Drill wrote: »

Walter H Price wrote: »

100% hahahahaha Church weddings are grim

For you, but for many it wouldn't be a wedding without the church.

It wouldn't be a church wedding without a church, It wouldn't be a mosque wedding without a mosque. It wouldn't be a registry office wedding without a registry office. People who want those things should make sure to arrange them.
It wouldn't be a marriage without the paperwork, the rest is just ceremony and a party.

freshpopcorn · 06-07-2017 5:30pm

Any wedding I've being to or heard of
The couple are always told,
Ye look great.(Nice dress)
Flowers are lovely.
Ceremony was great and special/unique.
Food was lovely.
Everybody says everything is perfect.

I find people tend to remember the food the most and people are disappointed if it's bad.
I have heard of people being very disappointed with alternative finger food/afternoon tea or hog roast type meals. Simple because they didn't get enough and they went home hungry.
My one piece of advice is make sure your guests know when that the day might be finishing up early!

Faith · 06-07-2017 7:30pm

Mod note: Lets all remember that this thread is about what your ideal wedding to attend looks like. It's not an opportunity to have a go at things. Feel free to say what you don't like, but stay respectful and civil.

06-07-2017 7:54pm

The main ingredients for a good wedding

Good food, plenty wine and a great band.

JustAThought · 06-07-2017 8:34pm

Good wedding for me as a guest:

A optional wedding present list so I know the money I spend on buying them something won't be wasted and will be some thing they will like and enjoy/need.

A venue where the bedrooms are big and elegant and fancier than I can expect at home and within a e200 budget preferably or somewhere stunning for the e100 extra. Preferably with a spa/swimming pool for the next day.

Good company and not being put as the entertainment at the difficult table 'we know you'll get along with anyone & can talk to the others after the meal = this is like a days work for me and possibly a long tedious work-like meal. SURE I will do it, but I'd rather be having fun

Not being put beside or near anyone who dosnt drink or is a vegan. I love my steak and drink and do not want to spend my meal listening to moans or vegan talk or I don't need alcohol to have a good time 'chat'.

CHILDREN. ANYONE'S. INCLUDING TEENAGERS. None for me at the wedding. No noise, no baby talk, no shouting and running. Thanks. It's my day off -I don't want to stand in a playground or hear parents screaming ir hissing at children and the noise of children all day long.

I love the buzz in the Church and beforehand -people meeting & sizing each other up - catching up with old friends. I enjoy the style, the hats, the impractical women's shoes, the anticipation. Before,during and the car park after the Church is my favourite part.

Great music in the Church -lots of it. Don't skimp.

I prefer no champagne or enforced entertainment after the Church and before the meal. I like to duck into the fancy bedoom and relax in a bit of luxury -it's rare you get to do this & your paying enough for it! Preferably a room service snack and a power doze in the sun in a bit of luxury pre dinner.

A lovely meal quickly served. Dosn't matter what or the sizes (see note above on roomservice ) but just no farting around waiting for 40 minutes for your table to be served or having to ooh and ahh at the b&g being fed while you watch hungrily as they eat and finish while yours is still due and the staff are stressed out of their minds.

No long delay between dinner and dancing!

I love a bit of a munchies at midnight after a full day -ideally a big pile of cocktail sausages -none of this cake on paper plates abandoned in corners.

Good band or dancing. None of that hawaii five o rubbish or dj playing requests for people.

Good chat with the b/g the next day at leisure!

Able to hang out in the hotel on fancy couches or lounge area without being shunted off onto country roads with a hangover for a 6 hour drunk drive home.

Seeing the b&g happy and not stressed and knowing they are loving their dream day & madly in love.

Bride not lookng like an alien being or someone attacked by exploding orange or someone who has suddenly grown talons.

Rude,vulgar, badly planned or very badly presented speeches -particularly by drunk people.speeches that offend the older generation or parents who are often really upset by what goes on or the language.

Any embarrassment or upsetting the b&g for any reason.

Thanks!

06-07-2017 9:23pm

Church at 1pm, certainly no earlier. (Not a fan of civil or humanist weddings).
Bride not too late (around 10mins is fine)
Nice Ceremony with good music

Proper local pub with good Guinness beside the church or on the drive to the hotel where lots of the guests stop and have a pint or two and possibly some sandwiches.

Hotel ideally no more than 30 mins to an hour from the church. Some canapés and drinks on arrival. If there is a significant sporting event on then have tv's showing it.

Meal not too late say seated around 6pm. Speaches before meal or before and after starter. I like the speaches but they shouldn't be too long.
Good food and plenty of it, nothing fancy just decent starters, a nice normal soup and beef or lamb for the main. Good bar staff that are efficient and get orders out quickly and are able to pull pints properly (and consuming many many of them pints and shots throughout the night

)

Good band who play a good mix of stuff from chart stuff to old songs, country etc. Good DJ who actually interacts with the crowd over the mic rather than just stand there pressing buttons and will play requests (nothing worse than a dj who won't play requests and a very good dj will download it on the spot if he doesn't have it).

Decent finger food during the band/dj.

Residents bar that serves late and doesn't stop non-residents drinking there, anything earlier than 4 or 5am is a joke for a residents bar closing. A big sing song, there has to be a decent sing song in the residents bar to make it a great wedding.

2nd day, I actually dislike when there isn't a second day as I enjoy catching up with everyone again, even better if it ends up in an all day session starting in the hotel bar again after brekkie and moving on to where ever the 2nd day event is later in the day.

meeeeh · 07-07-2017 12:29am

zoobizoo wrote: »

Non religious ceremonies can be very short without all the bits and bobs..

Exactly, why spoil them with quasi meaningful faff. Short to the point ceremony is by far my favorite and no I don't want to listen to dragged out fables about two pencils finding each other in a pencil case. Although I do appreciate some ridiculous stuff if you can laugh at it somewhere in the back row. Probably not advisable when you actually like the couple.

All weddings I really enjoyed were the ones attended by other friends. Then I don't mind to wait a bit or eat food that is not perfect. For various reasons we had to attend weddings where we didn't know or care about many people and most were a bit boring. I don't overly care if it's a big or small wedding as long as a bit of thought process is put into sitting arrangements. I'm not into photo booths and similar but as long as you are not forced into taking photos it's grand. More easygoing is the wedding the better.

appledrop · 08-07-2017 12:09am

Ideal wedding is a civil ceremony rather than a drawn out church wedding + also one thats not too early so your not rushing to get there get ready etc. Don't mind where reception is or what l exactly the food is once there is plenty of it. Not sure if afternoon tea is good idea though you would need something more substantial. Can't stand Bbq or celebrations the next day. We have a small child so not going to leave them for longer than the 1 night.

smeal · 08-07-2017 12:24am

I like the English civil ceremony style wedding where its literally bride and groom in, vows, group photo and straight to the bar/mingling within 30 mins. We were at a wedding mass a while back where we had to sit for about 10 mins after the 45min mass to watch the bride and groom get photos taken with their bridal party at the alter and then a further 10/15 minutes after that while they went into the back of the church to sign with presumably more photos. Everyone desperate to get into the church hall for a cup of tae or something stronger.

One of the loveliest wedding meals I've ever had was last year when two friends got married in NYC in the company of just their parents and siblings and they had an evening wedding party back home a few weeks later in a local hotel. The food was buffet style with the likes of good quality lasagne, curry, chicken goujons, salad, baked potatoes etc. The dessert was traybakes if you fancied it and instead of a cake they had 3 big wheels of cheese (with bride and groom mice on top) and a selection of crackers and relishes! Great for the 11pm munchies! When you have a handful of weddings in a year you become sick to death of the usual soup, chicken caesar, turkey and ham and petit fours.

Ann_Landers · 08-07-2017 4:21pm

To weigh on symbolism. Despite liking short civil ceremonies, I like a bit of symbolism and I don't like them to be too short either. Like, a ceremony can be 15 minutes if one wants but personally, I think it's nice to make it linger a bit longer than that. It just gives it, I dunno, a bit more gravitas or something? My sister's civil ceremony was about half an hour which was perfect. She actually sang herself during the ceremony and they lit candles. A bit of candle-lighting is always cool with me, I like the visual aspect of it. They also picked secular readings that meant something to them. And the 30 minutes still skipped along, it felt short even with all the different things they did. I dislike long ceremonies as much as the next person, but thirty minutes isn't long or drawn out by any stretch of the imagination. Couples probably also just want to make a ceremony longer than the minimum so that more moments from it stay with them. There is so much more scope for personalisation in civil ceremonies, I think, so much more of a chance to choose meaningful symbolism. I like taking those moments in civil ceremonies to take a moment of quiet reflection.

Ann_Landers · 08-07-2017 4:36pm

JustAThought wrote: »

Not being put beside or near anyone who dosnt drink or is a vegan. I love my steak and drink and do not want to spend my meal listening to moans or vegan talk or I don't need alcohol to have a good time 'chat'.

This is way more judgemental than any teetotaller or vegan you are seated next to is likely to be!

Malari · 08-07-2017 4:43pm

Ann_Landers wrote: »

To weigh on symbolism. Despite liking short civil ceremonies, I like a bit of symbolism and I don't like them to be too short either. Like, a ceremony can be 15 minutes if one wants but personally, I think it's nice to make it linger a bit longer than that. It just gives it, I dunno, a bit more gravitas or something? My sister's civil ceremony was about half an hour which was perfect. She actually sang herself during the ceremony and they lit candles. A bit of candle-lighting is always cool with me, I like the visual aspect of it. They also picked secular readings that meant something to them. And the 30 minutes still skipped along, it felt short even with all the different things they did. I dislike long ceremonies as much as the next person, but thirty minutes isn't long or drawn out by any stretch of the imagination. Couples probably also just want to make a ceremony longer than the minimum so that more moments from it stay with them. There is so much more scope for personalisation in civil ceremonies, I think, so much more of a chance to choose meaningful symbolism. I like taking those moments in civil ceremonies to take a moment of quiet reflection.

You'd have hated ours

literally just the legal part - no candles, songs, reading or any personalisation at all. Done in 10 minutes.

When I think of the fun weddings I've been to, they have very little to do with the food, drinks, ceremony, speeches, etc and everything to do with whether there's a group of friends there you have have a laugh with.

Spanish Eyes · 08-07-2017 4:49pm

You do NOT have to have a full Mass for a Catholic marriage ceremony.

I only discovered this having attended a wedding in UK. It was great and quick, but very dignified, about 35 minutes or so.

There is no Communion, no bringing up of gifts and all that.

Did anyone know this?

If there are 150 people in the church the Communion part can take ages. Sorry don't mean to be disrespectful, but it was a lovely ceremony just the same. And it is allowed!

SimpleDimples · 08-07-2017 5:21pm

Likes:
Ceremony/Meal no further than 45 minutes away from each other
Accommodation available at the venue
A plus one especially where I know very few of the other guests
Simplicity - the food & music are the only things people care about
Short speeches
No really long gaps/weighting around durinv the day
A late afterwood start on a Saturday

Dislikes:
Tacky cliches - photo booth, inflatable guitars, sweet card etc
Rules re gifts or dress code on the invite
Late brides
Black tie
Weddings abroad
Any second day stuff
Lenght speeches/inappropriate content
Kids at weddings

freshpopcorn · 08-07-2017 5:36pm

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

You do NOT have to have a full Mass for a Catholic marriage ceremony.

I only discovered this having attended a wedding in UK. It was great and quick, but very dignified, about 35 minutes or so.

There is no Communion, no bringing up of gifts and all that.

Did anyone know this?

If there are 150 people in the church the Communion part can take ages. Sorry don't mean to be disrespectful, but it was a lovely ceremony just the same. And it is allowed!

I find it very odd that a priest would cut out Communion. Kind of odd having having a Catholic ceremony and not having Communion.

Spanish Eyes · 08-07-2017 6:01pm

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I find it very odd that a priest would cut out Communion. Kind of odd having having a Catholic ceremony and not having Communion.

It is not up to the priest. If you just want the marriage ceremony without the Mass you can have it. It is allowed no problem.

Handy if one of the parties is non Catholic, and you can have any music you want because you are not disrespecting the Communion bit.

Much shorter than a Mass.

Look up Catholic Wedding no Mass. I don't know why more people don't take this option.

Ann_Landers · 08-07-2017 6:20pm

Malari wrote: »

You'd have hated ours literally just the legal part - no candles, songs, reading or any personalisation at all. Done in 10 minutes.

I never said I hated really short ones!

freshpopcorn · 08-07-2017 6:48pm

I think the best option for people who are not into Religion and find the mass long and boring is to only go to the reception.

Addle · 08-07-2017 6:52pm

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

It is not up to the priest. If you just want the marriage ceremony without the Mass you can have it. It is allowed no problem.

Handy if one of the parties is non Catholic, and you can have any music you want because you are not disrespecting the Communion bit.

Much shorter than a Mass.

Look up Catholic Wedding no Mass. I don't know why more people don't take this option.

Of course it's up to the priest.
Good luck finding a priest who'll leave out the mass.
And fair enough. If couples choose a catholic ceremony, they shouldn't be so bothered by a catholic mass.

08-07-2017 6:53pm

The only pet hate I have is if the bride insists on where everyone should be. Grown adults should be let about their day once they're at the church dressed on time.

Ann_Landers · 08-07-2017 6:57pm

Addle wrote: »

Of course it's up to the priest.
Good luck finding a priest who'll leave out the mass.
And fair enough. If couples choose a catholic ceremony, they shouldn't be so bothered by a catholic mass.

Yeah, in theory a priest should agree to what the couple wants but many priests would say no in reality, I think. A lot of priests use wedding ceremonies to show off a bit, I've noticed. It's like they are missing the sermonising to a big crowd every week now that mass attendance is dwindling year on year so they take advantage of weddings to put on a show.

scarepanda · 08-07-2017 7:55pm

I know of a few couples recently who were given the option of not having the mass said. Only one of those couples had one party not Catholic, the rest were.

r93kaey5p2izun · 08-07-2017 8:11pm

I know several couples who had the Catholic ceremony only and no mass. Priests were delighted because there's such a shortage and they can't keep up with the demands on their time so were happy to cut the length.

My ideal wedding as a guest would be a short ceremony after 3pm in the same venue as the reception. I prefer small weddings. Reception in a good restaurant, seated by 6pm with a decent menu. I'd even be happy to pay for options from a full menu. Very short speeches. No awkward dress or gift stipulations - though I have no issues with a gift list. No expectations or requirements to stay overnight and no second day.

I decline nearly all wedding invites because I hate the typical format so much. But I certainly wouldn't moan or complain if I chose to attend, and I think couples should just organise whatever type of day they want and not worry about anyone's opinion (obviously without mistreating guests by being rude or outright inconsiderate).

Ideal wedding from guest's perspective (Mod warning in 1st post)

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