Ideal wedding from guest's perspective (Mod warning in 1st post)

freshpopcorn

meeeeh wrote: »

Well I'm glad it worked for your sister. Most people tend to plan only one wedding and they tend to go for most efficient system. We will have set sitting arrangements but my maybe I'll mix things up a bit when I'm getting married for the second time.

BTW was it buffet wedding? Or set menu? Otherwise fluidity could cause quite a few issues to waiting staff.

Well it's always set menu when I attended one's without a table plan and their was no issues.
Same with wedding anniversary parties which had large amounts of people to with a set menu.
I used be involved in the hospitality industry and table plans never really helped me. I just found them annoying because people were two slow to find their seat or somebody sat in the wrong place. They'd cause a load of hassle.

Ann_Landers

meeeeh wrote: »

Well I'm glad it worked for your sister. Most people tend to plan only one wedding and they tend to go for most efficient system. We will have set sitting arrangements but my maybe I'll mix things up a bit when I'm getting married for the second time.

BTW was it buffet wedding? Or set menu? Otherwise fluidity could cause quite a few issues to waiting staff.

It was buffet but organised into starter, then dinner, then dessert and, yeah, I think for unassigned seating, buffet is the only thing that would work.

I suppose I just don't understand the resistance. I mean, my sister and her husband just thought about the logistics and got advice on it. It wasn't a big chance to take, there were plenty of resources out there to inform them of how unassigned seating would work and how to make it work. And they didn't have the stress of figuring out seating, which I hear is a very stressful thing for the marrying couple. Anything that in some way changes up the formula is welcome by me anyway and I wish more couples would consider stepping away from the script. A big part of my ennui with weddings is that you know exactly how the day is going to go, every single time. Almost without fail.

freshpopcorn

eviltwin wrote: »

Definitely agree with post on the vegetarian option. I've never been to a wedding, besides my own, where the veggies werent given muck. Pasta and tomato sauce with a bit of rocket on top seems to be standard fare. Was also given a vegetable soup with chicken stock as the main ingredient. I'd be embarrassed serving up that sh1t to guests.

Chefs seem to hate doing the vegetarian option. They'd always be nice and smiley with the couple when choosing the menu as would the hotel manger/organiser but wait until the wedding day and the swearing from the chef when the vegetarian option comes in.

Neyite

Flibble wrote: »

Literally the only thing I care about is the veggie option.

I'm not a veggie or vegan but I fully agree. I've a couple of vegans among the guests I'll be inviting and I'd be really pissed off if they get pasta and rocket. I'll be making sure that their meal is as enjoyable as the meat eaters.

I'll add to that, that the evening soakage also should include veggie options. Often there is very little on offer and it's scoffed by the carnivores before the poor auld veggie can get to the buffet.

I'll be having a small guest list so it will be easy to canvass and make sure that all tastes are covered.

Flibble

Neyite wrote: »

I'll add to that, that the evening soakage also should include veggie options. Often there is very little on offer and it's scoffed by the carnivores before the poor auld veggie can get to the buffet.

Do you know, I'm just so used to not being able to eat the canapes or midnight foods that I don't even bat an eyelid at that anymore, but yes, taking us into consideration for these would be so amazing. I think I'd cry

Boggy Turf

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

There is a lot of false happiness on behalf of guests, when they wish they were a million miles away from the schedule of starvation, waiting, boredom, loud music and all the rest of it.

Absolutely spot on. It's all a bit fake. Most people are wishing the time away and wondering what's the earliest time they can slip away to end the torment and salvage some of the weekend.

pconn062

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

YES to this. Costs a bomb, sitting around having to talk to people you have nothing in common with and all the rest of it.

Wouldn't you just love if they fecked off somewhere, and you could bring your OH out for a nice meal somewhere instead.

OK I am a Bah Humbug. But at this stage of my life I could write the script for weddings, none of which I enjoyed immensely. Just got on with it because that is expected.

I have declined every wedding in the last few years unless family. I love my family we have great craic together. But after that NO. sorry.....

But I will be called some names for this post I reckon. Still it is reality.

There is a lot of false happiness on behalf of guests, when they wish they were a million miles away from the schedule of starvation, waiting, boredom, loud music and all the rest of it.

As you can gather, I dislike formula weddings. I really do. Think Stepford Wives.

You spend a lot of time on the weddings forum for someone who proclaims to hate weddings!

freshpopcorn

pconn062 wrote: »

You spend a lot of time on the weddings forum for someone who proclaims to hate weddings!

I know somebody who hates weddings. They send a gidt and don't go! Everybody is happy!

scarepanda

Neyite wrote:

I'll add to that, that the evening soakage also should include veggie options. Often there is very little on offer and it's scoffed by the carnivores before the poor auld veggie can get to the buffet.

Thank you for pointing this out! We have some guests for the full day that we know are vegetarian and will have some for the afters that are very strict vegans.
I know the hotel will know, but what kind of vegetarian/vegan foods do people prefer/are a hit? Especially for the finger food in the evening.

Blut2

Essential:

- Low numbers, less than 60-80 ideally. This means you'll actually get to spend time with the bridge and groom, and everyone at the wedding will be a close friend or family member - meaning the atmosphere is actually intimate. The food is also always higher quality when the chefs aren't throwing out 200+ dishes at a time. And there are a lot more interesting venues around for a smaller number, for making it an actual special / unique event. A 250 person wedding where you don't get a chance to spend more than 5 minutes with the bride and groom, eating an offensively bland meat & veg meal, in a country hotel, is incredibly generic for anyone over the age of 25 whos been to more than 3 Irish weddings in their lifetime.

- Ceremony on in the same place as the wedding, or very close to it. I've been to enough weddings with a 60-120min drive between church and reception, which is just a terrible use of everyone's time.

Good:

- A civil ceremony. The most moving, heartfelt weddings I've been to were short ceremonies, where the bridge & groom wrote their own vows and you could tell they really meant something. The most generic, ridiculous ones are 60min+ church ceremonies where neither the bride or the groom is actually religious but they feel the need to pacify militantly Catholic elderly relatives.

- No huge gap between the dinner and the reception. Or a healthy supply of vol-au-vents and similar if need be.

- Lots of on-site accommodation. Not always possible depending on the venue, but it makes everyone's logistics so much easier both getting to the wedding and at the end of the night.

- A venue not in the complete middle of nowhere. That hotel in the farthest tip of West Cork might be idyllic, but a 5hour drive each way from Dublin and Dublin airport (where the majority of guests will be coming from) is not really suitable for a one night event.

irishmoss

Bobby Massive Drill wrote: »

Yes of course.

Maybe people don't want a shorter ceremony, I don't really know why some are falling over themselves to shorten and cut corners on one of the most important things in their lives. Surely its worth an hour or so.

But we were discussing the ideal wedding from a guest perspective and not everyone wants to sit through a full mass.

For me, I liked the idea of the garden party but I would have some sort of decent food be it either a decent buffet or a sit down meal. Afternoon tea wouldn't cut it for me.

Neyite

scarepanda wrote: »

Thank you for pointing this out! We have some guests for the full day that we know are vegetarian and will have some for the afters that are very strict vegans.
I know the hotel will know, but what kind of vegetarian/vegan foods do people prefer/are a hit? Especially for the finger food in the evening.

I'm not sure, I think I'll be googling and hoping the chef has more inspiration than I!

Probably I'll aim for a half or 3/4 vegan buffet because most will eat it anyway. I might do some vegan cup cakes so that they won't miss out on wedding cake too.

Neyite

irishmoss wrote: »

But we were discussing the ideal wedding from a guest perspective and not everyone wants to sit through a full mass.

It's not just that. A weekend mass is about 30-35 mins in any parish unless the priest is particularly verbose. A quick mass without a sermon is about 20 mins.

I've sat through weddings that were 90 mins of readings, prayers of the faithful, and a plethora of songs. (longer if you are already waiting for a late bride!!) You could be the guts of 3 hours sat on a hard pew in a draughty church.

I get that folk want to use songs that means something to them and want to give all their 7 siblings a prayer of the faithful. A lot of folk planning a wedding may not be (or ever have been) regular mass attendees so have not much understanding of how long the ceremony they've planned actually is. Even the rehearsal is a short affair, not a full rehearsal. Until the day, they have not timed out how long their wedding actually is, and because they are in a whirl of becoming husband and wife, that time will fly. For them.

I'd recommend that couples having a church wedding both sit on hard dining room chairs and do the entire booklet from start to finish and see how long their mass is. And cull it accordingly depending on how numb their arses are when they get to the end of it.

julyjane

A family member of mine got a wedding invite recently for the hotel at 4-5pm. The couple got married in a church a few hours earlier but only had the bridal party and immediate family in the church. Reception then all their guests were in the hotel when they arrived and did the red carpet thing.

There were a lot of advantages to the above, no sitting around a church or travelling from one venue to another. Guests didn't have to spend the morning running around trying to be ready for 1pm. And they could feed themselves at 2-3pm so no starving at 6.30 when the meal still hasn't been served

zoobizoo

scarepanda wrote: »

Thank you for pointing this out! We have some guests for the full day that we know are vegetarian and will have some for the afters that are very strict vegans.
I know the hotel will know, but what kind of vegetarian/vegan foods do people prefer/are a hit? Especially for the finger food in the evening.

You could do worse than check out the Happy Pear menu for decent styles of decent veg and vegan main course - something substantial.


Or, a decent pasta dish - I have no problems eating vegetarian pasta in Italy..... or in a a decent Italian restaurant . Easy to make well and equally as easy to make badly - depends on the chef.

Check out the Fallon & Byrne wedding menu - they have good veg and vegan options.


As for finger food - I've often had veg spring rolls when a platter comes out.

ACtually mini pizzas / pizza slices would be good too.

jellybear

Just got married on Saturday there and our vegetarian/vegan option was actually a vegan curry. I was delighted to see meat eaters ordering it aswell and all plates that I saw going back were empty! It was nice to have something a little bit different to the usual options to offer our guests

GingerLily

We're assigning table's but not seats, I know where I'll be sitting and that's the main thing

scarepanda

Thanks guys!

As you have probably guessed I'm not a vegetarian/vegan so I haven't a clue what to ask for or what's a good option. I don't want something crappy to be thrown together without any thought for the guests that order vegetarian/vegan. We're paying the hotel enough as it is!

PhoenixParker

scarepanda wrote: »

Thanks guys!

As you have probably guessed I'm not a vegetarian/vegan so I haven't a clue what to ask for or what's a good option. I don't want something crappy to be thrown together without any thought for the guests that order vegetarian/vegan. We're paying the hotel enough as it is!

Which vegetarian on your guest list are you closest to? Get them to choose the vegetarian option. At least then you'll have one happy vegetarian guest.

kunst nugget

GingerLily wrote: »

We're assigning table's but not seats, I know where I'll be sitting and that's the main thing

I don't think you need to individually assign each seat but I do think it helps to have people assigned to tables where they'll know others.

A friend of mine was at a wedding where the bride and groom decided to split the tables to have half the bride's side and half the groom's side at each table in a bid to help the guests to all get to know each other but it had the effect of people not being able to just chill out and relax because they were stuck making uncomfortable conversation with people they didn't know.

scarepanda

PhoenixParker wrote:

Which vegetarian on your guest list are you closest to? Get them to choose the vegetarian option. At least then you'll have one happy vegetarian guest.

Ya I'm thinking of doing that. There is a couple who we would be very close with that I'd have no hesitation about asking for their input. But going through the guest list, there's another guest who is definitely vegetarian, but possibly vegan that I wouldn't be close enough to ask (she's a girlfriend of one of the guys). I think I'll just ask the couple who are vegetarian what vegan options they would like. I think that's the safest way to go about it.

baby and crumble

kunst nugget wrote: »

I don't think you need to individually assign each seat but I do think it helps to have people assigned to tables where they'll know others.

A friend of mine was at a wedding where the bride and groom decided to split the tables to have half the bride's side and half the groom's side at each table in a bid to help the guests to all get to know each other but it had the effect of people not being able to just chill out and relax because they were stuck making uncomfortable conversation with people they didn't know.

I don't understand that. Nobody goes to weddings to make new friends. I'm definitely putting people who are friends already/ have something in common together, and trying to match folks who maybe don't know a lot of people to those who can talk with them. I'm inviting my boss (who I really like, as a person as well as as a boss!) but obviously I don't want him forced to talk with my school friends or something at dinner. So I'm putting him on a table with a friend from college who I know was involved with the same charity doing voluntary work, so they have something to at least start chatting about! Other than me and work, that is. You know?

PhoenixParker

If it helps anyone planning a wedding, table plans are not some super difficult black art. They're actually fairly straightforward. My tips:

1) About two weeks before the wedding when you're fairly sure who's coming put people into small groups of 3-6 people. Pair couples up, identify who you'll put the awkward to place people with, pair up the people who know nobody or only one other person, and which friends will absolutely want to sit together. Then walk away, there'll be last minute changes so no need to go further.

2) A day or two before the wedding review the small groups and then group them into whatever your table size is. The mini groups you know to be the life of the party you can be a bit more adventurous with then the quieter groups. Everyone will be at a table with at least one friendly face and in most cases they'll know most people or everyone.

If there's no good solution consider adding one long table down the back of the room for a larger group.

mirrorwall14

I'm the exception rather than the rule, even though I'm no longer all that religious I love the church ceremony. I'm a church organist and cantor though, my husband was in church choir for years and his mum directed one. Many music graduates and musicians in our extended family and friends. Our mass was a bit of a concert lol with brothers on both sides, choir and friends singing/playing. However I do always pay attention to length and the music is used to complement not lengthen the service in so far as possible. We didn't sing the Our Father or anything like that

I'm always nosy and love listening/watching the church musicians and seeing what the priest is like

scarepanda

PhoenixParker wrote:

Which vegetarian on your guest list are you closest to? Get them to choose the vegetarian option. At least then you'll have one happy vegetarian guest.

Ya I'm thinking of doing that. There is a couple who we would be very close with that I'd have no hesitation about asking for their input. But going through the guest list, there's another guest who is definitely vegetarian, but possibly vegan that I wouldn't be close enough to ask (she's a girlfriend of one of the guys). I think I'll just ask the couple who are vegetarian what vegan options they would like. I think that's the safest way to go about it.

Ifonlyicould

I hate the table plan and refused 2 invites this year because of it. It costs up on €1000 to attend a wedding and then to be treated like a 4 year old and told where to sit and who to talk - no thanks

kunst nugget

Ifonlyicould wrote: »

I hate the table plan and refused 2 invites this year because of it. It costs up on €1000 to attend a wedding and then to be treated like a 4 year old and told where to sit and who to talk - no thanks

How could you know about a table plan from the invite?

baby and crumble

Ifonlyicould wrote: »

I hate the table plan and refused 2 invites this year because of it. It costs up on €1000 to attend a wedding and then to be treated like a 4 year old and told where to sit and who to talk - no thanks

Ok, what weddings are you going to that cost €1000 to attend??? And anyway, how do you know if there'll be a seating plan or not before you get there?

Ifonlyicould

Simply ask if there is a seating plan and then "no thanks".
Hotel for 2 nights €300, present €4/500, pay babysitter, New clothes for 2, travel plus a few drinks -€1000 would be a cheap wedding

kunst nugget

Ifonlyicould wrote: »

Simply ask if there is a seating plan and then "no thanks".
Hotel for 2 nights €300, present €4/500, pay babysitter, New clothes for 2, travel plus a few drinks -€1000 would be a cheap wedding

I'd never give 4-500 euros for a present… that's insane.