No children at wedding drama [READ POST #1 FIRST - MOD]

clint_silver · 08-02-2016 1:49pm

alcea wrote: »

As my mother would say "say nothing and keep saying it, but smile - for as long as you are smiling, they will never know what you are thinking".

I get the feeling that your bil was just picking an argument with you both, if his daughter had been invited he would have picked an argument about something else.

Best of luck with your wedding day.

Ive only read the first and last page here. If it was me or my wife, he'd be told he was uninvited if there wasnt an apology very quickly forthcoming (and without being requested of him).

Nothing to do with his thoughts on whether he agrees with you on whether you want kids at your wedding, its just him and his treatment of you. He's tried to make you feel bad about yourself. Lifes too short for dealing with people like that.

Pawwed Rig · 08-02-2016 2:47pm

wehuntmonsters wrote: »

Like some other posters have said, most Irish weddings turn into big piss ups. I am also a child of alcoholic parents and I too spent nearly most of my childhood being dragged into nearly every pub that Louth has/had to offer. The same went for weddings, we'd be left in the corner while all the relatives got so drunk they couldn't even walk. Not to mention my mother made a show of herself, me included (that was just because I was embarrassed to be related to her). Fights or arguments nearly always break out and when they do, children have a tendency to be nervous or get upset. There is also the case of parents not leaving until after 4 a.m, not caring whether their child is wrecked or nowhere to be seen.

Family events in which children are included should be held during the day and without alcohol. Now I know not everyone that brings their child to a wedding is as bad as my memories are, but a big percentage are.

Sounds horrific but you realise that this is not most peoples experience right? There is no harm in children being around responsible adults during social events who are drinking alcohol. Sounds like a lot of people here are deciding that the behaviour of the irresponsible few is the norm.
If inviting irresponsible people to a wedding then these issues will surely arise. I, for one, have never seen a fight at a wedding and I have been to many.
The hassle these things cause you'd wonder why people bother.

retro:electro · 08-02-2016 3:05pm

Even if he does decide to attend, I would feel very uncomfortable having him there after what he said about your step daughter's friend. What a vile remark about a young girl. He sounds absolutely horrible.
Who wants someone as intolerant and volatile as him at their wedding?

wehuntmonsters · 08-02-2016 3:24pm

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Sounds horrific but you realise that this is not most peoples experience right?

If I remember correctly, I said that this isn't common for everyone and that not all adults are the same but quite a few boards members have had similar experience.

clint_silver · 08-02-2016 3:51pm

wehuntmonsters wrote: »

If I remember correctly, I said that this isn't common for everyone and that not all adults are the same but quite a few boards members have had similar experience.

Ive worked at somewhere between 800-1000 weddings. I can only remember 1 wedding ever where kids were let loose to do what they want. Sure theres some where kids scoot over the dancefloor but this isnt that bad. So for me it just doesnt happen or so rarely for it not to be a problem.

Ive only ever seen 2 fights. 1 of those was handbags between 2 fellas, other one was grooms mother demanding more drink from a closed bar and wouldnt let it go and threw a glass at a waiter. Nice.

Ken Masters · 08-02-2016 4:14pm

This is a subject that could go on and on and on and it can get personal too as we see in this Case, Weddings are planned months in advanced so by the time the wedding comes people will be aware that there be no kids so the arrangements can be made to get them minded etc., if they cant get a sitter thats though **** IMO, I can only imagine the stress of having to put up with people moaning , why cant they just accept it, it's 1 Day for god sake, if they throw their dummies out of the Pram and say " i wont be going" do you really need gob****es like this at your wedding in the first place? They should be only focused on what you 2 want on your wedding Day and not theirs, there's a sense of selfishness in this as well, Enjoy the Day!

CaraMay · 08-02-2016 4:23pm

deisemum wrote: »

One thing I've noticed about a lot of parents who kick up a fuss about bringing their children to weddings is that they're the very parents who generally ignore them at the reception as they're the ones drinking the most and leaving other guests to watch out for their children who are usually the ones running around annoying other guests.

I agree. Why pay for a babysitter when you can go get plastered and there are 200 people there to prize little Johnny off the speakers.

kunst nugget · 08-02-2016 4:30pm

CaraMay wrote: »

I agree. Why pay for a babysitter when you can go get plastered and there are 200 people there to prize little Johnny off the speakers.

Can't say I've ever seen that tbh. I must have very tame friends…

intheclouds · 08-02-2016 4:44pm

clint_silver wrote: »

Ive worked at somewhere between 800-1000 weddings. I can only remember 1 wedding ever where kids were let loose to do what they want. Sure theres some where kids scoot over the dancefloor but this isnt that bad. So for me it just doesnt happen or so rarely for it not to be a problem.

Perhaps your definition of "let loose to do what they want" is different to mine?

I dont want to see kids when Im drinking. I dont want to hear them whinging because they are bored, I dont want to see them chasing each other, scooting over the dancefloor in danger of being badly hurt by very drunk uncoordinated adult dancers, I dont want to have them dashing into me and knocking over drinks etc...

Pawwed Rig · 08-02-2016 4:53pm

kunst nugget wrote: »

Can't say I've ever seen that tbh. I must have very tame friends…

Me too. No wedding I have ever attended had any of the things that posters here are stating as common fact. I have never seen a fight at a wedding nor feral kids running around in the early hours. Once I heard of a really drunk guy verbally abusing another guest but he was put in his place sharpish by everyone else. A sheltered life I must lead.

Milly33 · 08-02-2016 4:54pm

I wouldnt be too worried OP about him making a scene at the wedding try not and read too much into it.. People like him who mouth off after having a few drinks or what not generally are just waiting for someone to bite back at them and then they blow up. IF you ignore them and give them nothing to bite they will just get bored...

If you think it would make you feel better maybe to say something to him then do but dont go into attack mode just maybe say something like look i am sorry i kicked you out of the car the last night but i think you just went a little too far.. Go by his reaction then, see what he says and work from there.. Woudlnt go inviting his wife either to the hen especially if ye arent friends sure why would you....

Milly33 · 08-02-2016 4:54pm

I wouldnt be too worried OP about him making a scene at the wedding try not and read too much into it.. People like him who mouth off after having a few drinks or what not generally are just waiting for someone to bite back at them and then they blow up. IF you ignore them and give them nothing to bite they will just get bored...

If you think it would make you feel better maybe to say something to him then do but dont go into attack mode just maybe say something like look i am sorry i kicked you out of the car the last night but i think you just went a little too far.. Go by his reaction then, see what he says and work from there.. Woudlnt go inviting his wife either to the hen especially if ye arent friends sure why would you....

meeeeh · 08-02-2016 5:12pm

I absolutely disagree that no kids should be present where alcohol is drunk. That is complete nonsense for my family and a lot others, we were brought up by parents who drank responsibility and would have glass of wine with a meal very often. We would be taken to events where alcohol was drank, my father would get drunk about 5 times per year (mostly when we were not present) and I saw mum drunk for the first time when I was in my twenties and yet alcohol was constantly present. I have absolutely no fear of taking my kids to the weddings we are invited to, I 've been never to a wedding where there was a fight or any other incident and I have no problem limiting my drinking to couple of glasses of wine and keeping an eye on kids. I just prefer not to do it.

Frankly I find it sad that so many adults are not able to drink responsibly enough that they have to completely avoid alcohol when kids are present. I know this is a bit ot but I think experience of excessive drinking some have is making them more hard core than necessary.

intheclouds · 08-02-2016 5:20pm

meeeeh wrote: »

I absolutely disagree that no kids should be present where alcohol is drunk. That is complete nonsense for my family and a lot others, we were brought up by parents who drank responsibility and would have glass of wine with a meal very often. We would be taken to events where alcohol was drank, my father would get drunk about 5 times per year (mostly when we were not present) and I saw mum drunk for the first time when I was in my twenties and yet alcohol was constantly present.

Delighted you had such a positive and responsible attitude displayed toward you about alcohol but this is unfortunately not the case for the majority of Irish weddings.

I dont know any Irish people who were shown that a glass of wine with a meal was the norm.

It is very unfortunate but the cultural relationship with alcohol in Ireland is irresponsible, dysfunction and excessive. We are a nation with a massive alcohol abuse problem and a bad attitude to drink - people in Ireland dont know how to have a couple of drinks, they go out to get plastered - you only have to walk the streets of any major town or city after pub closing hours to see that.

clint_silver · 08-02-2016 5:25pm

intheclouds wrote: »

Perhaps your definition of "let loose to do what they want" is different to mine?

I dont want to see kids when Im drinking. I dont want to hear them whinging because they are bored, I dont want to see them chasing each other, scooting over the dancefloor in danger of being badly hurt by very drunk uncoordinated adult dancers, I dont want to have them dashing into me and knocking over drinks etc...

I understand your point of view, people differ in this regard and always will but thats ok.
But what youre saying doesnt really happen though, thats the point I was trying to make. Typical night where kids aged 3 or 4 up to about 10 years of age, they slide across the dance floor until 9-10pm latest. noone minds as band or DJ are setting up. then adults get on the floor, kids get off. theyre tired at this point and responsible parents (and most are) take care of them. Ive never seen drunk uncoordinated adults and kids running around about to get hurt. That level of drunk doesnt kick in til later on.
Could it happen? sure. Does it happen? no. Or at least so infrequently as not to be a problem.

One eyed Jack · 08-02-2016 5:29pm

OP your brother in law honestly sounds like he's more hassle than his presence is worth. I understand it'd be nice to have all the family there, but just from what I've read so far - your brother in law seems to think he and his family should be the centre of attention as the most important people at any occasion.

I can't fathom what sort of a space cadet would actually think you should exclude your own daughter from your wedding as if to point out you were being hypocritical otherwise :pac:

(although given his other comments about your daughter, he just sounds like an incredibly bitter person)

I say let him think what he wants tbh and try not to give him another thought, if he and his wife turn up for your wedding, take them as they behave, no need to go out of your way to placate him or tell him you're grateful he changed his mind or anything else, there's no need to entertain him any more than you would have done otherwise and don't fuel his dramatics.

I'm delighted you kicked him out of the car btw, that was class

Pawwed Rig · 08-02-2016 5:32pm

intheclouds wrote: »

Delighted you had such a positive and responsible attitude displayed toward you about alcohol but this is unfortunately not the case for the majority of Irish weddings.

With respect it is the majority in your experience. It is certainly not the majority in mine. Not even close.

Malari · 08-02-2016 5:37pm

intheclouds wrote: »

Delighted you had such a positive and responsible attitude displayed toward you about alcohol but this is unfortunately not the case for the majority of Irish weddings.

I dont know any Irish people who were shown that a glass of wine with a meal was the norm.

It is very unfortunate but the cultural relationship with alcohol in Ireland is irresponsible, dysfunction and excessive. We are a nation with a massive alcohol abuse problem and a bad attitude to drink - people in Ireland dont know how to have a couple of drinks, they go out to get plastered - you only have to walk the streets of any major town or city after pub closing hours to see that.

My experience of weddings and Irish drinking culture in general, is the complete opposite of this!

intheclouds · 08-02-2016 5:41pm

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

With respect it is the majority in your experience. It is certainly not the majority in mine. Not even close.

Malari wrote: »

My experience of weddings and Irish drinking culture in general, is the complete opposite of this!

Really? Never known an Irish wedding that didnt end in the residents bar.

And as for drinking culture - well as I said, walk the streets of any major town or city and witness the walking dead after the pubs and nightclubs close.

Malari · 08-02-2016 5:46pm

intheclouds wrote: »

Really? Never known an Irish wedding that didnt end in the residents bar.

And as for drinking culture - well as I said, walk the streets of any major town or city and witness the walking dead after the pubs and nightclubs close.

I don't regularly do that, but that's only a small proportion of the general population. The rest of us are well capable of having a meal with a few drinks, or a quiet few glasses in a bar and going home when we've had enough.

Milly33 · 08-02-2016 5:46pm

whys the whole alcohol and weddings things even being brought up so much, isnt the topic about the brother in law being daft

kunst nugget · 08-02-2016 5:56pm

intheclouds wrote: »

Really? Never known an Irish wedding that didnt end in the residents bar.

And as for drinking culture - well as I said, walk the streets of any major town or city and witness the walking dead after the pubs and nightclubs close.

I've seen most weddings end in the resident bar but I don't recall any every ending in scraps or drink fuelled blowouts. As for the walking dead hanging around on streets at the weekend, I don't hang around with them.

kunst nugget · 08-02-2016 5:57pm

Milly33 wrote: »

whys the whole alcohol and weddings things even being brought up so much, isnt the topic about the brother in law being daft

It's a big reason people are using for why children shouldn't be allowed at weddings.

fed up sick and tired · 08-02-2016 5:57pm

Milly33 wrote: »

whys the whole alcohol and weddings things even being brought up so much, isnt the topic about the brother in law being daft

Nail On Head.

G'wan Milly

intheclouds · 08-02-2016 6:00pm

kunst nugget wrote: »

I've seen most weddings end in the resident bar but I don't recall any every ending in scraps or drink fuelled blowouts.

Im not talking about scraps. Im talking about exposing children to excessive irresponsible drinking, as in, binge drinking. I dont think its appropriate, it frightened me as a child when I was exposed to it, and it is considered normal behaviour at an Irish wedding (and generally in Irish culture) to binge drink.

Milly33 · 08-02-2016 6:01pm

kunst nugget wrote: »

It's a big reason people are using for why children shouldn't be allowed at weddings.

But the OP didnt ask about wether kids should be going to the wedding or not, she was saying her brother in law being a bit of a twat

Toots · 08-02-2016 6:08pm

Let's try and get back on topic please.

kunst nugget · 08-02-2016 6:11pm

intheclouds wrote: »

Im not talking about scraps. Im talking about exposing children to excessive irresponsible drinking, as in, binge drinking. I dont think its appropriate, it frightened me as a child when I was exposed to it, and it is considered normal behaviour at an Irish wedding (and generally in Irish culture) to binge drink.

Any wedding I've been where there was children invited, the children were gone by about ten o'clock and were looked after in their rooms with babysitters hired through the hotel, family members not invited to the wedding or one of the couple (usually the partner not related to or friends with the wedding party). The only people I can think of seeing at a wedding that were completely scuttered by that time of the evening were my old neighbours - who were drunk by the time the turned up at the wedding at 1 - but they mostly stayed in a corner by themselves and didn't go near any kids and I doubt any of the children noticed them. Again, most of the people I hang around with must be quite tame because I'm starting to feel like I'm missing out here…

kunst nugget · 08-02-2016 6:12pm

Toots wrote: »

Let's try and get back on topic please.

Sorry, I wrote that last post before I saw this.

mfceiling · 08-02-2016 6:18pm

Your wedding, your choice.

If you want to dress up as batman and Robin and you want your guests to come dressed as superheros, well that's your call.

Do people ever think that a wedding is for the bride and groom and thus any decisions that are made are theirs and should be respected?

alcea · 08-02-2016 7:27pm

clint_silver wrote: »

Ive only read the first and last page here. If it was me or my wife, he'd be told he was uninvited if there wasnt an apology very quickly forthcoming (and without being requested of him).

Nothing to do with his thoughts on whether he agrees with you on whether you want kids at your wedding, its just him and his treatment of you. He's tried to make you feel bad about yourself. Lifes too short for dealing with people like that.

The reason I posted that quote is because of my own experience of a SIL throwing a fit about our wedding. She told us she would not be going. My OH just said fine it was her decision. She then continued to try to cause trouble. When she said to my OH "we used to get along great before you met her" he fired back at her that I had never done anything or said anything to upset or offend her and that I was always far more pleasant to her than she had deserved. He told her that he did not get on with her anymore was because of her rudeness and her pig effing ignorance.

I thanked him for backing me up, and he just said that I had made it very easy for him.

She ended up going to our wedding but because of what my OH had said to her she was on her best behaviour.

If the OP's OH is dealing with his brother, I would suggest that she does not bring it up the next time she meets him.

I totally agree with you that life's too short for this type of carry on from the BIL.

Milly33 · 08-02-2016 7:27pm

Love it superhero wedding oh that would be fab

08-02-2016 9:38pm

I had no kids at my wedding- nothing to do with the issue of them being around alcohol, I just can't stand children. I go out of my way not to be around them in general so why would I have them at the day I scrimpted and saved for?

But that's beside the point, what the brother in law said about the young girl and her friend was despicable, what kind of adult talks about teenage girls like that? I hope he cops on to himself and grows the hell up for your wedding OP

SeaBreezes · 08-02-2016 9:58pm

The only thing that struck me was the not inviting the future sister in laws to your hen. Yes, its your hen and your wedding. But you are marrying THEIR brother. Seems like a nice gesture to include them.

His family arent going anywhere. They know him a lot longer than you do, and will be there through every up and down ye have.
Even if the BIL is a drunken ass, maybe his wife isnt. Maybe shes mortified at the situation. Maybe its worth an olive branch and a 'getting to know you' at the hen.
And, if ever down the road, your OH (perfect and all as he is now) starts acting like a maggot, maybe these ladies (sisters and sister in laws) who know him prob longer than you, can help shed light on the situation and act as support when needed.

Just my two cents worth.

SeaBreezes · 08-02-2016 9:58pm

The only thing that struck me was the not inviting the future sister in laws to your hen. Yes, its your hen and your wedding. But you are marrying THEIR brother. Seems like a nice gesture to include them.

His family arent going anywhere. They know him a lot longer than you do, and will be there through every up and down ye have.
Even if the BIL is a drunken ass, maybe his wife isnt. Maybe shes mortified at the situation. Maybe its worth an olive branch and a 'getting to know you' at the hen.
And, if ever down the road, your OH (perfect and all as he is now) starts acting like a maggot, maybe these ladies (sisters and sister in laws) who know him prob longer than you, can help shed light on the situation and act as support when needed.

Just my two cents worth.

theoldbreed · 08-02-2016 11:06pm

SeaBreezes wrote:

His family arent going anywhere. They know him a lot longer than you do, and will be there through every up and down ye have. Even if the BIL is a drunken ass, maybe his wife isnt. Maybe shes mortified at the situation. Maybe its worth an olive branch and a 'getting to know you' at the hen. And, if ever down the road, your OH (perfect and all as he is now) starts acting like a maggot, maybe these ladies (sisters and sister in laws) who know him prob longer than you, can help shed light on the situation and act as support when needed.

I appreciate your opinion but no thanks. They are his sister in laws not sisters, he has no sisters. I have a great support network, they have never been a part of it and future bil said wife felt same do I really don't want to have that negativity around me at any stage.

Milly33 · 08-02-2016 11:14pm

dead right if you dont know them or would feel comfortable tis daft.. I didnt invite one of my bros wifes cus shes a nutjob haha.. Wishing you the best of luck now with everything i am sure it will all sort itself out just try and let it not get to you or ye..families you love them but they drive you mad at the best of times.

Broken Strings · 09-02-2016 5:46pm

amdublin wrote: »

I just think there are muxh more things more suited to children than an adult party. And afterall you wouldn't bring them to any other kind of adult party (a 40th in a pub) so why a wedding party in a hotel function room with a bar? There are plenty of other family occasions much more suited to the needs and wants of children and adults.

amdublin wrote: »

You wouldn't bring your child to a 40th in a pub until 2am so I've no idea why you think it's acceptable to bring them to a hotel function room until 2am.

Appreciate other people see weddings as "family events", for me there are other family events more suited to children e.g. summer (afternoon) bbqs and not drinking events like a wedding, but there you go.

amdublin wrote: »

^^^ This. People won't want to hear it but it's true. If you are having your classic Irish wedding in a hotel it's not a place for children.

You wouldn't bring them to a 4oth in a pub. It's the same thing.

amdublin wrote: »

Yeah for me there are some big family days that are great for the kids - the lovely summer afternoon parties. Or even the day part of a wedding. And then there are the big family nights that are not appropriate for children - the 40th birthday parties, the wedding nights where everyone is partying and drinking (as they are entitled to!)

You wouldn't bring a child into a hen party in a pub, why bring to a wedding party in a hotel?

amdublin wrote: »

Serious question is it not just easier to leave the kids at home and go enjoy yourself on your own?
Like you wouldn't insist your kids were invited to a 40th in a pub, why a wedding?
Why will you go to some family events without your children but need to bring them to a wedding?

amdublin wrote: »

The point is that some people (me!) feel weddings are not necessarily a good environment for children. For me it's like bringing a child to the pub at night which of course you'd never do (plus actually are not allowed do by law).

amdublin wrote: »

Nope for me I hate children at drinking events. When I am drinking I like to be surrounded with adults. I don't go to a pub at 9pm on a Saturday night and expect to have to be with adults and their kids for the night. I don't head to the nightclub at 12 expecting adults and their kids.

For me if you insist on bringing your children to a wedding it should be to the day and to the dinner and then they need to go home or to bed.

You keep bringing up the point about the 40th birthday party and 'adult parties'. Not every 40th birthday party is an exclusive adult-only binge drinking occasion. I've been to 40th parties in private function rooms that have family children there and it hasn't been a problem. Finger food, dancing, cake and a few drinks. Everone had a good time.

Same at any of the family weddings. The kids were no bother, were happy to dance and didn't scream or knock anyone over in any sort of tantrum or sugar-fuelled trip.

People have brought up a few times in the thread that it's not appropriate for children to be around adults who are blind drunk at a wedding - but I'd also make the point that no adult should be that drunk at a wedding whether there's kids there or not. Anyone who is so drunk to the point where they are being disruptive on someone elses day or have to be carried to their room have their own set of problems - and that's an adult issue, not a child issue.

I'm someone who grew up in a house with an alcoholic, and that was horrific for many reasons but at the same time I don't think that it's a danger to children to be around adults who have a limited number of drinks. Despite how I feel about alcohol myself, it's never actually been my experience at a family occasion where the majority were twisted and the children were scared or bored. We certainly have issues with the drink culture in this country, but I genuinely believe that not every wedding turns into a complete alcoholic mess.

We're having a few kids at ours, nieces and some friends of ours who are coming from abroad are bringing their 3 year old. We invited him because we thought it was only fair considering his parents are coming a long way, we didn't expect them to leave their kid with someone for a week.

For me I'd like them to celebrate us, especially since they are good kids and have never been a bother at family occasions, kids birthdays, 21st birthdays, 40ths, meals and anything else they've attended where we've celebrated as a family.

Having said that, I am in completely in agreement with people doing their wedding as they see fit. No bride or groom should have to pander to anyone else demands or problems. Having had a few of these hiccups myself with adult guests (non-child related issues, just people feeling hard done by for other reasons) I can totally empathize with how frustrated she must feel. So stick to your guns, OP. Your day, your way!

amdublin · 09-02-2016 7:00pm

^^^

Horses for courses. Some people want children there "oh i couldn't have my wedding without the kiddies".
Others no more want them there then the man on moon "god no, this is my wedding and I want to spend it with adults, the last thing I want is to have a gaggle of children at it".

Equally some parents are like "oh my kids would looooove a wedding and sure who would mind them if I leave them at home, of course I'm bringing them"
And some parents are "not at all sure I can't be minding them while I'm having my dinner and a few drinks with the adults sure they'll be bored and running wild after a while, I'll arrange a minder(s)".

I am in the latter camp (as I think is clear!)

I was referring to 40ths in pubs (or any family event in a pub at night - including function rooms in pubs) . People cannot bring their children by law. And they manage to get through the night ok. Plus the children manage to get through not being invited either.
And btw I am not talking about people getting blind drunk. I just don't think a pub is an appropriate place for children after a point. And neither does the law.
There tons of other family events that are appropriate for children - and not big old long days and nights tgat of course tries a child's attention span/behaviour.
So that is why I don't understand people making a fuss that their children are not invited.

But horses for courses as I say!

CaraMay · 09-02-2016 7:18pm

But given the fact that the bil got blind drunk at the stag would lead me to believe he will get blind drunk at the wedding.

The bride wants it adults only so people can get blind drunk if they want.

CaraMay · 09-02-2016 7:18pm

But given the fact that the bil got blind drunk at the stag would lead me to believe he will get blind drunk at the wedding.

The bride wants it adults only so people can get blind drunk if they want.

OldMrBrennan83 · 09-02-2016 7:33pm

This post has been deleted.

Toots · 09-02-2016 7:55pm

Toots wrote: »

Let's try and get back on topic please.

Last warning before I lock this.

esforum · 09-02-2016 8:25pm

I shall chip in a little on this.

On the one hand its your party and its your decision who goes and who doesnt however you have basically said "We value our own child but not yours" when stating a 16 year old cannot attend even though another 2 already are. Or put it another way, from the nieces point of view, theres a random stranger being invited to a wedding thats shes not and the reason she is not allowed is her age despite being the same age as the random stranger (random stranger being the daughters friend).

That leads me to point nnumber 2, why invite a friend to entertain your partners daughter when she could have had cousins her own age in attendance?

Now point number three, the brother may be that, your partners brother but his daughter is his daughter. children will always win in a test of loyalty.

As for every other comment about babysitters, drinking or not, are these adults being invited to the wedding or monkeys? I am an adult and I am fully capable of deciding if A, I want to get a babysitter and get **** faced or B, Bring my children and not be a drunken fool.

Thats disregarding the fact that babysitters will need to be organised as a result of the no kids part. I assume all responsible adults will be at the wedding? So who does your brother in law get to babysit overnight? Not everyone has an assortment of options in that regards.

If someone has an adults only wedding, thats their choice but you need to accept a certain amount of people will not attend as a result. Then inviting some kids and not others? No sorry, thats being insulting (and 16 aint exactly a child either). A friend is invited but a niece not? Cmon, how can that not be insulting? Imagine it in any other context, we only invited kids to a kids party, no adults. Except granny, and grannies friend to amuse granny

esforum · 09-02-2016 8:25pm

I shall chip in a little on this.

On the one hand its your party and its your decision who goes and who doesnt however you have basically said "We value our own child but not yours" when stating a 16 year old cannot attend even though another 2 already are. Or put it another way, from the nieces point of view, theres a random stranger being invited to a wedding thats shes not and the reason she is not allowed is her age despite being the same age as the random stranger (random stranger being the daughters friend).

That leads me to point nnumber 2, why invite a friend to entertain your partners daughter when she could have had cousins her own age in attendance?

Now point number three, the brother may be that, your partners brother but his daughter is his daughter. children will always win in a test of loyalty.

As for every other comment about babysitters, drinking or not, are these adults being invited to the wedding or monkeys? I am an adult and I am fully capable of deciding if A, I want to get a babysitter and get **** faced or B, Bring my children and not be a drunken fool.

Thats disregarding the fact that babysitters will need to be organised as a result of the no kids part. I assume all responsible adults will be at the wedding? So who does your brother in law get to babysit overnight? Not everyone has an assortment of options in that regards.

If someone has an adults only wedding, thats their choice but you need to accept a certain amount of people will not attend as a result. Then inviting some kids and not others? No sorry, thats being insulting (and 16 aint exactly a child either). A friend is invited but a niece not? Cmon, how can that not be insulting? Imagine it in any other context, we only invited kids to a kids party, no adults. Except granny, and grannies friend to amuse granny

esforum · 09-02-2016 8:29pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I had no kids at my wedding- nothing to do with the issue of them being around alcohol, I just can't stand children. I go out of my way not to be around them in general so why would I have them at the day I scrimpted and saved for?

But that's beside the point, what the brother in law said about the young girl and her friend was despicable, what kind of adult talks about teenage girls like that? I hope he cops on to himself and grows the hell up for your wedding OP

but the OP is having 2 kids (one a non relative) at the wedding. Lets get this straight, this wedding is not a no-kids wedding. Its a selective-kids wedding

CaraMay · 09-02-2016 8:31pm

The bil didn't invited the child to his wedding! The 2 cousins don't get along. There are 2 good reasons for not bringing her.

OldMrBrennan83 · 09-02-2016 8:33pm

This post has been deleted.

eviltwin · 09-02-2016 8:38pm

esforum wrote: »

but the OP is having 2 kids (one a non relative) at the wedding. Lets get this straight, this wedding is not a no-kids wedding. Its a selective-kids wedding

She's the groom's daughter, if that doesn't give her a pass what does?

c montgomery · 09-02-2016 8:41pm

amdublin wrote: »

Yeah for me there are some big family days that are great for the kids - the lovely summer afternoon parties. Or even the day part of a wedding. And then there are the big family nights that are not appropriate for children - the 40th birthday parties, the wedding nights where everyone is partying and drinking (as they are entitled to!)

You wouldn't bring a child into a hen party in a pub, why bring to a wedding party in a hotel?

Ps. I think it is "cold" or selfish and irresponsible to squeeze children into adult events. Would you bring your child to an engagement party in a pub? (you actually are not allowed to by law - and it's for good reason)

No I'd bring then to the wedding and dinner part and arrange for them to be picked up at about 7.
There included in the day and home before the "adult" part of the evening.

No children at wedding drama [READ POST #1 FIRST - MOD]

Comments