No children at wedding drama [READ POST #1 FIRST - MOD]

I wouldnt be too worried OP about him making a scene at the wedding try not and read too much into it.. People like him who mouth off after having a few drinks or what not generally are just waiting for someone to bite back at them and then they blow up. IF you ignore them and give them nothing to bite they will just get bored...

If you think it would make you feel better maybe to say something to him then do but dont go into attack mode just maybe say something like look i am sorry i kicked you out of the car the last night but i think you just went a little too far.. Go by his reaction then, see what he says and work from there.. Woudlnt go inviting his wife either to the hen especially if ye arent friends sure why would you....

OP your brother in law honestly sounds like he's more hassle than his presence is worth. I understand it'd be nice to have all the family there, but just from what I've read so far - your brother in law seems to think he and his family should be the centre of attention as the most important people at any occasion.

I can't fathom what sort of a space cadet would actually think you should exclude your own daughter from your wedding as if to point out you were being hypocritical otherwise :pac:

(although given his other comments about your daughter, he just sounds like an incredibly bitter person)

I say let him think what he wants tbh and try not to give him another thought, if he and his wife turn up for your wedding, take them as they behave, no need to go out of your way to placate him or tell him you're grateful he changed his mind or anything else, there's no need to entertain him any more than you would have done otherwise and don't fuel his dramatics.

I'm delighted you kicked him out of the car btw, that was class

intheclouds wrote: »

Delighted you had such a positive and responsible attitude displayed toward you about alcohol but this is unfortunately not the case for the majority of Irish weddings.

I dont know any Irish people who were shown that a glass of wine with a meal was the norm.

It is very unfortunate but the cultural relationship with alcohol in Ireland is irresponsible, dysfunction and excessive. We are a nation with a massive alcohol abuse problem and a bad attitude to drink - people in Ireland dont know how to have a couple of drinks, they go out to get plastered - you only have to walk the streets of any major town or city after pub closing hours to see that.

My experience of weddings and Irish drinking culture in general, is the complete opposite of this!

intheclouds wrote: »

Really? Never known an Irish wedding that didnt end in the residents bar.

And as for drinking culture - well as I said, walk the streets of any major town or city and witness the walking dead after the pubs and nightclubs close.

I don't regularly do that, but that's only a small proportion of the general population. The rest of us are well capable of having a meal with a few drinks, or a quiet few glasses in a bar and going home when we've had enough.

kunst nugget wrote: »

It's a big reason people are using for why children shouldn't be allowed at weddings.

But the OP didnt ask about wether kids should be going to the wedding or not, she was saying her brother in law being a bit of a twat

Your wedding, your choice.

If you want to dress up as batman and Robin and you want your guests to come dressed as superheros, well that's your call.

Do people ever think that a wedding is for the bride and groom and thus any decisions that are made are theirs and should be respected?

Love it superhero wedding oh that would be fab

The only thing that struck me was the not inviting the future sister in laws to your hen. Yes, its your hen and your wedding. But you are marrying THEIR brother. Seems like a nice gesture to include them.

His family arent going anywhere. They know him a lot longer than you do, and will be there through every up and down ye have.
Even if the BIL is a drunken ass, maybe his wife isnt. Maybe shes mortified at the situation. Maybe its worth an olive branch and a 'getting to know you' at the hen.
And, if ever down the road, your OH (perfect and all as he is now) starts acting like a maggot, maybe these ladies (sisters and sister in laws) who know him prob longer than you, can help shed light on the situation and act as support when needed.

Just my two cents worth.

amdublin wrote: »

I just think there are muxh more things more suited to children than an adult party. And afterall you wouldn't bring them to any other kind of adult party (a 40th in a pub) so why a wedding party in a hotel function room with a bar? There are plenty of other family occasions much more suited to the needs and wants of children and adults.

amdublin wrote: »

You wouldn't bring your child to a 40th in a pub until 2am so I've no idea why you think it's acceptable to bring them to a hotel function room until 2am.

Appreciate other people see weddings as "family events", for me there are other family events more suited to children e.g. summer (afternoon) bbqs and not drinking events like a wedding, but there you go.

amdublin wrote: »

^^^ This. People won't want to hear it but it's true. If you are having your classic Irish wedding in a hotel it's not a place for children.


You wouldn't bring them to a 4oth in a pub. It's the same thing.

amdublin wrote: »

Yeah for me there are some big family days that are great for the kids - the lovely summer afternoon parties. Or even the day part of a wedding. And then there are the big family nights that are not appropriate for children - the 40th birthday parties, the wedding nights where everyone is partying and drinking (as they are entitled to!)


You wouldn't bring a child into a hen party in a pub, why bring to a wedding party in a hotel?

amdublin wrote: »

Serious question is it not just easier to leave the kids at home and go enjoy yourself on your own?
Like you wouldn't insist your kids were invited to a 40th in a pub, why a wedding?
Why will you go to some family events without your children but need to bring them to a wedding?

amdublin wrote: »

The point is that some people (me!) feel weddings are not necessarily a good environment for children. For me it's like bringing a child to the pub at night which of course you'd never do (plus actually are not allowed do by law).

amdublin wrote: »

Nope for me I hate children at drinking events. When I am drinking I like to be surrounded with adults. I don't go to a pub at 9pm on a Saturday night and expect to have to be with adults and their kids for the night. I don't head to the nightclub at 12 expecting adults and their kids.

For me if you insist on bringing your children to a wedding it should be to the day and to the dinner and then they need to go home or to bed.

You keep bringing up the point about the 40th birthday party and 'adult parties'. Not every 40th birthday party is an exclusive adult-only binge drinking occasion. I've been to 40th parties in private function rooms that have family children there and it hasn't been a problem. Finger food, dancing, cake and a few drinks. Everone had a good time.

Same at any of the family weddings. The kids were no bother, were happy to dance and didn't scream or knock anyone over in any sort of tantrum or sugar-fuelled trip.

People have brought up a few times in the thread that it's not appropriate for children to be around adults who are blind drunk at a wedding - but I'd also make the point that no adult should be that drunk at a wedding whether there's kids there or not. Anyone who is so drunk to the point where they are being disruptive on someone elses day or have to be carried to their room have their own set of problems - and that's an adult issue, not a child issue.

I'm someone who grew up in a house with an alcoholic, and that was horrific for many reasons but at the same time I don't think that it's a danger to children to be around adults who have a limited number of drinks. Despite how I feel about alcohol myself, it's never actually been my experience at a family occasion where the majority were twisted and the children were scared or bored. We certainly have issues with the drink culture in this country, but I genuinely believe that not every wedding turns into a complete alcoholic mess.

We're having a few kids at ours, nieces and some friends of ours who are coming from abroad are bringing their 3 year old. We invited him because we thought it was only fair considering his parents are coming a long way, we didn't expect them to leave their kid with someone for a week.

For me I'd like them to celebrate us, especially since they are good kids and have never been a bother at family occasions, kids birthdays, 21st birthdays, 40ths, meals and anything else they've attended where we've celebrated as a family.

Having said that, I am in completely in agreement with people doing their wedding as they see fit. No bride or groom should have to pander to anyone else demands or problems. Having had a few of these hiccups myself with adult guests (non-child related issues, just people feeling hard done by for other reasons) I can totally empathize with how frustrated she must feel. So stick to your guns, OP. Your day, your way!