Is 200 enough of a wedding present from a couple?

RikkFlair · 18-06-2018 11:16am

My actual reaction if I get a "Please fund my OTT wedding" invitation in the post...

JP85 · 18-06-2018 11:41am

We got €50 off two separate couples at our wedding, so €25 per person, one of those guys was bragging about how well he was doing in his job, got pissed on the prosecco and wine we provided, some neck.

We also got a picture off one couple and they tried to pull off the price tag but couldn't so they used black ink to cover it up, I could clearly see the price was €25 and this is the couple that paid €200 to stay in the hotel that night when they lived pretty close.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 11:45am

JP85 wrote: »

We got €50 off two separate couples at our wedding, so €25 per person, one of those guys was bragging about how well he was doing in his job, got pissed on the prosecco and wine we provided, some neck.

We also got a picture off one couple and they tried to pull off the price tag but couldn't so they used black ink to cover it up, I could clearly see the price was €25 and this is the couple that paid €200 to stay in the hotel that night when they lived pretty close.

That was kind of both couples in my opinion or were you only asking them so they give a set amount ?

robinph · 18-06-2018 11:57am

JP85 wrote: »

We got €50 off two separate couples at our wedding, so €25 per person, one of those guys was bragging about how well he was doing in his job, got pissed on the prosecco and wine we provided, some neck.

We also got a picture off one couple and they tried to pull off the price tag but couldn't so they used black ink to cover it up, I could clearly see the price was €25 and this is the couple that paid €200 to stay in the hotel that night when they lived pretty close.

Was this a wedding that you invited them to? Or was it a ticketed party? Had you stipulated the entry conditions when you sold them the tickets and that they would have to spend X amount at the bar and leave an envelope of cash behind that was Y% of their income?

Weddings sound worse for hidden extra charges than Ryanair.

JP85 · 18-06-2018 12:00pm

robinph wrote: »

Was this a wedding that you invited them to? Or was it a ticketed party? Had you stipulated the entry conditions when you sold them the tickets and that they would have to spend X amount at the bar and leave an envelope of cash behind that was Y% of their income?

Weddings sound worse for hidden extra charges than Ryanair.

Of course not but if you are going to be fed and given tons of free drink for the day, the least you could do is give something decent. I hate the process of giving cash presents, ive been to tons of weddings that you give a decent few bob so the least you expect that at yours people would do the same.

nthclare · 18-06-2018 12:00pm

JP85 wrote: »

We got €50 off two separate couples at our wedding, so €25 per person, one of those guys was bragging about how well he was doing in his job, got pissed on the prosecco and wine we provided, some neck.

We also got a picture off one couple and they tried to pull off the price tag but couldn't so they used black ink to cover it up, I could clearly see the price was €25 and this is the couple that paid €200 to stay in the hotel that night when they lived pretty close.

Sure it's all about the couple looking after the guests, not the guests hosting the couple...

So you went to the bother of looking at the price.

Then you get annoyed with a couple giving you 25 Euro when they paid €200 to spend a night in a hotel, seriously...

So you expected them to give you the 200 Euro and have €25 for the taxi home for themselves.

I'd prefer my guests to have the night of their lives, and wouldn't care if they gave me nothing.

Do couples actually judge people on staying at the wedding hotel, and how much they slip into the envelope...

JP85 · 18-06-2018 12:03pm

nthclare wrote: »

Sure it's all about the couple looking after the guests, not the guests hosting the couple...

So you went to the bother of looking at the price.

Then you get annoyed with a couple giving you 25 Euro when they paid €200 to spend a night in a hotel, seriously...

So you expected them to give you the 200 Euro and have €25 for the taxi home for themselves.

I'd prefer my guests to have the night of their lives, and wouldn't care if they gave me nothing.

Do couples actually judge people on staying at the wedding hotel, and how much they slip into the envelope...

This wasn't somebody I wanted to invite to the wedding but was forced to out of guilt trip by parents.

robinph · 18-06-2018 12:08pm

JP85 wrote: »

This wasn't somebody I wanted to invite to the wedding but was forced to out of guilt trip by parents.

If you didn't want to invite them then don't.

It's your wedding. You invite who you want. You pay.

Be delighted if they give you a toaster from Argos... or nothing.

JP85 wrote: »

Of course not but if you are going to be fed and given tons of free drink for the day, the least you could do is give something decent. I hate the process of giving cash presents, ive been to tons of weddings that you give a decent few bob so the least you expect that at yours people would do the same.

If you have the money to feed and water your guests for the day then that is great. If you can't afford to do that then don't.

You claim to hate the concept of cash presents, yet seem put out that your guests didn't spend enough on you?!?

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 12:11pm

JP85 wrote: »

This wasn't somebody I wanted to invite to the wedding but was forced to out of guilt trip by parents.

But you did invite them and so they were your guests . I find it quite rude to look down your nose at a present from a guest . Or was it a ticketed entry to your wedding ?

JP85 · 18-06-2018 12:12pm

robinph wrote: »

If you didn't want to invite them then don't.

It's your wedding. You invite who you want. You pay.

Be delighted if they give you a toaster from Argos... or nothing.

Have you been married yourself, so you had a hard no to people even though your parents put the pressure on?

I wasn't looking to make money out of the wedding, we had an amazing day (apart from the weather) If somebody didnt have it to give, i wouldnt begrudge them

wandatowell · 18-06-2018 12:18pm

200 per coupe is what we aim for. If we went to a wedding where we previously got a wedding gift from the bride and groom then we would match theirs.

On a side note my cousin gave my wife and I a Newbridge cutlery set as a gift. An aunt of mine over heard how much it cost and being the gossiper she is, she told my ma. The whole set cost €60 odd quid but it is by far the best present we got. They look lovely and we use them everyday. We got expensive Kitchen Aid stuff that we have since exchanged. The cutlery set is the bees knee's.

JP85 · 18-06-2018 12:18pm

robinph wrote: »

If you didn't want to invite them then don't.

It's your wedding. You invite who you want. You pay.

Be delighted if they give you a toaster from Argos... or nothing.

If you have the money to feed and water your guests for the day then that is great. If you can't afford to do that then don't.

You claim to hate the concept of cash presents, yet seem put out that your guests didn't spend enough on you?!?

We struggled saving for our wedding for 18 months, It's just my opinion that you give a decent gift as that's the "tradition". If somebody doesnt have it, fair enough

robinph · 18-06-2018 12:25pm

JP85 wrote: »

Have you been married yourself, so you had a hard no to people even though your parents put the pressure on?

I wasn't looking to make money out of the wedding, we had an amazing day (apart from the weather) If somebody didnt have it to give, i wouldnt begrudge them

Didn't even invite parents to our wedding, and that wasn't due to not getting on with anyone. Purely keeping things simple from every perspective for everyone, including both sets of parents.

Us, a couple of friends each and the dog and we paid for the lot including the guests hotel rooms for the weekend. We had the people we wanted there, not anyone that someone else told us we needed to invite.

I realise that is at the extreme end of the way of doing things, but there wasn't any scrimping on costs and still works out way cheaper for everyone involved without the need to invite people you don't know or like.

Couchpotato82 · 18-06-2018 12:28pm

The old days where the brides parents pay for the whole thing are long gone. Couples save and pay for their big day themselves and at around the same time as they start a family or buy a house. Is it so bad to give them a decent gift on the day.

I’d my own wedding fully paid off months in advance through working hard for it. Friends and family would know that I wasn’t under financial pressure yet they all gave generously. We made a donation to Marymount hospice as my father in law got great care there in his final days, and the guests more than covered the cost of the day. So the balance went there. We didn’t bother with the honeymoon as we’ve smallies and didn’t want to go without them.

When I go to a wedding I want to make sure I pay my way and then some. I don’t want a free ride from anybody. A wedding will cost around €70-€100 per head. To not at least cover the cost of your attendance is the height of tightness to be honest.
For someone to turn up, eat and drink for free and then give a €25 picture frame is just pure miserly carry on.
These are the same types who’ll skip a round, argue for separate bills when having a meal, give crappy tips to servers etc. None of my friends are like that. I’m not like that and I wouldn’t be friendly with anyone who is. It’s the most unattractive of human traits.

For those who think that’s against the spirit of the whole shebang, there’s a handy little box that can be ticked on the invite. RSVP with a “I will not attend” and carry on with life.!!

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 12:30pm

robinph wrote: »

Didn't even invite parents to our wedding, and that wasn't due to not getting on with anyone. Purely keeping things simple from every perspective for everyone, including both sets of parents.

Us, a couple of friends each and the dog and we paid for the lot including the guests hotel rooms for the weekend. We had the people we wanted there, not anyone that someone else told us we needed to invite.

I realise that is at the extreme end of the way of doing things, but there wasn't any scrimping on costs and still works out way cheaper for everyone involved without the need to invite people you don't know or like.

I know everyone is different and entitled to do things as they wish . But would be deeply hurt and sad not to be at my daughters/ sons wedding

Sono · 18-06-2018 12:30pm

Get married yourself, keep a note of what your guests give you and when it’s their turn give it back to them(assuming they give you cash) that’s what I do anyway.

nthclare · 18-06-2018 12:36pm

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

The old days where the brides parents pay for the whole thing are long gone. Couples save and pay for their big day themselves and at around the same time as they start a family or buy a house. Is it so bad to give them a decent gift on the day.

I’d my own wedding fully paid off months in advance through working hard for it. Friends and family would know that I wasn’t under financial pressure yet they all gave generously. We made a donation to Marymount hospice as my father in law got great care there in his final days, and the guests more than covered the cost of the day. So the balance went there. We didn’t bother with the honeymoon as we’ve smallies and didn’t want to go without them.

When I go to a wedding I want to make sure I pay my way and then some. I don’t want a free ride from anybody. A wedding will cost around €70-€100 per head. To not at least cover the cost of your attendance is the height of tightness to be honest.
For someone to turn up, eat and drink for free and then give a €25 picture frame is just pure miserly carry on.
These are the same types who’ll skip a round, argue for separate bills when having a meal, give crappy tips to servers etc. None of my friends are like that. I’m not like that and I wouldn’t be friendly with anyone who is. It’s the most unattractive of human traits.

For those who think that’s against the spirit of the whole shebang, there’s a handy little box that can be ticked on the invite. RSVP with a “I will not attend” and carry on with life.!!

Being a couchpotato isn't a great trait either.

So everyone should cover the cost to their own attendance at a wedding.

Yet you go on about people skipping rounds and don't pay their way.

If you host a party for your kids, do you expect the kids friends to pay an entry fee to the venue ?

_Dara_ · 18-06-2018 12:38pm

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

The old days where the brides parents pay for the whole thing are long gone. Couples save and pay for their big day themselves and at around the same time as they start a family or buy a house. Is it so bad to give them a decent gift on the day.

I’d my own wedding fully paid off months in advance through working hard for it. Friends and family would know that I wasn’t under financial pressure yet they all gave generously. We made a donation to Marymount hospice as my father in law got great care there in his final days, and the guests more than covered the cost of the day. So the balance went there. We didn’t bother with the honeymoon as we’ve smallies and didn’t want to go without them.

When I go to a wedding I want to make sure I pay my way and then some. I don’t want a free ride from anybody. A wedding will cost around €70-€100 per head. To not at least cover the cost of your attendance is the height of tightness to be honest.
For someone to turn up, eat and drink for free and then give a €25 picture frame is just pure miserly carry on.
These are the same types who’ll skip a round, argue for separate bills when having a meal, give crappy tips to servers etc. None of my friends are like that. I’m not like that and I wouldn’t be friendly with anyone who is. It’s the most unattractive of human traits.

For those who think that’s against the spirit of the whole shebang, there’s a handy little box that can be ticked on the invite. RSVP with a “I will not attend” and carry on with life.!!

I’m sorry but I hate this. It’s. Not. Free. Even if you scale back and don’t get a new outfit or make up done, weddings are still generally expensive to attend.

Lumping people who might not being able to afford a big present with non-tippers and the like is very unfair and judgemental.

Also, ain’t nobody trying to get a wedding meal for “free”. There’s a lot of hassle before that meal is plonked down in front of you. And the food generally isn’t worth that hassle.

robinph · 18-06-2018 12:46pm

iamwhoiam wrote: »

I know everyone is different and entitled to do things as they wish . But would be deeply hurt and sad not to be at my daughters/ sons wedding

The weddings in of my siblings vary from the horse drawn carriage and stupidly expensive with more people than I'd care to try and remember white wedding with all the bell and whistles, to the jeans and tshirt wearing because they only went in to book a time at city hall and were told they could be done now if they wanted and found a passer by to be a witness.

So ours was actually a relatively normal wedding within that range.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 12:49pm

robinph wrote: »

The weddings in of my siblings vary from the horse drawn carriage and stupidly expensive with more people than I'd care to try and remember white wedding with all the bell and whistles, to the jeans and tshirt wearing because they only went in to book a time at city hall and were told they could be done now if they wanted and found a passer by to be a witness.

So ours was actually a relatively normal wedding within that range.

Were your parents not sad to have missed yours ?

robinph · 18-06-2018 12:58pm

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Were your parents not sad to have missed yours ?

No, not in the slightest from my side. Possibly a very minor feeling of us doing things a bit out of the ordinary from the other side, but they got over that.

Would have been very weird to have had any parents though with the numbers we had. Including the dog there was a total of 10 of us in the ceremony, plus the registrar and a photographer.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 1:05pm

robinph wrote: »

No, not in the slightest from my side. Possibly a very minor feeling of us doing things a bit out of the ordinary from the other side, but they got over that.

Would have been very weird to have had any parents though with the numbers we had. Including the dog there was a total of 10 of us in the ceremony, plus the registrar and a photographer.

Fair enough . My daughter would be gutted if we couldnt be there but thats us

suicide_circus · 18-06-2018 1:14pm

200 kicks up the hole maybe

mistersifter · 18-06-2018 1:28pm

Sono wrote: »

Get married yourself, keep a note of what your guests give you and when it’s their turn give it back to them(assuming they give you cash) that’s what I do anyway.

f*ck me

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Couchpotato82 · 18-06-2018 1:34pm

nthclare wrote: »

Being a couchpotato isn't a great trait either.

So everyone should cover the cost to their own attendance at a wedding.

Yet you go on about people skipping rounds and don't pay their way.

If you host a party for your kids, do you expect the kids friends to pay an entry fee to the venue ?

I can assure you I’m not a couch potato much as I’d like to be, especially during the World Cup! It’s just a name.

To answer your questions
1. Yes I think it’s acceptable to expect a guest to cover the cost of feeding/watering themselves. I would never expect the bride and groom to be out of pocket due to my attendance.

2. The type of people who skip rounds, tip poorly are the same type who’ll try to do their own friends and family out of a few bob. No apologies for hating meanness

All my kids birthday parties are out in the garden in a bouncing castle that I bought with my brother a few years ago. What’s the relevance of this point?! Hardly comparable.

Right bunch of misery guts on here. A wedding invitation can be politely refused. if it’s such a big deal to treat your friends or family to a couple hundred euro, stay at home.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 1:44pm

Boy have times changed ! In my day you were so grateful for a kettle or a set of pillow cases or table mats .

partyguinness · 18-06-2018 1:51pm

Jesus €200.00 is more than enough.

The bride and groom should be happy that you are there and not see you as a cash cow to pay for their wedding.

I got married in England to an English lady and some of her friends just gave cards- that was it even though they were at the ceremony, meal etc...didnt bother me as I hated them anyway and I expected nothing better of them but I was a little annoyed for the wife who was a tad embarrassed considering the amount it cost my friends and family to fly over and stay.

We paid for it ourselves and kept to our own budget so we did not some big pay day to cover the cost.

_Dara_ · 18-06-2018 1:52pm

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

I can assure you I’m not a couch potato much as I’d like to be, especially during the World Cup! It’s just a name.

To answer your questions
1. Yes I think it’s acceptable to expect a guest to cover the cost of feeding/watering themselves. I would never expect the bride and groom to be out of pocket due to my attendance.

2. The type of people who skip rounds, tip poorly are the same type who’ll try to do their own friends and family out of a few bob. No apologies for hating meanness

All my kids birthday parties are out in the garden in a bouncing castle that I bought with my brother a few years ago. What’s the relevance of this point?! Hardly comparable.

Right bunch of misery guts on here. A wedding invitation can be politely refused. if it’s such a big deal to treat your friends or family to a couple hundred euro, stay at home.

Personally, I’d rather have my friend or family member there sans quickly-spent money.

robinph · 18-06-2018 1:53pm

Or you could spin the way of looking at things on their head and:

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

I would never expect the bride and groom to be out of pocket due to my attendance.

I wouldn't expect my guests to feel obligated to pay for my choice of wedding venue and the costs I chose for my event that I asked them to come along and celebrate with me.

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

if it’s such a big deal to treat your friends or family to a couple hundred euro, stay at home.

If it is such a big deal to treat your friends and family to a couple of hundred euro expense at your wedding then don't invite them.

Just a different way of looking at weddings.

18-06-2018 1:57pm

Recently had my wedding 200 for a couple is standard enough maby more if you know the couple well

Couchpotato82 · 18-06-2018 2:01pm

robinph wrote: »

Or you could spin the way of looking at things on their head and:

I wouldn't expect my guests to feel obligated to pay for my choice of wedding venue and the costs I chose for my event that I asked them to come along and celebrate with me.

If it is such a big deal to treat your friends and family to a couple of hundred euro expense at your wedding then don't invite them.

Just a different way of looking at weddings.

Spin on its head? That’d be arseways so yeah?ðŸ€—
Each to their own I guess. The OP was talking about being a guest, not the a bride/groom. No one forces anyone to attend. I prefer to not cost the bride and groom money due to attending. If others disagree and are happy to give a photo frame or whatever then fair enough too.

robinph · 18-06-2018 2:19pm

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

I prefer to not cost the bride and groom money due to attending.

But they invited you. You'd hope they could afford what they are paying for before asking you to attend.

Don't give them money in order to cover their costs. Give them a gift (or money if you must) for getting married and to wish them well in their new life together. The value of what you give them should have zero relation to the cost of your meal they stick infront of you, it should be to do with your relationship with them and primarily what you can afford. Any other calculations being put into figuring out what to give and people should be re-evaluating what a friendship is.

Couchpotato82 · 18-06-2018 2:36pm

robinph wrote: »

But they invited you. You'd hope they could afford what they are paying for before asking you to attend.

Don't give them money in order to cover their costs. Give them a gift (or money if you must) for getting married and to wish them well in their new life together. The value of what you give them should have zero relation to the cost of your meal they stick infront of you, it should be to do with your relationship with them and primarily what you can afford. Any other calculations being put into figuring out what to give and people should be re-evaluating what a friendship is.

Yep agreed in the most part. There’s no calculator involved. €300 if we go as a couple. €200 if one of us is on our own. (Eg a work wedding). More if it’s best friends or siblings.

It’s what I want to give and can afford to give. If someone thinks it’s ok to give €50 or €100 that’s on them, but I won’t be swayed by their arguments as to why they think this is plenty. I happen to think it’s stingy. But stingy people don’t like it to be known that they’re tight, hence the handwringing going on about “special day” bla bla bla instead of admitting they’re tight!

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 2:39pm

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

Yep agreed in the most part. There’s no calculator involved. €300 if we go as a couple. €200 if one of us is on our own. (Eg a work wedding). More if it’s best friends or siblings.

It’s what I want to give and can afford to give. If someone thinks it’s ok to give €50 or €100 that’s on them, but I won’t be swayed by their arguments as to why they think this is plenty. I happen to think it’s stingy. But stingy people don’t like it to be known that they’re tight, hence the handwringing going on about “special day” bla bla bla instead of admitting they’re tight!

You are so judgemental about other peoples choices .

robinph · 18-06-2018 2:49pm

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

Yep agreed in the most part. There’s no calculator involved. €300 if we go as a couple. €200 if one of us is on our own. (Eg a work wedding). More if it’s best friends or siblings.

It’s what I want to give and can afford to give. If someone thinks it’s ok to give €50 or €100

You were doing so well until this point.

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

that’s on them, but I won’t be swayed by their arguments as to why they think this is plenty. I happen to think it’s stingy. But stingy people don’t like it to be known that they’re tight, hence the handwringing going on about “special day” bla bla bla instead of admitting they’re tight!

Then you become all judgemental about there being certain standards of payment due for the honour of attending a wedding. It's either a gift, or it's a charge. The problem with the idea of €200 per couple is that is a charge. If someone gives €200 that is great, if someone else gives €20, or nothing other than a card, that is equally great.

murpho999 · 18-06-2018 3:01pm

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

The old days where the brides parents pay for the whole thing are long gone. Couples save and pay for their big day themselves and at around the same time as they start a family or buy a house. Is it so bad to give them a decent gift on the day.

I’d my own wedding fully paid off months in advance through working hard for it. Friends and family would know that I wasn’t under financial pressure yet they all gave generously. We made a donation to Marymount hospice as my father in law got great care there in his final days, and the guests more than covered the cost of the day. So the balance went there. We didn’t bother with the honeymoon as we’ve smallies and didn’t want to go without them.

When I go to a wedding I want to make sure I pay my way and then some. I don’t want a free ride from anybody. A wedding will cost around €70-€100 per head. To not at least cover the cost of your attendance is the height of tightness to be honest.
For someone to turn up, eat and drink for free and then give a €25 picture frame is just pure miserly carry on.
These are the same types who’ll skip a round, argue for separate bills when having a meal, give crappy tips to servers etc. None of my friends are like that. I’m not like that and I wouldn’t be friendly with anyone who is. It’s the most unattractive of human traits.

For those who think that’s against the spirit of the whole shebang, there’s a handy little box that can be ticked on the invite. RSVP with a “I will not attend” and carry on with life.!!

I disagree with practically everything in this post.

Firstly, it’s the couple themselves who decide to have a wedding and they also decide the size of it, guest list, venue meals etc. They are in total control of every decision.

If they invite you to their wedding then for me it’s a sign that they value as a family member/friend and want you to be part of their day and they should have budgeted for it.

The financial cost is not the concern of the invited guest and they should not worry about it. Weddings often involve travel, accommodation, clothing, drinks etc and these costs soon mount up.

Secondly, I’ve never been to an Irish wedding where you get free drink for the night. At best you’d get prosecco reception, wine with the meal, and maybe a drink for the toast and that’s it. The rest of the day is your own expense.

I have been at weddings in Europe, where all drinks are included and the expectation for a present is much smaller. €50 per person would be seen as normal.

The choice of present is entirely personal and up to the individual and their personal circumstances and they should not be judged on it.

I never skip rounds or argue over bills but I would have issues with the amount a wedding present should be and don’t also agree with giving large tips to servers as this is not the USA and they get paid a minimum wage just like other people in other industries who would never get tips.

BuboBubo · 18-06-2018 3:02pm

Following this thread with interest as I have a summons - oops, wedding to attend in September.

I don't want to go, it's my husband's nephews wedding, they're a close family so he is adamant about going. (Is it possible to send him on his own I wonder?)

The husband's sister (groom's ma) has given very unsubtle hints "oh this wedding is costing them a fortune" "they have everything for their house already, they've lived together for years sure", "they're going on a really expensive honeymoon..." "everyone is giving them money, that's the best thing to do..."

They live 100 km away, the wedding reception is miles away, on a fcukin weekday "Saturday's are soooo expensive, they saved soooo much money having it on a weekday"

I'll give them an ironing board.

Couchpotato82 · 18-06-2018 3:03pm

iamwhoiam wrote: »

You are so judgemental about other peoples choices .

I’m ok with this. If you chose to give a cheap gift then you are stingy. Simple as.
I count myself very lucky that my friends and family don’t have the miserly trait as, outside of this thread I don’t think it’s ever even come up in conversation about a gift being “too much”

johnnyskeleton · 18-06-2018 3:05pm

Are Am Eye wrote: »

It's an awful pity that it's treated as an entrance fee.
Or that gifts are de facto covering the cost of the event.
Let's say some people were going through a tough time financially. Should
they turn down a wedding invitation. Because they can't pay their way in.
Would the couple still want them there gift or not. Due to a bond of friendship.

Also, I'd like to think that if I and a hundred other people give a young couple cash on their wedding day, that can be used to form part of a deposit for a house or to cover costs in their first few years of childcare etc. As it is, it's either an entrance fee as you say, or more often it doesn't even cover the costs of the wedding and so even with everyone giving money the bride and groom are still out of pocket!

BuboBubo · 18-06-2018 3:05pm

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

I’m ok with this. If you chose to give a cheap gift then you are stingy. Simple as.
I count myself very lucky that my friends and family don’t have the miserly trait as, outside of this thread I don’t think it’s ever even come up in conversation about a gift being “too much”

Or just poor.

Some people are poor.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 3:06pm

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

I’m ok with this. If you chose to give a cheap gift then you are stingy. Simple as.
I count myself very lucky that my friends and family don’t have the miserly trait as, outside of this thread I don’t think it’s ever even come up in conversation about a gift being “too much”

I get the impression you are enjoying telling us all how generous you are . If you were one of mine I would pull them up on their showing off . Then again I can't imagine any of mine being so judgmental or showing off

Couchpotato82 · 18-06-2018 3:11pm

iamwhoiam wrote: »

I get the impression you are enjoying telling us all how generous you are . If you were one of mine I would pull them up on their showing off . Then again I can't imagine any of mine being so judgmental or showing off

It’s an anonymous Internet forum. I could be talking out my arse. Don’t get so precious about it.

See the thing about stingy people is it’s not enough for them to be tight. They must also try convince others to be similarly miserly so it doesn’t reflect poorly on them.

By the way I don’t think I’m being overly generous, it just seems to be the done thing in my circle to more than cover the cost of attending.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 3:13pm

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

It’s an anonymous Internet forum. I could be talking out my arse. Don’t get so precious about it.

See the thing about stingy people is it’s not enough for them to be tight. They must also try convince others to be similarly miserly so it doesn’t reflect poorly on them.

By the way I don’t think I’m being overly generous, it just seems to be the done thing in my circle to more than cover the cost of attending.

You could indeed and I am guessing you are actually doing just that ! Lol at you being the Big I Am !!

mistersifter · 18-06-2018 3:15pm

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

I’m ok with this. If you chose to give a cheap gift then you are stingy. Simple as.
I count myself very lucky that my friends and family don’t have the miserly trait as, outside of this thread I don’t think it’s ever even come up in conversation about a gift being “too much”

Or maybe you've been to numerous weddings this year and also have to fund your own life, so you can't stretch to something that is sufficiently expensive to satisfy bridezilla!

not sure what you think is "cheap", but I think you're forgetting about the infinite amount of financial positions guests might find themselves in.

If we're gonna treat weddings like a business transaction, can the guests offset the costs of attending the wedding from the gift? Sure the bride and groom might OWE guests money then!

mistersifter · 18-06-2018 3:17pm

BuboBubo wrote: »

Following this thread with interest as I have a summons - oops, wedding to attend in September.

I don't want to go, it's my husband's nephews wedding, they're a close family so he is adamant about going. (Is it possible to send him on his own I wonder?)

The husband's sister (groom's ma) has given very unsubtle hints "oh this wedding is costing them a fortune" "they have everything for their house already, they've lived together for years sure", "they're going on a really expensive honeymoon..." "everyone is giving them money, that's the best thing to do..."

They live 100 km away, the wedding reception is miles away, on a fcukin weekday "Saturday's are soooo expensive, they saved soooo much money having it on a weekday"

I'll give them an ironing board.

yes it is! send him on his tod, he'll be grand. Sure you probably cant get the day off work anyway (or something along those lineS) :pac:

robinph · 18-06-2018 3:31pm

mistersifter wrote: »

yes it is! send him on his tod, he'll be grand. Sure you probably cant get the day off work anyway (or something along those lineS) :pac:

But then he'll have to pay the single supplement penalty and be paying twice as much for half the food and only one glass of prosseco.

_Dara_ · 18-06-2018 3:33pm

We’re going to a wedding in Spain in October. Now, I’m really looking to it. Friends and late season sun. Nice. The groom is a friend of my husband’s and is a total stinge. Even in his 30s, he sneaks naggins into pubs routinely. This is what we’re dealing with here. He 100% chose the destination wedding because it’s much cheaper. For them.

We saw him recently and he launched into the “It’s as cheap as attending a wedding in Ireland!” spiel. No it feckin’ isn’t. Like I said, I am looking forward to it but it absolutely won’t be cheaper. I barely drink so Irish weddings never cost me much and I’ll happily rewear outfits and do my own make up. Flights, transfers, accommodation, food, taxis. You can’t get away with just hand luggage for a wedding flight either.

Because he is of the belief that it will be no more expensive for guests to go abroad for the wedding and because he is a massive stinge, it looks like he’ll be expecting the usual wedding gift from people. I’m really ill and not working and I will have to save hard and tighten my belt to afford this. I know we could just say “Fuck it!” and give a smaller gift but we don’t want our close group of friends to think we’re the scabby ones.

IMO, any couple going for the cheaper foreign wedding should explicitly insist that there is no requirement for anyone to give gifts. That way people will feel more comfortable giving smaller gifts.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 3:34pm

robinph wrote: »

But then he'll have to pay the single supplement penalty and be paying twice as much for half the food and only one glass of prosseco.

What happens if he doesn't like the dessert ? Does he get a few bob back !!!

facehugger99 · 18-06-2018 3:38pm

_Dara_ wrote: »

We’re going to a wedding in Spain in October. Now, I’m really looking to it. Friends and late season sun. Nice. The groom is a friend of my husband’s and is a total stinge. Even in his 30s, he sneaks naggins into pubs routinely. This is what we’re dealing with here. He 100% chose the destination wedding because it’s much cheaper. For them.

We saw him recently and he launched into the “It’s as cheap as attending a wedding in Ireland!” spiel. No it feckin’ isn’t. Like I said, I am looking forward to it but it absolutely won’t be cheaper. I barely drink so Irish weddings never cost me much and I’ll happily rewear outfits and do my own make up. Flights, transfers, accommodation, food, taxis. You can’t get away with just hand luggage for a wedding flight either.

Because he is of the belief that it will be no more expensive for guests to go abroad for the wedding and because he is a massive stinge, it looks like he’ll be expecting the usual wedding gift from people. I’m really ill and not working and I will have to save hard and tighten my belt to afford this. I know we could just say “Fuck it!” and give a smaller gift but we don’t want our close group of friends to think we’re the scabby ones.

IMO, any couple going for the cheaper foreign wedding should explicitly insist that there is no requirement for anyone to give gifts. That way people will feel more comfortable giving smaller gifts.

It sounds like most of this is coming from you own head.

_Kaiser_ · 18-06-2018 3:39pm

Two weddings to go to in the next 12-18 months...

- First one is a work colleague/mate. He's a good lad but only see him 2/3 times a year and chat on the IM group we have. Never met his misssus. I'm thinking €100 max (I'll have to drive a good 90 mins to the place as well).
On the plus side, it should be a bit of craic with the lads so I don't mind SO much.

- Second one is the little fella's uncle. Hardly know him to be honest and fully expect to be on babysitting/chauffeur duties most of the day anyway. I think that will involve a day off work (one of these mid-week weddings!) and a 2 hour drive.
I'd be inclined to skip it entirely, but can't really as the little lad has already been told about it and is all excited. I suppose another €100 there as well.

If/when my turn comes, it'll be a simple ceremony (registry office even), and low-key reception for close family and friends. Leaving aside the ridiculous amount of money some couples spend on this (money which would be far better put towards the mortgage and kids that generally follow not long afterwards), I've no interest in putting on a "look at how well we're doing" show for people which is mostly what it's about anyway.

Is 200 enough of a wedding present from a couple?

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