robinph wrote: » Or you could spin the way of looking at things on their head and: I wouldn't expect my guests to feel obligated to pay for my choice of wedding venue and the costs I chose for my event that I asked them to come along and celebrate with me. If it is such a big deal to treat your friends and family to a couple of hundred euro expense at your wedding then don't invite them. Just a different way of looking at weddings.
Couchpotato82 wrote: » I prefer to not cost the bride and groom money due to attending.
robinph wrote: » But they invited you. You'd hope they could afford what they are paying for before asking you to attend. Don't give them money in order to cover their costs. Give them a gift (or money if you must) for getting married and to wish them well in their new life together. The value of what you give them should have zero relation to the cost of your meal they stick infront of you, it should be to do with your relationship with them and primarily what you can afford. Any other calculations being put into figuring out what to give and people should be re-evaluating what a friendship is.
Couchpotato82 wrote: » Yep agreed in the most part. There’s no calculator involved. €300 if we go as a couple. €200 if one of us is on our own. (Eg a work wedding). More if it’s best friends or siblings. It’s what I want to give and can afford to give. If someone thinks it’s ok to give €50 or €100 that’s on them, but I won’t be swayed by their arguments as to why they think this is plenty. I happen to think it’s stingy. But stingy people don’t like it to be known that they’re tight, hence the handwringing going on about “special day” bla bla bla instead of admitting they’re tight!
Couchpotato82 wrote: » Yep agreed in the most part. There’s no calculator involved. €300 if we go as a couple. €200 if one of us is on our own. (Eg a work wedding). More if it’s best friends or siblings. It’s what I want to give and can afford to give. If someone thinks it’s ok to give €50 or €100
Couchpotato82 wrote: » that’s on them, but I won’t be swayed by their arguments as to why they think this is plenty. I happen to think it’s stingy. But stingy people don’t like it to be known that they’re tight, hence the handwringing going on about “special day” bla bla bla instead of admitting they’re tight!
Couchpotato82 wrote: » The old days where the brides parents pay for the whole thing are long gone. Couples save and pay for their big day themselves and at around the same time as they start a family or buy a house. Is it so bad to give them a decent gift on the day. I’d my own wedding fully paid off months in advance through working hard for it. Friends and family would know that I wasn’t under financial pressure yet they all gave generously. We made a donation to Marymount hospice as my father in law got great care there in his final days, and the guests more than covered the cost of the day. So the balance went there. We didn’t bother with the honeymoon as we’ve smallies and didn’t want to go without them. When I go to a wedding I want to make sure I pay my way and then some. I don’t want a free ride from anybody. A wedding will cost around €70-€100 per head. To not at least cover the cost of your attendance is the height of tightness to be honest. For someone to turn up, eat and drink for free and then give a €25 picture frame is just pure miserly carry on. These are the same types who’ll skip a round, argue for separate bills when having a meal, give crappy tips to servers etc. None of my friends are like that. I’m not like that and I wouldn’t be friendly with anyone who is. It’s the most unattractive of human traits. For those who think that’s against the spirit of the whole shebang, there’s a handy little box that can be ticked on the invite. RSVP with a “I will not attend” and carry on with life.!!
iamwhoiam wrote: » You are so judgemental about other peoples choices .
Are Am Eye wrote: » It's an awful pity that it's treated as an entrance fee. Or that gifts are de facto covering the cost of the event. Let's say some people were going through a tough time financially. Should they turn down a wedding invitation. Because they can't pay their way in. Would the couple still want them there gift or not. Due to a bond of friendship.
Couchpotato82 wrote: » I’m ok with this. If you chose to give a cheap gift then you are stingy. Simple as. I count myself very lucky that my friends and family don’t have the miserly trait as, outside of this thread I don’t think it’s ever even come up in conversation about a gift being “too much”
iamwhoiam wrote: » I get the impression you are enjoying telling us all how generous you are . If you were one of mine I would pull them up on their showing off . Then again I can't imagine any of mine being so judgmental or showing off
Couchpotato82 wrote: » It’s an anonymous Internet forum. I could be talking out my arse. Don’t get so precious about it. See the thing about stingy people is it’s not enough for them to be tight. They must also try convince others to be similarly miserly so it doesn’t reflect poorly on them. By the way I don’t think I’m being overly generous, it just seems to be the done thing in my circle to more than cover the cost of attending.
BuboBubo wrote: » Following this thread with interest as I have a summons - oops, wedding to attend in September. I don't want to go, it's my husband's nephews wedding, they're a close family so he is adamant about going. (Is it possible to send him on his own I wonder?) The husband's sister (groom's ma) has given very unsubtle hints "oh this wedding is costing them a fortune" "they have everything for their house already, they've lived together for years sure", "they're going on a really expensive honeymoon..." "everyone is giving them money, that's the best thing to do..." They live 100 km away, the wedding reception is miles away, on a fcukin weekday "Saturday's are soooo expensive, they saved soooo much money having it on a weekday" I'll give them an ironing board.
mistersifter wrote: » yes it is! send him on his tod, he'll be grand. Sure you probably cant get the day off work anyway (or something along those lineS) :pac:
robinph wrote: » But then he'll have to pay the single supplement penalty and be paying twice as much for half the food and only one glass of prosseco.
_Dara_ wrote: » We’re going to a wedding in Spain in October. Now, I’m really looking to it. Friends and late season sun. Nice. The groom is a friend of my husband’s and is a total stinge. Even in his 30s, he sneaks naggins into pubs routinely. This is what we’re dealing with here. He 100% chose the destination wedding because it’s much cheaper. For them. We saw him recently and he launched into the “It’s as cheap as attending a wedding in Ireland!” spiel. No it feckin’ isn’t. Like I said, I am looking forward to it but it absolutely won’t be cheaper. I barely drink so Irish weddings never cost me much and I’ll happily rewear outfits and do my own make up. Flights, transfers, accommodation, food, taxis. You can’t get away with just hand luggage for a wedding flight either. Because he is of the belief that it will be no more expensive for guests to go abroad for the wedding and because he is a massive stinge, it looks like he’ll be expecting the usual wedding gift from people. I’m really ill and not working and I will have to save hard and tighten my belt to afford this. I know we could just say “Fuck it!” and give a smaller gift but we don’t want our close group of friends to think we’re the scabby ones. IMO, any couple going for the cheaper foreign wedding should explicitly insist that there is no requirement for anyone to give gifts. That way people will feel more comfortable giving smaller gifts.
iamwhoiam wrote: » You could indeed and I am guessing you are actually doing just that ! Lol at you being the Big I Am !!
facehugger99 wrote: » It sounds like most of this is coming from you own head.
_Dara_ wrote: » No, believe me, I know him very well. Every time without fail that he’s part of a group meal, he throws a conniption over the splitting of the bill. Every single time. And we’re not talking great differences in what people ordered, we’re talking him quibbling over €2. My husband dreads him being at group meals for this reason. There is always a scene made, without fail. At a wedding we were at recently, he kept retiring to his car to pour out more drinks for him and the missus-to-be. He brings naggins to pubs. Definitely not in my head.
iamwhoiam wrote: » Made me laugh !! I can picture him and the missus escaping out to the car and sneaking a drink !!! I was at a wedding a few years ago and after the event both sides realised there was a woman at it that no one knew !!! They said it to the manager next morning and he looked shocked and said it was the second time that month that he got that complaint !! A serial imposter!!
nthclare wrote: » Do couples actually judge people on staying at the wedding hotel, and how much they slip into the envelope...
_Dara_ wrote: » Jaysus! This guy’s fiancé is a lovely woman. Would you not treat your wife-to-be an overpriced drink from the bar FFS instead of dragging her outside periodically (and her in heels!)?
iamwhoiam wrote: » The imposter sat at the bar flirting with all and sundry and both sides thought she was the others mad auntie !
Electric Sheep wrote: » As you can see from some of the posters here, some do. I would not be surprised to hear that some of them keep a spreadsheet of who gave what so they can reciprocate with precision.
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