Is 200 enough of a wedding present from a couple?

RikkFlair · 18-06-2018 11:16AM

My actual reaction if I get a "Please fund my OTT wedding" invitation in the post...

JP85 · 18-06-2018 11:41AM

We got €50 off two separate couples at our wedding, so €25 per person, one of those guys was bragging about how well he was doing in his job, got pissed on the prosecco and wine we provided, some neck.

We also got a picture off one couple and they tried to pull off the price tag but couldn't so they used black ink to cover it up, I could clearly see the price was €25 and this is the couple that paid €200 to stay in the hotel that night when they lived pretty close.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 11:45AM

JP85 wrote: »

We got €50 off two separate couples at our wedding, so €25 per person, one of those guys was bragging about how well he was doing in his job, got pissed on the prosecco and wine we provided, some neck.

We also got a picture off one couple and they tried to pull off the price tag but couldn't so they used black ink to cover it up, I could clearly see the price was €25 and this is the couple that paid €200 to stay in the hotel that night when they lived pretty close.

That was kind of both couples in my opinion or were you only asking them so they give a set amount ?

robinph · 18-06-2018 11:57AM

JP85 wrote: »

We got €50 off two separate couples at our wedding, so €25 per person, one of those guys was bragging about how well he was doing in his job, got pissed on the prosecco and wine we provided, some neck.

We also got a picture off one couple and they tried to pull off the price tag but couldn't so they used black ink to cover it up, I could clearly see the price was €25 and this is the couple that paid €200 to stay in the hotel that night when they lived pretty close.

Was this a wedding that you invited them to? Or was it a ticketed party? Had you stipulated the entry conditions when you sold them the tickets and that they would have to spend X amount at the bar and leave an envelope of cash behind that was Y% of their income?

Weddings sound worse for hidden extra charges than Ryanair.

JP85 · 18-06-2018 12:00PM

robinph wrote: »

Was this a wedding that you invited them to? Or was it a ticketed party? Had you stipulated the entry conditions when you sold them the tickets and that they would have to spend X amount at the bar and leave an envelope of cash behind that was Y% of their income?

Weddings sound worse for hidden extra charges than Ryanair.

Of course not but if you are going to be fed and given tons of free drink for the day, the least you could do is give something decent. I hate the process of giving cash presents, ive been to tons of weddings that you give a decent few bob so the least you expect that at yours people would do the same.

nthclare · 18-06-2018 12:00PM

JP85 wrote: »

We got €50 off two separate couples at our wedding, so €25 per person, one of those guys was bragging about how well he was doing in his job, got pissed on the prosecco and wine we provided, some neck.

We also got a picture off one couple and they tried to pull off the price tag but couldn't so they used black ink to cover it up, I could clearly see the price was €25 and this is the couple that paid €200 to stay in the hotel that night when they lived pretty close.

Sure it's all about the couple looking after the guests, not the guests hosting the couple...

So you went to the bother of looking at the price.

Then you get annoyed with a couple giving you 25 Euro when they paid €200 to spend a night in a hotel, seriously...

So you expected them to give you the 200 Euro and have €25 for the taxi home for themselves.

I'd prefer my guests to have the night of their lives, and wouldn't care if they gave me nothing.

Do couples actually judge people on staying at the wedding hotel, and how much they slip into the envelope...

JP85 · 18-06-2018 12:03PM

nthclare wrote: »

Sure it's all about the couple looking after the guests, not the guests hosting the couple...

So you went to the bother of looking at the price.

Then you get annoyed with a couple giving you 25 Euro when they paid €200 to spend a night in a hotel, seriously...

So you expected them to give you the 200 Euro and have €25 for the taxi home for themselves.

I'd prefer my guests to have the night of their lives, and wouldn't care if they gave me nothing.

Do couples actually judge people on staying at the wedding hotel, and how much they slip into the envelope...

This wasn't somebody I wanted to invite to the wedding but was forced to out of guilt trip by parents.

robinph · 18-06-2018 12:08PM

JP85 wrote: »

This wasn't somebody I wanted to invite to the wedding but was forced to out of guilt trip by parents.

If you didn't want to invite them then don't.

It's your wedding. You invite who you want. You pay.

Be delighted if they give you a toaster from Argos... or nothing.

JP85 wrote: »

Of course not but if you are going to be fed and given tons of free drink for the day, the least you could do is give something decent. I hate the process of giving cash presents, ive been to tons of weddings that you give a decent few bob so the least you expect that at yours people would do the same.

If you have the money to feed and water your guests for the day then that is great. If you can't afford to do that then don't.

You claim to hate the concept of cash presents, yet seem put out that your guests didn't spend enough on you?!?

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 12:11PM

JP85 wrote: »

This wasn't somebody I wanted to invite to the wedding but was forced to out of guilt trip by parents.

But you did invite them and so they were your guests . I find it quite rude to look down your nose at a present from a guest . Or was it a ticketed entry to your wedding ?

JP85 · 18-06-2018 12:12PM

robinph wrote: »

If you didn't want to invite them then don't.

It's your wedding. You invite who you want. You pay.

Be delighted if they give you a toaster from Argos... or nothing.

Have you been married yourself, so you had a hard no to people even though your parents put the pressure on?

I wasn't looking to make money out of the wedding, we had an amazing day (apart from the weather) If somebody didnt have it to give, i wouldnt begrudge them

wandatowell · 18-06-2018 12:18PM

200 per coupe is what we aim for. If we went to a wedding where we previously got a wedding gift from the bride and groom then we would match theirs.

On a side note my cousin gave my wife and I a Newbridge cutlery set as a gift. An aunt of mine over heard how much it cost and being the gossiper she is, she told my ma. The whole set cost €60 odd quid but it is by far the best present we got. They look lovely and we use them everyday. We got expensive Kitchen Aid stuff that we have since exchanged. The cutlery set is the bees knee's.

JP85 · 18-06-2018 12:18PM

robinph wrote: »

If you didn't want to invite them then don't.

It's your wedding. You invite who you want. You pay.

Be delighted if they give you a toaster from Argos... or nothing.

If you have the money to feed and water your guests for the day then that is great. If you can't afford to do that then don't.

You claim to hate the concept of cash presents, yet seem put out that your guests didn't spend enough on you?!?

We struggled saving for our wedding for 18 months, It's just my opinion that you give a decent gift as that's the "tradition". If somebody doesnt have it, fair enough

robinph · 18-06-2018 12:25PM

JP85 wrote: »

Have you been married yourself, so you had a hard no to people even though your parents put the pressure on?

I wasn't looking to make money out of the wedding, we had an amazing day (apart from the weather) If somebody didnt have it to give, i wouldnt begrudge them

Didn't even invite parents to our wedding, and that wasn't due to not getting on with anyone. Purely keeping things simple from every perspective for everyone, including both sets of parents.

Us, a couple of friends each and the dog and we paid for the lot including the guests hotel rooms for the weekend. We had the people we wanted there, not anyone that someone else told us we needed to invite.

I realise that is at the extreme end of the way of doing things, but there wasn't any scrimping on costs and still works out way cheaper for everyone involved without the need to invite people you don't know or like.

Couchpotato82 · 18-06-2018 12:28PM

The old days where the brides parents pay for the whole thing are long gone. Couples save and pay for their big day themselves and at around the same time as they start a family or buy a house. Is it so bad to give them a decent gift on the day.

I’d my own wedding fully paid off months in advance through working hard for it. Friends and family would know that I wasn’t under financial pressure yet they all gave generously. We made a donation to Marymount hospice as my father in law got great care there in his final days, and the guests more than covered the cost of the day. So the balance went there. We didn’t bother with the honeymoon as we’ve smallies and didn’t want to go without them.

When I go to a wedding I want to make sure I pay my way and then some. I don’t want a free ride from anybody. A wedding will cost around €70-€100 per head. To not at least cover the cost of your attendance is the height of tightness to be honest.
For someone to turn up, eat and drink for free and then give a €25 picture frame is just pure miserly carry on.
These are the same types who’ll skip a round, argue for separate bills when having a meal, give crappy tips to servers etc. None of my friends are like that. I’m not like that and I wouldn’t be friendly with anyone who is. It’s the most unattractive of human traits.

For those who think that’s against the spirit of the whole shebang, there’s a handy little box that can be ticked on the invite. RSVP with a “I will not attend” and carry on with life.!!

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 12:30PM

robinph wrote: »

Didn't even invite parents to our wedding, and that wasn't due to not getting on with anyone. Purely keeping things simple from every perspective for everyone, including both sets of parents.

Us, a couple of friends each and the dog and we paid for the lot including the guests hotel rooms for the weekend. We had the people we wanted there, not anyone that someone else told us we needed to invite.

I realise that is at the extreme end of the way of doing things, but there wasn't any scrimping on costs and still works out way cheaper for everyone involved without the need to invite people you don't know or like.

I know everyone is different and entitled to do things as they wish . But would be deeply hurt and sad not to be at my daughters/ sons wedding

Sono · 18-06-2018 12:30PM

Get married yourself, keep a note of what your guests give you and when it’s their turn give it back to them(assuming they give you cash) that’s what I do anyway.

nthclare · 18-06-2018 12:36PM

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

The old days where the brides parents pay for the whole thing are long gone. Couples save and pay for their big day themselves and at around the same time as they start a family or buy a house. Is it so bad to give them a decent gift on the day.

I’d my own wedding fully paid off months in advance through working hard for it. Friends and family would know that I wasn’t under financial pressure yet they all gave generously. We made a donation to Marymount hospice as my father in law got great care there in his final days, and the guests more than covered the cost of the day. So the balance went there. We didn’t bother with the honeymoon as we’ve smallies and didn’t want to go without them.

When I go to a wedding I want to make sure I pay my way and then some. I don’t want a free ride from anybody. A wedding will cost around €70-€100 per head. To not at least cover the cost of your attendance is the height of tightness to be honest.
For someone to turn up, eat and drink for free and then give a €25 picture frame is just pure miserly carry on.
These are the same types who’ll skip a round, argue for separate bills when having a meal, give crappy tips to servers etc. None of my friends are like that. I’m not like that and I wouldn’t be friendly with anyone who is. It’s the most unattractive of human traits.

For those who think that’s against the spirit of the whole shebang, there’s a handy little box that can be ticked on the invite. RSVP with a “I will not attend” and carry on with life.!!

Being a couchpotato isn't a great trait either.

So everyone should cover the cost to their own attendance at a wedding.

Yet you go on about people skipping rounds and don't pay their way.

If you host a party for your kids, do you expect the kids friends to pay an entry fee to the venue ?

_Dara_ · 18-06-2018 12:38PM

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

The old days where the brides parents pay for the whole thing are long gone. Couples save and pay for their big day themselves and at around the same time as they start a family or buy a house. Is it so bad to give them a decent gift on the day.

I’d my own wedding fully paid off months in advance through working hard for it. Friends and family would know that I wasn’t under financial pressure yet they all gave generously. We made a donation to Marymount hospice as my father in law got great care there in his final days, and the guests more than covered the cost of the day. So the balance went there. We didn’t bother with the honeymoon as we’ve smallies and didn’t want to go without them.

When I go to a wedding I want to make sure I pay my way and then some. I don’t want a free ride from anybody. A wedding will cost around €70-€100 per head. To not at least cover the cost of your attendance is the height of tightness to be honest.
For someone to turn up, eat and drink for free and then give a €25 picture frame is just pure miserly carry on.
These are the same types who’ll skip a round, argue for separate bills when having a meal, give crappy tips to servers etc. None of my friends are like that. I’m not like that and I wouldn’t be friendly with anyone who is. It’s the most unattractive of human traits.

For those who think that’s against the spirit of the whole shebang, there’s a handy little box that can be ticked on the invite. RSVP with a “I will not attend” and carry on with life.!!

I’m sorry but I hate this. It’s. Not. Free. Even if you scale back and don’t get a new outfit or make up done, weddings are still generally expensive to attend.

Lumping people who might not being able to afford a big present with non-tippers and the like is very unfair and judgemental.

Also, ain’t nobody trying to get a wedding meal for “free”. There’s a lot of hassle before that meal is plonked down in front of you. And the food generally isn’t worth that hassle.

robinph · 18-06-2018 12:46PM

iamwhoiam wrote: »

I know everyone is different and entitled to do things as they wish . But would be deeply hurt and sad not to be at my daughters/ sons wedding

The weddings in of my siblings vary from the horse drawn carriage and stupidly expensive with more people than I'd care to try and remember white wedding with all the bell and whistles, to the jeans and tshirt wearing because they only went in to book a time at city hall and were told they could be done now if they wanted and found a passer by to be a witness.

So ours was actually a relatively normal wedding within that range.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 12:49PM

robinph wrote: »

The weddings in of my siblings vary from the horse drawn carriage and stupidly expensive with more people than I'd care to try and remember white wedding with all the bell and whistles, to the jeans and tshirt wearing because they only went in to book a time at city hall and were told they could be done now if they wanted and found a passer by to be a witness.

So ours was actually a relatively normal wedding within that range.

Were your parents not sad to have missed yours ?

robinph · 18-06-2018 12:58PM

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Were your parents not sad to have missed yours ?

No, not in the slightest from my side. Possibly a very minor feeling of us doing things a bit out of the ordinary from the other side, but they got over that.

Would have been very weird to have had any parents though with the numbers we had. Including the dog there was a total of 10 of us in the ceremony, plus the registrar and a photographer.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 01:05PM

robinph wrote: »

No, not in the slightest from my side. Possibly a very minor feeling of us doing things a bit out of the ordinary from the other side, but they got over that.

Would have been very weird to have had any parents though with the numbers we had. Including the dog there was a total of 10 of us in the ceremony, plus the registrar and a photographer.

Fair enough . My daughter would be gutted if we couldnt be there but thats us

suicide_circus · 18-06-2018 01:14PM

200 kicks up the hole maybe

18-06-2018 01:28PM

Sono wrote: »

Get married yourself, keep a note of what your guests give you and when it’s their turn give it back to them(assuming they give you cash) that’s what I do anyway.

f*ck me

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Couchpotato82 · 18-06-2018 01:34PM

nthclare wrote: »

Being a couchpotato isn't a great trait either.

So everyone should cover the cost to their own attendance at a wedding.

Yet you go on about people skipping rounds and don't pay their way.

If you host a party for your kids, do you expect the kids friends to pay an entry fee to the venue ?

I can assure you I’m not a couch potato much as I’d like to be, especially during the World Cup! It’s just a name.

To answer your questions
1. Yes I think it’s acceptable to expect a guest to cover the cost of feeding/watering themselves. I would never expect the bride and groom to be out of pocket due to my attendance.

2. The type of people who skip rounds, tip poorly are the same type who’ll try to do their own friends and family out of a few bob. No apologies for hating meanness

All my kids birthday parties are out in the garden in a bouncing castle that I bought with my brother a few years ago. What’s the relevance of this point?! Hardly comparable.

Right bunch of misery guts on here. A wedding invitation can be politely refused. if it’s such a big deal to treat your friends or family to a couple hundred euro, stay at home.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 01:44PM

Boy have times changed ! In my day you were so grateful for a kettle or a set of pillow cases or table mats .

partyguinness · 18-06-2018 01:51PM

Jesus €200.00 is more than enough.

The bride and groom should be happy that you are there and not see you as a cash cow to pay for their wedding.

I got married in England to an English lady and some of her friends just gave cards- that was it even though they were at the ceremony, meal etc...didnt bother me as I hated them anyway and I expected nothing better of them but I was a little annoyed for the wife who was a tad embarrassed considering the amount it cost my friends and family to fly over and stay.

We paid for it ourselves and kept to our own budget so we did not some big pay day to cover the cost.

_Dara_ · 18-06-2018 01:52PM

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

I can assure you I’m not a couch potato much as I’d like to be, especially during the World Cup! It’s just a name.

To answer your questions
1. Yes I think it’s acceptable to expect a guest to cover the cost of feeding/watering themselves. I would never expect the bride and groom to be out of pocket due to my attendance.

2. The type of people who skip rounds, tip poorly are the same type who’ll try to do their own friends and family out of a few bob. No apologies for hating meanness

All my kids birthday parties are out in the garden in a bouncing castle that I bought with my brother a few years ago. What’s the relevance of this point?! Hardly comparable.

Right bunch of misery guts on here. A wedding invitation can be politely refused. if it’s such a big deal to treat your friends or family to a couple hundred euro, stay at home.

Personally, I’d rather have my friend or family member there sans quickly-spent money.

robinph · 18-06-2018 01:53PM

Or you could spin the way of looking at things on their head and:

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

I would never expect the bride and groom to be out of pocket due to my attendance.

I wouldn't expect my guests to feel obligated to pay for my choice of wedding venue and the costs I chose for my event that I asked them to come along and celebrate with me.

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

if it’s such a big deal to treat your friends or family to a couple hundred euro, stay at home.

If it is such a big deal to treat your friends and family to a couple of hundred euro expense at your wedding then don't invite them.

Just a different way of looking at weddings.

18-06-2018 01:57PM

Recently had my wedding 200 for a couple is standard enough maby more if you know the couple well

Is 200 enough of a wedding present from a couple?

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